Opinion needed- just curious

Temporalia
Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
edited September 30 in Chit-Chat
Backstory: I had this friend, G, we were on and off when I was with my ex but mainly because of my ex. After separating, I called her to tell her and she jumped right in to help me out: letting me sleep over on the weekends, I was doing my laundry at her place, preparing food for me, helping me unpack and I pass. I did help her too, watched her daughter when G was at the hospital, helped clean up, gave her my big tv when i received my other one, knowing that I had paid 350$ for it and that she needed one.

Then I met my now boyfriend, I didn't see her as often, but we stayed in touch. I started hanging out with J and her husband (that were surrounded by another group most of the time, more acquaintance than friends). G got closer to G2 (G2 use to be in the group just mentionned but broke up with her bf and started spreading rumours about that group). G believes G2. A FB public discussion (that I had to make private many time) occured regarding the fact i'm now friends with J, saying that G2 said things about her, I put J and G2 in contact, G lost it and asked me to choose between her and J.

I didn't make a choice, she chose to end our friendship 3 months after.

Fast forward now, I hear things about how she said negative things about my bf (she is that kind of girl, always negative), negative things about me...but the worst is she says I used her, that she did everything for me and I never turned the favor around.

So long story short, if you offer help to someone in need and this person is grateful but does not necessarily return the favor right away, do you consider that this person used you? I'll voice my opinion after.

Please note that we are talking about a 36 years old woman...

Replies

  • wriglucy
    wriglucy Posts: 1,064 Member
    I wouldn't say so. I know my friends and I help each other out when we need it, even if we happen to go months sometimes without talking. We never keep tabs either as to who owes who. I think that's what true friendship is, helping your friends when they need it, and them being there when you need it.
  • DarkenScorpio
    DarkenScorpio Posts: 37
    This sounds more like high school drama then how 36 year old should be acting... I guess this is what people talk about when they say some people just never grow up?

    And I don't think you used her at all. That is what friends are suppose to be for. They shouldn't expect nor require you to return the favor right away. A friendship is more a understanding that the person will be there for you when you need them. But i'm only 23 what do I know lol
  • abbie017
    abbie017 Posts: 410
    This sounds more like high school drama then how 36 year old should be acting... I guess this is what people talk about when they say some people just never grow up?

    This whole situation sounds like drama, no offense. Facebook messages? Keeping tally of who owes who a favor? Keeping tabs on giving her a TV and dropping the price tag? People getting mad about people being friends with someone else?

    As an outsider, the whole situation sounds a little childish to me...
  • rwd5046
    rwd5046 Posts: 302
    So long story short, if you offer help to someone in need and this person is grateful but does not necessarily return the favor right away, do you consider that this person used you? I'll voice my opinion after.

    Please note that we are talking about a 36 years old woman...

    NO, and the other thing from all this confussion is "Lessons Learned" true friends don't look for the favor returned.
  • Strive2BLean
    Strive2BLean Posts: 300 Member
    No offense but I don't think MFP is a forum for rediculous drama in your life. What's this got to do with MFP. My opinion about friends is that when they need something from you all is fine - when they don't need you for anything they don't want to know you. That has been my experience. Friendship is based on using people, that's what it's about for better or worse. Fact of life.
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    This sounds more like high school drama then how 36 year old should be acting... I guess this is what people talk about when they say some people just never grow up?

    This whole situation sounds like drama, no offense. Facebook messages? Keeping tally of who owes who a favor? Keeping tabs on giving her a TV and dropping the price tag? People getting mad about people being friends with someone else?

    As an outsider, the whole situation sounds a little childish to me...

    Please note that I didn't keep tabs on my side, I was just saying that I wasn't in this whole friendship only receiving, plus when she got to the point of FB, I would copy her wall message in my inbox and reply there asking her to keep it private, which she didn't.
  • PoeRaven
    PoeRaven Posts: 433 Member
    I agree, it all sounds like one of my teenagers in highschool than adults.
    When a friend is in need I offer to help out in any way I can. No strings attached and no expectations of being "repaid" the favor.
    I'll reap my reward later.

    :flowerforyou:
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    No offense but I don't think MFP is a forum for rediculous drama in your life. What's this got to do with MFP. My opinion about friends is that when they need something from you all is fine - when they don't need you for anything they don't want to know you. That has been my experience. Friendship is based on using people, that's what it's about for better or worse. Fact of life.

    wow that is harsh, i'm only asking an opinion being now outside of this situation, I do not believe I used her but I was curious to see what people think sorry if you think i'm being ridiculous, sorry if you mind me sharing what is happening, emotional eating can be triggered by such situation, see there's a link with MFP now.
  • DonaGail
    DonaGail Posts: 190 Member
    This sounds more like high school drama then how 36 year old should be acting... I guess this is what people talk about when they say some people just never grow up?

    This whole situation sounds like drama, no offense. Facebook messages? Keeping tally of who owes who a favor? Keeping tabs on giving her a TV and dropping the price tag? People getting mad about people being friends with someone else?

    As an outsider, the whole situation sounds a little childish to me...

    I was thinking the same thing..I expected this to involve teenagers.
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    I sincerely cut her out of my life, I don't need to owe someone something, true friendship is not that to me. I know she's out there, but it's always nice to see opinions around here.

    She did admit to everything and still stands her point (tried contacting me many times after saying she missed me) but I didn't reply and just took her and her troubles out of my life.
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    And because most of you don't know, I left my ex because of the abuse, so I was pretty low and easy prey too at that time.
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