How has your weight loss affected your marriage?

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  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    My husband has been nothing but positive about me losing weight. I've never expected him to change anything (food he eats, etc.) but he has always shown his support in everyday ways like writing down grams for ingredients when he cooks, saving food labels I might need, making sure I get time to myself to exercise, complimenting me, encouraging me to get new clothes, etc. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
  • kobutori
    kobutori Posts: 3 Member
    I am not married but I live with my boyfriend and he is not that supportive.
    He gives me this " you are crazy" look whenever I weigh food and say " I will make you fat."
    He does not say anything about food I cook but I wish I get support like others' partners...
  • shan11180
    shan11180 Posts: 110 Member
    It seems I'm with you, and more of the minority here... My boyfriend (of 20 years) automatically assumes I'm doing it for another man. I literally had to hide from him that I was working out during my lunch breaks. And when I start to feel better and more confident, it usually means more intimacy, but he seems to think that my increased interest in intimacy is because of the "buff dudes at the gym". I've come to terms with the fact that he will NEVER be supportive, and would rather I stay home, stay fat, and be miserable. That way he can continue to control me and will never have to "compete" with other men. It doesn't matter that there never was other men. What mattered was his perception. And no amount of showing, explaining, revealing, and communicating could change his mind.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately, maybe? As I've continued to lose weight and feel better, I've seen his lack of trust, emotional abuse, and constant mental manipulation come out in full force. My weight and EXTREME lack of self-worth and self-confidence allowed him to continue with his behavior as I continued to allow it. We've been living apart for 3+ months now, and I've continued to work on myself. I realize my story may be a bit extreme, but I beleive that sometimes when we start to see our own self worth, it makes those that "love" us show their true colors. I truly hope this is not the case for you, and that your husband is able to accept, love and support you. But for what it's worth, I get it. I understand. I've been through hell with my relationship. But I'm still standing strong and fighting for ME. ☺

    Huh. That escalated quickly... Ha! My intent here was to say: you're not alone.
  • ashcky
    ashcky Posts: 393 Member
    shan11180 wrote: »
    It seems I'm with you, and more of the minority here... My boyfriend (of 20 years) automatically assumes I'm doing it for another man. I literally had to hide from him that I was working out during my lunch breaks. And when I start to feel better and more confident, it usually means more intimacy, but he seems to think that my increased interest in intimacy is because of the "buff dudes at the gym". I've come to terms with the fact that he will NEVER be supportive, and would rather I stay home, stay fat, and be miserable. That way he can continue to control me and will never have to "compete" with other men. It doesn't matter that there never was other men. What mattered was his perception. And no amount of showing, explaining, revealing, and communicating could change his mind.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately, maybe? As I've continued to lose weight and feel better, I've seen his lack of trust, emotional abuse, and constant mental manipulation come out in full force. My weight and EXTREME lack of self-worth and self-confidence allowed him to continue with his behavior as I continued to allow it. We've been living apart for 3+ months now, and I've continued to work on myself. I realize my story may be a bit extreme, but I beleive that sometimes when we start to see our own self worth, it makes those that "love" us show their true colors. I truly hope this is not the case for you, and that your husband is able to accept, love and support you. But for what it's worth, I get it. I understand. I've been through hell with my relationship. But I'm still standing strong and fighting for ME. ☺

    Huh. That escalated quickly... Ha! My intent here was to say: you're not alone.

    Glad you got away from him, that did not sound like a healthy relationship. Good job for you!
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