WHY DO I CHOOSE TO EAT??

HELLO ALL. I AM A 45 YEAR OLD MALE. MARRIED WITH 2 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. I HAVE BEEN OBESE MOST OF MY LIFE. I CONSIDER MYSELF HIGHLY INTELLIGENT. JUST MEANING THAT I KNOW WHAT I PUT IN MY BODY HAS CREATED WHAT I AM AND I KNOW WHAT I CHOOSE TO PUT IN MY BODY ADS TO MY DISPLEASURE. SO WHY DO I PUT IT INSIDE. THOUGHTS????

Replies

  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,044 Member
    Habit. Pure and simple . Its easy. Its almost passive.

    Its easier than finding other ways to gratify yourself that take more effort.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,741 Member
    Habit. Pure and simple . Its easy. Its almost passive.

    Its easier than finding other ways to gratify yourself that take more effort.

    Yep... and if you eat your feelings, as a lot of us do, it's MUCH harder to deal with those feelings in other ways
  • 49Elle
    49Elle Posts: 80 Member
    Both your replies above are part of the issue but it is complex.

    You have probably read that eating is a source of pleasure as much as it is a necessity. You (like me) are probably aware of the 'reward' behaviour we have 'educated' ourselves in... you know what I mean - its been a long hard day, I'll have a beer or crash in front of the TV with whatever is your 'reward' go to... mine was a wine for a long time, but not just a wine and definitely not vegetable crudités with dip... no, it was crackers & cheese or dip and usually not just once a week.

    Over time this reward pattern manifests in all sorts of ways... stress, anxiety, grief, disapproval, approval, happiness, celebration all are either satiated or rewarded with food. And of course not with a bowl of salad, it is usually calorie dense food, fat laden or salt & sweet that is our preferred go to food.

    Somewhere deep inside is the kernel of 'WHY' you in particular found the reward in food. It may go way, way back.. for me it was when I was very little and carrying 'baby fat'. I have only just recently followed the pattern all the way back there in part due to trying to fathom 'why' I failed myself last year when I was doing well on MFP, why I gave in to my self reward 'pattern' which I now see as a pattern.
    It had nothing to do with my intelligence, but a response to something my brother-in-law said about my then weight loss. I have a rebellious streak, and I dislike judgemental people and their approval is something I do not want or seek. In this instance my BIL is not high on my favourite person list, so his approval of my weight loss and his attention was something I did not want, also as I do not have a high opinion of him why then would I want his approval.... as I said we are complex creatures. In effect I was hurting myself by thwarting my efforts because of someone I don't have a high regard for?? Now that is stupid, yet... there in is my issue, being judged as a child and not rewarded with love and care but put on a diet at 10 years and only given a treat on my birthday I believe was the trigger for my 'reward' behaviour.

    You mention you are 'married with 2 beautiful children' so you have a wonderful support base to change your pattern of living & food choices which is not making you happy. It takes effort and commitment both which require time and I really think trying to discover the 'why' is an important step into accepting why we are the way we are today, and wanting to make changes that will improve both our appearance and health.

    I started my quest again because of how I feel and how I look, but when I wrote down actually where I was at after a week of putting off weighing myself to see how much damage I had done and working out my BMI and how far to my healthy weight...I was shocked at the result and the 'WHY' kept going over and over in my head and I have finally found what I believe to be my answer... now I am aware of my behaviour response pattern I feel more in control of dealing with the emotions that prompt consuming 'reward' or comfort foods.

    Take care of yourself
    regards,
    Elle
  • UnicornAmandaPanda
    UnicornAmandaPanda Posts: 161 Member
    Ugh I go through the struggle too!!!! We just have to do it!!!
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,568 Member
    I often ask
    "Are you eating to survive? Or out of boredom?"
  • flagrantavidity
    flagrantavidity Posts: 217 Member
    In addition to all of these correct answers, I do have one thing to add.

    Once you feel that you have failed, yet again, like I have so many times, you decide to give up that day and try again the next day. Meaning, once a person fails, they tend to say to themselves, "well I have already failed today so I am going to continue to eat X the rest of the day."

    Even if you don't accomplish whatever goal you may have set for yourself, if you don't meet that goal you need to tap into that intelligence to not simply give up.
  • Eric050506
    Eric050506 Posts: 4 Member
    Thank you for all the responses. I was raised with the reward/treat style. Not out of trying to maintain weight but out of economic class. I've had emotional events happen in my life that I believe has put me here. I internalize everything. I believe there are enough people in this world who will tear you down so why be negative. I am a positive person.

    My wife does not know how to support. She was raised in a family that belittled you for doing something not good enough. Her support is negative style. I accept her for who she is but it was nice to read everyone's words.
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    Well, as someone else who was obese (morbidly so) since before I was a teen, and who has now lost 140lb and am close to an ideal weight, I think it's a combination of factors.

    Some of it is biology and genetics. We evolved during many millennia of food insecurity, so our bodies want to overeat when we can in preparation for a famine that won't come. Some of it can be emotional, and some can be habitual, and some can be purely for hedonistic pleasure. Some people can maintain weight with little effort, and some need constant planning and vigilance to keep on track. I'm certainly the latter - if I start a day without a clear plan, I'll overeat.

    I still definitely eat for pleasure, but I plan this and allocate calories. It's a rare day when I don't save at least 300 calories for snacks and desserts.
  • Eric050506
    Eric050506 Posts: 4 Member
    SO I CHOSE TO EAT TODAY. I GOT MY CUSTOMARY BAG OF HOT TAMALES. I SAT THERE AND QUESTIONED WHY I BOUGHT THEM. I SAT AND ATE THEM AND QUESTIONED WHY DO I HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG. I STRUGGLE EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. IT IS BOREDOM IN A SENSE. IT IS A NEED OR SENSE OF SECURITY. NORMALCY. I RUN MY OWN COMPANY AND IN A CRAZY MANNER I CAN CONTROL WHAT I AM EATING EVEN IF IT IS BAD. THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS IN MY LIFE I CANT CONTROL. MAYBE IN SOME WAY ME EATING WHAT I WANT IS ME HAVING CONTROL OVER SOMETHING.

    I WRITE THESE BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW YOU ANYONE HERE. THERE ARE NO COMMENTS TELLING ME I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. JUST AN OPEN PALLET FOR ME WRITE WHAT I WANT. MY WIFE FEELS THAT I DO NOT CARE FOR HER AS MUCH AS I USE TO. THAT I DO NOT TAKE HER OUT AND SHOW HER THE AFFECTION. WHEN I TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT IT IS ME AND NOT HER SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND. SHE IS FIT. SHE LOVES THE GYM. SHE LOVES ME. SO I GUESS MY OPEN PALLET IS TO TRY AND HELP MYSELF NOT WANT TO EAT THE HOT TAMALES. I WANT TO FIND A NEW NORMALCY. A NEW CONTROL MECHANISM.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    I hurt my mouth on Hot Tamales :) It's been four weeks since I binged on them, my tongue finially feels better. The Halloween candy is all gone. Yay!

    As for you, don't buy them anymore. You can do this!!
  • Eric050506
    Eric050506 Posts: 4 Member
    I THINK MY TONGUE IS IMMUNE. I KNOW IT IS STRESS FOR ME. I AM A FAT GUY WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE HE IS FAT. LOL IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. AS I AM OLDER NOW THE FATNESS IS SHOWING ITS UGLY HEAD.
  • julie2038
    julie2038 Posts: 142 Member
    When I started in June of 2015 something just finally clicked. I was done. I was either making the choice to remain obese and accept who I was, how I looked in my clothes, and continue my life as an obese women, but no longer would I feel bad about who I was. My other choice was to accept what I had previously tried for weight loss had not worked in the past, because I made excuses for everything. I new what needed to eat and how to exercise, I just needed to do it. I am the only person who controls what I eat, and I had to accept that I cannot eat that way and expect to loose weight. Either way I went I was going to be happy! No more belittling myself. I choose to treat myself well. Mentally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually. This has been the best decision I have ever made. I have lost 75 pounds. I am very close to normal BMI. Make your choice and be happy no matter what way you go.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    Some of it is pure habit, routine. When you go for your lunch break turn left instead of right and get your lunch from somewhere you have never tried before.

    Break the habit and a whole world of choices opens up.

    Or start a new habit to weigh and log every single food choice for a week.