Stressing

feistymama21
feistymama21 Posts: 7
in Introduce Yourself
I was doing so good with this sticking to my diet, and tracking my food and excercise. Then I thought I was doing so well because things started brightening up, My marriage was going better, was walking daily, i was losing some weight, I seemed just happier. Now things are all going bad. I haven't been on or tracking my food b/c I don't even wanna know what the calories were that I ate, b/c When I got the chance to eat I let my cravings go for the bad things b/c of all the problems that keep occuring, I was told by the temp agency that I work with to put in my notice at my one job, b/c they had one closer to my house and it would be better for me, said it was secretarial work, which was incorrect, wound up being a factory job instead which didn't work out so well b/c I have never done factory work a day in my life, so wound up being asked to leave after two days b/c I wasn't ready to be by myself on the line yet, so then they tell me they had a different job for me, so far that job hasn't even came through yet. They keep telling me tomorrow but tomorrow is here and I still have no job. My husband is trying to work as much as he can and get a second job so that he can provide for my daughter and me, and he is trying to be optomistic but optomistic or not its not working very well b/c we still have no money, and I have no job. Then on the other hand, I have my mom and members of my family saying things b/c I never got to finish my college degree yet b/c everytime I start something happens that makes me have to stop whether it be my baby girl getting so sick shes in the hospital, or a job pops up that I can't refuse b/c we absolutley need it at that moment. So then I am being told that I am a failure, but then she comes around and says no your not. I don't understand how you can say that to someone and then take it back and say they are not a failure. Then she tells me you need to take this time and get your degree, so then I say oka, I start looking at schools, then I look at how I am gonna make my car payment so I can make it to a school, plus finding a daycare b/c she can't watch my daughter, and She throws it in my face once again oh you can't do this, oh your daughter needs you, oh You need to stop and think about where you life is going absolutely no where. Then she has the audacity to say my husband is a piece of **** and that I can't relie on him and a whole bunch of crap. And tells me I need to leave him and everything else not helping with my situation at all.

So I am to a point now, I feel like I am stuck here in rock bottom and I have no where to turn. My family is against everything that I have tried, or am trying to do. I don't even know where to begin again. I am like a lost puppy in dark deep forest that can't find its way out. I am screaming at the top of my lungs and no one is even caring enough to look and say we are here. I am fighting to stay on the good path b/c other options are sounding so wonderful to help cope with stress, but i can still say I have been clean from drugs for almost 4 years now, I drink maybe twice a year if that. So I mean I don't do anything horrible. I am 21 I make mistakes, things happen and I have no control over. But what am I to do now, where are we gonna go, I mean If i don't listen to my mom she states hey I am gonna kick you out, and I don't have anywhere to go. My husband and I lost our place, and don't have anywhere to go for another month at least. I just lost my cell phone b/c I couldn't pay for it, I can't get any help from the govt b/c I am not 22 living in my mother's house. Like I said rock bottom. Any suggestions/comments to help would be gratefully appreciated.

Replies

  • 1luckygal
    1luckygal Posts: 111 Member
    Hey girl - I TOTALLY understand - I have these days all too often - sometimes they aren't just days, but weeks and months. Please feel free to friend me and we can definitely keep in touch and talk!

    I write, have a book published,.. here is something I wrote:

    Constricted


    What am I doing here?
    I’m spiraling and there is no end.
    Inside I am torn
    Waiting for that bend
    In the road that makes things better.
    Is there light?
    Is there hope?
    Can I let go?
    Can I really cope
    With the past that still seems alive?
    I’m suffocating; I can’t survive
    In a lifestyle such as this.
    There is no joy, there is no bliss.
    Doubt is a killer of many things.
    It takes faith to really bring
    That trust and feeling of release,
    Knowing my mind can be at ease.
    Is there an escape?
    Can I take it?
    Is there really any rule
    That I can’t break?
    I am not bound
    By any means.
    All I want is to be happy -
    To be free!



    Endless Tunnel


    My soul yearns for rest
    Some peace within this emptiness.
    The wrenching sounds of desperation
    Echo along the walls with desolation.
    Stifled cries for help
    Holding back the urges to yell
    Reaching forward to be seen
    Not for instruction, just love maybe.
    The bitter winds sweep through my heart
    Sending chills, breaking each chamber apart.
    A whirlwind of confusion
    Twists and turns, blurring my vision.
    No where to turn, I’m trapped!
    Stuck in this corner with no turning back.
    No way out, no bright lights
    The only way to win is to fight
    Survival is not for the weak
    Even when peace is all you ultimately seek
    Tired and worn, battered and bruised
    But not yet defeated; my soul will not lose.
    Does anybody see me? Do they hear at all?
    Please come hold me, give me rest before I fall.


    And one more - on the more encouraging side. :)

    Reasons to Live


    Life is so unexpected.
    You never know what turn is next.
    One day may be dark and dim
    Nobody on your side – no way to win.
    The next day might be full of sun.
    Laughter, love, lots of fun.
    But it’s the ups and downs that make life
    Worth living – Whether its joy or strife.
    If things were always perfect
    Life would leave nothing to expect.
    Bad times make us appreciate the good.
    Hate reminds us the true value of love.
    Tears are signs of growth to come.
    Pain makes our true strength really show.
    What goes up must come down –
    Such are the rules of life all around us.
    But without trials we would not rise
    To all we should be – to our own surprise.
    Don’t give up. Do not quit.
    Keep finding those moments and reasons to live.
  • TashaP2011
    TashaP2011 Posts: 142 Member
    I don't know how much help I can be, but I read your story and I feel for you. All I can say is take a deep breath, or lots of them. Make some choices about what you really want in your life, figure out what path will take you there, and follow it. Write it all down, share it with the people you love and who can support you to get there and don't give up! When things get hectic and crazy, take some more deep breaths, remember to focus your goals on what you want, and continue to take more steps. Every day is a new chance to move ahead.
    Best wishes to you and your family!
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    You need to set your priorities and don't worry about what others are saying and for sure don't rely on thier help or approval. Sounds like its 1. Looking after your child (meeting her basic needs and safety) 2. Looking after your child (taking care your yourself physically) 3. Looking after your child (making sure she has a father around - taking care of your marriage) 4. Looking after your child (making sure she has a future - your college education. If you educate a man you educate one person, if you educate a woman you educate a family). Can you do your degree through a home learning program?

    You have a child. Everything else is secondary. That means your mamma gets the back seat. You probably won't be able to devote the kind of time you would like to playing with your child but when she sees you healthy and secure mind, body and soul she will learn that. That is the greatest thing anybody can do for a child.
  • Dootzy1
    Dootzy1 Posts: 2,299 Member
    You might need some one to one counseling, to sort through these things. Is there a priest, minister, rabbi you could visit with or counselor at the college you could see, to try to tackle these things? It is easy for me to say, just hang on, when I'm not in the middle of this, but really, try to explore the education and job options that are out there. Even if you think it's not getting you anywhere, it is important to take action. Don't try to do everything at once. Hope that things will start improving for you very soon!
  • Marig0ld
    Marig0ld Posts: 671 Member
    It sounds like you have been through a lot in your life at a young age! Also, congratulations on staying clean and sober for so long. You are still so young and have a lot yet to accomplish!

    I wish I could offer more helpful advice, but I do think that it's important to put your health first, no matter what your situation is. You've taken a good first step. Take it one day at a time and remember that you are worth it!
  • vick9180
    vick9180 Posts: 144 Member
    WOW!!!! First, take a deep breath. You've got a lot on your plate. Here's my suggestion: tackle one problem at a time. You've got so much going on right now that it's obvious you're completely overwhelmed. You might sit down with a piece of paper and figure out what needs to happen first. A lot of times, when we fix one problem, other problems fix themselves along the way. The most important things right now are your husband and your kiddo. If these don't work, nothing will. It sounds like your mom is just unsupportive right now, but she might also be overwhelmed having you all in her home and may just not know how to express herself in a healthy manner.

    So first, get the job situation under control. If you and your hubby are both working, odds are you can afford child care and get a place of your own. I'm willing to bet that if you make this your focus for now and move out on your own, that the relationship with your mother will get better and she'll see you're doing everything possible to be independent of her. Just search the web for jobs and apply for like 5-10 everyday.

    Take time to take care of yourself. Without your health, you have nothing. Keep going for those walks daily, even if you have to strap your kiddo in the stroller and take her with you. You've gotta do something for you to keep your head clear, and it's better to make it a healthy habit than to revert back to your old ways.

    As for school...once you're with a good company, many of them will reimburse you to finish your degree or they'll provide aid for you to pay for classes. You can also look into getting grants to go back to help pay and then you won't have to worry about repaying any student loans.

    But...do ONE thing at a time. If you try to focus on everything, you'll get nowhere. Figure out your priorities and focus on those one at a time. One of my favorite sayings is that anyone can eat an elephant, one bite at a time. You've just gotta work on one thing at a time, one step at a time. Forget about the negative comments because you know you're working towards making a difference in your life, your husband's and your daughter's. Right now, those are the only ones that matter.

    Best of luck to you!
  • kerry1513
    kerry1513 Posts: 38 Member
    First of all, take a deep breath. Things really do have a way of working out in the end. All you can do is take it one day at a time and control the things in which you have the power to do so (i.e. your weight, working-out, etc.). Have you tried going with another temp agency to see if they can find you work? Sometimes, it's a matter of a finding an agency that is really willing to work with you. Also, have you looked into collecting unemployment benefits? As for school, that will happen, you just need to focus on yourself right now. Right now, you, your husband, and your daughter, should be your number one priority. Just approach each obstacle one at a time and know that there are others going through the same things as you. I'm unemployed right now, and believe me it sucks big time. Yes, it has gotten the best of me, but I have decided it's time to change that. Your in my thoughts!
  • jcaa2011
    jcaa2011 Posts: 34 Member
    I definitely feel for you! I have been there before, feeling like a failure and having everyone around you only make things harder to deal with. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was 20 years old, unemployed, had nowhere to live,a vehicle that would do well to make it down the road, and the father of my baby had taken off totally. It seemed like I was never going to make it out of that situation, but I turned it all around with a lot of prayers (from others as well as myself) and a little time I was able to get on my feet and make a life for myself and my baby girl. There are people in life that seem to enjoy running other people down and being negative, why that is I couldn't tell you because it makes no sense to me. You are not a failure at all, because the only way you could truly be a failure is if you weren't trying to better your situation and just didn't care at all to give it an effort. And staying away from the drugs and alcohol is a very big step in itself, especially when you're in a stressful situation and it is so easy and tempting to fall back into those old habits. The best advice that I can give you is to focus on one thing at a time, and try not to think about everything all at once because all that will do is overwhelm you and bring you down. I know it's very hard to do but you have to block those negative voices around you out and remember that God will never put more on you than you can bear ever though that is hard to believe sometimes! A little faith in yourself can go a long way, and remember as long as you are trying you can never be a failure at anything :) I really hope things get better for you, and I hope this helped a little bit! Take care :smile:
  • christinaburns
    christinaburns Posts: 24
    I agree with what pretty much everyone has said here. Be calm, be patient, try to stay positive. I know it's so hard when it seems like NOTHING is going the way it's supposed to. But you'll come out of this tougher than ever, and your daughter will grow up being amazed and how strong her mom is. <3
  • CorrieV1976
    CorrieV1976 Posts: 320 Member
    The one thing I have learned in life is that no one will take care of you but YOU!!!

    I came from a bad marriage and then an even worse relationship after that marriage, I was with a drug addict (unknown to me-- dumb i know) He put me down he beat me up he made me feel like nothing - this put strain on my relationship with my parents as well. My mom would tell me that I was a horrible mother etc etc - I know that I just shared a bunch of graphic details but the point to all of this is....

    I was the only one that could change any of it. If you love your husband and he is good to you and is supportive than that is all you can ask for but remember it is a choice not a need -- you are the only person you need in this world. Parents dont always know how to say the right things to make you feel better or keep you motivated. They think that what they are saying is helping when in reality it just makes it worse.

    You need to worry about yourself, keep a positive attitude, wake up each morning , smile at the outside and tells yourself out loud...today is going to be a great day! I dont like to push religion on people and believe in God or not - there are many quotes in the bible that make you feel 100 times better about yourself - even if you are just reading it for the words and have no connection with God.

    Keep your head up because it does get better - and this rollercoaster that you feel like you are on will continue to be just that....there will be good times and bad times throughout your whole life -- it will always be a roller coaster -- the difference is - only you have the power to control it when you go down. Only you can take the bad and turn it into good.

    I wish you luck and will pray that you find a job and make peace with yourself. Feel free to add me as a friend even if you just want to talk.

    God Bless xx
    Corrie
  • feistymama21
    feistymama21 Posts: 7
    Thank y ou all for your comments, they def. are helping me through everything.

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