Over 60 with a full plate of stress

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StonyBrookNana
StonyBrookNana Posts: 14 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been on MFP since last year, lost and gained back with another 10 for good measure. I have 110 pounds to lose and I struggle daily to keep my bad habits in check.

I retired n 2014 and have been babysitting my grandkids to help out my kids. Although I enjoy being able to help, I feel overwhelmed sometimes and physically and mentally drained. My son-in-law stole 40k of my jewelry and it was the police that tied him to the theft. He confessed that he had a serious OxyContin drug problem that none of us picked up on. My daughter suspected his addiction but he always had a good answer and she believed he was clean. After discovering the theft in April 2016, she moved in with us and our then 2 year old granddaughter. He died in October 2016 of a heroin overdose but his parents were and still are in deep denial and blame my daughter for his addiction and death. They are very angry with me because I pressed charges adding more pressure and problems for their only child. My daughter jointly owned the house with her in-laws who now refuse to sell or share the equity, the house is very near foreclosure and is 3 blocks from my house.

I have turned into a therapist helping my 34 year old widowed daughter deal with the tragedy and raising their now 3 year old little girl. We are converting our garage into an apartment for them and I am now helping to raise my granddaughter who is very needy now and misses her Daddy who we say is in Heaven because he was sick.

My 89 year old father-in-law whom I had been caring for needed to move in with his daughter (who resented the new responsibility) .

I care for my other daughter's 2 boys, 4 & 7, after school twice a week because she works very long days and her hubby works nights and care for my sons baby twice a week who just turned 1 while they work. I live on Long Island and my daughter and son commute into the city.

My husband of 37 years suffers from diabetes, congestive heart failure and kidney disease. He is on disability but struggles with depression since he was a successful attorney and now has shortness of breath doing everything and cannot work. I'm trying to build him up and help him adjust to his new normal, he's like another child I'm caring for.

I'm trying to hold everyone afloat and take care of myself but I resort to comfort eating at night when I'm finally alone. I know this doesn't help and although I pay monthly for LA Fitness, I haven't been there in about 5 months. My best friend moved to Florida and we chat regularly by phone but I miss getting together with friends for social and I have lonely moments because there's so few ladies my age interested in a lunch date with me and a toddler.

I need a diet buddy with over 100 pounds to lose so we can support each other and deal with life's struggles.

Replies

  • dejavuohlala
    dejavuohlala Posts: 1,821 Member
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    Hello Peggy, I really feel for you, you have a lot going on I was a carer for 27 years until my daughter passed away. You must take care of yourself to. I don't have 100lbs to lose now but still a way to go, I am 69 but I do relate to you on some issues. You can do this but it's not easy, needs patience and time. I hope you can find the strength as you wil feel better. Good luck Peggy
  • NatYapp1
    NatYapp1 Posts: 14 Member
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    Wow, you sound like a truly amazing and selfless person to do so much for your family, they are incredibly lucky to have you! It is important to keep yourself at the top of the priority list too though, if you don't look after you then you won't be able to look after them, so it is great that you are taking the step to come back on here and I wish you all the very best with it all. I don't have 100lbs to lose but would be happy to be a supportive friend if you want to add me :-)
  • 3rdof7sisters
    3rdof7sisters Posts: 486 Member
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    OMG, so much to deal with. You need to make yourself more of a priority.
    I started here on 1/1/17. I am 65 and still working full time, and very long hours and stressful, but manageable. One daughter, age 32, single, career oriented (but hearing the biological clock ticking) so no grandchildren. Married 41 years. Friend me if you like!
    {{{{Peggyforde}}}}
  • StonyBrookNana
    StonyBrookNana Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you for the kind words, I'm going to focus on one day at a time and I need to log in my meals to help keep me in check.
  • __TMac__
    __TMac__ Posts: 1,665 Member
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    Holy smokes. I'm so sorry that things are so hard.

    I tend to be a "tough love" sort of person, so I hope that's OK. You have got to learn to say "no." As long as you keep saying "yes," they'll keep asking you to take on more. Anyone one of those things would be enough to deal with, but all of them? You're sacrificing yourself, but your kids are adults, and they've got to take responsibility for their own children. If that means they have to pay for daycare, so be it. You are not an on-demand daycare.

    Take care of yourself, your husband, and the family who lives with you. In that order. Then, as you have the energy and desire, you can help out the others. Like they say: When you're on an airplane, put on your own oxygen mask, THEN help other people. Good luck to you!
  • AmberSpamber
    AmberSpamber Posts: 391 Member
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    I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Sometimes life is not fair, but I am happy that you want to take time for yourself to get healthy and on the right path. I do believe that it will be a great stress reliever. I don't have much to loose, but if you ever need support, feel free to add me.
  • DaveDR7
    DaveDR7 Posts: 49 Member
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    Hi Peggy,
    I don't know how you've held it together for so long, most people would be screaming from the rooftops!
    But you've replaced that screaming with comfort eating and let's be honest screaming would be healthier!
    Peggyforde wrote: »
    I have 110 pounds to lose and I struggle daily to keep my bad habits in check.

    You have got to reduce this 'struggle' you're tearing yourself apart. Fortunately or unfortunately other family members must and should take on their own responsibilities and help out where it's needed. But, until you can reduce this type of stress, you're always going to revert to comfort eating
    Peggyforde wrote: »
    My 89 year old father-in-law whom I had been caring for needed to move in with his daughter (who resented the new responsibility) .
    I'm hoping this responsibility is one you have been able to shed!?
    Peggyforde wrote: »
    I care for my other daughter's 2 boys, 4 & 7, after school twice a week because she works very long days and her hubby works nights and care for my sons baby twice a week who just turned 1 while they work. I live on Long Island and my daughter and son commute into the city.
    Is there no after school organisations that can take on some of the responsibilities? Sometimes there are highly qualified people that can help to reduce some of the stress by taking the kids 1 or 2 days?
    Peggyforde wrote: »
    I'm trying to hold everyone afloat and take care of myself but I resort to comfort eating at night when I'm finally alone. I know this doesn't help and although I pay monthly for LA Fitness, I haven't been there in about 5 months. My best friend moved to Florida and we chat regularly by phone but I miss getting together with friends for social and I have lonely moments because there's so few ladies my age interested in a lunch date with me and a toddler.

    You need to get out more to find new friends and you will only be able to do that if you reduce your responsibilities.

    You need to stock up on low calorie foods that you can eat pretty much all you want and ditch the unhealthy treats (even if you pretend they're for the kids).

    When you do look after the kids, get them to join in your new fun regime, you can play in the garden, throwing balls, stretching, gentle jogging, anything that keeps you moving, this has two benefits, it tires out the kids and gets you on the road to becoming fitter. Try 15 mins at first, then increase, you'll be at 1 hour in no time at all and easily burning an extra 300calories each day!
    Have a small cookie jar for the kids only, if they play for 30 mins or more. Can you take them for walks around your local views?

    Get this into your head, you need to increase your moving, reduce your comfort eating, increase your healthy foods and do this for a target of 1 week!
    Once you hit this, your second week will just be easier; because you tend to sneak a snack, monitor all your foods and put them into MFP, don't cheat and weigh yourself, try first thing in the morning, straight after any type of exercise (fun or serious) and before you go to bed, if you see your weight go up, you have just got to get more committed, but once you tip the scales in the right direction, there should be no stopping you! By time you see your 3rd and 4th week out you should be nearly 3-4% closer to your goal and I'm sure you'll want to be another 1% closer by the following week and so on.

    Try gardening, painting, as things around you improve, it should help your mindset and these exercises will help to burn some calories too!
    Don't start trying to do all at once, this is where doing a little bit at a time will improve everything in time, so start with 15 mins in the garden weeding, digging out the grass from in between the paving stones.

    Then inside, paint a radiator after rubbing it down first, do the same to skirting board.
    Then continue and possibly try some gentle weight exercising, starting with 2lb weights and slowly working up by repeating the exercises or increasing the weights

    "I need a diet buddy with over 100 pounds to lose so we can support each other and deal with life's struggles"
    I'm sure you will find plenty of good people on here to help you on your journey to a better life and a healthier life!

    If you've got this far, I've just exercised your eyes and probably arms for holding a phone up for last 15 mins ........ you can thank me later!
  • StonyBrookNana
    StonyBrookNana Posts: 14 Member
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    Such wonderful advice, thank you for listening to my "Dr. Phil" drama. I do need to learn to say no more often, it's just so hard and I cave in if I see a disappointed face. I love the suggestion of getting out with the kids, and exercising slowly at first. Provided there's no snow on the ground, I need to do this starting tomorrow. I'm going to try and make small steps to take back my life. I have great motivation during the day and I'm busy running around, but it's the nightly alone time I have to stop snacking.

    My sister-in-law has agreed to take in her father but I feel such guilt because he was so happy with us and she's resentful that we can no longer care for him and he spends his days in one room.
  • wendy_darling
    wendy_darling Posts: 1 Member
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    You've heard of one day at a time but it sounds like you need to celebrate successes one hour at a time. Every hour or when you need a good thought, ask yourself, what was something positive I did in the last hour that made me feel good or got me closer to my goal. It could be as simple as I only ate a half a slice of cheese instead of a whole slice. Add up all the small wins and know how awesome you are!

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