back again, struggles, goals, and a friend request.

Hi there, I'm not new here,I'm a 34yo female in Melbourne, Australia, and I'm a shift worker.

4 years ago I had really great success here, I lost 25kg, I learnt to run, I was fitting in normal clothes, I developed a love of hiking. It was amazing. Then my life changed pretty quickly. I went on birth control which was when I immediately plateaued. I moved, I found myself in a relationship, I went through a hard patch at work.

I've been making renewed efforts to shift the weight every few months for the past few years. I just keep gaining. I thought it was the bc but coming off it has changed nothing. The effort stops after 2-3 months when nothing has happened, it's hard to stay motivated when there are no results and then I gain immediately. I am now 17kg heavier than what had been my heaviest weight prior to my attempt 4 years ago, that's 42kg heavier than I was just over 3 years ago.

I didn't think this would happen. I thought it was for real. I thought that I had learnt that what I have is a medical condition called obesity whether I'm technically obese on the scales or not. Plus I am pretty short and have a fairly low resting heart rate (48)- I can't eat like others, I can't do that, my body won't allow it anymore. But I did the life thing and forgot, sometimes willfully, but it happened.

I am still fairly active, I still hike, I hiked the grand canyon 13 months ago. I climbed a mini mountain around the same time. I do shorter day hikes regularly. I go geocaching. I swim 3 times a week or more. I had been trying to get back into running as well (though tendonitis is stopping that right now). I'm slow but I'm willing for all of it.

But what I'm not doing is losing weight. I'm just not getting it right. I feel that something has changed and I can't shift anything, but that can't be right. I am doing something wrong. I don't -feel- like the food thing is so out of whack, but that's because I have obesity. I went to a doctor who did a thyroid test with no problems there, and she just prescribed me with duromine which I hate (makes me lose a bit of weight but makes me less fit at the same time, elevated heart rate means I tire out quicker, going against my goals).

I am going through a recent break up right now, and finding that life is changing again.

So I have a new goal. I would like to hike the Inca trail. I need to do lots of training, but I'm more confident in my abilities to be able to do the physical side than I am in not being laughed at when I turn up there, feeling like people are watching me, waiting for me to fail as I am basically a ball, short and almost as wide as I am high. (not quite, but i am 161cm and 127kg.) (This is partially brought on by a particularly harrowing 3 weeks in china last year where I was constantly pointed and laughed at- not in the way they pointed at my friends, they literally thought I was hilarious, I am still feeling the effects of that which I may be projecting onto other places but I want to be confident enough to not be scared that everyone is going to laugh at me.) On the other side of my vanity, being lighter will also make it a hell of a lot easier.

So, my point: You know how they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Well, I think the opposite is also true, and I have realised that to be successful I should try to emulate other times when I saw some success. Every time that I've experienced success, I was also part of a weight loss community, I had online support. I haven't had a whole lot of that lately. I need to be active here. I need some new friends, but I need to be on the forums. So this is me, introducing myself, hoping to be around here for a while, hoping it will stick if I just keep applying, and asking if maybe some of you will be my friends?