Funny stories about your kids

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meepandbaby
meepandbaby Posts: 21 Member
edited November 2016 in Chit-Chat
My little guy is only 2 months but in that short time I have noticed kids are hilarious. Most of my stories are about various body fluids getting unceremoniously sprayed on people so I will spare the details but what have your children done that have gotten you rolling?

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  • Lucy1752
    Lucy1752 Posts: 499 Member
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    My son is an adult now, but as the only child of a mother who read to him constantly he was an early reader, talker, etc...I used to love to watch the expressions on the faces of adults who tried to talk "down" to him as a toddler. I never did that and he was precocious enough to respond in a way that let them know he could converse with them just fine without the baby babble.
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    At three months old, I let a relative hold her. She gave me a look that could cut diamonds and didn't stop glaring until I put her back in my arms, at which point she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and went to sleep.

    At three years old, she was watching a spy thriller. None of her siblings would watch anything not cartoonified. She insisted she wanted to watch and it was PG. At some point in the movie, the phone rang, and one of the men in the movie said the boss wanted to speak to him. She says, "oh oh, he's gone dead!" Within two minutes of the movie, the guy in the movie was offed.

    At six, she likes to watch the Transformers cartoons because the storylines are more complex.


  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    littlemissbgiff wrote: »
    When my oldest was 5 she wanted to know how babies were born. After hedging around it for a bit, answering her questions as vaguely as I possibly could she wouldn't let up. So I finally told her babies come out of a mommies front hiney. She looked at me and said "no wonder daddy calls me stinky". The questions stopped.

    Years later she had been given some ridiculous information about sex from the older kids on her bus. So I had to explain it to her way before I was ready. Took 2 shots of vanilla vodka for me to get it all out as kid friendly as I could. Her only response was "you did that to my dad???" Like he was some sort of victim.

    Giggles.
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    At three months old, I let a relative hold her. She gave me a look that could cut diamonds and didn't stop glaring until I put her back in my arms, at which point she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and went to sleep.

    At three years old, she was watching a spy thriller. None of her siblings would watch anything not cartoonified. She insisted she wanted to watch and it was PG. At some point in the movie, the phone rang, and one of the men in the movie said the boss wanted to speak to him. She says, "oh oh, he's gone dead!" Within two minutes of the movie, the guy in the movie was offed.

    At six, she likes to watch the Transformers cartoons because the storylines are more complex.


    And she doesn’t want ketchup on her hot dog. She prefers mustard.

    Uh?
  • Lucy1752
    Lucy1752 Posts: 499 Member
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    littlemissbgiff wrote: »
    When my oldest was 5 she wanted to know how babies were born. After hedging around it for a bit, answering her questions as vaguely as I possibly could she wouldn't let up. So I finally told her babies come out of a mommies front hiney. She looked at me and said "no wonder daddy calls me stinky". The questions stopped.

    Years later she had been given some ridiculous information about sex from the older kids on her bus. So I had to explain it to her way before I was ready. Took 2 shots of vanilla vodka for me to get it all out as kid friendly as I could. Her only response was "you did that to my dad???" Like he was some sort of victim.

    Oh those are great! Had to read the to SO because he was wondering why I was giggling.
  • meepandbaby
    meepandbaby Posts: 21 Member
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    Awe these are cute and funny
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,210 MFP Moderator
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    OMG, @littlemissbgiff - "like he was some sort of victim". I'm dying! LOL!!!!

    My kids are a bit older (one teen and one pre-teen, both boys). We tease quite a lot in our house, and most recently, I got seriously zinged.

    I'm at the sink, doing dishes talking to their father, and he's talking about some projects he's recently completed (the man never sits still). I made a comment about having helped him with some of them, and my youngest pipes up:

    Kiddo: Mom, you do your own projects.
    Me: Yeah? Like what?
    Kiddo: You know, planting... and baking... um. And stuff....
    Me: So, all the girly crap.
    Kiddo: There ARE No girly projects, mom.
    Me: Right on, kiddo!
    Hubby: Yeah right (he was kidding).
    Me (keep in mind, I was doing the damn dishes): Mmmhmmm. I'm just going to be over here doing girly crap.
    Kiddo: Like what, divorcing dad and trying to figure out how to take all his money?

    I couldn't even yell at him - I was laughing too hard. The twerp.
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,210 MFP Moderator
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    Oh, and my oldest taped down the handle on the spray nozzle at the sink once. I didn't kill him.
  • Lucy1752
    Lucy1752 Posts: 499 Member
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    JustSomeEm wrote: »
    Oh, and my oldest taped down the handle on the spray nozzle at the sink once. I didn't kill him.

    Its nice to show restraint now and then.

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