How do you find balance between healthy and obsessive?

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theabbygrace
theabbygrace Posts: 9 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone,
I have been working incredibly hard to lose weight, eat better, get stronger, and be healthier. I have lost over 130 pounds and hope to lose 30-40 more. I know that to reach my goals I need to spend time thinking and planning what I can do to accomplish them, but I have been told a few times before that I've become obsessive. Honestly, I do spend a lot of time thinking about food and calories and exercise. More time than I've admitted to anyone. It's one of the things I focus on most. I think I may be to the point of overdoing it, because when something doesn't go as planned, like I eat something I feel I shouldn't or I miss a workout, I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. I feel like I've failed and I'm going to start gaining back weight that I've worked so hard to lose.
So what do you guys do? How do you find your balance between the right amount of thought given to a healthy lifestyle and obsession?

Replies

  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    edited January 2017
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    I can totally relate. I find myself bringing every conversation to the subject and am striving to stop doing that. Just because I'm so excited about getting to a normal weight I have to realize not everyone is, lol. Find a diet buddy that is on the same page and try to find other things to discuss or do with your non-dieting friends. I am very invovled with my church so I try to spend time with people there and talk about other things with them. Congratulations on an amazing weight loss!!! 130 pounds is incredible. You are an inspiration to many I am sure.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    This is something that can be difficult. What has helped me when I've struggled with the same thing has been specifically paying attention to MFP posters who do not log every single bite and who seem to be pretty low key and still remain successful. After that, I don't have great advice because I just kind of force myself to take it slow. I had a very bad year last year wrt this issue so this year is going to be a long slow haul. Ugh. I just read that through and I don't think I'm being very helpful :/
  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
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    Yes, absolutely. I used to have an ED from which thankfully I was able to "recover," and put on some extra pounds on the other end of the unhealthy spectrum, and am trying to lose weight the healthy way now. But the mindset doesn't really ever go away, so I have to constantly check myself. When I first started back on this site, I asked a similar question and someone told me that ranges are important and I've found this to be so true. Calorie ranges, goal weight ranges, # days per week exercise ranges, etc. Like you, if I messed up, I would just totally undo all the work I've done, typically by drastically cutting calories to compensate and then binge eating. By having a range, it eliminates the mess ups, and I don't feel like I've failed as often. I am "obsessed" with health and exercise because I love it and the science is interesting to me, not because I am punishing myself.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    Big picture thinking...diet wise, I eat well most of the time...treats here and there are irrelevant to the whole.

    Exercise wise, I follow a training protocol for both my cycling and lifting...I follow the protocol...I don't deviate from the protocol...the protocol includes adequate rest as well as work at variable intensity levels. I understand that following the protocol is going to improve my fitness in the most efficient manner possible...going off protocol would be a detriment to my fitness.
  • DiamondCookies
    DiamondCookies Posts: 93 Member
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    I totally get what you mean. I've had a ton of issues with disordered eating and for a while calorie counting was pretty much impossible because it'd just spur me on to eat less and less until 500 cals seemed like way too much. I take a lot of inspiration from the posters on here who don't worry about going over their limits or logging every bite, like jemhh said. Also, what's helped me is learning self care in general; making a connection between taking care of yourself (sleep, not as much caffeine, listening to your body) and eating right helped me not mentally flagellate myself if I went over my limit.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
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    I think this can happen to a lot of people. It did for me at least.

    I had to back off for while and refocus on other things. I have about the same amount left to lose as you do. My focus for this last part of weight loss is on how I want to use this loss to better my future.

    For ex:

    I have started a more organized fitness plan that will help me do the things that I want to be able to do. I have no plans at this point to walk in a 1/2 marathon race but I am training to be able to do so if I choose.

    I have a resistance program that will not only help maintain mobility as I get older but one that will also assist me in things that I want to...such as taking a backpacking vacation.

    I am also developing my own recipes that I know will fit my nutritional needs not only to lose weight but maintain weight when I reach goal.

    I am not saying to just ignore your calorie deficit but you have accomplished a great deal already. Maybe shift at least part of your focus over to things that you always wanted to do but the weight interfered with.

    IOW...Start living your life
  • trudie_b
    trudie_b Posts: 230 Member
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    I think it's just a question of time. Losing a lot of weight is like a war, you have to put in so much energy and willpower and fight, it's no wonder that even when you get to goal, it still takes up a lot of mental energy. And if (like many of us), you've regained weight in the past, you live with a constant fear that it will happen again.

    I doubt many successful dieters don't go through the same struggles, and like I say, I think it just takes time to find some balance again, and to build trust in yourself to take care of your body long term.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    I have had quite a lot of anxiety around food and eating, but that sort of just went away when I started to understand what nutrition is all about: Enough of everything, but not too much of anything. I can eat anything in moderation. In that framework, it's impossible to eat "something I shouldn't have".

    But I do have obsessive tendencies - I'm lucky in that I just feel absorbed and focused, I don't feel scared or doomed. I like to plan my meals, and spend (too much) time daydreaming about my next meal, and the next... Something that helps me, is deliberately going off plan now and then. And picking up nice things I find on sale, even if they weren't on my shopping list, if I can make room for them.

    I don't do any planned exercise, but I do move more on the daily.

    And I weigh myself every day. I know that I need to eat 3500 calories above maintenance to gain a pound of fat. So any day to day fluctuations are just... fluctuations. I go with the flow. I don't have to restrict intake until I'm getting close to my upper limit. And then I just have to reduce intake a bit - which really just means sticking more closely to my meal plan.

    I'm in maintenance, but this process has been evolving ever since I joined MFP three years ago.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    edited January 2017
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    Wow... OP huge accomplishment! You rock! I would say what you are doing is totally working. Achieving a big goal over a long period of time takes focus and dedication. Some people may call that obsessive. So what?

    How YOU feel about the balance of your thoughts and efforts seems a lot more meaningful.

    To answer your question about how I balance it, I don't feel terrible if the day does not go according to plan. That's life. I just make up for it later or the next day or the next couple days. I know what you mean, though. I've been maintaining a long time, and that sort of means gaining and losing the last 5 pounds repeatedly--not as impressive as your accomplishment, but my frame of reference FWIW. When I first embark on a cut, I catch myself wanting to pass on some social occasions just so I can have more control. I catch myself, though, and overcome my introvert tendency because I do value social experiences with other people and intake control isn't a good enough reason to pass on that. So I go and adjust my plan for the day. Even if it is eating in a restaurant I don't especially like. Re: exercise, I plan one rest day/week. If I miss a workout because of weather or schedule blow-up, I just count it as my rest day and get my miles in on Sunday (nominal rest day). I do ST 3x/wk, and I can pretty easily tuck that into another day later in the week if I have to miss. And there is the occasional week I get in 2 ST, and nothing bad happens. Making an observation about myself, being closer to GW makes a flexible attitude more comfortable.

    Best of luck to you, OP on the remaining 30-40.
  • cross2bear
    cross2bear Posts: 1,106 Member
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    I think its like every big successful or exciting thing in our lives - we want to talk about it, we want to share with others, we want to see how far we can push ourselves and we want the thrill of accomplishing more and more!! But just like being pregnant for the first time, getting married, buying a house - all those great things - you are not the first person to do it. For you, its amazing, for others, not so much. So while I continue to be thrilled with my accomplishments, I rarely talk about my weight loss journey with friends unless they ask, I never comment on what others are eating or that I need anything "special" I am at the point now (after more than a year and 100lbs gone) that I can comfortably go with the flow - eating at what I know is the appropriate level for me, and sometimes eating a bit more when the situation is one I dont control (like dinner tonight with my parents). Or a bit less - it all evens out for me eventually.

    I think its important in some ways to be a bit obsessive about your progress - its good motivation, and its a real high when you see another pound or another inch gone. That surge of endomorphines and adrenaline keeps us on track. Dont worry about it - as time goes on and your new eating pattern becomes habit, it will be just another routine that you dont have to think twice about.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,177 Member
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    theabbygrace wrote: »
    Honestly, I do spend a lot of time thinking about food and calories and exercise. More time than I've admitted to anyone. It's one of the things I focus on most. I think I may be to the point of overdoing it, because when something doesn't go as planned, like I eat something I feel I shouldn't or I miss a workout, I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. I feel like I've failed and I'm going to start gaining back weight that I've worked so hard to lose.
    So what do you guys do? How do you find your balance between the right amount of thought given to a healthy lifestyle and obsession?

    I focus on other things.

    While working full-time, I am also attending university part-time slowly making my way toward a Master's degree.

    In addition to that, I'm quite heavily involved in my cycling club -- organising, riding, and training for events.

    In my spare time, I've got a list of projects a mile long to tackle.


    Therefore, food becomes a background thing. I eat certain things at certain times. It becomes a habit.

    And I plan for diet breaks. For example, I'm on the diet right now until the Australia Day long weekend. Then I'll take a 4-day diet break. I don't plan to go crazy, but I will likely be travelling and won't know how many calories are in things, so I won't bother logging, and since I plan to be cycling a lot, I'll probably eat a bit more than usual. After the weekend, I'll resume the diet.

  • bpperez0607
    bpperez0607 Posts: 6 Member
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    Great job on your amazing achievement! I lost over 100 pounds several years ago and the key to my success without obsession was to (1) do things I was not able to do at my heaviest, and (2) surround myself with people who were fit and active. What you'll find is that people who are out enjoying life seem to just naturally burn calories and feed their bodies appropriately. I joined a local cycling club, and a running club, and along the way finished a marathon and a 100 mile one day bike ride. I stayed active, I ate appropriately, I got out of my comfort zone, and I had fun. My suggestion is to find a physical activity that you enjoy - hiking, kayaking, dancing - whatever it might be, and join a group; you'll find you are too busy enjoying life and fueling your body to be obsessive. Enjoy the journey!
  • BiomedDent
    BiomedDent Posts: 107 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    theabbygrace wrote: »
    Honestly, I do spend a lot of time thinking about food and calories and exercise. More time than I've admitted to anyone. It's one of the things I focus on most. I think I may be to the point of overdoing it, because when something doesn't go as planned, like I eat something I feel I shouldn't or I miss a workout, I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. I feel like I've failed and I'm going to start gaining back weight that I've worked so hard to lose.
    So what do you guys do? How do you find your balance between the right amount of thought given to a healthy lifestyle and obsession?

    I focus on other things.

    While working full-time, I am also attending university part-time slowly making my way toward a Master's degree.

    In addition to that, I'm quite heavily involved in my cycling club -- organising, riding, and training for events.

    In my spare time, I've got a list of projects a mile long to tackle.


    Therefore, food becomes a background thing. I eat certain things at certain times. It becomes a habit.

    And I plan for diet breaks. For example, I'm on the diet right now until the Australia Day long weekend. Then I'll take a 4-day diet break. I don't plan to go crazy, but I will likely be travelling and won't know how many calories are in things, so I won't bother logging, and since I plan to be cycling a lot, I'll probably eat a bit more than usual. After the weekend, I'll resume the diet.

    If you feel horrible when you eat something wrong and you feel you spend too much time thinking about it, then yes it has become unhealthy.

    Never feel guilty for eating. If you think about it logically it just makes no sense-guilt, such a strong potent negative emotion, being trigger simply by fuelling your body.

    All I can offer are words of support because honestly-I do exactly the same. I need control and if I lose control I beat myself up.

    I do try and think logically as stated above when it happens to try and get out of the negative cycle. It takes time. And persistently reminding yourself that negativity doesn't help anything

    Good luck xx
  • hookandy
    hookandy Posts: 278 Member
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    This is the bit that I need to master, I lost 75lb and put 50 of it back when I lost focus. So now starting again I need to be obsessive, for at least this year, to get back down, then like you I need to work on the hard bit and keeping it off and moving back into a maintenance mode..... If you find the answer let me know
  • synthiame
    synthiame Posts: 3 Member
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    I have lost 28 lbs since Aug 15th. Almost 16" Problem is i have stalled for 8wks now. I am on 1200 cal 15 carbs protein 70 fat 98.I'm doing everything right. Can anyone giveme advice? Cindy
  • Lovee_Dove7
    Lovee_Dove7 Posts: 742 Member
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    I'm in auto pilot sometimes, and have a good routine with eating and exercise.
    Other times I feel thrown-off and need to log and give those things my attention. If I want to keep in a good direction that is.
  • cnbbnc
    cnbbnc Posts: 1,267 Member
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    I tend to get obsessive too, but I've been here for 1.5yrs now and managed to lose 45lbs and keep it off. I've done really well sticking to plan, and I've done my share of screwing up. I've learned that overall as long as I'm tracking and not letting myself get derailed for long periods of time, that it all evens itself out and I'm just fine. I think it's normal early on to be a lil crazy, but just try to relax and enjoy the process. You'll learn more about yourself over time and see that while it's always hard work, it gets easier and you'll start going easier on yourself.
  • theabbygrace
    theabbygrace Posts: 9 Member
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    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and suggestions, everyone!

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