wife having weight loss surgery.
curlsintherack
Posts: 465 Member
8 months ago my wife and I decided to go on a diet and attempt to get into better shape. We had a lot of weight to lose between the 2 of us. During a routine dr. visit my wife was suggested gastric bypass surgery. She looked into it found that it was covered by her insurance and went to the initial appointments. She came home and we talked some things over and she decided to go through the intake process. 6 months of supervised medical diet, support group meetings, psych evaluations, sleep study, and some other stuff I've probably forgotten about has brought us to the point where she is approved for surgery and she's scheduled for gastric sleeve surgery right after Christmas.
I guess when she was initially talking about it I thought she would give up. I will support her in whatever she chooses even though I am generally against the surgical options. I've played devils advocate through the entire process but done all my research as well. We both know the risks and the long term risks. We know about the long term vitamin requirements and potential follow up surgeries for excess skin removal or possible repairs to the sleeve.
My question here is can anyone give me some personal positives and negatives of these surgeries?
My main argument is that she's lost 38lbs on her own and that if she just works at it for another year or 2 the other weight will come off slowly without permanently altering her internals. For now an injury to her hip, knee, and foot has kept her for exercising for the last 5 months. I have told her that she has done something I couldn't do lose weight without the added use of exercise calories. She's eaten roughly 1600 calories a day for the last 8 months and has lost generaly about 1lb to 1.5lbs per week but has been in a 6 week stall. She is a member of several support groups now both locally and online and all the people that I've talked with are for the surgery. Out of everyone I talked to I know one lady who had the bypass early on in the 90s and thought the vitamins were optional and now she has bone degeneration pretty severely and she's in her 50s.
Our primary motivation is for our kids and to be able to teach them what a healthy lifestyle is. I've asked her what would happen if she had long term complications like bone density. she responded to me that she might not make it long term if she keeps an extra 100+ pounds on her body.
I could also use some tips about what to do for her both before and after surgery. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I absolutely will be there for her and I will support her and I'm happy that she made the decision for her I just need to know more.
I guess when she was initially talking about it I thought she would give up. I will support her in whatever she chooses even though I am generally against the surgical options. I've played devils advocate through the entire process but done all my research as well. We both know the risks and the long term risks. We know about the long term vitamin requirements and potential follow up surgeries for excess skin removal or possible repairs to the sleeve.
My question here is can anyone give me some personal positives and negatives of these surgeries?
My main argument is that she's lost 38lbs on her own and that if she just works at it for another year or 2 the other weight will come off slowly without permanently altering her internals. For now an injury to her hip, knee, and foot has kept her for exercising for the last 5 months. I have told her that she has done something I couldn't do lose weight without the added use of exercise calories. She's eaten roughly 1600 calories a day for the last 8 months and has lost generaly about 1lb to 1.5lbs per week but has been in a 6 week stall. She is a member of several support groups now both locally and online and all the people that I've talked with are for the surgery. Out of everyone I talked to I know one lady who had the bypass early on in the 90s and thought the vitamins were optional and now she has bone degeneration pretty severely and she's in her 50s.
Our primary motivation is for our kids and to be able to teach them what a healthy lifestyle is. I've asked her what would happen if she had long term complications like bone density. she responded to me that she might not make it long term if she keeps an extra 100+ pounds on her body.
I could also use some tips about what to do for her both before and after surgery. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I absolutely will be there for her and I will support her and I'm happy that she made the decision for her I just need to know more.
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Replies
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To put your mind a little at ease, WLS has come a long way since the '90s. A close friend recently had the surgery. She had lost a lot of weight on her own ... over and over and over and just kept putting it back on and adding more each time. She saw the surgery as a tool. She's still relatively newly post-surgery, but she took it seriously and used it as motivation to continue her path toward health. She started running and is doing races now.
I know several people who have had the surgery and seen them at different stages. From my observations, it can be positive as long as your wife uses it as a tool and not the be-all, end-all. She'll still need to work at being healthy. The people I've seen do that have done well. The others have regained most of their weight.
I haven't been through it myself, so I can't offer any more concrete advice. I'm sure plenty of others will. Good luck to both of you.3 -
Hi there! I had the gastric sleeve surgery a little over 9 months ago. It really was the best decision of my life. It certainly isn't the "easy way out", as I have fought for every lb I've lost. The possibility of regain is definately there. But if you're motivated and can stick to the plan, it works! I've gone from 250 lbs to 166 lbs in the last 9 months. I'm still going.
I think the best tips I have for you and her is to remember that this is a tool, not a fix it solution. If you don't eat right, you can still not lose. Also, don't compare your progress to others- some will lose faster than you. It sucks, but your journey is your own.
I didn't go through insurance- I was a self pay patient and went to Mexico. I didn't want to wait the 6 months and do the various doctor required things to just be denied a few weeks before. Going to Mexico was a personal decision and the best one for me. I've had 0 complications, and it was a great experience. Even better care there than I have ever received in the US.
All in all, this was the best choice I ever made. My only regret is that I didn't have the surgery sooner.5 -
I have a friend who had the sleeve last Nov. She initially lost about 50lbs and then stalled and has now started to gain again because she is back to old eating habits. Sorry I can't add more than that and I'm sure both you and your wife know it's not a magic bullet and requires work to be successful.
My friend who has not entirely (yet) been successful went the the gastric sleeve route because she "didn't want to have to count calories" and didn't "want to have to think about it". From what I can see you still sort of have to count calories, even if it's in the form of restricting certain foods, and you most definitely have to think about it.4 -
I can't speak personally, but my cousin, whom I am very close to, had it done when she was 25 (we are the same age, not that it matters). She had lived her whole life obese and finally decided on that route. She was close to, if not over, 400 pounds at 5'10". She had tried everything: Jenny Craig (when she was 12!!), Weight Watchers, etc.
I don't remember what she had to do before the surgery or how much she lost prior to (it was almost 13 years ago), but she had a rough few months after. Her wounds got infected and needed a home care nurse to come and pack them twice daily for 3 weeks. She also had an obstruction for which she was re-hospitalized for. She struggled to eat tablespoons of food. She felt horrible, but then slowwwwwwwly started to feel better. All in all, she lost about 200 pounds, looked and felt fantastic. It gave her a new life, however, she had a LOT of loose skin. She had her arms tucked and a modified tummy tuck (surgeon did not want to perform a normal tuck, as she planned to have kids in the future). She ended up maintaining for a long time, but then got married and started to have kids. She's not back to where she was and she carries it a lot differently than she used to, but if I had to guess I'd say she gained about 75-100 pounds back. I don't believe she regrets her decision and I fully supported her in whatever she wanted; I just wanted her to be happy and she wasn't for a long time.
So, I hope that novella helps you and your wife. You sound like a decent dude and she's lucky to have your support.
ETA: she had the traditional RNY (laparoscopic). If the sleeve were an option at that time, she probably would have gone that route.1 -
thank you for your responses.0
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I've noticed a difference in her already She talks more about outdoor activities that she's avoided for years like hiking, kayaking, and camping.4
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I had it done in March of this year, and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I'm down 80lbs and still going. I was anti-surgery (for myself), but went through the classes and doctors appointments. I felt if I went through it all and still was against it, I wouldn't do it. At the end, I decided it was the best option for me. It's a big adjustment, especially with grocery shopping, cooking, and going out with friends, but if I had to do it over again, I would.0
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My sister in law had it done in June and has lost 85 pounds! BUT has slowly started eating a little by more and more each meal...and has since lost no more weight....it is SO hard because we are eating normal/healthy size portions and she is expected to eat so little....the percentage of people who gain the weight back is astronomical....plus, you are putting your life at risk because it's a surgery....if you're not gonna follow thru til your last day...it's not worth the risk...it sounds like she's doing so great with the diet!!! Maybe talk with her and see if she'll do 6 more months of the diet, see where she's at and go from there?1
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Unfortunately, all the people I know who have gotten the surgery have gained a good bit of the weight back (maybe 75% of it) over time and not continued to lose.
It might be because they view it as a solution rather than a tool. Personally, I just don't think I would ever permanently alter to my body just to aid in weight loss unless I was unable to lose the weight without the surgery.
I do have one close friend that I can say the reason he has gained the weight back is because even though he eats smaller portions now he just eats more frequently. He also consumes many calorie dense foods.
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622 days ago, 1 month before my 39th birthday, I made the decision to undergo weight loss surgery. It took me more than 700 days of researching, deliberating, reflecting, and agonizing to finally come to that decision. It was trying on a pair of size 24 jeans that finally pushed me over the edge. My weight on that day was 285 pounds. I refused to buy the jeans and decided that having surgery was not giving up, it was me finally accepting that I needed help and that it was okay that I couldn't manage it the "old fashioned" way.
I wasn't in terrible health. I had managed to get pregnant without problem and have two children in my 30s. I had been diagnosed with lupus which was causing pain, fatigue, and discomfort. I used a CPAP for sleep apnea...though I've always snored even when slender. My blood pressure was fine, my cholesterol was neither remarkably good or bad.
...but I just didn't feel GOOD. My body couldn't keep up with everything that my head wanted to do.
It wasn't hard for me to get insurance approval for the surgery and I immediately started ticking off the requirements that would get me there. I had planned on getting VSG but, due to some cell dysplasia in my esophagus (likely due to un-diagnosed/untreated reflux), my surgeon recommended RNY; recurrent reflux rates are higher in VSG than RNY.
My surgery was scheduled for July 2015 and I took the time to prioritize my own exercise time, work on not eating and drinking at the same time, and reducing the amount of sugar and fat in my diet. I won't lie...the two week liquid diet immediately prior to surgery was brutal. I was travelling for work nearly the entire time and when I came home on the weekend, I just wanted something comforting and yummy.
I didn't waste any time after my surgery; I calculated that I walked (shuffled) a mile the night of my surgery in the hospital wing. By a week after, I could walk up to 3 miles a day a full mile at a time. 10 days after surgery I started getting short of breath and having chest pain...I ended up spending 4 nights in the hospital having developed pneumonia and pancreatitis. The days after that hospital stay were much worse than immediately following surgery.
My husband has been my biggest support and advocate; even though I know he was VERY nervous about the proposition. He made sure that I had the time I needed to exercise, he never tried to sabotage me...and he's never said I told you so. He knows how disciplined I am and recognizes that I am fighting the fight every single day. There is nothing easy about having a small, weird, temperamental stomach.
I hit my lowest weight of 143.1 pounds 531 days after starting my journey...419 days after surgery. I've been holding relatively steady since then between 145-150 pounds. I'd like to get to 142.5 just so that I can say that I am half the woman I used to be. That being said, I'd be okay with staying right where I am. This was always more about fitness than thinness for me.
Now the rest of the good, bad, and the ugly...
I am a fricking gazelle...an older, slower, gazelle but a gazelle all the same...lol. I run up to 70 miles a week. I win races. I've been stopped by complete strangers asking for my workout routine and how to get arms like mine. I haven't had a period since June; but I still get random PMS. Bowel movement management is practically my second job. I used to have fat person pain, now I get athletic injuries. I forget my vitamins. Sometimes "safe" foods make me sick for no reason. I can't eat what I want when I want it; the surgery only helped with the "wants" for about 6 months. The loose skin is epic (though I've been VERY lucky compared to some others with similar stats and losses); there are days when I feel worse about the way my new naked body looks than I ever did about my old naked body. Apparently, hemorrhoids are a thing that runners get quite often...who knew. I have the energy to do anything I want with my two kids and my husband. I live everyday with a little niggling fear in the back of my head that I will fail. I have a love/hate relationship with my wedding pictures. I look my age; some days I look older. I don't need an extender on airplane seats. My mom still tries to give me full sugar ice cream.
I'm not a success story...yet. I've made achievements but my success will have to be measured over time.
One great way that you're already supporting her is that the entire family is making healthy changes. One piece of post-surgical advice I have is that she take as much time as possible to make her recovery. I was very fortunate to have short term disability that covered up to 6 weeks...I took every single day. It gave me the time to really recover, get to a point where I could eat food again, and establish a new routine that prioritized the time I needed to take care of myself.
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I have no experience of this but google what Al Roker has to say about it. He wrote a book about his surgery few years ago, I believe.
And kudos to you for looking for ways to help and support your wife, whatever her decision.1 -
Hi
I can't comment on the sleeve - but I had the lapband about 12 years ago. They basically put a tight belt around the top of my stomach. I didn't want them tinkering with my digestive system and I didn't want to be chained to vitamin supplements for the rest of my life. My body still absorbs 100% of what I eat - I just eat a whole lot less than I used to.
I was 367 when I made the decision - 331 when I had the surgery - and lost down to about 260 in the initial year or so after the band.
Keep in mind - ALL the band really does is slow you down. You have to chew your food - or it comes right back up. (Happened 1 time - it was like hitting the eject button on a tape deck - not fun.) It is definitely a tool - and when you stop actively using it - you stop losing...
Life happened... I lost my job, got a new, awful one - working 14-16 hour days - and basically fell off the wagon -for a really long time. But, here's the beauty part. The band was still there, quietly helping me. It was a PERMANENT tool. Chewing my food and eating slowly were not optional...and I had learned how to stop when I was full.... so, while I did gain about 15 pounds in the initial "eating everything I want" phase - that is as much as I ever gained back. I coasted for about ten years at 275 - and then life happened, again.
My hubby broke his ankle, had surgery, and had to be in a wheelchair for a while. After hauling the chair around, in and out of the truck, doing assorted extra things to take care of him - I was pleasantly surprised to find that 15 pounds had disappeared without any noticeable effort on my part. So, I got off my duff and got back to work.
The band is still doing it's thing... since I got it, I have seldom had that gnawing empty starving feeling I used to get - that is what killed all my prior dieting attempts. I credit the lap band with saving my life - or at least my quality of life - since at 367 I had severe knee and ankle pain - and my back wasn't doing too great.
The knees are going to have to be replaced, one of these days - but, after losing 146 pounds (to date) and working out with strength training, the knees have a little more life left in them than they used to.
Oh - and I had zero complications. Other than the one instance of forgetting to chew my food and a few times when I was forcibly reminded to slow down and chew a little more, I have had no pain or problem with my lapband. The only time I even remember I have it is during my period when my whole body goes puffy. I may be the only female on earth who eats LESS during her time of the month.
I can't say that surgery is right for everyone - but, since my main issue was wolfing down food by the bucket - really fast, really large quantities - the lapband was the perfect thing for me. After I got it, I was forced to learn to eat like a normal person, instead of a starving animal.
I hope your wife has the same kind of experience with her choice.7 -
Hi there, I'd suggest checking out the website obesityhelp.com you will find a lot of info from people who actually had wls. I had rny back in September, I'm still early days, but I already know this was the right decision for me.
I can't emphasize enough the fact that wls is a tool, and not a cure. She will have to count calories, and eat lower carb, and excersise for life. But the surgery makes it possible to do those things without feeling deprived, at least for the first year or so. The hope is that it disrupts disordered eating patterns enough to give you time to do the work on behaviour change, and put in place a lifestyle you can maintain for life. And the rapid weight loss can be so validating that success breeds success.
With regard to risks and complications, you need to compare them against the risk of not having surgery. Also how the surgical risks compare to other obesity related surgeries. it has a lower complication and mortality rate than heart surgery for example.
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thank you all for all your kind words. this hasnt been an easy decision. i want it and need it but im scared and worried and i know larry is too.4
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First off, thank you for supporting your wife regardless of her decision and recognizing that it ultimately is her decision. A lot of people don't realize this, so she is very lucky to have you. I am, personally, in the pre-surgery phase of my weight loss journey. It has literally taken years for me to come to the decision to have it done. My doctors and I are shooting for the RNY, but due to several laparoscopic surgeries I may have to have the sleeve done instead. As many have said, I know this procedure is simply a tool, but for me it's a tool that I desperately need. Like your wife, I have tried many things and several times have lost 35, 40, even 60 pounds with weight loss plans alone. I went on my first "diet" when I was 9 years old. The problem usually hits when I hit a plateau that lasts for weeks on end and refuses to budge no matter how little, much, or what I eat and no matter how much exercise I put in. As a matter of fact, most of the time my exercise plans just discouraged me more because I would actually gain weight because of the muscle I was putting on. I started the 6 month required supervised weight loss on November 4 of this year. Since then I have dropped around 10 pounds and am looking to drop more before my surgery at the end of April or May. I have 140 more pounds to go, though I think I'll be happy just to get back down to 145 (my highest weight was 310 an am currently sitting at 265).
Second, I personally know 5 people who have had various forms of wls through the years. 3 of them have had it done 10+ years ago and may have had rough roads learning how to eat correctly, but none of those three had any complications. They have told me just to make sure I take my vitamins every day and not to do the low carb thing the wrong way (eat all the meat you want regardless of fat count and nothing else) and that will help alleviate any malnutrition problems along the way. One lady I know lost 225 pounds and has kept it off for 8 years. A man I know lost 158 pounds and has kept it off for 4 years now. And another lady has lost 137 pounds and kept it off for 7 years. I only know of one lady in the last 6 years that had any sort of complication with her WLS. She and her daughter both had the lap band done at the same time. Her daughter lost over 150 pounds and has kept it off 3 years or more now. She, on the other hand, had what can only be described by a layman like me as an allergic reaction to the band and had to have it removed about three months after having the initial surgery. And i know a lady that had the RNY about a year and a half ago and is doing fabulous.
I'm glad you and your wife are doing your research. And your support could mean the difference between her success and her failure in the long run so keep up the awesome work! Once again, she is lucky to have someone love her so much. Good luck to you both on your journey.2 -
I'm so glad you two are in this together.0
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broncobytch94 wrote: »thank you all for all your kind words. this hasnt been an easy decision. i want it and need it but im scared and worried and i know larry is too.
I'm sure you are very scared. I do like the idea of waiting 6 more months to see how you get on without the surgery. Your hubby mentioned injuries. Do you have a local pool that you could workout in? Sounds like you have made some great strides, and to have such a supportive hubs.
I haven't had the surgery, but I have taken care of people immediately post-op, as well as those who return with complications. I will refrain from providing my thoughts because my views will be one sided.
If you choose to move forward, pay particular attention to the post-op instructions. Continue with counseling. I firmly believe that one of the main reasons for regain is failure to continue with the doctor's instructions in combination with not addressing any underlying psychological influences.
Above all else, whatever you do, be well.2 -
thanks everyone for all the comments and suggestions.0
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Loosing soo much weight in such little time is scary and the effects are wow. I started MFP around the same time my girlfriend had gastric bypass we started off about the same. She's lost about 20lbs more then me EXCEPT she looks sick, her hair is falling out her skin is pale and her excess skin is a horrible issue. She's pretty miserable
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Best decision of my life. I was one of those that was like it is to drastic and I don't want to alter my body and such after a million attempts and I lost 50 in a short time on MFP and gained it back and then some. I decided it was for me. ALOT of ignorance is in this surgery I have heard "easy way out"(far from the truth) " I could lose if I had the surgery too" Crazy stuff like that.
Anyone that educated themselves on it would know it is NOT an easy way my surgery is a "Tool" just like people that take enhancers or anything else that may aide them in their weight loss. Your wife needs to educate herself to the fullest and have reasonable exceptions.
I haven't been overweight all my life. My one friend has had the surgery over 9 years ago and was able to keep all the weight off the whole time she lost 70% of her body weight!
I believe the loose skin thing is a fear of many... I believe a lot of things factor in 1. how long have you been overweight (how long has your skin been stretched out ) 2. Genetics (skin elasticity) 3. Do you workout and lift weights to sculpt your body and gain muscle mass. People getting this surgery didn't get there by being a workout queen so more then likely they have very little muscle mass.3. perhaps age? 4. are you taking your vitamins and eating the right foods you are Supposed too. Many people have hair loss because of not getting enough protein. Also ANYONE that has had surgery being put under your hair sheds/ resets itself (my surgeon told me that ) Everyone losses hair it is just more noticeable to someone that has just had surgery. I had fine hair to begin with i am not bald yet and my hair is shedding. It WILL stop and with Botin vitamins it will help hair to grow faster and nails too
I am 45 and had my surgery 4-20 of this year i lost some weight before surgery but in total lost 105 I am still on my journey to loss the last 40-50 pounds I really have limited loose skin...... everyone always comments on how I am NOT all saggy..
Work hard don't listen to all the crap people say but yet take heed too.(grain of salt)
I truly don't realize AT all that i have had surgery except when i go to eat to large portion. No side effects (however i did have one of the best surgeons in my opinion )
Hardwork but sooooooooo worth having my life back!!3 -
My co-worker had WLS. She has gone in to have the tube connecting to her stomach stretched several times because after surgery, it was too tight. She couldn't have solids at all.
I'm not against it, but remember it's a major surgery, and requires a lifestyle change for good.
Good luck!0 -
lsutton484 wrote: »My main argument is that she's lost 38lbs on her own and that if she just works at it for another year or 2 the other weight will come off slowly without permanently altering her internals. For now an injury to her hip, knee, and foot has kept her for exercising for the last 5 months. I have told her that she has done something I couldn't do lose weight without the added use of exercise calories.
I have lost and gained 30-40 pounds multiple times. I have tried and failed at just about everything, and have now decided that I am getting the sleeve after the 1st of the year. I used to think that surgery was "the magic pill", but have since changed my mindset because I have watched many of my co-workers lose the weight just to gain it right back. After speaking with many, I have found that the ones who succeeded are the ones who used it as a tool for a lifestyle change and not as a magic pill. I am trying to prepare myself by changing my eating habits, working out, and incorporating daily changes. I am learning a lot through research & asking lots of questions. Ask your wife to add me as a friend on Myfitnesspal so we can go through the journey together & hopefully encourage one another. I have already talked to the physician who will be doing my surgery and accomplished most of the tasks that were required of me. I agree with your wife, I don't know that I will be around much longer without the surgery. I don't have any medical complications now, but it is just a matter of time. I'm almost 50 and need to take control now before it is too late.
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I was put on my first diet at age 7 and have been on that rollercoaster nearly 40 years. Ive lost, gained and lost again so many times. I had wls in october of this year and have had no complications. Surgery is a tool. Its not a quick fix. For me, weight loss is secondary to the other health benefits .i have experienced - I was a diabetic for 16 years, on 3 meds taking 6-8 shots a day. My blood pressure was high and required meds to control. I had bleeds in my eyes, nerve damage in my feet and ulcers on my toes that in 2 years I hadnt been able to heal. Since surgery, I have not had to take ANY meds except tylenol for a few days post op. My eyes are good and the ulcers on my toes are gone. This surgery has made a huge impact on my health and my life expectancy. I will take vitamins for life, well worth it0
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My aunt and mother in law had it done and both have gained the weight back. It's definitely not an easy way out and it certainly doesn't magically make you thin, i think the lowest my aunt got was 180lbs. You have to work at it, work hard and you still need to maintain. For it to be successful you must change your lifestyle and eating habits... just as if you were to lose weight using MFP.
Some people go down this path because they're prediabetic and it can "reverse" that, some have high blood pressure or other issues and this path will help with a lot of those problems which could become a lot worse if no action is taken... For some it forces them to start changing their lifestyles and for some they go back to their old ways.. but i imagine your partners GP has look at the pros and cons and has seen that it's a benifit.
With a BMI over 44, I was offered this option but turned it down as i know i can lose the weight on my own and now I'm around 214lbs and still losing. I'm glad to go down this path but for some having the surgery is a must.
I hope you both chose what's best of your overall health and i hope you both reach your goals and have a healthier life.0 -
I thank you all for the words of encouragement and those of you who are against the procedure we took your advice into consideration but yesterday she underwent gastric sleeve surgery. This is just a step along our journey it may be a big step but still just a step. Now she has to do the work.1
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I had sleeve surgery 9/30/15. Best decision I ever made! I hope your wife has much success. I had no complications at all and feel awesome now. 125 pounds down.1
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I am almost 2 years post op with the vsg (sleeve). It too was a VERY hard choice to make! It is a tool. After 5 years of doing everything I could to lose the weight and my health starting to go down hill we felt it was the best option. I started at 250lbs..... I would say I'm around 160-155ish, I don't weigh myself anymore because I refuse to be driven by a number on a scale. I will ALWAYS battle with food. I will ALWAYS have to workout. When I quit the weight comes back on.
As I type this I'm eating egg whites, salmon and avocado. This evening I will be attending my first Ju Jitsu class, tomorrow I will go running, and Sunday I will start my 1000 mile challenge for 2017. Having the surgery didn't make lose weight, it just made it possible for me to lose the weight. Having the surgery didn't make me get up every morning, or put down the chips and pick up the water. I had to make those choices. People fail when they lose their support, when people no longer encourage them to keep going, when people make them feel guilty for not eating that birthday cake, or a bigger slice of grandmas lasagna. And believe me it happens. She can do this, but only if you help her along the way!!!
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