Do it for urself- sorry, not convinced
Monna2
Posts: 100 Member
Hi guys
I'm sure anyone who ever tried to lose weight heard this piece of advice "do it for yourself, not for other people. Be beautiful for you."
Well, I'd like to say , I tried. But I don't see myself except for a few minutes a day when I groom myself. Apart from that , only other people can see me.
I find this advice really cheesy.
I don't think we try to look good for ourselves; we do that so other people can see us and we feel satisfied when they approve of or like our looks. Or we feel good and happy when we're finally admitted in the "acceptable looks club". And please don't start the "do it for your health" argument because there are a lot of healthy fat people.
I don't know, I'm a bit lost. If I go by this advice, I just don't feel the need to lose weight. And if I do it to impress others, it just goes against my beliefs. I believe I shouldn't care much about what other people think of me.
I'm sure anyone who ever tried to lose weight heard this piece of advice "do it for yourself, not for other people. Be beautiful for you."
Well, I'd like to say , I tried. But I don't see myself except for a few minutes a day when I groom myself. Apart from that , only other people can see me.
I find this advice really cheesy.
I don't think we try to look good for ourselves; we do that so other people can see us and we feel satisfied when they approve of or like our looks. Or we feel good and happy when we're finally admitted in the "acceptable looks club". And please don't start the "do it for your health" argument because there are a lot of healthy fat people.
I don't know, I'm a bit lost. If I go by this advice, I just don't feel the need to lose weight. And if I do it to impress others, it just goes against my beliefs. I believe I shouldn't care much about what other people think of me.
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Replies
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Then don't use either of those reasons...come up with one of your own.
The reasons why I want to lose weight and get fitter have varied over the course of time. Or maybe not varied but those reasons have changed priority.
Your reason can be as simple as...just because you want to.
Right now my primary focus is not how I look (that has moved to a lesser priority) or what anyone else thinks how I look(that one has always been down on the bottom)...It is about quality of life and being able to do those things on my bucket list.9 -
I did it for myself so that I wouldn't be a frumpy 50 year old couch potato. I wasn't ready to be old. I wanted to be able to do the things I could do when I was in my 30s ... specifically, the long distance cycling I love.
So I lost the weight and started cycling long distances again.
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I lost weight for a group holiday. Wrong or right still lost the weight and don't wan't to put it back on
I don't have a problem with anyone's reason just do it safely4 -
Do it for reasons that work for you.
I truly did lose weight for myself and for my health. With myself as my main motivator, I could be sure that external motivations wouldn't let me down or cause me to get off track.
Your idea that everyone tries to look good to be accepted by others a false blanket statement. We are not all one and the same in our motivations.
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People have their own likes and preferences, there is no such thing as satisfying everyone - that's why doing it for others can only take you so far before discouragement settles in.
For me, it's about knowing, accepting, and loving myself. I'm the only one whose opinion I have control over. It's not so much about how I look, rather, how I feel - mentally and physically. Once I came to liking myself and knowing that I'm worth the work, commitment to taking care of myself was not such a struggle.
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If you don't have a reason to better yourself--then you won't do it. That's OK too. Perhaps you're just not ready. You scoff at "health reasons". I sincerely hope you never get to the point where you HAVE to do it for that reason.14
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If you're doing it because you want to look good for other people,then you ARE "doing it for yourself "!5
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I absolutely did it for myself. I never gave any thought to how other people regarded me...I assumed they thought I was awesome (true story). But I had lost myself in 50lbs of excess baggage. I wasn't who I used to be anymore...I lost the weight to get back to where the original version of me before life, a bad relationship and laziness took over. I have maintained for 10 years and never regret one time I put the fork down and pushed away from the table.
I hope there is more substance to the average human being than the superficial.9 -
Everyone who ever accomplished anything did so because there was a driving force behind it. No need to rationalize what that may be for you. Just find it and do it.4
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One of the things I have learned as I have aged--really, one of the few things I think I have learned that has made me wiser--is that you really do need to do things for yourself. We each have only one life and our primary job is to take care of ourselves.
Monna2, it sounds like you don't want to lose weight. If that is the case, don't. Be happy with yourself as you are. That's ok. Just realize that not everyone feels the way you do.
I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to look better, feel better, be healthier, set a better example for my children, sleep better, enjoy life more, live longer, have strangers smile at me more, enjoy my food more, like myself more, etc.
A little over a year and a half ago I made a commitment to make my health a priority. I started working out regularly, eating better, tracking my calories, etc. I have lost 48 pounds since then, with just a few more to go to hit my goal weight. I also started running recently, something I haven't done since my 20s. And guess what, I do feel better. Strangers do smile at me more. I do enjoy my food more. I do sleep better. I am happier and healthier.
I did all of that for me, and I'm glad I did.9 -
THEN WHY ARE YOU ON A WEIGHT LOSS SIGHT. JUST DON'T DO IT.1
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It is not just looks For me it is about me and feeling healthy energetic and able to deal with stress in a different manner - To be able to breath freely to do what I want to do. To generate that fantastic feeling of achievement and feel the endorphins
It is about me, but not about looks2 -
I physically and mentally feel better when I perceive myself healthier and "put together." It's why I shower, wear matching clothes, brush my hair! If you're happy as you are, don't change! It has to be about YOU...something YOU want, otherwise, you'll get resentful. I'm 50, had kids later in life, and I want to be as active with them as possible. It's the only life...and body...I'm gonna get so I'm taking care of it...for ME!1
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I did it for my health because my dad was diagnosed with diabetes at 42. I didn't want to be there.
I'm fine with accepting your body as it is, but yeah, your health will not stay optimal when you're overweight/obese.7 -
I'm not really sure how to respond to this. Lose weight if you want to and don't if you don't. I did it to improve my health (an applicable goal even for people who are already healthy BTW) with an eye to the future. Now I do have at least a bit of an appearance focus as well but it is very much based on how I see myself. My husband already tells me I'm beautiful every day and his is the only outside opinion I care about.2
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I don't know how old you are but I definitely did it for myself and I did it for my health. First of all I am now off all medications including those to treat my diabetes.
Then I started to regain mobility, endurance and strength.
The goals that give me greatest satisfaction these days are related to being able to do more things. Like finish a race or enrol in a tough mudder.
My knees thank me, my hips thank me, and my insurance provider thanks me.
I do get compliments about my looks and I graciously accept them. But as you say, that's more for other people. Skin wrinkles and sags, and only my undergarments know the full story.
But every smile wrinkle has been hard earned so I wear them proudly.5 -
For me, it's a whole list of reasons:
- being able to wake up in the morning and lift my head off the pillow without pain
- being able to get up out of bed without pain
- being able to bend over and tie my shoes
- being able to put on underwear without throwing my lower back out
- being able to walk up a flight of stairs without stopping
- being able to walk for more than 10 minutes without resting
- being able to squat without my knees cracking so loudly that everyone around me ducks
- being able to have sex in any position without grunting...moaning, yes...but no grunting
- being able to do household chores without throwing my lower back out
- being able to live past 70
- being able to live past 70 and still have sex
- being able to drive in my 80s
- being able to go hiking in my 90s
- being able to NOT wind up incapacitated like many of the elders in my family
- being able to NOT spend thousands on medication and healthcare as I age
- being able to add more ridiculous items to this list
I plan on living to 1,000...so far, so good!12 -
Image management is downplayed. We all care how we are perceived as congruence between how we perceive ourselves and how others do is validating. That being said, you can't control how others see you. So just ensuring YOU think you look good is really the most important piece. I can see my arms, my tits, feel my waste and hips and the curves between, the shape of my bum on the chair, my legs. I can feel their movements and agility and stretches.
ALL of those things make me feel good. When I'm fat I literally hate the roundness of my stomach. How unbendy I . My breathlessness. And the looks that I see other ppl give me.
You will know when other ppl find you attractive.
So tldr: it really IS for you
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My reason the first time was because I was going through my divorce and wanted to feel good about myself and to feel like I could move on with another man when I was ready and be comfortable with how I looked when I did.
After putting a little back on my body, I realize the effect it's had on my energy and my ability to keep up with my kids. THEY are my driving force this time.
Everyone has their reasons. And you either find one that is strong enough to carry you through it and to help you create a healthy and sustainable lifestyle, or you simple accept and love who you are, as you are.1 -
OP, have you lost any weight yet? Have you made the process so difficult that you're trying to rationalize quitting?10
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I started because my son announced his engagement and I wanted to look reasonable in his wedding photos, just reasonable, not amazing. Within just a few weeks I started to feel so much better that it became something I was doing for me. All my aches and pains started to disappear and my confidence grew. Six months after the wedding, at target weight, I continue because I feel so good, look good and my health is so good. I had a health check yesterday and the nurse couldn't believe how good my stats were.3
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OP if you are going through this type of rationalization then something else is going on besides just trying to figure out why or what the motivation is. I would venture to guess that losing weight is not what you want to be doing. My best advice...wait until you feel a need.
You didn't tell us your stats. Maybe you don't need to lose weight.
I am not sure what type of response that you are looking for...do you want us to tell you why you should lose weight or why you shouldn't?5 -
I absolutely did it for myself. I never gave any thought to how other people regarded me...I assumed they thought I was awesome (true story). But I had lost myself in 50lbs of excess baggage. I wasn't who I used to be anymore...I lost the weight to get back to where the original version of me before life, a bad relationship and laziness took over. I have maintained for 10 years and never regret one time I put the fork down and pushed away from the table.
I hope there is more substance to the average human being than the superficial.
^^This^^ for me as well. OP, you said this: "And please don't start the "do it for your health" argument because there are a lot of healthy fat people." This is simply not the case as people get older. If you're happy the way you are by all means don't change a thing, but complacency about your health (not appearance) will catch up with you some day. Why not strive to be the best you can be going into those older years. Your body will feel better, your medical expenses will be less, and you may be able to refrain from taking medicines for conditions you could have prevented had you maintained a healthy weight. And, yes, I totally did it for myself. I'm selfish that way.8 -
Well, you have to come up with your own reason to care about your weight.
If you like the way you currently feel, look, the fit of your clothes, your performance in activities, enjoy great health, etc then there is little motivation to change your weight.
Sometimes people who try to adjust their weight/appearance withan external motivator will remain insecure or unsatisfied and give up. That is usually why an internal motivation is recommended. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thriving101/201506/weight-loss-motivation-secrets-staying-track-part-1
If you are overweight by 5-10 lbs it is not a big deal for your health. If you are overweight by 50+ lbs it is going to impact your quality of life negatively eventually.
I crossed the obese line. My body hurt all the time. I was weak and slow. I was out of breath. It was hard to walk a few blocks. It was hard to sleep. I didn't have much energy. It was hard to get things done. Clothes didn't fit. I wouldn't have said I was unhealthy at that point (denial) but it became obvious that things were not great and getting worse. That wasn't the life I wanted. Determining how I wanted to live and feel was my motivation.4 -
I don't know. It was absolutely for health for me. I didn't care about how I looked, weight wise all that much. Not a self-esteem issue, but a "been there, done that" one. In other words, I had my time of being thinner and looking good before I had kids, and didn't really care that much about my size UNTIL the doctor said I was prediabetic and wanted to put me on cholesterol medications. That was a huge wake-up call for me. I am an older mom of two elementary school age kids and I want to be healthy and around for a long time for them. The day after the doctor told me that I started MFP and as of this morning I lost 50 pounds. That was from July to now. I think that the reasons and motivations for weight loss are individual. I never would have done this for anyone other than myself and my kids, definitely not for other adults.3
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I've been slowly losing weight since last year. I had been overweight since I was 9-16. Then reached my highest weight during my second year of university. I hated the way that I felt. The constant feeling that people were just judging how much I ate in public. I just wanted to wear pretty dresses and have nice clothes just like everyone else instead of the shapeless T-shirts and cheap jeans that I wore.
Losing weight gave me more confidence, I felt better about the way that I looked, for the first time In my life I felt beautiful. But i'm not going to lie a recentish break up with a boy motivated me more to finish what I started. Final 10 pounds to go and I'm done!1 -
If you don't feel you need to lose weight, you probably won't do it.
No one else can make you; if and when you do make a commitment for weight loss if will be for yourself.
If it's not something you care about it probably won't happen.
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As per health, their may be some currently healthy 'fat' people as you suggest but they are generally at greatly increased risk of diabetes, hypertension, stroke, heart disease (to name a few) which all sound a bit 'meh' when you read them but are far more devastating to see up close or live with.,
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You might not care about your looks, what others (including loved ones may want for you), your current or long term health or what others think in general. That's okay. No one can make you care about those things except yourself.
You probably won't lose weight though. And if you're totally okay with that then what's the issue?2 -
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That's like saying I get all done up to go out for other people. Sure, admiring glances are nice, but not everyone finds the same thing attractive and as long as I think I look hot, that's all that matters to me.
I honestly wasn't able to be successful UNTIL I started doing it for myself. When I was doing it based on how I thought other people saw me, I didn't have the motivation to lose anything.2 -
Doing it for myself means that I don't hate myself for those few moments I spend looking in the mirror. That's more than enough for me on it's own.
I also don't get the trashing on doing it for your health. I AM doing it for my health, as a great many of us are. There may be healthy "fat" people out there, but I do not in any way believe there are healthy unfit people. Or at least, not ones that will be that way for long. Some bodies hold a lot of extra weight naturally, it's true, but are still athletic and capable. But for those of us who don't fit that (very small) box, losing those pounds and getting healthy for now and the future is a great motivator.
I think 'do it for yourself' means less do it because you don't care how anyone thinks you look, and more don't do it because someone else told you to. Whatever your reason, be it looking good in the mirror, looking good for others, or just getting healthier, it has to be something you actually want to do.1
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