Need advice on changes at home

hiker583
hiker583 Posts: 91 Member
edited January 2017 in Motivation and Support
Hi,
I want some advice on what to do - I am totally addicted to sugar, it is literally like alcohol addiction, I have read about it and symptoms match. If there is lot of sweets at home, I can resist for a bit, but it is a torture, and often I end up giving in. So my solution was to not keep it at home, afterall my home should be my sanctuary. I fight all day in office and at grocery stores to not take chocolates or buy cakes and cookies and usually succeed because I know that once I am home, I don't have to fight it anymore.
Now comes husband into picture. His mother loves to make sweets and he loves to eat and brings it in loads at home. He knows that I struggle with weight a lot. I have given hints not to bring, or bring in limited quantity which makes it easier for me to resist. But it has not worked. This time he literally brought 5 kilos of home made, really fatty stuff made by his mom. As I knew, it was a torture for me, at work resisting all holiday sweets, and then again at home resisting the truck load. Today morning I discovered that I gained back about 8lbs in last 2 months. That pretty much did it. Of course I understand that I am responsible for my behaviour, and I should not blame someone else, and I need to learn to control myself. But on the other hand, I can't do that 24 - 7, at least once I am home I want to be able to feel safe.
So now I am in dilemma. Would I be right in asking him not to bring all this stuff at home, or at least bring rarely and in limited quality? I wish he cared enough to realise it himself, but clearly he does not. Or should I just keep working on my own resistance power and hope some day I will get over the addiction? I do feel guilty denying him the sweets he loves and denying his mommy chance to make it for him, but at some point my sense of self preservation takes over.

Replies

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,273 Member
    Talk to your husband about this. I don't believe that he should have to give up all treats but I think that you should be able to find a solution together.

    Also, stop hinting around at things. Say what you need or want. Husbands are not mind readers.
  • hiker583
    hiker583 Posts: 91 Member
    edited January 2017
    I have talked directly a few times before explaining why weight loss is important for me and how I find it hard to resist sweets especially when they are in large quantity in house. But it did not work, sometimes his solution is to bring it and hide at places (which obviously does not work) and there is no place to hide 2 big boxes of sweets in my tiny apartment. My dilemma is if it is time to be more strict about it.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
    I think it can be useful to avoid temptations if possible in the short-term, but it's not always going to be possible so you may find it beneficial in the long-term to look at what your emotions are around sweets. For example, if you believe you are addicted to sugar can you get the same 'rush' or whatever from fruit? Is it the mouth-feel of sweets? Is it tied to some memory of having/not having sweets? Is it the "naughtiness" of it?

    Sometimes, how we think of things can affect how we act around them. If you say you are addicted, you're giving the sweets the power. I'm thinking of hospitals that have to lock up hand-sanitiser because alcoholics were drinking it - is your addiction like that?

    Look at where your cravings are coming from psychologically, and you may find it easier to face them. I used to have really bad cravings for cheese, but when I thought about it it wasn't actually because it was cheese. It was because cheese is very grabbable and easy, so I made it less grabbable and easy by only eating it if I was offered it outside the house (e.g at a party or dinner). Now, I can have cheese in the house and eat it within limits, so that it fits my goals.
  • hiker583
    hiker583 Posts: 91 Member
    Thanks for the response. I understand that it is not a long term solution, and I am working on it. But while I am working on it, it is a constant struggle. There is no phycological reasoning or childhood trauma. It is an addiction like "lock-up hand sanitisers". I have tried all sort of substitutes, fruits, fruit juices, nuts, water etc. But once my mind is set on I want X, I have to have X, all other substitutes just go into extra. And "I want X" usually has a visual trigger. I expect to not have to go through that struggle once I am at home.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
    The point about the sanitisers was that people with addictions don't care how they get their addiction met. So sanitisers containing alcohol are just as good as fine red wines to them. If your addiction is the same, fruit will meet your addiction.
  • mskimee
    mskimee Posts: 228 Member
    hiker583 wrote: »
    Thanks for the response. I understand that it is not a long term solution, and I am working on it. But while I am working on it, it is a constant struggle. There is no phycological reasoning or childhood trauma. It is an addiction like "lock-up hand sanitisers". I have tried all sort of substitutes, fruits, fruit juices, nuts, water etc. But once my mind is set on I want X, I have to have X, all other substitutes just go into extra. And "I want X" usually has a visual trigger. I expect to not have to go through that struggle once I am at home.

    What about locking up the sweets? As in buy yourself a lock box, large or small (like even one of those ornate chests or something) and lock the sweets away. Your husband could have the key and you could resist them if they are out of sight. I know it's probably not ideal, but it could help. If you can't hide them, at least you can't access them.
  • hiker583
    hiker583 Posts: 91 Member
    Yup, tried that, it drove me crazy like possessed till I went out middle of night and bought my "fix". I guess my situation is quite hopeless. I will just have to live and learn to control it.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
    It's not hopeless. If you think the same way, you're likely to act the same way. Maybe you're not ready to think differently yet - there's nothing wrong with that but you might find it useful to acknowledge it to yourself. It may come in time, and it may take more effort than you are willing or able to give at the moment, but it's not hopeless.
  • snowflakesav
    snowflakesav Posts: 644 Member
    Of course you should make your wishes clear with your Husband. He may not be willing to comply 100%. That is reality.

    There are ways that you can cope with it. Package some of it and freeze it, send it to work with him or give it away. Set yourself up to be in control of your actions regardless of what he chooses to do. Establish a more discerning palate for your mother in laws baking.

    If you focus on his control over your issue you may not get the tools to tackle your problem with your own tools and resolve.

  • huango
    huango Posts: 867 Member
    Just another idea:
    Once I went low-carb (no sugary/starchy carbs, even grapes), and got the carbs out of my system, my cravings for carbs almost disappeared.
    Initially, it was like a Zen feeling. I actually watched 20 friends eat fresh hot pizza in front of me, while I had a bunless burger and was quite satisfied.

    Without the carbs in my system, I was able to bypass all sorts of goodies.

    What if you detox from all carbs so that you can reduce your sweets cravings?

    For me, carbs are totally addicting, so I have to not have any in my body, may it come from chocolate or a strawberry or donut or quinoa.

    My DH and children have to have carbs/sugary stuff, so it's all over my house, 3 pantries, and an all freezer.
    We easily have 10 boxes of cereal, 15 bags of chips, 6 boxes of Oreos, and so much more in the house.

    I also work from home, so I have to train myself to not reach for any of it.
    So hard...