Help

I assure you, you CAN go back - you will be welcomed and accepted.

You mentioned staying sober for a horrible year, I've been there - that was on my own. Going to meetings, listening, and sharing when I have something on my mind have all contributed to learning how to live with an alcoholic mind - I now have something to live for, before, life was really dark. That said, it only works if you work the program. Get (and confide in) a sponsor, go to meetings, don't drink.

One thing (outside of AA) that has helped me is yoga. We were encouraged to write a san kulpa, a statement of the heart's desire as if it is already true. My first was "I know myself", then it was "I accept myself". I quit smoking cold turkey in the spring, I still get cravings, so another I use is "I am smoke-free". I know how this all sounds, but I swear it has helped me.

Message me or send a friend request, you are not alone.

many in my family (husband, brother in law) have successfully gotten sober through AA and meetings. It is a long journey, and AA is an integral part of it. My husband has now been sober for 30 years and still thinks about it occasionally....go back to AA, find a meeting that works for you. They will welcome you.

I also second the yoga suggestion...finding inner peace while doing a bit of exercise is a good thing. My husband and I both are pilates regulars and it can be similar.