Totally digusted

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cottagegal1
cottagegal1 Posts: 161 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know how much I weigh and try to comprehend those numbers but just could not really realize how digusting I really was, I have the most awesome husband who truily loves me for me like he did when I was 120 pounds, so that I am very thankful about and actaully very lucky.......I just saw a picture of my family at the cottage of myself in a bathing suit and it actually really shocked me....I am not sure why I don't see that fat person that I am.....I se a much smaller one in the mirror.....I don't get it, so I am on the verge of tears and just need to get moving on this journey but it just seems so difficult and nothing seems to move, I always feel bloated and really I only feel thinner and or loose when I hardly eat nothing it seems, how I got this way and allowed myself to stay this way is just not acceptable and I have to get real and do whatever I have to I am just not happy where I am at ..........I wrote this more for me then for anyone to have to read as maybe writing out my realization today will get in my head!!!!!

Replies

  • MsNiss
    MsNiss Posts: 57
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    Hey, I feel similar. I would look in the mirror and think that I looked pretty good, until I would see a photo of me out with my friends and realize how I REALLY looked. That was when I decided something had to change. My goal is to lose 30 - 40 lbs, and I'm happy to help encourage you along the way if you want to add me.

    One thing that really helps keep me encouraged is to take photos of myself once every week or two. One from the back, front and side. When you compare the difference even a few pounds make, it really helps push you to keep up with it.

    Good luck!
  • mcgwnkrista
    mcgwnkrista Posts: 53
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    I joined MFP after I went on a hike with my family and my dad took a picture of me which, when I saw it, caused me to become horrified at how huge I looked compared to what I saw every morning! I'm saving the photo for a *before* picture so when I do lose the weight, it will be a great comparison. My thinking is that when I dress myself or look at myself in the mirror, I always to the quick "suck-in" and I forget that I don't typically suck-in when I'm running around later, there's a big difference!
  • Learnin2LuvMe
    Learnin2LuvMe Posts: 465 Member
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    I was the same way before I started my journey,I was so in denial because I felt like I still saw the slim girl that I always was.I too saw pics of myself,and I asked my husband if I really looked like that.I had to accept the fact that I had got so big.But after I started losing,it felt so good to see the new me in the new pics. N you will too.Good luck on your journey:)
  • a_q_u_a_lizard
    a_q_u_a_lizard Posts: 43
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    i know exactly how you feel...at my heaviest i was 50 pounds heavier and i thought that i looked decent! then finally i saw pictures of myself and couldnt believe that i didnt see it. the important thing is that your not happy, so this is the beginning and you can change it! its hard and it sucks but that is what makes it so rewarding in the end! you can do it and you will.=) good luck, feel free to add me if you are looking for support!
  • webdiva1
    webdiva1 Posts: 326 Member
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    Boy, I hear ya. Been there.. But here's the thing.

    Those days are over. Done. Finished. The you you are today is NOT gonna be the you you are next week, or next month, or six months from now or 10 years from now. Right?

    What's past is past. I truly encourage you to forgive yourself for everything that's come before. All that energy you're using to beat yourself up (and I SO know what you're talking about) can be put to MUCH better use, doncha think? You are SO right: you have to get your head in a different place.

    So ... when you're ready, dry your eyes, forgive yourself, take a deep breath (I had to take many :) and move forward, starting with your daily calories goal. 1200 isn't a lot, you know ... maybe that's the wrong number for you. I experimented quite a bit with my goal settings -- food AND exercise -- and certainly didn't start anywhere near that low. I'm working to lose way more weight than you, but still: 1200 is pretty low. Are you drinking enough water? How much exercise are you getting in? Are you eating back your exercise calories? Are you losing inches yet, or are you just focused on pounds? Do you maybe need to go chat with your doc about stuff?

    Truly, there are lots of things that can affect what you see on the scale (and therefore, what you see in the mirror). So consider digging more into the forums, to get advice from some smart folks on changes you could maybe make to shake things up a bit. You can do this: I know it. Feel free to friend me if you want another friends along on the journey. Forward we go!
  • LolasEpicJourney
    LolasEpicJourney Posts: 1,010 Member
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    I think that this is a big one for all of us. I certainly never felt as big as I am/was.
  • cottagegal1
    cottagegal1 Posts: 161 Member
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    Thank you for the support and yes it has to be from this day foward to start and be very honest with myself and get moving more and just have to control things like the summer BBQ's and the cocktails etc it is my choice .....I look at these posts and can't believe, really can't believe how much 20 pounds makes on a person, it truly is astounding and yet I have a picture of myself in my office of when I was about 30 pounds lighter and it really does make a difference if I were to put the one I just looked at and this other one side by side.........and maybe that is what I will have to do print them both off and paste them side by side to visually see the difference!
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
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    Boy, I hear ya. Been there.. But here's the thing.

    Those days are over. Done. Finished. The you you are today is NOT gonna be the you you are next week, or next month, or six months from now or 10 years from now. Right?

    What's past is past. I truly encourage you to forgive yourself for everything that's come before. All that energy you're using to beat yourself up (and I SO know what you're talking about) can be put to MUCH better use, doncha think? You are SO right: you have to get your head in a different place.

    So ... when you're ready, dry your eyes, forgive yourself, take a deep breath (I had to take many :) and move forward, starting with your daily calories goal. 1200 isn't a lot, you know ... maybe that's the wrong number for you. I experimented quite a bit with my goal settings -- food AND exercise -- and certainly didn't start anywhere near that low. I'm working to lose way more weight than you, but still: 1200 is pretty low. Are you drinking enough water? How much exercise are you getting in? Are you eating back your exercise calories? Are you losing inches yet, or are you just focused on pounds? Do you maybe need to go chat with your doc about stuff?

    Truly, there are lots of things that can affect what you see on the scale (and therefore, what you see in the mirror). So consider digging more into the forums, to get advice from some smart folks on changes you could maybe make to shake things up a bit. You can do this: I know it. Feel free to friend me if you want another friends along on the journey. Forward we go!

    THIS. THIS, over and over again. SO very well written.
  • tiabirdie56
    tiabirdie56 Posts: 4,043 Member
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    Listen cottagegal, you ARE NOT disgusting. You, like so many of us women (some men too) are so busy taking care of everyone else, that you don't allot time to taking care of yourself like you should. I mean some get manicures and pedicures or go shopping. Go out to lunch or dinner with friends or to a concert or to the movies, etc. That's pampering. We have to care for ourselves like we do for our families. Now you are realizing what you let happen. You are right, just get moving and vow to take good loving care of yourself from now on. We are here to support you on your journey. Changes don't happen overnight, but they will happen. Continue to eat properly, don't undereat and build up your exercise every day. You'll see the first change in the attitude about yourself and that is what will keep you headed in the right direction. Good luck! You can and you will do it.

    p.s. You may have a body like mine, it doesn't like change. When it realizes that I am not giving in, then and only then will it relinquish the pounds. Eat more fruits and vegetables (if you don't already) and drink plenty of water. If you are dehydrated, your body will seem to hold onto every bit. Build up to drinking half your bodyweight in water, but not ever over 100ozs.
  • mcdebbie
    mcdebbie Posts: 940 Member
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    I hear you too, I hate hate hate pictures of me from the last few years. We took grandboy on his first cruise and I hated the pictures of the three of us so bad I wouldn't buy them. The sad thing is, he is now 7 and six months after he was born we did a family portrait and I wouldn't buy them either. So I've spent at least 7 years in denial. NO MORE! I can't wait for our cruise in October when I am going to look hot hot hot. :bigsmile:

    I love your idea of putting the two pictures together so you can look at the difference and get some motivation. Once you lose the first 5 pounds you will start to feel proud of yourself and want to continue and soon you will toss BOTH those pictures for the new ones.

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