Question for those in a marriage (about sex) ;)

sizzle92 wrote: »

Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.

Thoughts? I have mine.

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts.

Firstly, I have to take a moment to acknowledge that we (the forum/community) are working off third-hand information when forming a response to this, so it might not be accurate to the actual situation.

I think it's important to be communicative about wants and expectations. In that sense, I don't think it's a bad thing that he's asked "I want to have sex and have physical intimacy more often". That's what you should put forth if you feel like your needs are being neglected, and then you should listen to what the other side thinks about it. What troubles me is the fact that it's a topic that could be calmly talked over by adults, but it's been rendered as a "contract" where it's "do as I say or I leave you"... like holy *kitten*. If that isn't borderline abusive behavior and a serious red flag about the guy's deficient moral character and lack of proper priorities, I don't know what is.

TL;DR: If what you're saying is true and the guy literally gave his wife an ultimatum of "satisfy me more or I'll find someone else", she should get out of there cuz clearly he cares more about his dick than her wellbeing.

happilymegan wrote: »

Sex is arguably number one if not than number two in a relationship. It's what differentiates you from lovers and best friends.

I know you're probably just talking about your own opinion, but the way it's worded makes it sound like you think this is what should be or what everyone thinks. But I gotta ask, where does that worldview leave asexual people? Ace spectrum individuals (people who cannot or do not experience any sexual attraction) can still have perfectly fulfilling, successful romantic relationships. It seems unfair to invalidate them (sadly, ace people are used to it though). For that matter, where does it leave people too sick or geriatric to continue having sex?

"It's what differentiates lovers and best friends"

Hmm... This is just me personally (because the world is a wonderful tapestry of people with diverse opinions and experiences), but I've had for-fun sex with friends and some of my most intimate and tender moments with my S/O were nonsexual ones. Shrug.

walkermom75 wrote: »

I doubt an ultimatum like that really worked. I think your coworker is full of it. If my husband gave me a contract I'd call his bluff or better yet tell him my new boyfriend was giving it to me so well he was redundant.

This is what I would expect, with a contract like this... wow....