Second time around!

I'm happy and sad to be back here! I've been struggling to loss my weight for the past 9 months and finally gave in and came back. The reason for not coming back is embarrassment. I've been on here before and lost 80lbs and kept it off (I made a whole new account because seeing my past results kinda sends me in a depression again). The reason for the regain is because my child got very sick two years ago and we are still trying to recover with what happened.

I'm not blaming the situation but it did not help. I know people laugh at this and don't think it is real but I do binge (not purge) and people will tell me "that isn't a real thing and you are just eating a lot and trying to make yourself feel better with calling it something" I've been to doctors and they have found it is connected with my OCD. If you suffer the same problem I would love to make friends and get through this.

I'm 5'1" and currently at 180lbs my ULITMATE goal weight is 120lbs but honestly I would be happy as can be if I can just get back down to 130lbs (I always call 120lbs my vanity weight goal).

I'm so embarrassed that I have to 'battle' food on a daily basis. I'm tired of hiding what I eat from my husband (even though he is so supportive and does the whole 'I couldn't even tell you gained weight' you sweet little liar hahaha) I eat enough in one sitting (always at night anywhere from 6pm to 8pm) to last me for days. I go to the store and buy all this healthy food but it's not really healthy if I eat a weeks worth of food in a few days. The first time I lost weight my child was a baby and on the bottle and baby food but now when she doesn't eat her dinner I finish it so 'it doesn't go to waste' so those extra calories are killing me.

I do work out which is the only thing keeping me from hitting 200lbs again like I did in the past but it's not getting me to my goal.

I have an event coming up in the middle of march and my realistic goal is to be in the 140s or 150s (yes I said I'm 180lbs but I hold water very easily so I have about 5lbs of water weight) this is at about 2lbs a week so again totally realistic.

I get very stressed thinking about how much weight I have to loss again (50lbs!!!!! uuuugggghhhh) but I've lost 80lbs before and I can definitely loss 50 again!!!!

I will log my food but I think for the first month I will hide my food log because last time I would get attacked for what I did or didn't eat and I can't handle that right now. Once I get in the groove of all this again I'll make it public.