Lost weight, nobody noticed :(
Sam29a
Posts: 201 Member
This is going to be a long, whiny post - so apologies in advance!
Not one person in my family has noticed that I've lost any weight. I'm still far from my goal weight and am by no means slim, but I just feel frustrated that nobody can tell, except me. I've been trying to lose weight since January 2016 and although my weight loss has been very slow, in just over a year I have gone from 169 lbs (BMI obese) to 129 lbs (BMI normal) - when will anyone notice?
I didn't say anything for months, in October however, one of my sisters was trying to lose a few pounds and I couldn't help but mention that I had lost weight by joining MFP. She was shocked when I told her how much I'd lost, and then said she could tell as my face looked slimmer.
My other sister (who is morbidly obese), constantly goes on about the fact that I eat so much nice junk food and how anyone could do that. She goes on and on about how I'm not losing much weight, as other people diet and exercise so much, but how we can't do it. I admit that I don't like to just have salads and soups, but I religiously count my calories and have done so for over a year. I stick to 1300 calories per day and almost always go under. I've recently started exercising as well - although hadn't been previously.
She could eat a packet of biscuits and a couple of cakes in one sitting. She orders extra large takeaway meals almost daily, sometimes twice in a day and yet she thinks she doesn't eat much!
She started slimming world today, went shopping to get all her healthy groceries yesterday evening and gave up after lunch. I used to diet, often I'd eat <500 calories for a while and then binge eat and gain everything back. I don't want to diet, but every time I have anything unhealthy (even if it's just some bread), she's always commenting on it, going on about how my meals always look so delicious and how we can't diet and get thin like others. I just feel so frustrated and upset.
Not one person in my family has noticed that I've lost any weight. I'm still far from my goal weight and am by no means slim, but I just feel frustrated that nobody can tell, except me. I've been trying to lose weight since January 2016 and although my weight loss has been very slow, in just over a year I have gone from 169 lbs (BMI obese) to 129 lbs (BMI normal) - when will anyone notice?
I didn't say anything for months, in October however, one of my sisters was trying to lose a few pounds and I couldn't help but mention that I had lost weight by joining MFP. She was shocked when I told her how much I'd lost, and then said she could tell as my face looked slimmer.
My other sister (who is morbidly obese), constantly goes on about the fact that I eat so much nice junk food and how anyone could do that. She goes on and on about how I'm not losing much weight, as other people diet and exercise so much, but how we can't do it. I admit that I don't like to just have salads and soups, but I religiously count my calories and have done so for over a year. I stick to 1300 calories per day and almost always go under. I've recently started exercising as well - although hadn't been previously.
She could eat a packet of biscuits and a couple of cakes in one sitting. She orders extra large takeaway meals almost daily, sometimes twice in a day and yet she thinks she doesn't eat much!
She started slimming world today, went shopping to get all her healthy groceries yesterday evening and gave up after lunch. I used to diet, often I'd eat <500 calories for a while and then binge eat and gain everything back. I don't want to diet, but every time I have anything unhealthy (even if it's just some bread), she's always commenting on it, going on about how my meals always look so delicious and how we can't diet and get thin like others. I just feel so frustrated and upset.
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Replies
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Great job on the weight loss! I noticed.
People are really weird about weight loss. Some truly don't see it. Some notice, but can't figure out what is different ("Did you get a haircut?"). Some notice but are embarrassed to say anything about it. Some notice, but it makes them feel bad about themselves, so they say nothing or even say something stupid or demeaning. Some notice and say something nice, but the difference often has to be huge before they do so. In my case, it didn't start until I lost 40 pounds (out of a planned 50). And some just can't shut up about it, to the point of being offensive.
My mother falls into the latter category. Every time I see her, whether I have lost or gained weight, she says, "You look great! You have lost so much weight!" I have simply stopped listening to her.
My solution is to do it for myself, expect nothing from anyone else, accept the complements, and ignore the rest.4 -
Maybe they didn't want to say anything because they're afraid that means they're inadvertently saying you used to be fat?
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Get some new clothes to show off your new figure - if you're still wearing your "fat" clothes you won't look as slim as you actually are.3
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At my biggest my usual McDonald's order was a Big Mac Meal, Super Sized, plus two extra cheeseburgers on the side and a apple pie with a coke. That was my favorite and I usually could eat it all. My guess is the OP's sister is probably at that point now. She probably won't change until something motivates her to do so. Nobody can push her to lose weight or to change, she has to find it within herself. It's the same with smoking, until you want to quit, you're probably never going to. All of us here have that one thing (or sometimes multiple things) that pushed us to finally change our lives. Hopefully her sister will find that one thing before it becomes life threatening. As far as nobody noticing, my guess is people have noticed but refrain from saying anything for their own reasons. It may be jealousy or it may be denial. Maybe just tell the sister who's morbidly obese that if she ever wants to change, you will be there to help, but that she has to want it.2
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Great job on the weight loss! I noticed.
People are really weird about weight loss. Some truly don't see it. Some notice, but can't figure out what is different ("Did you get a haircut?"). Some notice but are embarrassed to say anything about it. Some notice, but it makes them feel bad about themselves, so they say nothing or even say something stupid or demeaning. Some just can't shut up about it, to the point of being offensive.
My mother falls into the latter category. Every time I see her, whether I have lost or gained weight, she says, "You look great! You have lost so much weight!" I have simply stopped listening to her.
My solution is to do it for myself, expect nothing from anyone else, accept the complements, and ignore the rest.
I know I really shouldn't care about what others have to say and do it for myself. I did, for 10 months didn't say anything, but weight loss is a hot topic in my family. There's always some new pill or tea or diet that other people have tried and it's worked wonders for them. My brother lost 4 lbs in a week and apparently, everyone could tell, they were all asking him what he did to lose the weight and congratulating him. It just made me feel a bit crap, to be honest.
Also, your mother is so sweet! Wish my own was a bit more like that
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Weight is a sensitive subject for many. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable saying something or they don't want to say something that might hurt your feelings (ex, You look so much better than you used to!).
Do it for yourself and don't fish for the compliments. If they happen they happen. If not, keep doing you.1 -
I was about to ask about clothes as well. Have you bought any that fit your new body?1
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mumblemagic wrote: »Get some new clothes to show off your new figure - if you're still wearing your "fat" clothes you won't look as slim as you actually are.
Perhaps that would help. I wear mostly shapeless, baggy clothes. But I'm waiting for when I'm closer to my goal weight, that's when I want to wear fitted clothes.1 -
You noticed, your heart noticed, your joints noticed, we noticed! People are egocentric so from all of us GOOD JOB YOU! Seriously, well done 5
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I don't understand this either. I only got one comment from my husband's family - one. I lost 80 lbs (from obese to middle of normal BMI) and nobody but her said anything.1
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They probably will have noticed they just won't have said anything because either they don't want to cause offense by commenting on your weight (which some people find intrusive) or they might be sensitive about their own weight and your success emphasizes them not losing weight themselves.
Either that or they just love you for who you are and don't notice whether you gain or lose. Don't sweat it, you've done wonderfully, congratulations! xxx 1 -
my honest guess is a little bit of jealousy is lurking about. and possibly a little bit of gas lighting as well from your sister who may want you to see yourself the way she sees herself, regardless of the new reality.
if you were both heavy before, you were kind of in it together. now you're showing that you've been able to break out of it by hard work and self control and those may not be things that your sister(s) are ready for. so there could be some inadvertent or even intentional push back.
i'm very careful when talking to friends about losing weight and when people say "it's so hard, we can't seem to lose weight no matter what!" i gently correct them because i can lose weight. i am losing weight. i'm doing it slowly and eating the food i like and i'm not looking for a fast track miracle diet or pill or gimmick. and chances are they could do it too if that's what they really wanted. but that reality may be uncomfortable when they're so used to doing things a certain way and change is difficult.
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Great job on the weight loss! I noticed.
People are really weird about weight loss. Some truly don't see it. Some notice, but can't figure out what is different ("Did you get a haircut?"). Some notice but are embarrassed to say anything about it. Some notice, but it makes them feel bad about themselves, so they say nothing or even say something stupid or demeaning. Some just can't shut up about it, to the point of being offensive.
My mother falls into the latter category. Every time I see her, whether I have lost or gained weight, she says, "You look great! You have lost so much weight!" I have simply stopped listening to her.
My solution is to do it for myself, expect nothing from anyone else, accept the complements, and ignore the rest.
I know I really shouldn't care about what others have to say and do it for myself. I did, for 10 months didn't say anything, but weight loss is a hot topic in my family. There's always some new pill or tea or diet that other people have tried and it's worked wonders for them. My brother lost 4 lbs in a week and apparently, everyone could tell, they were all asking him what he did to lose the weight and congratulating him. It just made me feel a bit crap, to be honest.
Also, your mother is so sweet! Wish my own was a bit more like that
It honestly sounds like your family has some unresolved issues and you are flying in the face of everything they've ever believed. That you lost weight without some fad diet or pill? That suggests they should be able to do it, too, but they aren't ready for that. This doesn't sound like it's about you at all, but about them. I bet other people in your life have noticed, even if they've been too polite to say anything. As someone said above, they don't want to sound like they're saying you were fat before.
If you haven't already, do some side by side pictures of yourself, before and after. Savor that difference for yourself and let your family's issues roll off as well as you can. (I know, easier said than done, but give it a go)
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Weight is a sensitive subject for many. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable saying something or they don't want to say something that might hurt your feelings (ex, You look so much better than you used to!).
Do it for yourself and don't fish for the compliments. If they happen they happen. If not, keep doing you.
I'm not fishing or compliments, but after a year of trying to lose weight, I would have thought others would notice. Also, like I said, my sister always puts me in the same boat as her, always going on about how we can't give up our takeaways and junk food, but other people eat so little and so healthy. I have had two cheat days in a year, otherwise, no takeouts or meals out, so when she says things like that it just annoys me.0 -
DO NOT WAIT TO GET NEW CLOTHES! Dress your body for the size it is now! This will accomplish a few things. 1. People will notice that you have new clothes, and that you look smaller 2. You won't be able to go back to your old bigger clothes (DONATE THEM!) 3. You will feel better, and people will notice.
If you don't have $$ for clothes, ask for gift cards for your birthday, and shop at thrift stores.
This might sound dumb, but I post all the time on facebook if I'm cooking healthy or running. I have an album called "cooking" and one called "2017 fitness". I put stuff I do in there. People see it, and sometimes they will say I'm looking great when my weight is actually stuck, or going up! It's all about perception.
Little comments from people can be a huge boost. If you see the same people every day, they don't notice. I agree that some people might be jealous and won't say anything.
FINALLY - CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR HARD WORK - YOU ARE AMAZING!4 -
Sorry, one more thing - anyone starting a new diet can usually take off pounds easily for the first week or so. It's water weight. Then the real work begins. YOU GOT THIS.1
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Weight is a sensitive subject for many. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable saying something or they don't want to say something that might hurt your feelings (ex, You look so much better than you used to!).
Do it for yourself and don't fish for the compliments. If they happen they happen. If not, keep doing you.
I'm not fishing or compliments, but after a year of trying to lose weight, I would have thought others would notice. Also, like I said, my sister always puts me in the same boat as her, always going on about how we can't give up our takeaways and junk food, but other people eat so little and so healthy. I have had two cheat days in a year, otherwise, no takeouts or meals out, so when she says things like that it just annoys me.
Have you ever corrected her, calmly and politely? Don't be rude, but make it clear it's not a "we" thing and her issues are her own.
I agree with the idea of buying some clothes that fit your body now. You don't have to get a lot, but get two or three outfits that you like and feel confident in. Wear them for yourself, and if people happen to comment, great. If not, you can still flaunt your hot self in front of the mirror.1 -
A lot of my friends are of the mind that you don't comment on other people's bodies no matter what. I think it's a good all round attitude.2
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chocolate_owl wrote: »Weight is a sensitive subject for many. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable saying something or they don't want to say something that might hurt your feelings (ex, You look so much better than you used to!).
Do it for yourself and don't fish for the compliments. If they happen they happen. If not, keep doing you.
I'm not fishing or compliments, but after a year of trying to lose weight, I would have thought others would notice. Also, like I said, my sister always puts me in the same boat as her, always going on about how we can't give up our takeaways and junk food, but other people eat so little and so healthy. I have had two cheat days in a year, otherwise, no takeouts or meals out, so when she says things like that it just annoys me.
Have you ever corrected her, calmly and politely? Don't be rude, but make it clear it's not a "we" thing and her issues are her own.
I agree with the idea of buying some clothes that fit your body now. You don't have to get a lot, but get two or three outfits that you like and feel confident in. Wear them for yourself, and if people happen to comment, great. If not, you can still flaunt your hot self in front of the mirror.
Yes, I have done so. She either ignores me or says how my meals are unhealthy anyway so it's easy for me.
I have clothes that are fitted, but I don't feel comfortable wearing them just yet.0 -
Interesting. But once you get new clothes you'll hear "oh you're so lucky to have good genetics/metabolism because you don't have to worry about your weight". That one drives us all crazy.1
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You should be 18 or older to use this site. Once you have a mature brain, which happens after age 24, you stop caring what other people think.
You have learned to eat as a healthy person should, and have achieved a healthy weight. Good for you now, good for you for the rest of your life.1 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »You should be 18 or older to use this site. Once you have a mature brain, which happens after age 24, you stop caring what other people think.
You have learned to eat as a healthy person should, and have achieved a healthy weight. Good for you now, good for you for the rest of your life.
I don't believe anyone truly stops caring what others think, no matter what your age. You may think it 'immature', but other people's comments, particularly people that you interact with on a daily basis, impact us whether we acknowledge it or not.
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24 is kind of arbitrary. Is that science?
Anyone who doesn't care what other people think at all has a whole set of other issues, in my opinion.1 -
Recognition is nice, but having even accomplished what you did is even better.
I'd be careful though, your sister sounds like she has the crab mentality, and if it gets to you too much you might find yourself being sucked right back in.
The next time weight loss comes up, either table it, or change the way you perceive it.1 -
1) if you see them regularly, small and incremental changes will be less noticeable
2) if you have a lot of weight to lose, small and incremental changes will be less noticeable
3) talking about one's weight or body in general is often pretty taboo.3 -
mumblemagic wrote: »Get some new clothes to show off your new figure - if you're still wearing your "fat" clothes you won't look as slim as you actually are.
Perhaps that would help. I wear mostly shapeless, baggy clothes. But I'm waiting for when I'm closer to my goal weight, that's when I want to wear fitted clothes.
If you hide your weight loss under baggy clothes, it's also a little unfair to be angry and disappointed that no one notices.
I can kind of relate, because I'm close to losing 20 pounds. I've had to get rid of some pants because they were falling off me. But I am covered in sweaters and such--I live in far Northern New England and I typically wear layers to work because it's cold in some of the rooms I work in. So not everyone notices and I would not expect them to. But of course I wish they would. It's always nice to have hard work noticed.
But I figure come late May or June I'm going to really surprise people! 
What I've done is get some "transitional clothing". I went to Goodwill and looked for some clothes that will likely be able to handle me continuing to go down some sizes. I looked for pants and skirts that are knits or with some give in the waistline and/or Spandex in the material. Not too many, but something to get me through to the next size.1 -
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Look_Its_Kriss beat me to it. Maybe it's a bit of fear or resentment on their parts? As long as you stay fat, they are more comfortable with themselves but if you lose it might make them look bad so they discourage you from losing.
Stay the course and do it for yourself. They won't have any choice but to notice and maybe at some point you can be an inspiration. But don't let anyone else's jealousy derail you.0 -
I've had a similar experience, I lost 25 pounds and no family/coworkers/close friends noticed. I think its very possible that your family who frequenty sees you won't notice small changes. Where as if you see a friend you havent seen in a year, they would notice the change. I agree also with others posts about jealousy, being the thin one in the family they could also be jealous about your weight loss and just arent saying anything. Either way as long as you notice the changes in your body is what matters. Congrats on your big loss! you're doing great.1
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Sometimes there are lots of weird dynamics between family members. Maybe you just need to develop the "you do you" attitude and let her know if she needs your advice you are always there. Congrats on making positive changes in your life. You should be proud!0
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