Dear annoying co-worker!

I work with many who enjoy discussing the personal lives of others in a nasty/derogatory way. Others just steal out of each others purses

My coworkers don't respect the office we have and I am often cleaning up after them like a mother. Milk spills, food on the walls and floor, doors left open. Heck I lost count on the amount of times people left the toaster over on and nearly causing a fire.

and I've told them multiple times to clean their dishes/mugs/glasses/utensils and put it in the dishwasher and not the sink.....I clean the kitchen (sink, walls, countertop and coffee machine) every.single.day. if I don't it turns into a pigsty

did I mention this is "part of my job" to maintain the cleanliness of the office. I'm a secretary...not a maid!

My mouth is so big I wouldn't need to vent here. I admit to telling people off in the moment when they do their irritating thing. Can't say it has never landed me in trouble. So maybe I was always that annoying co-worker. LOL!

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Dear Co-Worker,

I would like to start by saying that I really admire both your creativity and your commitment to nonsense. When you failed to come into work and decided not to notify anyone about your absence you successfully confused and annoyed hundreds of potential visitors who found the Museum doors locked during busy weekend hours. Personally, I have never been able to inconvenience that many people in a single day! Well done you.

Then, when you doubled down the following day by demanding that we put a procedure in place for times when you can't come into work so that you know what to do when emergencies arise because you were SO STRESSED about not coming in, you really made me rethink all life decisions which led me to become your supervisor. For the record, the policy is called "calling in sick" and while you are correct that i never gave you a signed written copy of that policy, I'm pretty sure you've heard of it before as indicated by your own implementation of "calling in sick" at least once per month for the past 3 years.

I can't even convey to you the swell of emotions I felt the following week when you told me and the rest of the staff in our first meeting with the new Museum Director that "according to human resources it is at the discretion of each department head whether to institute a policy for 'calling in sick.'" Actually, I can convey it, it was a lot like nausea. Followed closely by awe for your continued defense of the no-call no-show lifestyle.

Thank you, co-worker. Without your attention to detail I wouldn't be so inspired to put my time and effort towards updating my resume.

Dear colleague (we have to address all emails this way, even if we are actual friends)

I don't care what you think about my lunch choice. I do not care to hear your thoughts on eating carrots (*snigger... so hilariously phallic...*) I don't care that you 'don't have time for all that' implying all my free days are spent wandering round fresh markets looking for "healthy *kitten*" as I have nothing better to do, being a working single mum and all. I don't want to hear your views, especially "OMG WHAT are you eating today!" or "eeuurggg, what is THAT!" Peasants.
Nearly as bad as the ones who throw used teabags in the sink with the cups!!! (We have a tea lady. She cleans up after us and makes the drinks. You don't need to touch a teabag. She doesn't put teabags in the sink NOR SHOULD YOU!) Ugh. ( I'm a teacher.)
Thank you
Miss Peeved. And satiated with a good diet.

Dear Annoying Co-worker,

I silently die when you walk into my office every other morning. Your lack of hygiene is appalling, your sense of style for the significant position that you hold is atrocious and embarrassing for our agency. Please learn what shampoo, deodorant and an iron are. Also if you chew your stupid granola bar with your mouth open at my desk one more time I may scream!!!!

km8907 wrote: »

I know you're making personal phone calls on the office phone for hours at a time. Just because it's in Spanish doesn't mean I'm stupid. Also slick move every time I walk by click off of Facebook and back onto a spreadsheet like I didn't know what you were already doing. Also thanks a bunch for complaining about never having any time to get things done resulting in my boss giving me more of your work to do. Maybe you would have more time if you got off Facebook yeah? I'm on MFP a lot, but at least I get my work done. I also hate that you get here late every day, take over an hour lunch anyways and nobody else seems to notice but me. Wtf.

Do we have the same exact co-worker? Oh no, mine has bad BO and bad halitosis.

Dear Women Colleagues,

Please replace the toilet paper once the roll is used up. There are two stalls, and each stall has two rolls of tp. I'd like to add that I know which one of you it is. There are only three women who work on this project site, and I am one of them.

I am bringing my own toilet paper from now on. You two can figure it out on your own.

Also - to all my colleagues. HOW FREAKING HARD IS IT TO TAKE ONE MINUTE TO MAKE A FRESH POT OF COFFEE? Phew. Sorry for the capslock. I *just* went to get a cup of coffee and both carafes are empty. Again.

Whoops! One more.

To My Colleague Who Asks More Questions Than a Toddler:

I am going to answer all your questions at once, since you are so interested. Yes, I go to the gym every morning. At 5am. Yes, it sucks to get up so early. Yes, I know you could never do it. Yes, I am eating an enormous salad for lunch again. Yes, I know you could never do it. Yes, I'm getting Thai food today. Yes, I can "have" it. No, I'm not off my food plan.

Yes, the kids also eat what I do. Yes, of course they sometimes complain. No, I don't fix something different for them - they are teenagers and know where the kitchen is.

From,
I'm Not Your Mom

Wow. That felt really good. Thanks! :-)

Ok, wait, I do have one rant.

Dear lady in the restroom, this is not the time to go and ponder life's great mysteries. Pee and get off the pot. If I knock, don't sit there like a little mushroom hoping no one hears you, the door is locked so obviously you ARE there.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

This thread is gold. This ladies room inside intel is fascinating.

The ladies room etiquette is SACROSANCT.

blk0110k wrote: »

km8907 wrote: »

I know you're making personal phone calls on the office phone for hours at a time. Just because it's in Spanish doesn't mean I'm stupid. Also slick move every time I walk by click off of Facebook and back onto a spreadsheet like I didn't know what you were already doing. Also thanks a bunch for complaining about never having any time to get things done resulting in my boss giving me more of your work to do. Maybe you would have more time if you got off Facebook yeah? I'm on MFP a lot, but at least I get my work done. I also hate that you get here late every day, take over an hour lunch anyways and nobody else seems to notice but me. Wtf.

Do we have the same exact co-worker? Oh no, mine has bad BO and bad halitosis.

Mine spends 3 hours walking around telling people how busy she is, and then she complains that she has no one to help her with all her work. Oh, and her son has GPA of 82.9 and is 1st in his class in all of the schools ever.

I work from home and it is a blessing not to have to deal with anyone!

This one is a few years old (back when this song was new):

Dear Coworker with a ringtone set to "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys,

I don't know who you are, but if you walk away from your desk one more time and let your phone ring for 2 minutes, I am going to find out and throw your phone down the elevator shaft.


On a related note, from back in grad school:

Dear student in the next lab over,

Do you know why your timers have been disappearing? Because you set them and then leave them in the office area and some of us, with whom you have to share space, can't stand to listen to the incessant beeping.


And then the usual litany of curses aimed at people who have long phone conversations in the bathroom.