WHY DO I CHOOSE TO EAT??

Habit. Pure and simple . Its easy. Its almost passive.

Its easier than finding other ways to gratify yourself that take more effort.

Both your replies above are part of the issue but it is complex.

You have probably read that eating is a source of pleasure as much as it is a necessity. You (like me) are probably aware of the 'reward' behaviour we have 'educated' ourselves in... you know what I mean - its been a long hard day, I'll have a beer or crash in front of the TV with whatever is your 'reward' go to... mine was a wine for a long time, but not just a wine and definitely not vegetable crudités with dip... no, it was crackers & cheese or dip and usually not just once a week.

Over time this reward pattern manifests in all sorts of ways... stress, anxiety, grief, disapproval, approval, happiness, celebration all are either satiated or rewarded with food. And of course not with a bowl of salad, it is usually calorie dense food, fat laden or salt & sweet that is our preferred go to food.

Somewhere deep inside is the kernel of 'WHY' you in particular found the reward in food. It may go way, way back.. for me it was when I was very little and carrying 'baby fat'. I have only just recently followed the pattern all the way back there in part due to trying to fathom 'why' I failed myself last year when I was doing well on MFP, why I gave in to my self reward 'pattern' which I now see as a pattern.
It had nothing to do with my intelligence, but a response to something my brother-in-law said about my then weight loss. I have a rebellious streak, and I dislike judgemental people and their approval is something I do not want or seek. In this instance my BIL is not high on my favourite person list, so his approval of my weight loss and his attention was something I did not want, also as I do not have a high opinion of him why then would I want his approval.... as I said we are complex creatures. In effect I was hurting myself by thwarting my efforts because of someone I don't have a high regard for?? Now that is stupid, yet... there in is my issue, being judged as a child and not rewarded with love and care but put on a diet at 10 years and only given a treat on my birthday I believe was the trigger for my 'reward' behaviour.

You mention you are 'married with 2 beautiful children' so you have a wonderful support base to change your pattern of living & food choices which is not making you happy. It takes effort and commitment both which require time and I really think trying to discover the 'why' is an important step into accepting why we are the way we are today, and wanting to make changes that will improve both our appearance and health.

I started my quest again because of how I feel and how I look, but when I wrote down actually where I was at after a week of putting off weighing myself to see how much damage I had done and working out my BMI and how far to my healthy weight...I was shocked at the result and the 'WHY' kept going over and over in my head and I have finally found what I believe to be my answer... now I am aware of my behaviour response pattern I feel more in control of dealing with the emotions that prompt consuming 'reward' or comfort foods.

Take care of yourself
regards,
Elle

I often ask
"Are you eating to survive? Or out of boredom?"

When I started in June of 2015 something just finally clicked. I was done. I was either making the choice to remain obese and accept who I was, how I looked in my clothes, and continue my life as an obese women, but no longer would I feel bad about who I was. My other choice was to accept what I had previously tried for weight loss had not worked in the past, because I made excuses for everything. I new what needed to eat and how to exercise, I just needed to do it. I am the only person who controls what I eat, and I had to accept that I cannot eat that way and expect to loose weight. Either way I went I was going to be happy! No more belittling myself. I choose to treat myself well. Mentally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually. This has been the best decision I have ever made. I have lost 75 pounds. I am very close to normal BMI. Make your choice and be happy no matter what way you go.