the EX-- motivation please!

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dez_yaoichan
dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
in Motivation and Support
so my high school ex... we dated for 3 years, he wanted to get married, but when i went to college i called it off because of stress.

then he calls me, after 5 years! he wants to try again and is hoping we can get married this time around. he's got the cutest kid ever! which is good because i like kids but never wanted to actually have them myself, i'd rather adopt.

anyways, last time we saw each other, i was 150 pounds, about 42 pounds lighter!

this has caused a lot of stress and it is really reflected in my eatting habits- REALLy not a good thing considering i work at mcdonalds!

i keep trying to tell myself that i just need to keep with it so i look good for him. but it's very hard knowing that hes going to see me so much bigger then last time and that just makes me want to give up.

Replies

  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
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    It's been 5 years. Chances are pretty good that he's gained some weight too. Don't get stressed about being bigger than you used to be. Just use your love for him AND YOURSELF to motivate you to make healthier choices. Every day and every meal is a second chance at the good life :)

    I wish you two the best of luck in your relationship :D
  • fsugirl26
    fsugirl26 Posts: 207
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    Honestly sweetie...if he TRULY loves you and wants to make it work this time, he'll love you just the way you are now and will even support and motivate you through your weight loss journey. Any other man simply isn't worth it if he can't do that for you!
  • simplystephy
    simplystephy Posts: 9
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    Yea sometimes reunion type of events can be great motivators. Try to remember, you are losing this weight for yourself and your own health. You aren't doing this for anyone else... If you do lose it in time before you see him, think of it as only a bonus!
  • corymomma
    corymomma Posts: 405 Member
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    You can do this! I know the call of McDonald's I work at the mall, and yes McDs is my fave when I'm in a rush...In my transfer to another location 3 months ago I had to cut the McDs since there isn't one easily accessible. My thoughts, choose wisely what you eat :) Go grilled, or salads :) Together I know we can do this. It won't be easy but it will be so well worth it in the long run. Also don't be losing the weight for him, do it for yourself. If he is going to love you he will love you no matter what. :happy:
  • NeshBeMe
    NeshBeMe Posts: 148 Member
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    I say don't focus so much on the weight thing. If he truly loves u, it would be unconditional. Never lose weight for someone other than yourself. Congrats on the reconnection and I wish the 2 of u much luck!
  • blink1021
    blink1021 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    Your doing great if he cares about you he is not going to care how much weight you gained since the last time he saw you. I was 100lbs lighter when I met my husband and even thought I feel disgusting he is still wonderful. Just stay motivated and keep going (stay away from McDonalds) that was a side note for me. You are almost there and have fun in striking up a new romance even if it is with an old boyfriend.
  • tameko2
    tameko2 Posts: 31,634 Member
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    so my high school ex... we dated for 3 years, he wanted to get married, but when i went to college i called it off because of stress.

    then he calls me, after 5 years! he wants to try again and is hoping we can get married this time around. he's got the cutest kid ever! which is good because i like kids but never wanted to actually have them myself, i'd rather adopt.

    anyways, last time we saw each other, i was 150 pounds, about 42 pounds lighter!

    this has caused a lot of stress and it is really reflected in my eatting habits- REALLy not a good thing considering i work at mcdonalds!

    i keep trying to tell myself that i just need to keep with it so i look good for him. but it's very hard knowing that hes going to see me so much bigger then last time and that just makes me want to give up.

    Just stick with it! Be as thin as you can be when you see him - plus if you add workouts you'll look thinner than the number on the scale says because you'll be more toned (doesn't get rid of the fat on top but it pulls it in so it looks a little flatter!)

    also keep in mind you may not even WANT to be with him anymore, its been 5 years and people change a LOT in 5 years. So don't worry about it - if he looks at you and thinks "woah, no way!" then you didn't want him ANYWAY.
  • ste73
    ste73 Posts: 90
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    I would stay as you are and if he runs the other way, then you had a lucky escape from him

    good luck
  • methetree
    methetree Posts: 381
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    Yea sometimes reunion type of events can be great motivators. Try to remember, you are losing this weight for yourself and your own health. You aren't doing this for anyone else... If you do lose it in time before you see him, think of it as only a bonus!

    for sure, what she said ^^^

    You are doing this for YOU! And if he truly loves you, it won't matter at all that you are a little heavier... he will love you anyway. If he doesn't, then there is something askew with the picture.

    good luck and keep keepin on!
  • Momomiomi
    Momomiomi Posts: 5 Member
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    Don't give up. Do you know what he looks like after 5 years? Could be a shock to you, too. No matter how he looks, you should be doing this for yourself. It never works to do it for anyone else. It's your health and your confidence that count. Do it for yourself and do it well or don't do it at all. And I understand they have really great salads at McD's -- just leave off the dressing and you'll be on your way.
  • Andythefitfamilyman
    Andythefitfamilyman Posts: 420
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    Honestly sweetie...if he TRULY loves you and wants to make it work this time, he'll love you just the way you are now and will even support and motivate you through your weight loss journey. Any other man simply isn't worth it if he can't do that for you!
    yup
  • lauram1153
    lauram1153 Posts: 145 Member
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    from experience the only person you can do it for is you. When my husband and i seperated for a year i realised my whole life i'd blamed other things for my weight gain and used them as motivation but i learnt its my choice i have control over what i put in my mouth. i lost alot of weight last year(sadly regained it) but i remember the feeling of control and when i felt control of my weight i was confident enough to sit down and decide what i really wanted from life. surely if he is talking marriage he knows you for who you are? which i'm sure is a good person. any support needed feel free to add me as friend might not be the best with relationships but i'll happily support your new lifestyle for you x
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
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    thanks guys! we've been talking on the phone. we were supposed to see each other this week end but car troubles on his part made us postpone it... it's added even more stress.

    i started this doing it for myself, i'll end it that way. but it would be nice if i felt sexy when i see him.

    i'm really trying to keep up with the diet. i keep trying to tell myself that he isn't going to care, it just isn't working coming from me.

    thank you all so much! i love you guys!
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Honestly sweetie...if he TRULY loves you and wants to make it work this time, he'll love you just the way you are now and will even support and motivate you through your weight loss journey. Any other man simply isn't worth it if he can't do that for you!
    And let the church say AMEN. True love knows no bounderies. I met my sweetie at 8 months pregnant and we just celebrated 7th wedding anniversary this month. Good luck with everything.
  • mehlen
    mehlen Posts: 28 Member
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    You know...if you're concerned about how he'll react to him seeing you at your current weight...I would be asking more why it is so important to you that he loves you for who he thinks you should be rather than who you are? I mean let's face it...if the only attraction is physical...then honey...when you get to be my age...the top is drooping...and that's the least of your problems. If he doesn't love you for who you are now...he's certainly not going to want you around without lots of plastic surgery and botox in another 15 years. Better off knowing up front that your competition is some 17 year old high school kid. Only 2 things can happen from such concerns. 1.) You will constantly be worried if he's looking elsewhere if you gain a pound...or b.) you will always be wondering if he's looking if he mentions liking someone's dress (thinking it would look good on you) or if he happens to be talking to some girl at a party.

    On the other hand...if he loves you just the way you are now...you know he'll love you no matter what. Which type of guy do you really want to say you love...or say he loves you?
    *hugs* sweetie.
  • mehlen
    mehlen Posts: 28 Member
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    On second thought honey...I just saw your photos. You're freakin' BEAUTIFUL now. If he doesn't like what he sees.....WOW...he's freakin' blind. BIGGER *HUGS*
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
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    the main issue i'm having isn't so much what he's going to think of the extra weight, it's how im going to feel. i already feel gross 75% of the time and am scared that i'll mess everything up because i don't feel sexy enough. at least at 150 i knew he thought i was sexy, so if i was still that it'd help me feel sexy about myself too. but because i'm so much heavier now, i don't feel sexy at all and i know that's going to make me second guess anything he says about me.

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