Real life Friends and weightloss
Avalonis
Posts: 1,540 Member
As I get more and more healthy, I am discovered I have less and less in common with my real life friends.
Now granted, some of them I only half liked to begin with, but now they are damn near intolerable. Anyone else discovering that having unhealthy friends is kind of a downer, and you really don't want to go hang out at a restaurant and eat crappy food, or go to a movie, or sit around doing nothing/watching tv?
I've always been the personality type to make lots of acquaintances, but only a few close friends. Most of my close friends no longer live in the area.... so I find myself doing activities by myself more and more lately.
It's kind of depressing, actually.
Just kind of wondering if other people have the same issue.
Now granted, some of them I only half liked to begin with, but now they are damn near intolerable. Anyone else discovering that having unhealthy friends is kind of a downer, and you really don't want to go hang out at a restaurant and eat crappy food, or go to a movie, or sit around doing nothing/watching tv?
I've always been the personality type to make lots of acquaintances, but only a few close friends. Most of my close friends no longer live in the area.... so I find myself doing activities by myself more and more lately.
It's kind of depressing, actually.
Just kind of wondering if other people have the same issue.
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Personally I would rather lead by example then cut people out of my life for living a lifestyle different then mine.0
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yup. and no one i know really likes being active. everyone just wants to sit around and eat.0
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Yes! I mostly get the 'oh let me guess you cant eat that?!" or "skinny *****" Or even called Jillian as in Jillian Michaels cuz I harass them about diet and exercise when they are the ones who asked me to push them!0
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I had a friend who tried to sabotage me... Then... I dumped them... A year later, I'm much, much happier.0
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Yes lol i actually wondered if i was just weird. some of my friends who do like to eat while we hang out are nicer about it like my best friend has walked 4.6.miles with me round trip cause she wanted to go to dairy queen and i said we couldnt drive there if we went lol0
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I have some trouble with my friends who subsist on chocolate and chips because they have a fast metabolism. It's just like, "Y U no move?!?!"
But if I know one of my friends is self-conscious about her weight, I'll recommend this site to her.
When hanging out, I usually try to walk places, and give people food that's good for them.
I'd rather set a good example than distance myself, I suppose. If I like the person.0 -
After chilling with an MFPeep today...I'm loving this place more and more. I have few friends. Even fewer that I hang out with. I avoid the gym and work-out by myself because I don't want anybody holding me back. It's been a solo journey IRL, that's why I love MFP0
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Personally I would rather lead by example then cut people out of my life for living a lifestyle different then mine.
Been trying that, I think they are getting sick of me
Besides, not all of my friends are overweight, but pretty much none of them are athletic and like to DO things.0 -
Check out meetup.com - there will be all kinds of groups there with all kinds of people pursuing different activities. There may be people into hiking, museums, kayaking, concerts... it's worth checking out. My friends finished grad school and left town, but I'm from the area and stayed put, since I like it here... and I found myself with a dwindling group of friends. I found my new friends through a happy hour group, but they do more than just happy hour, whether it's just more drinking and/or parties or things like hiking, concerts, taking trips to fairs and festivals, go-karting... it's always something different.0
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here a saying i always say.
FRIENDS ARE OVERRATED!!!
cause, they always come and go.
just gotta find new ones. if they dont want to do the same things.0 -
Yeah, happened to me!!!
I was planning to have a party for my b-day and I asked my friend if i should order pizza or just finger foods, I said "Pizza's great, but like 700 cals for 2 slices!" and she said "Annnnd?" :[ It's hard when they want to eat ice cream and I can't because I ate 1200 calories already. They are all thin- and don't care if they eat 1500-2000 cals. It suuucks.0 -
Besides, not all of my friends are overweight, but pretty much none of them are athletic and like to DO things.
Then that has nothing to do with you losing weight-your personality is changing. It comes across as "judgy" when you say I'm dumping my friends because I'm losing weight and feel superior etc etc. It's totally different when you say I lead an active lifestyle, and kinda just need friends that can keep up.
I haven't lost friends myself-cause there are times when I DO want to go to a movie and sit in a restaurant. I have new friends for when I want to go to the beach or for an epic walk.0 -
The first time I lost all my weight, my trainer had told me to be aware that i would probably lose people. Consequently, I lost my closest friend. She thought that after I lost weight, I was suddenly this lying, immoral floozy because I met and started dating (who is now) my husband and didn't tell her right away. That meant that I had lied to her for all the years of our friendship. She couldn't understand the insecurities I dealt with regarding men and my weight issues.
I miss my friend, but realize that our relationship was unhealthy and it's probably better that we aren't friends.0 -
I am currently living out of state away from my friends. I don't have any here in Arizona. I haven't really told anyone about joining MFP and my weight loss project. I guess I am afraid they will sabotage me or something. I am going home in November and I know several of my friends will be happy with the change and proud of me for working so hard. Not so sure about the others. Luckily most of my Oregon friends are active and like to get out and do stuff... it was always me that sat around on my *kitten* and did nothing ....
So thankful for the change in myself!
Don't be afraid to go make new friends that have the same interests as you....
If we hang on too tightly to the past, our arms are unable to open and embrace the present....0 -
I don't have this problem really? I know it's hard having friends who lead such different lifestyles, but I try to find a happy medium. If they go to the movies, I go too but I won't have anything, although maybe a diet soda. If they want to go out to eat, then i'll try and pick the healthiest thing on the menu. It's great to be dedicated to your fitness and diet programme but sometimes it's good to chill out too.
I think you should check out making new 'fitness' friends, but keep your old friends for when you want to relax and be lazy.0 -
I prefer hanging out alone xD But I know what you mean...I usually have many acquaintances, but my best friends live all around the country/world (mainly due to my moving frequently as well as college).0
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I feel your pain! I dont think I am losing friends as such, but I have to admit that I am less interested in meeting up with my friends cos EVERYTHING revolves around eating or going for a drink!
annoys the hell out of me, but what can you do? It would be great if any of them wanted to go to the gym (not just to go in the sauna thanks!) or a bike ride or a long walk first, but they just dont seem bothered (despite the fact that most of them have had kids and want to continually tell me how many weight watchers points are in things all the time!).
Not sure if there is an answer to this one, besides finding whole new friends at some 'active' hobby.
neymind, rise above it!0 -
I'd never give up drinking with my friends. They dont interfere with my exercises or my choice of food in a restaurant. Yeah, they drink a ton, but so do I when I go out with them.....lol It's just I see them less often. But I would never lose touch with them just becasue they choose not to eat healhty food and exercise. You can have the best of both worlds, IMO
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Well I'm not sure if I can totally to relate to what ALL of you are saying, I do know that it is so much harder to be healthy around my friends. They were the reason I fell down the first time -- each day they would see me be healthier than them, and they would try to disable it. One friend would get me to walk across the street to the convenience store with her, only to get there and convince me that I could cheat for that one time, and I gave in because I hadn't for weeks. But then, that messed up the whole rest of my day. Once I came to school with a healthy lunch (and I had come for the last week with not much wore than protein, fruit, vegetables, and water), and someone finally confronted me on it. I told them that I was trying to be healthier, and because before I had been living off pasta and pastries, they thought I was starving myself or something. Even when I said it wasn't like that, they immediately began to judge me. Even when I bought one of the healthier choices on the school menu or from the snack machine, they gave off this ATTITUDE like they somehow thought less of me for trying to treat my body better. And this was before MFP, so I was on a strict diet, and I wasn't planning my meals out well. Within a few weeks, it fell, because I got discouraged and because everyone was discouraging me. I know that when I go back I'll have to stick to my guns more, because all my peers just want to eat EVERYTHING, and will offer me ANYTHING.0
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I'm finding that I just have nothing in common with a lot of people anymore. I have some friends that just get together to drink.....well I don't want to do that very often so I don't see that group much anymore. Also, I have some friends that are almost always in a negative mood. I don't talk to them much either. And the rest just don't like to talk about weight/fitness/diet and I'm a stay at home mom so once I get going in something I'm fairly dedicated (or consumed) by it and I really have nothing else to talk about. I don't have a job so there is nothing else to talk about. 'What did I do today?' you ask 'Well I got up watched what I ate ALL day, worked out for probably 2-3 hours and hung out with two small kids.' LOL! There is nothing else in my life BUT DIET AND FITNESS and kids HAHAHA!0
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I've had a lot of crap from people in the past about my weight, what i eat, how much i go to the gym etc. from some people its jelousy from some people genuine, if sometimes misplaced, concern.
For a year i moved to canada and it was really easy to cut out unhealthy friends but i started to get to extreme and became really sick. I thought i was being healthy but I was eating too little for the amount of running i was doing. keeping your friends helps you stay more in touch with reality and keeps you balanced. maybe if i hadn't become so withdraw i would have seen how ott i was becoming. change friends by all means if you have outgrow these people but try to find new ones and remember just making friends with yes men is boring and you never learn anything.
that said this year i decided to try to get fit again. I was worried all my pub buddies would judge me or try to derail me but in fact when i was brave enough to tell them every last one said they wanted to get fitter too. many didn't get that far but it was nice to know more of them agreed with me than i would have given them credit for.0 -
one more thing to add actually. when I was younger and slimmed down I had two friends who i realised were just not supportive of me in general, they where competative about weight, exams, boys, sports, clothes anything i can think of. I ditched them both and was better of for it. One has since appoligised and we are now good caring supportive friends. the other i will never speak to again but no loss she was never really a friend (she once said I looked far to skiny and discusting yet she was on a starvation diet to slim down doesn't make any sense)0
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I used to have tons of friends, then my husband and I moved to KY, and well, I have two friends here. One is really serious about health, and the other is a Beachbody coach. I can't hang out with people who want to go out and drink/eat all the time! But both my friends are moving soon, so I'll be back at square one. Honestly, I'd rather hang out by myself then be around people who don't respect my choices.0
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