Lets be honest, are your children your pawns???
SemperAnticus1643
Posts: 703 Member
I'm standing on my soap box right now as a P.O.'d mom and wife! I have 2 children and have the "luxury" of not having to deal with their father in any way. He decided many years ago to leave me and the kids alone and let me raise them by myself. Didn't file for child support until recently and that was just for documentation that he doesn't pay it. Makes it easier for my husband to adopt my kids. But my husband's ex...OMG!!! She uses his daughter as a pawn for money almost all the time. Now there is child support put in place. (We haven't filed for custody yet cause they live states away and we are saving for lawyers and planes tickets.) But she doesn't feel that the child support is enough. (The mom just had her 3rd child in December of last year and is pregnant with her 4th child now) Any time she texts my husband (she won't talk to him cause she starts yelling at him and hangs up.) its about how she doesn't have the money to pay for this or pay for that in regards to his daughter. And we will buy the things she needs and mail it to her. But when my husband initiates contact he doesn't get a response. "Mom" claims she is working 2 jobs and her boyfriend is working OT to get my step daughter what she needs. She needs shoes, clothes, a coat, back pack, school supplies, etc. So where has the child support been going??
My question is, honestly...do you or know anyone that uses their children as pawns with their ex? Or try the guilt trip (I have to work 2 jobs just to provide for your daughter-crap)?
My question is, honestly...do you or know anyone that uses their children as pawns with their ex? Or try the guilt trip (I have to work 2 jobs just to provide for your daughter-crap)?
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Replies
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I'm standing on my soap box right now as a P.O.'d mom and wife! I have 2 children and have the "luxury" of not having to deal with their father in any way. He decided many years ago to leave me and the kids alone and let me raise them by myself. Didn't file for child support until recently and that was just for documentation that he doesn't pay it. Makes it easier for my husband to adopt my kids. But my husband's ex...OMG!!! She uses his daughter as a pawn for money almost all the time. Now there is child support put in place. (We haven't filed for custody yet cause they live states away and we are saving for lawyers and planes tickets.) But she doesn't feel that the child support is enough. (The mom just had her 3rd child in December of last year and is pregnant with her 4th child now) Any time she texts my husband (she won't talk to him cause she starts yelling at him and hangs up.) its about how she doesn't have the money to pay for this or pay for that in regards to his daughter. And we will buy the things she needs and mail it to her. But when my husband initiates contact he doesn't get a response. "Mom" claims she is working 2 jobs and her boyfriend is working OT to get my step daughter what she needs. She needs shoes, clothes, a coat, back pack, school supplies, etc. So where has the child support been going??
My question is, honestly...do you or know anyone that uses their children as pawns with their ex? Or try the guilt trip (I have to work 2 jobs just to provide for your daughter-crap)?
I have full custody of my kids, receive child support and never ask my ex for anything. Thats what the child support is for. But then again me and my ex remain friends.0 -
If he isn't paying much in child support...That could be the issue...Aside that no...0
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My fiance's ex does the same thing. She threatens him with court and taking time with the kids away from him (we follow a joint custody agreement not the actual court papers which give him less time). I think she feels that she is doing him a favor by letting him have the kids more so he should have to pay her more? Does that make sense? You have less things to buy the kids (meals, etc) because you let us have them more but you need MORE money? We pay a substantial amount of child support, half of their medical bills, and have them half the time. And yet she wants more. FOR WHAT??0
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She doesn't ask for anything so she can say we don't send anything. So she can make herself look like a self sacrificing mother. Generally speaking, one parent is working tons to make ends meets usually brings to mind the fact that the other parent refuses to help or isn't around.0
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That drives me crazy....if you are going for custody save all her text messages that say she cant afford her and what she needs etc. It will help you in the courts0
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If he isn't paying much in child support...That could be the issue...Aside that no...
He's paying what the state has deemed suitable. It is based on his and her income. And she is on state assistance for everything.0 -
When my kids were growing up I never asked for more than what the court said he should pay. He got to see them when he wanted and to be honest, it was a break so I was glad he was taking them. He didn't pay for quite a few years so when the court caught up with him they wanted to know how much I wanted a month for back support and I told them $50 a month. I didn't want the man to not be able to support himself. When my youngest ran away and moved in with him at 16 I relinquished custody and forgave $25,000 in back support. Then, a year later I had to pay a lawyer to get her back because the situation wasn't working out. He wanted me to pay all the court costs for CPS investigation etc but I refused and agreed to pay half. He's an *kitten*! I'm glad they're grown and I don't have to deal with all of it anymore. I only see him on grandchildren's birthdays.0
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My fiance's ex does the same thing. She threatens him with court and taking time with the kids away from him (we follow a joint custody agreement not the actual court papers which give him less time). I think she feels that she is doing him a favor by letting him have the kids more so he should have to pay her more? Does that make sense? You have less things to buy the kids (meals, etc) because you let us have them more but you need MORE money? We pay a substantial amount of child support, half of their medical bills, and have them half the time. And yet she wants more. FOR WHAT??
His ex is on a power trip. She has physical custody of the child. So she holds the cards...for now...of when my husband speaks to his daughter. Again we live 1,365 miles away. So we can't just drive over there to see her. And since she gets state assistance and doesn't report her boyfriend living in the home, and she states he's working, then they should have money to blow!0 -
I have been on the edge of that one before. The my dad has another daughter with a different woman. He was really good about paying child support. We got only a modest amount that helps out, but isn't crucial to our budget. But she was sucking him dry every paycheck. He was working in Alaska and sending her a good chunk of his paycheck every month. One month he send over a thousand dollars to them. I know that it wasn't going to taking care of his daughter and he knew it, but was scared that if he didn't send money they would end up on the street. It was a horrible situation.0
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If he isn't paying much in child support...That could be the issue...Aside that no...
He's paying what the state has deemed suitable. It is based on his and her income. And she is on state assistance for everything.
You know...If she is on state assistance that means she isn't making enough in child support...state aid stops after you meet their maximum amount allotted...She most likely cannot afford to make it...Sorry...Ive been there before and it is a really bad place to be, not for the mother...for the child.
Good luck.0 -
When my kids were growing up I never asked for more than what the court said he should pay. He got to see them when he wanted and to be honest, it was a break so I was glad he was taking them. He didn't pay for quite a few years so when the court caught up with him they wanted to know how much I wanted a month for back support and I told them $50 a month. I didn't want the man to not be able to support himself. When my youngest ran away and moved in with him at 16 I relinquished custody and forgave $25,000 in back support. Then, a year later I had to pay a lawyer to get her back because the situation wasn't working out. He wanted me to pay all the court costs for CPS investigation etc but I refused and agreed to pay half. He's an *kitten*! I'm glad they're grown and I don't have to deal with all of it anymore. I only see him on grandchildren's birthdays.
My ex owes me over $20,000 in back child support for our 2 children. He asked to see them last year and I told him to pay child support. Even $20 a month for 6 months straight and we would talk about him getting visitation. Never saw a dime. Last update I got regarding him was he's looking at 6 years in prison.0 -
If he isn't paying much in child support...That could be the issue...Aside that no...
He's paying what the state has deemed suitable. It is based on his and her income. And she is on state assistance for everything.
You know...If she is on state assistance that means she isn't making enough in child support...state aid stops after you meet their maximum amount allotted...She most likely cannot afford to make it...Sorry...Ive been there before and it is a really bad place to be, not for the mother...for the child.
Good luck.
If they are indeed a 2 income home like she states they are then they do indeed make enough money. What I didn't mention was her rent is less than my car payment. And I pay 400 a month for my car.0 -
If he isn't paying much in child support...That could be the issue...Aside that no...
He's paying what the state has deemed suitable. It is based on his and her income. And she is on state assistance for everything.
You know...If she is on state assistance that means she isn't making enough in child support...state aid stops after you meet their maximum amount allotted...She most likely cannot afford to make it...Sorry...Ive been there before and it is a really bad place to be, not for the mother...for the child.
Good luck.
Child support is based upon income and expenses directly related to the child in question. What also comes into play are the child's half siblings or adopted siblings. Has nothing to do with state assistance. State assistance actually lowers the child support because the custodial parent doesn't have to pay medical expenses or the full amount of daycare that some who can afford it would have to.0 -
I am sorry but there is still a maximum allotment for the entire household...If she is on welfare she is only meeting her child's basic needs ...The state doesn't allow for more...It is illegal...So if what you are saying is that they are cheating the state then turn them in for it...If not, and they are reporting all of their income...She isn't making enough to support the child aside basic necessities...Like I said...I have been there before..
I am not arguing with you in any way...I am trying to get you to understand the point of view of a mother who is on welfare and the children who live it. It is no walk in the park.0 -
I am sorry but there is still a maximum allotment for the entire household...If she is on welfare she is only meeting her child's basic needs ...The state doesn't allow for more...It is illegal...So if what you are saying is that they are cheating the state then turn them in for it...If not, and they are reporting all of their income...She isn't making enough to support the child aside basic necessities...Like I said...I have been there before..
I am not arguing with you in any way...I am trying to get you to understand the point of view of a mother who is on welfare and the children who live it. It is no walk in the park.
She is cheating the system. Just to make it blunt. She's not reporting her boyfriend living in the home. If he is working full time then they are making too much for state assistance. If he's not working then there is no reason to send my step daughter to daycare and include that in child support. If she sends her youngest son to daycare then she has to file for child support against the father. Which means she will then have to account for the income she receives from him on her welfare. But why file for child support if your in a relationship with the guy and living together?0 -
oh man, I'm super lucky that the egg donor of my son is a useless piece of crap then. We don't ask her for squat and we have full custody. We don't want a thing from her so she doesn't take us to court for more rights. She's a useless waste of skin that's happy to have her son when ever she feels the need to call...which is once every 3 months. My son doesn't ask about her much, he catches himself calling me mom a lot now (it's been almost 4 years since I started dating his father) The kid is more mine than hers...unfortunetly he looks EXACTLY like her. But I digress, we don't get a dime in child support, and we're ok with that...don't get me wrong, it would be nice, but we're fine without her no matter what we have to sacrifice.0
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oh man, I'm super lucky that the egg donor of my son is a useless piece of crap then. We don't ask her for squat and we have full custody. We don't want a thing from her so she doesn't take us to court for more rights. She's a useless waste of skin that's happy to have her son when ever she feels the need to call...which is once every 3 months. My son doesn't ask about her much, he catches himself calling me mom a lot now (it's been almost 4 years since I started dating his father) The kid is more mine than hers...unfortunetly he looks EXACTLY like her. But I digress, we don't get a dime in child support, and we're ok with that...don't get me wrong, it would be nice, but we're fine without her no matter what we have to sacrifice.
That's how we feel about my daughter's bio dad.
What sucks with my husband is he calls and she doesn't answer unless she needs something. But you go so long calling everyday and no answer you get frustrated. So he'll stop calling for a week and she starts making remarks about how he only walls when he feels the urge. And not to maintain a relationship.0 -
I've seen very many mothers like this! Some that won't let the dad see the child (while still receiving the money!), say it's never enough money, using the child as a way to get more money, and the worst I've seen are mothers that try to control guys/manipulate their lives using the children!! It really pisses me off, and I just feel for the children and the fathers of the situations. I realize there are dead beat dad's out there, but come on! Child support shouldn't be used to 'take care of you!'
As a single mother, with the dad owing me nearly 20K in child support (because he pays nothing) and I still am very civil with the father of my son, and care nothing about money, or 'manipulating' him, but purely about my sons sake and he having his father in his life, and heck, maybe some childhood memories of a dad. Even if that means I have to drop him off and pick him up...then heck, I'm going to do it.
So yeah, everytime I hear cases like yours, of selfish mothers using their children as pawns to control guys, or 'make money,' it just really gets to me! Sorry you have to go through that hun, and I hope it gets better for you and your family!
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I've seen very many mothers like this! Some that won't let the dad see the child (while still receiving the money!), say it's never enough money, using the child as a way to get more money, and the worst I've seen are mothers that try to control guys/manipulate their lives using the children!! It really pisses me off, and I just feel for the children and the fathers of the situations. I realize there are dead beat dad's out there, but come on! Child support shouldn't be used to 'take care of you!'
As a single mother, with the dad owing me nearly 20K in child support (because he pays nothing) and I still am very civil with the father of my son, and care nothing about money, or 'manipulating' him, but purely about my sons sake and he having his father in his life, and heck, maybe some childhood memories of a dad. Even if that means I have to drop him off and pick him up...then heck, I'm going to do it.
So yeah, everytime I hear cases like yours, of selfish mothers using their children as pawns to control guys, or 'make money,' it just really gets to me! Sorry you have to go through that hun, and I hope it gets better for you and your family!
And to make matters worse, she's keeps getting pregnant. 2nd pregnancy after the child support was put in order. I can tell you why you don't have enough money! lol And if you qualify for state assistance, I know damn well you qualify for birth control or getting yoour tubes tied. And this broad needs them tied. 4 kids, 4 different dads and 3 are in the last 5 years. The last 2 are within the last year and a half.0 -
I've seen very many mothers like this! Some that won't let the dad see the child (while still receiving the money!), say it's never enough money, using the child as a way to get more money, and the worst I've seen are mothers that try to control guys/manipulate their lives using the children!! It really pisses me off, and I just feel for the children and the fathers of the situations. I realize there are dead beat dad's out there, but come on! Child support shouldn't be used to 'take care of you!'
As a single mother, with the dad owing me nearly 20K in child support (because he pays nothing) and I still am very civil with the father of my son, and care nothing about money, or 'manipulating' him, but purely about my sons sake and he having his father in his life, and heck, maybe some childhood memories of a dad. Even if that means I have to drop him off and pick him up...then heck, I'm going to do it.
So yeah, everytime I hear cases like yours, of selfish mothers using their children as pawns to control guys, or 'make money,' it just really gets to me! Sorry you have to go through that hun, and I hope it gets better for you and your family!
And to make matters worse, she's keeps getting pregnant. 2nd pregnancy after the child support was put in order. I can tell you why you don't have enough money! lol And if you qualify for state assistance, I know damn well you qualify for birth control or getting yoour tubes tied. And this broad needs them tied. 4 kids, 4 different dads and 3 are in the last 5 years. The last 2 are within the last year and a half.
Oh wow! Yeah, most definatly. My ex's situation the mom tried to munipulate his life so bad it was sad! The poor daughter you could tell she talked crap about her dad to her by things she'd say. Then the mom always asked for more money, I can't afford this, and that...all while NEVER working. Ever. Just acted like he was supposed to be taking care of her and her daughter....ummmm, no, he's supposed to be 'helping' to take care of his daughter!
Things like that just irritates me to no end!0 -
wow, you're really bitter about her. how about praying prosperity over your enemies? then she might not be such a nuisance to you.0
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If it makes you feel any better, we pay child support for a child who lives with us...0
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my parents got divorced when i was three and my sister was still a baby. My dad always paid child support and when my mom lost custody she always paid child support to him. I think its really sad when people use their kids as pawns! it definately sounds like you love your stepdaughter as if she was your own which makes me happy being as i have been a stepdaughter to a lady that in my opinion treated us different than her own daughter.... but thats just me! Anyways...... can you fight the increase in child support? She should have to prove that she desperately needs the money which sounds highly doubtful if shes working that much lol Good luck! 0
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If it makes you feel any better, we pay child support for a child who lives with us...
What the crap.... ohhhhh i get it lol0 -
Honestly, if you feel that she is cheating the system than report her butt! State assistance is there as a temporary tool to get you on your feet.
All I can suggest is for your husband/bf to keep a journal of all activites and have your husband talk to an attorney ASAP! Some family law attorneys will work out payment plans for you. Tell him to keep detailed records of everytime he calls and there is no response, I'd stop responding to her text messages and call her when she text messages.
Beat her to the punch - when it's getting close to school time and she calls about school supplies, etc... have all that stuff ready to be shipped so you can say "Oh yea, i just mailed out a package yesterday with a, b & c".0 -
wow, you're really bitter about her. how about praying prosperity over your enemies? then she might not be such a nuisance to you.
Not bitter. Just fed up with her lies. She wanted 200 from us last year for pre-k supplies and clothes for my step daughter. I called the school she will be attending to get a school supply list and told them my step daughter should be in the system since she went to pre-k there last year. They informed me that they don't have a pre-k program.0 -
my parents got divorced when i was three and my sister was still a baby. My dad always paid child support and when my mom lost custody she always paid child support to him. I think its really sad when people use their kids as pawns! it definately sounds like you love your stepdaughter as if she was your own which makes me happy being as i have been a stepdaughter to a lady that in my opinion treated us different than her own daughter.... but thats just me! Anyways...... can you fight the increase in child support? She should have to prove that she desperately needs the money which sounds highly doubtful if shes working that much lol Good luck!
If she modifies the child support she would be getting less. My husband would then be able to put my children on his child support and include the $1000+ we pay a month in child care to show that he doesn't have the disposable income to pay her more.0
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