Making this too complicated?!

danipals1
danipals1 Posts: 16 Member
edited November 14 in Health and Weight Loss
I think it has taken me all of my 42 years to come to what might be a simple conclusion. I think I am making this whole weight loss thing too complicated and expecting too much.

I have been on a constant "diet" since I was 14 years old. Maybe a week here or there that I can't remember when I wasn't on a "plan." I wouldn't know what to do with a day that was not consumed by thinking about food and what the rules are that I am planning to follow that day and then stressing about the fact that I messed up. I have had times that I was miserable that I didn't lose weight on diet x,y, or z but look back at those pictures now and think I would LOVE to be that size right now. I have been on EVERY diet plan. Every. Single. One. I have been know to check out 4 Diet books from the library at a time. That way after each one didn't work I had another ready to try the next Monday. I self sabotage. I binge eat in ways that my husband doesn't even know because I wait until he goes to bed and then I sneak. I have notebooks upon notebooks that have 10 or so pages in them of food logs, food rules, menu ideas. Just enough pages that after 3 weeks and not seeing the success I should I quit and move on to the next quick fix plan. Lots of wasted pages because you know you need a new notebook for a new plan on a new Monday. I'm a mess. A 42 yo, 5'6", 178 lb mess.

Reading though all of your posts has finally made me think that I really am making this too hard. That maybe trusting the MFP system and eating what I want within my calorie goals might work. That by not having so many rules, I won't deprive myself for enough days that then I binge and ruin the little progress that I do make. I just don't know how to actually trust the system. I don't know how to eat like a normal person without rules and I realize that this sounds stupid... I realize this... but it is true. I feel like I am stuck in place and can't move forward without a "plan." What I really want is a plan to make me NOT think about rules, NOT stress that I ruined my day and blew it when in actuality I ate 1600 calories (but was only supposed to eat 1200), NOT spend all of my time analyzing my previous meal and my next meal, NOT go to bed thinking over the day-- not reflecting on the good things that happened but whether or not I "did good" or will "do good" tomorrow. I don't know how to do this.

But, I am going to try... I am going to force myself to tear out the pages in the new notebook that just copied down on a new carb cycling plan not 30 minutes ago. I am going to think about what I really want to eat but just figure out how much fits into my calories limit. I have set myself to Sedentary so that I can trust my Fitbit Charge HR as it adds my 10,000 steps worth of calories and maybe eat back some of them. I might even go crazy and set my goal to 1.5 lb per week instead of 2 even though I want to lose as quickly as possible.

Whew...that feels like a weight off of my shoulders. I apologize for the long post. I think it was kind of like going to confession and I feel better for it. I wonder how it will feel to be "normal" and hope I can trust in the system. I appreciate all of the success story posters who have made me feel like this just might work.

Thanks for listening.
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Replies

  • saraonly9913
    saraonly9913 Posts: 469 Member
    I feel ya! I can relate to most of what you typed.I'm still lost. No matter what I try, I return to binging.
  • Rebecca0224
    Rebecca0224 Posts: 810 Member
    Eat food you like and try to stay at a calorie deficit. Good luck, I'm glad you finally stopped dieting and have started to make lifestyle changes that can last. Stop stressing over food! No more diet books.
  • danipals1
    danipals1 Posts: 16 Member
    I'm hoping that just saying it out loud will help me to commit to stopping the madness.
  • red99ryder
    red99ryder Posts: 399 Member
    Good luck to you , the system works , just takes time and eating on plan ..

    let us know if we can help any at all ,, my food log is open if you want to nose around

  • spring913
    spring913 Posts: 158 Member
    Yes. You're making it too complicated. It's not complicated. Eat and log. Or log and eat. It's not easy forgetting everything we thought we knew. Make MFP your plan. Log religiously. Don't look at fats, sugars, carbs or any of that stuff right now. Focus on calories. You'll see some great newbie losses in the first couple weeks that should be motivating.
  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
    edited January 2017
    danipals1 wrote: »
    I think it has taken me all of my 42 years to come to what might be a simple conclusion. I think I am making this whole weight loss thing too complicated and expecting too much.

    I have been on a constant "diet" since I was 14 years old. Maybe a week here or there that I can't remember when I wasn't on a "plan." I wouldn't know what to do with a day that was not consumed by thinking about food and what the rules are that I am planning to follow that day and then stressing about the fact that I messed up. I have had times that I was miserable that I didn't lose weight on diet x,y, or z but look back at those pictures now and think I would LOVE to be that size right now. I have been on EVERY diet plan. Every. Single. One. I have been know to check out 4 Diet books from the library at a time. That way after each one didn't work I had another ready to try the next Monday. I self sabotage. I binge eat in ways that my husband doesn't even know because I wait until he goes to bed and then I sneak. I have notebooks upon notebooks that have 10 or so pages in them of food logs, food rules, menu ideas. Just enough pages that after 3 weeks and not seeing the success I should I quit and move on to the next quick fix plan. Lots of wasted pages because you know you need a new notebook for a new plan on a new Monday. I'm a mess. A 42 yo, 5'6", 178 lb mess.

    Reading though all of your posts has finally made me think that I really am making this too hard. That maybe trusting the MFP system and eating what I want within my calorie goals might work. That by not having so many rules, I won't deprive myself for enough days that then I binge and ruin the little progress that I do make. I just don't know how to actually trust the system. I don't know how to eat like a normal person without rules and I realize that this sounds stupid... I realize this... but it is true. I feel like I am stuck in place and can't move forward without a "plan." What I really want is a plan to make me NOT think about rules, NOT stress that I ruined my day and blew it when in actuality I ate 1600 calories (but was only supposed to eat 1200), NOT spend all of my time analyzing my previous meal and my next meal, NOT go to bed thinking over the day-- not reflecting on the good things that happened but whether or not I "did good" or will "do good" tomorrow. I don't know how to do this.

    But, I am going to try... I am going to force myself to tear out the pages in the new notebook that just copied down on a new carb cycling plan not 30 minutes ago. I am going to think about what I really want to eat but just figure out how much fits into my calories limit. I have set myself to Sedentary so that I can trust my Fitbit Charge HR as it adds my 10,000 steps worth of calories and maybe eat back some of them. I might even go crazy and set my goal to 1.5 lb per week instead of 2 even though I want to lose as quickly as possible.

    Whew...that feels like a weight off of my shoulders. I apologize for the long post. I think it was kind of like going to confession and I feel better for it. I wonder how it will feel to be "normal" and hope I can trust in the system. I appreciate all of the success story posters who have made me feel like this just might work.

    Thanks for listening.

    Have you tried Intermittent Fasting? It sounds like it meets a lot of your requirements (easy don't have to think about things as much and you can eat large meals). Easiest way by far for me to have a calorie deficit and I think there are other advantages also.
  • kkress92
    kkress92 Posts: 118 Member
    Yup, it really is that simple. You've got this!
  • NancyYale
    NancyYale Posts: 171 Member
    I understand. I was right there too! Making the fewest rules possible seems to work the best.

    Once you let go of the idea that you have to be perfect and perfectly controlled to be a GOOD dieter, you can focus on making sensible livable changes to live by.

    Within your calories, create your own plan. Eat sensibly, but eat what you like. Listen to the scale and you own body for guidance. No fads. No perfection. Be willing to learn and change when needed. That's all it takes.

    You can do it! You have the right is easy now.
  • lulalacroix
    lulalacroix Posts: 1,082 Member
    I have been where you are. I have done most of the elimination diets with varying results. Personally keeping it simple works. And I am so tired of eliminating carbs, or fat, or white foods, etc. Today I had some fast food. Maybe it isn't necessarily the healthiest, but it fit in my calories and it makes me so happy to just be able to eat something without overthinking it. If you need some support, feel free to friend me.
  • ccsernica
    ccsernica Posts: 1,040 Member
    edited January 2017
    danipals1 wrote: »
    Reading though all of your posts has finally made me think that I really am making this too hard.

    You are absolutely correct. I remain convinced that most of these complicated diet plans, when they work at all, are really nothing but low-calorie diets in disguise. Take a high-protein, low-carb plan, for instance -- or, for that matter, any plan that has you cutting out bread and/or gluten. A decent-quality supermarket brand of whole wheat bread like Oroweat has a fairly reasonable 90 calories per slice. If, as a result of a low-carb diet, you end up not eating your formerly customary 2 slices of toast at breakfast and sandwich for lunch, that's 360 calories eliminated from your diet every day right there! Other breads might provide as much as 120 calories per slice; eliminating 4 slices per day of that gets rid of 480 calories! That alone would be enough to shift many people into a calorie deficit, even without considering additional breads we often eat like dinner rolls, cookies, biscuits, or cakes.

    Best to just skip all that complicated business and get right to the heart of the matter. Calories in < calories out will result in weight loss. That's really all there is to it. Congratulations on escaping the madness inflicted by those with books to sell.

    Which is the one thing I disagree with you about. It's not you who were making it too hard. A lot of people sell a lot of products by convincing you that it's harder than it is. It's not so easy to see past their nonsense.
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Most empowering thing I found was that I don't have to "diet" anymore. Food isn't good nor bad.

    Don't complicate it. Make your "plan" about logging what you eat and staying within that goal. Maybe add walking outside for 15/30 min a "plan".

    Set non weight related goals.

    Often times people think they need to eat "different" foods instead of "less" food.

    You've had the ah ha moment now run with it:).
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    Log your food accurately and drink a lot of water.

    You'll be surprised at how much you learn just by recording what you do. Once you see the record, you start thinking about it and making decisions about small changes that you can tolerate attempting to make. That's how the magic of mfp happens inside your head.
  • OldAssDude
    OldAssDude Posts: 1,436 Member
    Not to be insensitive but the message I am getting is...

    you are obsessed with food
    you are obsessed with every diet that comes out
    you want to get results too fast
    you mention nothing about exercise (other than having a fitbit)

    what I would recommend is...

    set your goal to lose no more than 1 lb. per week
    stop thinking that all these diets work (if it has the word diet in it it's probably BS)
    slowly change your eating habits to replace bad foods with healthy foods (1 at a time)
    get the recommended amount of exercise (150 minutes a week to maintain, 300 minutes a week to improve)
    stop over thinking everything

    Doing it slowly helps to develop good habits over time, and if it does not become a habit, it will most likely not be successful long term.

    JMO
  • blambo61
    blambo61 Posts: 4,372 Member
    edited January 2017
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Log your food accurately and drink a lot of water.

    You'll be surprised at how much you learn just by recording what you do. Once you see the record, you start thinking about it and making decisions about small changes that you can tolerate attempting to make. That's how the magic of mfp happens inside your head.

    Good advice IMO.
  • hapa11
    hapa11 Posts: 182 Member
    Maybe pre logging would work for you. Figure out what you'll eat the next day and log it. Then you'll satisfy the need to have a plan while still keeping it simple.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    Generally love what I'm hearing except for one thing: your stats put you at a BMI of 29 with only about 30-35 lbs to lose to get well into a healthy range. 1.5 lbs/week is still very aggressive, and don't even consider 2! Along with eating within your calorie allowance, having reasonable goals and patience are also keys. You sound like you've always been in a hurry to do everything- pick a plan, start a plan, change a plan- slow down, take a deep breath, and choose a goal that will allow you to eat enough that you will find it sustainable long-term and not lead to distress, bingeing, and eventually quitting. It's not a race to get it off and then go back to eating your normal way... it's the long process of learning a new normal. But you can absolutely do it! :)
  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
    We live in a tough world that makes us feel like we need to be "on trend"--and there will be plenty of people around you who eat that *kitten* up. Every one of the women in my family is SUPER into these diet trends and I used to be too until I realized that I was setting myself up for a life of unhappiness. Every time one of them says they're doing Atkins or eating a spoonful of whatever every day I want to shake them and tell them that they should just do it the right way, the way that's scientifically proven, and then they won't be constantly failing and hating themselves for it. Perpetuating these fad diets makes us all feel miserable, and I think it's a common thing for women in particular to feel shame simply for taking up space and spend a lifetime trying to fight it. I remember myself barely past puberty, thinking I needed to drink lemon juice and cayenne pepper for 10 days straight because someone in my family told me it was the way to do it. Now that I think about that, it makes me incredibly sad. I never want to promote unhealthy and unsustainable trends to young girls around me who may be paying attention.

    Weight loss is hard, but there are certain things that can make it harder. Enjoy the foods you want, do the exercise you want, and love every step of the process because it's making you stronger!
  • dark_sparkles37019
    dark_sparkles37019 Posts: 114 Member
    Hey, too much text for me to read. Just make it simple. Eat what you want as long as it fits into your calorie limit.
  • mlinci
    mlinci Posts: 402 Member
    I'd also recommend a slower weight loss. I have similar stats to you - 5'5'' and starting weight of 185 lbs (now at 145 lbs,14 months later). I started with 1lb per week then switched to 0.5 lbs per week after a couple of months. The good thing about slow weight loss is a) it reduces the chance of bingeing or giving up, as it's easy to stick to and b) it teaches you a lot about maintenance, as it's very similar to maintenance. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, I also had to stop thinking about being on a diet, I just eat a bit less, and I'm never going to go off my diet for that same reason.

    Good luck!
  • Maaike84
    Maaike84 Posts: 211 Member
    mlinci wrote: »
    I'd also recommend a slower weight loss. I have similar stats to you - 5'5'' and starting weight of 185 lbs (now at 145 lbs,14 months later). I started with 1lb per week then switched to 0.5 lbs per week after a couple of months. The good thing about slow weight loss is a) it reduces the chance of bingeing or giving up, as it's easy to stick to and b) it teaches you a lot about maintenance, as it's very similar to maintenance. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, I also had to stop thinking about being on a diet, I just eat a bit less, and I'm never going to go off my diet for that same reason.

    Good luck!

    I second this recommendation. You don't have that much to lose in the grand scheme of things I think, 2 lbs per week is pretty aggressive, and I would feel hangry a lot of the time. But it's up to you and what you feel good doing, so good luck!
  • jelleigh
    jelleigh Posts: 743 Member
    Just to add to what other posters are saying, I do think a lot of weight loss / weight issues is largely psychological as well. You've done a million diets ao you know HOW to restrict food. But it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food which sends you back to binging. The part where even your husband doesn't know because you sneak food is a red flag to me. (That's not a judgement - I don't think you are alone by any means). I'm wondering if it might be helpful to seek some professional assistance in working through your view of food etc. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and a person doesn't have to be emaciated to have one. Along with changing WHAT you eat (or rather how much) it might be helpful to address WHY you eat. Just a thought I wanted to throw in the mix.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    edited January 2017
    Maaike84 wrote: »
    mlinci wrote: »
    I'd also recommend a slower weight loss. I have similar stats to you - 5'5'' and starting weight of 185 lbs (now at 145 lbs,14 months later). I started with 1lb per week then switched to 0.5 lbs per week after a couple of months. The good thing about slow weight loss is a) it reduces the chance of bingeing or giving up, as it's easy to stick to and b) it teaches you a lot about maintenance, as it's very similar to maintenance. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, I also had to stop thinking about being on a diet, I just eat a bit less, and I'm never going to go off my diet for that same reason.

    Good luck!

    I second this recommendation. You don't have that much to lose in the grand scheme of things I think, 2 lbs per week is pretty aggressive, and I would feel hangry a lot of the time. But it's up to you and what you feel good doing, so good luck!

    I third this recommendation. I'll also add that it's helpful to think of your calorie budget as a fluid number. Any day that you are even a tiny bit under your maintenance number is a win for weight loss. It helps strip some of the guilt away. If your maintenance is 2000 calories, for example, and you consumed 1950, that's still a deficit and you are still doing much better than your full on "tomorrow is a diet so my world is ending tonight" kind of binges. Think of higher calorie days as just a fluid part of your eating pattern, not as a fail or as a fall off the wagon. Many naturally thin people have days where they eat a lot and days where they eat less. It's normal. So don't feel like you're doing bad if you have a higher day here or there. For me, personally, slowly letting go of guilt was the ultimate reason I was able to lose as much as I've lost and last as long as I've lasted.

    ETA: Charge HR tends to overestimate calories. All heart rate activity trackers likely do (heart rate is only correlated with calories burned for steady state exercises). From experience with Charge HR, about 50-60% of the extra calories it gives you is likely safe to eat, and you SHOULD eat them back whenever you can if you feel like it or save them for a higher calorie day if you don't feel like eating, very useful for things like planned dinners out or the occasional take out you've been craving. That's how MFP was designed to work.
  • michelle3wd
    michelle3wd Posts: 1 Member
    OMG! You just totally described me and my thoughts! I have come to the same conclusion, I am going to trust mfp and eat what I want with in my calories, and try not to beat myself up so much if it doesn't go exactly to plan. Good luck.x
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    losing weight is easy.

    keeping the commitment to keep doing so, is whats hard.

    ive lost 80 pounds over the past 2 years. I eat what I want, and drink, and for the most part stay within my calorie goals (obviously, lol). that said, when i go over, its not a big deal. I'm going out tonight and am drinking my dinner in alcohol LOL but with working out this morning, it wont make a difference. I eat back calories if i feel hungry, or want a treat, or 3 (bar) shots of jack and two beers. whatever. ;)
  • girlinahat
    girlinahat Posts: 2,956 Member
    my simple plan is this:

    I found out what the calorie maintenance target would be for my goal weight. This is my daily average NET that I aim to hit. I use MFP's weekly average to help me monitor this, so if I've gone over one day, I can cut back the next. Loss is slow but sustainable as it teaches me what the future will be.

    I eat foods I like and foods that are filling. That happens to be plenty of vegetables and not a lot of bread, but I do still eat bread - I enjoy delicious artisan sourdoughs etc. I’m a flavour girl and I also know that if I eat mostly plant-based I can have an enormous plate of food for not so many calories.

    I exercise because I want to be superhuman. I probably never will be superhuman but I’m hoping along the way I’ll find more energy and discover things I didn’t’ know I was capable of.

    I use my fitbit to record my calories and that adjusts my daily goal. So far it seems accurate.

    don't diet. Enjoy your food.
  • danipals1
    danipals1 Posts: 16 Member
    I will redo my settings today to take off the 2 lb/week and Force my mindset to think long haul, not immediate results. I do get up at 5am every morning and exercise for 30-50 minutes depending on what I'm doing (Pilates DVD, weights DVD, walk/run) in addition to trying to hit that 10,000 step goal. I think the years of the restriction/binge cycling are making things tougher. I think I need to skip the scale for a few weeks as well so that when I see a change of 1 lb I don't think "this isn't working!" I appreciate the support. I am finally understanding what the nutritionist at the gym meant when she said that I have "disordered eating." I am a mental mess in regards to food but am committed to changing that here and now. I need to stop letting the number on the scale determine how I feel about my day every day and how I feel about myself. It dictates whether I feel that I am good or bad and it is one of those things that sounds crazy to read and I would think doesn't make sense if someone else said it but it is real. Ugh.
  • roamingmum
    roamingmum Posts: 9 Member
    I bet everyone on here can relate to your story. For me it was the realisation that each lb equals a 3500 calorie deficit so jumping on the scales every day didn't mean anything. I realised that a 250 calorie deficit a day would lead to 1/2 lb per week - long term and sustainable just by logging on MFP. In the end I lost about
    I am 5'6" and 15 months ago I weighed over 180lb. I'm now 140lb and have been maintaining that weight since August.
    Slow and steady wins in the end. Good luck with your journey x
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    Great post, I bet that was cathartic!

    I think you got it. Just having a mild deficit (at your weight I wouldn't do more than 500 calories as a deficit) and relaxing about what you can eat otherwise will probably help a lot.

    Your post did make me think you might appreciate a book I read some time ago (basically about the dieting industry, and the author is a recovered dieter, basically): Laura Fraser's Losing It.
  • coleg04
    coleg04 Posts: 126 Member
    danipals1 wrote: »
    I'm hoping that just saying it out loud will help me to commit to stopping the madness.

    Well said. The dieting world gets rich off of complicating it.
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