Lost 175 lbs, gained back 60... didn't think this would happen to me

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LosingLaurensWay
LosingLaurensWay Posts: 86 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I started at 410 lb (6'1" F) and got down to 231. I was hit by a car while running this time last year (a woman blew her stop sign, hit me and drove off. I suffered only minor injuries but it completely derailed me for months.)
and have gained 60 lbs since then.

I'm completely distraught. I've struggled to get back in to the grove of things ever since. I know what I have to do. I know how I'm supposed to eat. I know what it takes to achieve a healthy lifestyle but I can't find any motivation to do it. Or I've just forgotten how hard it is to start over and the beginning.

The goals that drove me before don't carry the same potency. Some included love interests that are no more. I feel like I need to find something new to aspire too. Yes, I know the whole "love yourself" "do it for you" mantra. It was one of my strongest weapons to lose all that weight and stay devoted for years. I guess I feel betrayed by myself.

I remember seeing posts on MFP by people who had lost 100+ lbs and gained it all back when I was at my peak of weight loss. I remember how I thought I could never do that. Yet, here I am.

Maybe I just needed to say this to a community of people who may understand what I'm going through.
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Replies

  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I do know how you feel. Back in 2011 I started on my path and lost 140 pounds in about 18 months. I've since gained back 100 pounds. In that time - I had a really rough time recovering from a surgery, I lost my father (Multiple Myeloma) and had issues with my job (had been with them for almost 20 years). I also remember telling my therapist that there was no way I was going to let myself get to this point. BUT here I am. Like you said - what motivated me before isn't doing it for me this time. I feel like I got part of the way there and f*cked it up. I am really mad at myself because I was within about 50 pounds or so of reaching my "goal range" for getting more surgery to get rid of extra skin.

    I guess I'm now at a point where the extra skin is bothering me more than anything else and the only way to get rid of it is to finish the job I started and then get the surgery. The faster I get back there (and working smart about it), then the sooner I can get things wrapped up and I know it won't take "forever" as I once thought it might. I just have to be diligent and disciplined - and NOT GIVE UP.

    I've also renewed my goal of wanting to go swimming with my kids the next time we go to Disney. We had planned to do that this fall, and couldn't because I hadn't gotten there. Well - time to put the past behind me and move on towards reaching that goal again. One day at a time, one meal at a time, one breath at a time.
  • Troutrouter1968
    Troutrouter1968 Posts: 122 Member
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    Think of it this way. You lost it before and you can do it again.
  • fubarfornow
    fubarfornow Posts: 40 Member
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    I am so sorry you've been through all that. That's awful. Have you thought about some short-term counseling for the trauma you went through? That would knock anyone off their pins, so to speak. It seems to me like you're blaming yourself for a very normal, human reaction to something pretty traumatic.
  • Darton2010
    Darton2010 Posts: 137 Member
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    I lost 110 and gained 106 back in about a year. lmfao, you just gotta get back to it
  • ShammersPink
    ShammersPink Posts: 215 Member
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    I sympathise. My most rapid weight gain occurred after I was hit by a car while cycling. It knocks the stuffing right out of you and makes it hard to give a damn about anything, and painful to exercise.

    For me, I needed to make myself a structured plan with goals to regain fitness. I did C25K (I hadn't been a runner before), and entered a triathlon, as well as eating a well-planned diet. You might find it easier to find an exercise that isn't running, which you associate with your accident, at least initially,

    New Year isn't a bad time to start over. There will be lots of deals and motivational material about, and the nights will start to draw out. You know what to do already, so you shouldn't get sucked in by the woo that accompanies that.

    I'm sure you can do it - and you are still a hell of a lot lighter than at your heaviest.
  • sbrandt37
    sbrandt37 Posts: 403 Member
    edited December 2016
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    You did a fantastic job the first time around, then got derailed by something outside of your control. That absolutely sucks. Getting injured just when things are going well is extremely difficult. But that's life. You can let it beat you down or you can get up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

    You obviously have what it takes to move forward. You did it before and that's why you are here now. So do it. Start today. Start logging your food again. Aim for a modest calorie deficit. Start getting some physical activity again. When you can do more, do more. Life doesn't always take us in a straight line to our goals, but if we keep working toward them, we get there eventually. You can do this.
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited December 2016
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    LosingLaurensWay wrote: »
    I started at 410 lb (6'1" F) and got down to 231. I was hit by a car while running this time last year (a woman blew her stop sign, hit me and drove off. I suffered only minor injuries but it completely derailed me for months.)
    and have gained 60 lbs since then.

    I'm completely distraught. I've struggled to get back in to the grove of things ever since. I know what I have to do. I know how I'm supposed to eat. I know what it takes to achieve a healthy lifestyle but I can't find any motivation to do it. Or I've just forgotten how hard it is to start over and the beginning.

    The goals that drove me before don't carry the same potency. Some included love interests that are no more. I feel like I need to find something new to aspire too. Yes, I know the whole "love yourself" "do it for you" mantra. It was one of my strongest weapons to lose all that weight and stay devoted for years. I guess I feel betrayed by myself.

    I remember seeing posts on MFP by people who had lost 100+ lbs and gained it all back when I was at my peak of weight loss. I remember how I thought I could never do that. Yet, here I am.

    Maybe I just needed to say this to a community of people who may understand what I'm going through.

    If it took you a year to gain 60 pounds back, then be patient taking it off and this time next year you could be 50 or more pounds lighter again. Even with last year's gain, you have managed to keep off over 100 pounds, and that is amazing. Even though it is difficult to get the momentum going you can do this! You might as well work on losing it as the alternative isn't good. At least you are nipping and reversing weight gain now instead of gaining all if it back.

    You are still ahead of where you were at the very start. A lot of this is a head game and you got thrown off by the trauma of a hit and run. Now you are getting back on track. Think of how great you will feel in a few months as the weight loss accumulates. The beginning seems daunting but once you lose a bit your incentive and drive will kick in.

    Edited typos
  • Ming1951
    Ming1951 Posts: 514 Member
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    I understand where you are at. I've lost gained it all back, lost gained it all back..and so forth. I am older now and take it from my experience..get back on the wagon, do it for you. You had a setback but your still at a better place than the first time, so start logging and join us that still are on this journey. I have 35 more to lose on my first goal. I am down 42 lbs. Is it easy , not always but I now realize what this excess weight has done to my bones and body and I want to live a life that I can enjoy walking, biking. and who knows. You can do this. So come on lets get this going!
  • perkymommy
    perkymommy Posts: 1,642 Member
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    First off, congrats on the weight loss! And I'm glad you are okay after the accident. That's scary!

    I am back after losing 25 lbs this year and gaining back 25 lbs so you are definitely not alone! I will add you as a friend. We can be of support to one another. We can do this!
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
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    Can't improve on the motivational messages here, but...did they catch your hit-and-run driver? There's a special place in hell for people like that; I'm so sorry that happened.
  • stephmph16
    stephmph16 Posts: 114 Member
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    Be kind to yourself. I liked the phrase "it takes dedication, not motivation". Why not start small, say to yourself "I'm going to go to the gym everyday and ride the bike/do the elliptical/walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes". Watch a show, relax, get back into the ROUTINE of going to the gym. I guarantee after a month of dedication you will start feeling more motivated to work out. You were in beast mode for a long time, but you got hurt. No one is expecting you to pick yourself up and get right back to beast mode; take your time, heal your wounds, get your mind straight, and you'll get back there soon enough. Good luck xo
  • crzycatlady1
    crzycatlady1 Posts: 1,930 Member
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    LosingLaurensWay wrote: »
    I've struggled to get back in to the grove of things ever since. I know what I have to do. I know how I'm supposed to eat. I know what it takes to achieve a healthy lifestyle but I can't find any motivation to do it.
    Are you sure? What are those things? Living healthily isn't about deprivation and suffering, it's quite the opposite and something you shouldn't have to look for motivation to do.

    Finding MFP and discovering this was a game changer for me. After struggling with weight and food and eating "all my life", all of that became virtually effortless.

    I'm almost 4 years into maintenance and I second this :)
  • saishyamk
    saishyamk Posts: 41 Member
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    You've done this before and you can do it again, this time better!

    PS: When you are down, just stop thinking and Act! Yes.. too much thinking and less action doesn't do anything. Putting in the effort is what counts. Results will come!! They just can't hide!!
  • anl90
    anl90 Posts: 928 Member
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    So sorry to hear you went through that. People suck. :(

    On the plus side - at least you are still down 100+ lbs from when you started! You're not back to square one, you just have a minor setback. I know how you feel - I had at one point lost 25 lbs, and I'm back to where you started. It's frustrating. But You obviously did it before, and I know you can do it again. :)
  • esjones12
    esjones12 Posts: 1,363 Member
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    I can completely sympathize with the "didn't think it could happen to me" statement. About 4.5 years ago I had just graduated college and started getting into fitness. At the beginning of 2016 I was down 60 pounds (228 to 165) and was making progress towards athletic goals. 2016 decided to scream "F YOU" at me pretty much all year. It started with surgery on my tongue which caused me to go temporarily blind. My back completely went out on me and I spent weeks not being able to stand up straight. I spent almost 6 months on various pain killers and steroids. In 6 months I'd gained 30 pounds. I was disgusted, horrified, and hated myself. I'd worked so incredibly hard to get where I had been. When I finally started to fight back - the bad stuff continued. My sister was checked into drug rehab. My grandmother (super close to) passed away. The list is ridiculously long.....but little by little I've had streaks of consistency and have managed to shave 20 pounds back off the past few months. I still have about 30-35 pounds to lose and I know that it's just going to take time and consistent dedication.

    Main Point - 2016 has taught me to stop judging others, as I'd become very jealous of others progress or others receiving my support for hard times than I did. And most importantly I learned to stop judging myself. Being positive even during the crappy times, and realizing that life is too short to be caught up on the little details. I'm super beyond excited for 2017.

    Best of luck!

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