wife having weight loss surgery.

curlsintherack
curlsintherack Posts: 465 Member
edited November 13 in Motivation and Support
8 months ago my wife and I decided to go on a diet and attempt to get into better shape. We had a lot of weight to lose between the 2 of us. During a routine dr. visit my wife was suggested gastric bypass surgery. She looked into it found that it was covered by her insurance and went to the initial appointments. She came home and we talked some things over and she decided to go through the intake process. 6 months of supervised medical diet, support group meetings, psych evaluations, sleep study, and some other stuff I've probably forgotten about has brought us to the point where she is approved for surgery and she's scheduled for gastric sleeve surgery right after Christmas.

I guess when she was initially talking about it I thought she would give up. I will support her in whatever she chooses even though I am generally against the surgical options. I've played devils advocate through the entire process but done all my research as well. We both know the risks and the long term risks. We know about the long term vitamin requirements and potential follow up surgeries for excess skin removal or possible repairs to the sleeve.

My question here is can anyone give me some personal positives and negatives of these surgeries?

My main argument is that she's lost 38lbs on her own and that if she just works at it for another year or 2 the other weight will come off slowly without permanently altering her internals. For now an injury to her hip, knee, and foot has kept her for exercising for the last 5 months. I have told her that she has done something I couldn't do lose weight without the added use of exercise calories. She's eaten roughly 1600 calories a day for the last 8 months and has lost generaly about 1lb to 1.5lbs per week but has been in a 6 week stall. She is a member of several support groups now both locally and online and all the people that I've talked with are for the surgery. Out of everyone I talked to I know one lady who had the bypass early on in the 90s and thought the vitamins were optional and now she has bone degeneration pretty severely and she's in her 50s.

Our primary motivation is for our kids and to be able to teach them what a healthy lifestyle is. I've asked her what would happen if she had long term complications like bone density. she responded to me that she might not make it long term if she keeps an extra 100+ pounds on her body.

I could also use some tips about what to do for her both before and after surgery. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I absolutely will be there for her and I will support her and I'm happy that she made the decision for her I just need to know more.

Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    To put your mind a little at ease, WLS has come a long way since the '90s. A close friend recently had the surgery. She had lost a lot of weight on her own ... over and over and over and just kept putting it back on and adding more each time. She saw the surgery as a tool. She's still relatively newly post-surgery, but she took it seriously and used it as motivation to continue her path toward health. She started running and is doing races now.

    I know several people who have had the surgery and seen them at different stages. From my observations, it can be positive as long as your wife uses it as a tool and not the be-all, end-all. She'll still need to work at being healthy. The people I've seen do that have done well. The others have regained most of their weight.

    I haven't been through it myself, so I can't offer any more concrete advice. I'm sure plenty of others will. Good luck to both of you.
  • SkinnyGirlCarrie
    SkinnyGirlCarrie Posts: 259 Member
    I have a friend who had the sleeve last Nov. She initially lost about 50lbs and then stalled and has now started to gain again because she is back to old eating habits. Sorry I can't add more than that and I'm sure both you and your wife know it's not a magic bullet and requires work to be successful.

    My friend who has not entirely (yet) been successful went the the gastric sleeve route because she "didn't want to have to count calories" and didn't "want to have to think about it". From what I can see you still sort of have to count calories, even if it's in the form of restricting certain foods, and you most definitely have to think about it.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    edited December 2016
    I can't speak personally, but my cousin, whom I am very close to, had it done when she was 25 (we are the same age, not that it matters). She had lived her whole life obese and finally decided on that route. She was close to, if not over, 400 pounds at 5'10". She had tried everything: Jenny Craig (when she was 12!!), Weight Watchers, etc.

    I don't remember what she had to do before the surgery or how much she lost prior to (it was almost 13 years ago), but she had a rough few months after. Her wounds got infected and needed a home care nurse to come and pack them twice daily for 3 weeks. She also had an obstruction for which she was re-hospitalized for. She struggled to eat tablespoons of food. She felt horrible, but then slowwwwwwwly started to feel better. All in all, she lost about 200 pounds, looked and felt fantastic. It gave her a new life, however, she had a LOT of loose skin. She had her arms tucked and a modified tummy tuck (surgeon did not want to perform a normal tuck, as she planned to have kids in the future). She ended up maintaining for a long time, but then got married and started to have kids. She's not back to where she was and she carries it a lot differently than she used to, but if I had to guess I'd say she gained about 75-100 pounds back. I don't believe she regrets her decision and I fully supported her in whatever she wanted; I just wanted her to be happy and she wasn't for a long time.

    So, I hope that novella helps you and your wife. You sound like a decent dude and she's lucky to have your support.

    ETA: she had the traditional RNY (laparoscopic). If the sleeve were an option at that time, she probably would have gone that route.
  • curlsintherack
    curlsintherack Posts: 465 Member
    thank you for your responses.
  • curlsintherack
    curlsintherack Posts: 465 Member
    I've noticed a difference in her already She talks more about outdoor activities that she's avoided for years like hiking, kayaking, and camping.
  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,352 Member
    I had it done in March of this year, and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I'm down 80lbs and still going. I was anti-surgery (for myself), but went through the classes and doctors appointments. I felt if I went through it all and still was against it, I wouldn't do it. At the end, I decided it was the best option for me. It's a big adjustment, especially with grocery shopping, cooking, and going out with friends, but if I had to do it over again, I would.
  • netflix710
    netflix710 Posts: 2 Member
    My sister in law had it done in June and has lost 85 pounds! BUT has slowly started eating a little by more and more each meal...and has since lost no more weight....it is SO hard because we are eating normal/healthy size portions and she is expected to eat so little....the percentage of people who gain the weight back is astronomical....plus, you are putting your life at risk because it's a surgery....if you're not gonna follow thru til your last day...it's not worth the risk...it sounds like she's doing so great with the diet!!! Maybe talk with her and see if she'll do 6 more months of the diet, see where she's at and go from there?
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    Unfortunately, all the people I know who have gotten the surgery have gained a good bit of the weight back (maybe 75% of it) over time and not continued to lose.

    It might be because they view it as a solution rather than a tool. Personally, I just don't think I would ever permanently alter to my body just to aid in weight loss unless I was unable to lose the weight without the surgery.

    I do have one close friend that I can say the reason he has gained the weight back is because even though he eats smaller portions now he just eats more frequently. He also consumes many calorie dense foods.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    I have no experience of this but google what Al Roker has to say about it. He wrote a book about his surgery few years ago, I believe.
    And kudos to you for looking for ways to help and support your wife, whatever her decision.
  • Ehmeeheart
    Ehmeeheart Posts: 11 Member
    Hi there, I'd suggest checking out the website obesityhelp.com you will find a lot of info from people who actually had wls. I had rny back in September, I'm still early days, but I already know this was the right decision for me.
    I can't emphasize enough the fact that wls is a tool, and not a cure. She will have to count calories, and eat lower carb, and excersise for life. But the surgery makes it possible to do those things without feeling deprived, at least for the first year or so. The hope is that it disrupts disordered eating patterns enough to give you time to do the work on behaviour change, and put in place a lifestyle you can maintain for life. And the rapid weight loss can be so validating that success breeds success.
    With regard to risks and complications, you need to compare them against the risk of not having surgery. Also how the surgical risks compare to other obesity related surgeries. it has a lower complication and mortality rate than heart surgery for example.
  • broncobytch94
    broncobytch94 Posts: 2 Member
    thank you all for all your kind words. this hasnt been an easy decision. i want it and need it but im scared and worried and i know larry is too.
  • dcmahn1483
    dcmahn1483 Posts: 1 Member
    First off, thank you for supporting your wife regardless of her decision and recognizing that it ultimately is her decision. A lot of people don't realize this, so she is very lucky to have you. I am, personally, in the pre-surgery phase of my weight loss journey. It has literally taken years for me to come to the decision to have it done. My doctors and I are shooting for the RNY, but due to several laparoscopic surgeries I may have to have the sleeve done instead. As many have said, I know this procedure is simply a tool, but for me it's a tool that I desperately need. Like your wife, I have tried many things and several times have lost 35, 40, even 60 pounds with weight loss plans alone. I went on my first "diet" when I was 9 years old. The problem usually hits when I hit a plateau that lasts for weeks on end and refuses to budge no matter how little, much, or what I eat and no matter how much exercise I put in. As a matter of fact, most of the time my exercise plans just discouraged me more because I would actually gain weight because of the muscle I was putting on. I started the 6 month required supervised weight loss on November 4 of this year. Since then I have dropped around 10 pounds and am looking to drop more before my surgery at the end of April or May. I have 140 more pounds to go, though I think I'll be happy just to get back down to 145 (my highest weight was 310 an am currently sitting at 265).

    Second, I personally know 5 people who have had various forms of wls through the years. 3 of them have had it done 10+ years ago and may have had rough roads learning how to eat correctly, but none of those three had any complications. They have told me just to make sure I take my vitamins every day and not to do the low carb thing the wrong way (eat all the meat you want regardless of fat count and nothing else) and that will help alleviate any malnutrition problems along the way. One lady I know lost 225 pounds and has kept it off for 8 years. A man I know lost 158 pounds and has kept it off for 4 years now. And another lady has lost 137 pounds and kept it off for 7 years. I only know of one lady in the last 6 years that had any sort of complication with her WLS. She and her daughter both had the lap band done at the same time. Her daughter lost over 150 pounds and has kept it off 3 years or more now. She, on the other hand, had what can only be described by a layman like me as an allergic reaction to the band and had to have it removed about three months after having the initial surgery. And i know a lady that had the RNY about a year and a half ago and is doing fabulous.

    I'm glad you and your wife are doing your research. And your support could mean the difference between her success and her failure in the long run so keep up the awesome work! Once again, she is lucky to have someone love her so much. Good luck to you both on your journey.
  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
    I'm so glad you two are in this together.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    broncobytch94 wrote: »
    thank you all for all your kind words. this hasnt been an easy decision. i want it and need it but im scared and worried and i know larry is too.

    I'm sure you are very scared. I do like the idea of waiting 6 more months to see how you get on without the surgery. Your hubby mentioned injuries. Do you have a local pool that you could workout in? Sounds like you have made some great strides, and to have such a supportive hubs.

    I haven't had the surgery, but I have taken care of people immediately post-op, as well as those who return with complications. I will refrain from providing my thoughts because my views will be one sided.

    If you choose to move forward, pay particular attention to the post-op instructions. Continue with counseling. I firmly believe that one of the main reasons for regain is failure to continue with the doctor's instructions in combination with not addressing any underlying psychological influences.

    Above all else, whatever you do, be well.
  • curlsintherack
    curlsintherack Posts: 465 Member
    thanks everyone for all the comments and suggestions.
  • vmtama27
    vmtama27 Posts: 43 Member
    Loosing soo much weight in such little time is scary and the effects are wow. I started MFP around the same time my girlfriend had gastric bypass we started off about the same. She's lost about 20lbs more then me EXCEPT she looks sick, her hair is falling out her skin is pale and her excess skin is a horrible issue. She's pretty miserable
  • NuLife4Me7
    NuLife4Me7 Posts: 1 Member
    Best decision of my life. I was one of those that was like it is to drastic and I don't want to alter my body and such after a million attempts and I lost 50 in a short time on MFP and gained it back and then some. I decided it was for me. ALOT of ignorance is in this surgery I have heard "easy way out"(far from the truth) " I could lose if I had the surgery too" Crazy stuff like that.

    Anyone that educated themselves on it would know it is NOT an easy way my surgery is a "Tool" just like people that take enhancers or anything else that may aide them in their weight loss. Your wife needs to educate herself to the fullest and have reasonable exceptions.

    I haven't been overweight all my life. My one friend has had the surgery over 9 years ago and was able to keep all the weight off the whole time she lost 70% of her body weight!

    I believe the loose skin thing is a fear of many... I believe a lot of things factor in 1. how long have you been overweight (how long has your skin been stretched out ) 2. Genetics (skin elasticity) 3. Do you workout and lift weights to sculpt your body and gain muscle mass. People getting this surgery didn't get there by being a workout queen so more then likely they have very little muscle mass.3. perhaps age? 4. are you taking your vitamins and eating the right foods you are Supposed too. Many people have hair loss because of not getting enough protein. Also ANYONE that has had surgery being put under your hair sheds/ resets itself (my surgeon told me that ) Everyone losses hair it is just more noticeable to someone that has just had surgery. I had fine hair to begin with i am not bald yet and my hair is shedding. It WILL stop and with Botin vitamins it will help hair to grow faster and nails too :)

    I am 45 and had my surgery 4-20 of this year i lost some weight before surgery but in total lost 105 I am still on my journey to loss the last 40-50 pounds I really have limited loose skin...... everyone always comments on how I am NOT all saggy..

    Work hard don't listen to all the crap people say but yet take heed too.(grain of salt)

    I truly don't realize AT all that i have had surgery except when i go to eat to large portion. No side effects (however i did have one of the best surgeons in my opinion :) )

    Hardwork but sooooooooo worth having my life back!!
  • jlp419
    jlp419 Posts: 14 Member
    My co-worker had WLS. She has gone in to have the tube connecting to her stomach stretched several times because after surgery, it was too tight. She couldn't have solids at all.
    I'm not against it, but remember it's a major surgery, and requires a lifestyle change for good.
    Good luck!
  • Sherrylynnsmith67
    Sherrylynnsmith67 Posts: 3 Member
    lsutton484 wrote: »
    My main argument is that she's lost 38lbs on her own and that if she just works at it for another year or 2 the other weight will come off slowly without permanently altering her internals. For now an injury to her hip, knee, and foot has kept her for exercising for the last 5 months. I have told her that she has done something I couldn't do lose weight without the added use of exercise calories.

    I have lost and gained 30-40 pounds multiple times. I have tried and failed at just about everything, and have now decided that I am getting the sleeve after the 1st of the year. I used to think that surgery was "the magic pill", but have since changed my mindset because I have watched many of my co-workers lose the weight just to gain it right back. After speaking with many, I have found that the ones who succeeded are the ones who used it as a tool for a lifestyle change and not as a magic pill. I am trying to prepare myself by changing my eating habits, working out, and incorporating daily changes. I am learning a lot through research & asking lots of questions. Ask your wife to add me as a friend on Myfitnesspal so we can go through the journey together & hopefully encourage one another. :smiley: I have already talked to the physician who will be doing my surgery and accomplished most of the tasks that were required of me. I agree with your wife, I don't know that I will be around much longer without the surgery. I don't have any medical complications now, but it is just a matter of time. I'm almost 50 and need to take control now before it is too late.

  • ksutter70
    ksutter70 Posts: 8 Member
    I was put on my first diet at age 7 and have been on that rollercoaster nearly 40 years. Ive lost, gained and lost again so many times. I had wls in october of this year and have had no complications. Surgery is a tool. Its not a quick fix. For me, weight loss is secondary to the other health benefits .i have experienced - I was a diabetic for 16 years, on 3 meds taking 6-8 shots a day. My blood pressure was high and required meds to control. I had bleeds in my eyes, nerve damage in my feet and ulcers on my toes that in 2 years I hadnt been able to heal. Since surgery, I have not had to take ANY meds except tylenol for a few days post op. My eyes are good and the ulcers on my toes are gone. This surgery has made a huge impact on my health and my life expectancy. I will take vitamins for life, well worth it
  • DietVanillaCoke
    DietVanillaCoke Posts: 259 Member
    edited December 2016
    My aunt and mother in law had it done and both have gained the weight back. It's definitely not an easy way out and it certainly doesn't magically make you thin, i think the lowest my aunt got was 180lbs. You have to work at it, work hard and you still need to maintain. For it to be successful you must change your lifestyle and eating habits... just as if you were to lose weight using MFP.

    Some people go down this path because they're prediabetic and it can "reverse" that, some have high blood pressure or other issues and this path will help with a lot of those problems which could become a lot worse if no action is taken... For some it forces them to start changing their lifestyles and for some they go back to their old ways.. but i imagine your partners GP has look at the pros and cons and has seen that it's a benifit.

    With a BMI over 44, I was offered this option but turned it down as i know i can lose the weight on my own and now I'm around 214lbs and still losing. I'm glad to go down this path but for some having the surgery is a must.

    I hope you both chose what's best of your overall health and i hope you both reach your goals and have a healthier life.
  • curlsintherack
    curlsintherack Posts: 465 Member
    I thank you all for the words of encouragement and those of you who are against the procedure we took your advice into consideration but yesterday she underwent gastric sleeve surgery. This is just a step along our journey it may be a big step but still just a step. Now she has to do the work.
  • laffercat
    laffercat Posts: 902 Member
    I had sleeve surgery 9/30/15. Best decision I ever made! I hope your wife has much success. I had no complications at all and feel awesome now. 125 pounds down.
  • tat2cookie
    tat2cookie Posts: 1,899 Member
    I am almost 2 years post op with the vsg (sleeve). It too was a VERY hard choice to make! It is a tool. After 5 years of doing everything I could to lose the weight and my health starting to go down hill we felt it was the best option. I started at 250lbs..... I would say I'm around 160-155ish, I don't weigh myself anymore because I refuse to be driven by a number on a scale. I will ALWAYS battle with food. I will ALWAYS have to workout. When I quit the weight comes back on.
    As I type this I'm eating egg whites, salmon and avocado. This evening I will be attending my first Ju Jitsu class, tomorrow I will go running, and Sunday I will start my 1000 mile challenge for 2017. Having the surgery didn't make lose weight, it just made it possible for me to lose the weight. Having the surgery didn't make me get up every morning, or put down the chips and pick up the water. I had to make those choices. People fail when they lose their support, when people no longer encourage them to keep going, when people make them feel guilty for not eating that birthday cake, or a bigger slice of grandmas lasagna. And believe me it happens. She can do this, but only if you help her along the way!!!
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