i'm at a lost for words. i need serious help

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  • jjoejmca
    jjoejmca Posts: 1 Member
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    It can be many things because as other have stated you have not provided enough information. Some people eat their personal pain, some because it feels like being home with their family when they were a young child, some because it is a reward, etc., etc., etc... In my opinion, it does not matter why? It only matters what you to to correct the behavior!

    A wise doctor that saved my life, once told me that you did not come to weight 264 lbs overnight, over months, over years; no it took decades, and it will take just as long to take it back off, plus just a little longer because you are older now, and you metabolism is slowing down. Which is great news for you because you can adjust your horizon for successfully completing your goal!

    Change is hard, but PERMANENT CHANGE is the hardest, by the key to success. The good news is you are tougher than fat. You lost 105 lbs. before, and you will crush your challenge yet again, if you decide that is what you MUST DO, and are committed to your goal!

    Have you ever heard about the ham and the eggs? See the chicken is involved, kinda like you losing 105 lbs & gaining it back, but the ham is committed (they kill the pig to get the ham; kinda like you if you keep dragging around an extra 105 lbs. because you have not COMMITTED, to controlling your daily intake for the rest of your life; yea, THE REST OF YOUR LIFE). Sounds very cold and insensitive, doesn't it? So is death! Got it? I knew you did.

    About now you are asking yourself "Who is this jerk?" or "I am looking for help, because I am having cravings, not getting this negative response". No you are looking for support for a position (let me eat what I want), that is unsustainable! God willing you are going to live, why not commit to having the best time doing it, and enjoy each day of it? Or you can play this game with yourself for a few more years gaining more weight, and getting unhealthy making it that more difficult for you to ever get back to your normal weight.

    Who am I? I am a 63 year old male, who is 100% disabled person, and totally disabled Veteran. After severing this great country of ours, I when into software industry working my way up the corporate ladder and eventually earning the position of Vice President of Sales and Marketing for a prominent company. I have flown over three million air miles on American Airlines, another 1.5 million on Delta and 3-400,000 on various smaller carries to numerous to name. I made a lot of money, and both my family and I saw much of the world. I put both my sons through prestigious Universities, cash, no loans, no debt, cash! Why do you care? Because I ate out on the road nine times a week, eventually ballooning to 264 lbs on a 6 foot frame in 2011. My family's DNA has kidney problems which started for me in 2003. I did what doctors told me an took the pills I need to take. I exercised daily jogging at first, then walking 3 miles a day at least 4 times a week in hills around our home since I was 37 years old. I ran for airplanes three times a day, averaging about eleven plane trips a week, every week as I had for twenty-one years. I did, that is until October 2011 when I was sick for two months straight, 1st flu symptoms that would not go away four straight weeks of medication. Then in November I slept 23 hours a day, every day and I turned 58. In December I had bronchitis that required a week long hospital stay. Two weeks later, I was back with Phenomena for another week stay, getting released on Christmas Eve. I started dialysis, because of renal failure on December 27, 2011. This continued six hours per session for three days a week, every week until recently when I received a kidney transplant from which I am recovering.

    All of this because I would not slow down enough to change my eating habits, and take serious account of what was really important in my life; my health! I do not care about money, I never did. Looks fade, friends change, but the best friends are there threw it all. Know how many best friends I have presently? Four, my wife, my two sons, and one other male after sixty-three years. Do you know how I know? They were the people running toward me trying to save me when my life literally started burning to the ground.

    So when I write, I understand how hard on you these cravings are for you to control; I really do understand! However, I also know that you can change your habits and gain a life alternating solution for yourself that will help make you one of the happiest people on the planet.

    I can not put anyone else first before my health. I can't serve them, if I am unable to stand as a person in good health because I am to sick to do so. Therefore, they lose, and I lose.

    I made these changes that have resulted in my losing fifty-nine pounds this far and counting; that is right, I weighted in at 205 lbs today and I am going to get to 180 lbs. so I can see and play with my grand children.

    The following are habits made the difference for me and can do the same for you in your efforts to lose the 105 lbs. you gained back. However, more importantly these "great habits" can help you keep the weight off, so you never have to lose it again saving your health for the rest of your long and happy life.

    1. Exercise for a minimum, at least 4 days a week, for a minimum of 30 minutes per session. Vary your exercising, one day walking at a brisk pace, one swimming continuously for 30 minutes, on weight lifting continuously for 30 minutes, one yoga continuously for 30 minutes, etc... This stops you from getting bored with repeating on routine.
    2. Meditate (quiet room, breathing deeply, thinking of nothing, except just being with the natural world, for at least twenty minutes, but thirty minutes is best). Please do this early in the morning, or right before bed. Eventually, you will evolve to incorporate each session (morning and night) each day, which is the best.
    3. Water (70 ounces) per day. Never miss this requirement, each day. Hydration, makes your skin look younger.
    4. CHANGE YOUR DIET TO 75 PERCENT PLANT BASED, and within three months, move it to 80 plant based. Why? Antioxidants. You will lower your blood pressure (helps you lose weight), remove free radicals from your body, helping you lose weight. Kale, blueberries, apples, water melon is a super fruit, broccoli, peas, spinach, etc... this means 6-8 servings of vegetables per day and 4-6 of fruit per day.
    5. If you make an error on day in eating the wrong foods, stop the bleeding right there! This is key to recognize and admit your error to yourself while looking in a mirror so you have to face up to yourself, and ask, is this who you want to be as a person? Well then stop doing what you know will hurt you and your health in the end. It stops right here and resolve to make the change and immediately take action and change your behavior. I promise you from that moment forward the cravings will stop! Your body will stop craving because you have directed it to do so.
    6. NEVER EAT AFTER 7:00 PM IN THE EVENING, NEVER! Drink water if you get hungry but do not eat or snack.
    7. Sacks, 3 oz. of peanuts, walnuts (best, brain food), almonds, cashews, etc... with raisins, or crab-rasins, dried apricots, dried cherries, etc... light on fruit here, dried fruit is high in sugar. Fresh or dried vegetables, or fresh fruit (small apple) are great snack. Have three main meals breakfast, lunch, and dinner with two snacks per day 10 AM, 2:30 PM.
    9. Never drink soda, drink water. If you have to have coffee, limit it to once a day around 10 AM. Make sure to drink water when you first get up, sixteen ounces is a good start to the day with breakfast. Or you could try unsweetened almond milk. These are the best choices.
    10. Portion control - meat, chicken (4 ounces per meal), fish (6 ounces per meal). Vegetables eat as much as you want to fill your cravings. Fruit have 5 ounces per meal, Pasta 1/2 cup per meal, 3 oz potatoes, or other carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are limit to 30 grams for breakfast; example 3/4 cup cereal with 1/2 cup of whole milk without anything else, 30 carbohydrates. 1 whole egg, 3 egg white omelette with 2 oz ham, 1 oz cheese, 2 oz vegetables, with tomato slices, with 16 oz of water, not even 9 carbohydrates for the entire meal. Lunch - 2 pieces of bread (30 carbohydrates) turkey, lettuce and tomato with 1.5 ounces of mayonnaise with 16 oz of water, less than 45 carbohydrates. Diner - Baked potato, 3 oz of mashed potato, or 2 oz of french fries with a burger, pork, chicken, beef, or fish (6oz.) with 3 oz of vegetables, again under 45 grams carbohydrates. Key it to eat less than 30 carbohydrates for breakfast, 45 carbohydrates for lunch, and 45 carbohydrates for dinner which totals to 120 carbohydrates in a day total! One medium milk shake, or coke, and you are over for the day with no eating no other bread, fries, potatoes etc...

    Hope this helps you as it has me. If you follow this regiment for a three months and continue you will have the occupational craving by you will be in control and can deny delaying your progress because of a superficial feeling. Really, a craving, a craving, up against living the healthy life you want, deserve, and say you are committed too. Now you will find out what you really want! Good Luck
  • xizziz
    xizziz Posts: 172 Member
    edited February 2017
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    I can speak personally on this as I have previously lost over fifty pounds about ten years ago, Once lost I gained seventy pounds. I ate what I wanted but was just counting my calories, was starving ALL OF THE TIME, went on an occasional binge - but was determined. But ultimately I gained it all back and then some.

    In January of 1995 I weighed 195 pounds. About eighteen months ago, I started dieting again, still just counting calories. In March I suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm and almost died. I have since become fanatic about my health, found I had to change my eating habits as I have never ate healthy. I went to a nutritionist and found what to eat, such as correct number of carbs, fat, all of that stuff.

    Once I knew to eat only healthy and organic foods, I started my journey again and because of the change in my eating habits, I am not overeating the fats, sweets, etc - I no longer have those cravings - ever. I'm still losing, have about 7 more pounds to reach 135.

    So in my personal experience, it was not only counting my calories, but the type food I was eating - once I changed to eating healthy, the binges were no longer a problem

    Everyone is different, I hope you find the method that works for you :)

    Hugs,
    Xizzi
  • xizziz
    xizziz Posts: 172 Member
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    Radically changing your diet is a difficult task, but not impossible. You will learn how to cook healthier, make substitutions so you can eat nearly what everyone else does - minus the bad stuff :)
  • suzesvelte
    suzesvelte Posts: 134 Member
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    SadDolt, I am sorry that you are in this fix.
    There are all sort of suggestions in here already, and sooner or later you will settle on something that suits you. Weight gain and weight loss are vasty complicated issues, involving various aspects of our brain, our gut and our cultural patterns and personal habits.

    I agree that shifting from zero to hero overnight is a big stretch, and the best place to start is with accurate logging and then tweaking what you normally eat to reduce calories and increase its nutrient quality. The better quality food you eat the better you feel in the long-run.

    Your post about binging makes it sound like you are rebelling from the control you are trying to exercise, and that suggests you are trying too hard. Setting easier goals can make it easier to do. Again, long-term, cos if you are going to make this work it has to be forever, realistic and sustainable - not a quickfix for weight loss only.

    I strongly encourage you to look at this site, which tackles the psychology of wanting to binge:
    http://brainoverbinge.com/
    There are some good tips in there on recognising what is happening in your brain when you want to binge, and training yourself in new habits. I have made a huge difference to myself by learning to understand the two voices in my head (you know, the sensible adult-human one and the petulant-immediate-gratification one!)

    On the subject of psychology - I also advise changing your name! Everytime you log on and see that name you are re-affriming yourself as a failure. How negative is that? I have chosen a more aspirational name - I WILL be svelte. You don't have to go that far, but you really should get a nicer name and try to imagine yourself succeeding in this, not putting yourself down.

    I hope this helps
    x
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    edited February 2017
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    I'm sorry your parents never instilled healthy eating or exposed you to the variety of foods life has to offer. They have done you a major disservice. There is so much more out there than spinach and string beans... though I do like both of those!! Yum!!

    Definitely start with calories, THEN make gradual changes to healthier options.

    Just because you were raised eating certain foods doesn't mean you must eat only foods like that forever. I was raised having pizza every Friday night, donuts every Sunday morning, velveeta or kraft macaroni and cheese at least once a week, cereal for breakfast... and I eat exactly NONE of those things now.

    I also found out later in life that I have a gluten/wheat sensitivity (that explains my terrible gas pains every morning after breakfast and why I used to have constipation off and on for sometimes days), and also have a bad reaction to certain fruits (pineapple, kiwi), so it's completely possible to work around allergies and sensitivities and still eat healthy.

    I also have a friend who has allergies and/or sensitivities to: sea food, shell fish, gluten, soy, nuts, red meat, and dairy... Still, she is one of the healthiest eaters I know.

    So don't use upbringing or allergies as an excuse because lots of people are able to change their eating habits later in life and work around allergies and restrictions- it is totally possible.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Salad every day is not that monotonous either- if you switch up the ingredients and dressings you can get a lot of variety and different flavors.

    One day you can do romaine lettuce and cherry tomatoes and radishes and parsley with a creamy dressing, the next day do spinach and carrot and beet salad with balsamic dressing, the next kale and cabbage and mushrooms and cucumbers with an Asian dressing, the next mixed greens with crumbled goat cheese and dried cranberries with a raspberry vinaigrette... there are so many options and ways to switch it up!!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,769 Member
    edited February 2017
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    And soups @courtneyfabulous and eggs if they can be used (especially when additional egg whites are used to bulk up the portion, increase the protein, and reduce the calories).

    You know you can even eat cereal and junk and make it relatively low calorie junk for the bulk and satiation you derive from it.
    Ground Cinnamon, 1 gram 3 1 0 0 0 1
    Fry's (Canada) - Cocoa Powder, 6 gram 24 2 1 1 42 2
    Kellog's Canada - All Bran Buds, 28 gram 70 22 1 3 170 11
    Silk - Creamy Cashew Unsweetened Vanilla (Canada), 40 milliliter 4 0 0 0 27 0
    Jell-o (Jello - Refrigerated, Chocolate Pudding, No Sugar, 424 g 200 44 6 8 720 4

    301 Calories of junk making just over 500g of a chocolate pudding-like yet very filling desert sitting in my tummy.
    (nutritionally much better if I were to use artificially sweetened yoplait source 0% or greek 0% yogurt instead. doing so and increasing the cocoa slightly would yield similar consistency for less calories and more protein for a better profile. but I was blowing calories tonight and already had 140+g protein and my fridge is full of jello puddings, sooooo....)

    Again though all of this is not necessary for weight loss. What IS necessary for the OP to do is LOG and start looking for small changes to make. A process of continuous change and improvement will get her to where she wants to be in no time!
  • dawntarbox
    dawntarbox Posts: 27 Member
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    I am currently down 64lbs and I've realized that what has helped me this time around is drinking a ton of water, especially right when I wake up. I have also gotten into the habit of walking. Started out slow a half a mile here and there now up to about 10 miles a day (in the spring and summer). Winter is more difficult, however I make excuses to walk close by as much as I can handle bundling up in the Maine weather.

    I do count my calories as well. However pay closer attention to the portions and the types of food I eat. We have slowly made big changes in our families eating habits. From canned veggies to steamed fresh. Tacos all the time to lettuce boats. It hasn't been all fun and games. Especially with 3 kiddos to please lol.

    I guess what I'm saying is give yourself a break. Do what you know works for you and slowly add more exercise and healthier eating habits.

    It will get easier and become second nature.

    Good luck.
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    Francl27 wrote: »
    People have unrealistic expectations, pick very ambitious goals, then crash and burn. It happens all the time.

    Switch to losing 1 lb a week, eat things you like within your calories, be active so you can eat more, and you'll be less likely to binge and give up. I never even considered the 'lose 2 lbs a week' setting. I lost 80 lbs with a 500 calorie deficit.

    And log everything and keep your diary private if you have to!

    Thank you! The sad reality is that less than 10% of people who lose weight keep it off. Taking the approach of radical exclusion of foods you love is, in my opinion, a recipe for failure. It takes time, it's never perfect, but trying to go cold turkey and eat things you don't like will almost certainly lead to failure. Eat what you love in moderation with an eye toward macro nutrients while keeping calories in check is, in my opinion, the best recipe for long term success.
  • SadDolt
    SadDolt Posts: 173 Member
    edited February 2017
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    Francl27 wrote: »
    People have unrealistic expectations, pick very ambitious goals, then crash and burn. It happens all the time.

    Switch to losing 1 lb a week, eat things you like within your calories, be active so you can eat more, and you'll be less likely to binge and give up. I never even considered the 'lose 2 lbs a week' setting. I lost 80 lbs with a 500 calorie deficit.

    And log everything and keep your diary private if you have to!

    so true. i just really want to get the weight off, so i can live my life the way i want ASAP. i'm not getting any younger xD the fact that it might take 2 years to lose everything, made me want to lose faster
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,982 Member
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    Count me as another vote for less aggressive goals and taking cooking classes.
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    ASAP is not for weight loss. Weight loss is neither fast, nor linear unfortunately. You may see some weigh ins with big loss, and some with a little gain (especially if you have 'that time of the month').

    Eat foods that you like - you can choose to eat 'clean' (pick a version), or paleo, or keto, or however as long as you can maintain it because you want to be able to keep eating within your caloric budget as time goes on.
    Usually I eat the same things for breakfast (PB sandwich) and lunch (chicken thighs, at least 3 servings veggies), and dinner is a crapshoot usually a frozen dinner. If I get bored, I mix them up either using spices, or sauces (bbq, thai peanut, green chile, etc) so there's variety, and mixing between maybe beef for some days and chicken thighs for the others.

    The most important thing for me was NOT cutting a lot of foods out, because that did lead me to over eat (eat all the cookies!), then learning how to eat proper portions of those foods, and that's it. A lot of it is weighing out a portion, then putting the rest away (if it's still around, I'm probably going to reach for more). There's good days and bad days for most of us, and the important thing is not to beat yourself for the bad days, just to not keep that pattern. There are days when I cringe to log my foods, but I still log it because it happened and my log is a record I want as accurate as possible. Your diary isn't public, so post those foods, no one is going to point fingers.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    edited February 2017
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    SadDolt wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    People have unrealistic expectations, pick very ambitious goals, then crash and burn. It happens all the time.

    Switch to losing 1 lb a week, eat things you like within your calories, be active so you can eat more, and you'll be less likely to binge and give up. I never even considered the 'lose 2 lbs a week' setting. I lost 80 lbs with a 500 calorie deficit.

    And log everything and keep your diary private if you have to!

    so true. i just really want to get the weight off, so i can live my life the way i want ASAP. i'm not getting any younger xD the fact that it might take 2 years to lose everything, made me want to lose faster

    We would all choose to do it overnight if we could, but which scenario do you think works better in the end: choosing 1 lb/week, not feeling deprived, having plenty of energy, and a year from now being 50 lbs lighter, or choosing 2 lbs/week, quickly taking off a few lbs, but finding yourself unable or unwilling to maintain that deficit, and maybe giving up altogether, leaving you either the same weight or heavier in a year? I'm not saying 2 lbs/week is never a good option, but a person needs to go with what works best for them in the long run.

    Also, you don't need to put your life on hold until you lose weight. Pick something you've always wanted to do and start taking baby steps towards doing it. :)
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    try2again wrote: »
    SadDolt wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    People have unrealistic expectations, pick very ambitious goals, then crash and burn. It happens all the time.

    Switch to losing 1 lb a week, eat things you like within your calories, be active so you can eat more, and you'll be less likely to binge and give up. I never even considered the 'lose 2 lbs a week' setting. I lost 80 lbs with a 500 calorie deficit.

    And log everything and keep your diary private if you have to!

    so true. i just really want to get the weight off, so i can live my life the way i want ASAP. i'm not getting any younger xD the fact that it might take 2 years to lose everything, made me want to lose faster

    We would all choose to do it overnight if we could, but which scenario do you think works better in the end: choosing 1 lb/week, not feeling deprived, having plenty of energy, and a year from now being 50 lbs lighter, or choosing 2 lbs/week, quickly taking off a few lbs, but finding yourself unable or unwilling to maintain that deficit, and maybe giving up altogether, leaving you either the same weight or heavier in a year? I'm not saying 2 lbs/week is never a good option, but a person needs to go with what works best for them in the long run.

    Also, you don't need to put your life on hold until you lose weight. Pick something you've always wanted to do and start taking baby steps towards doing it. :)

    Yeah I put so much of my life on hold for the dumbest reasons- I either felt too fat or was waiting until I was in a serious relationship... I mean really? And many were things I could technically do at any size and while single. Why was I waiting?! Live your life now, don't wait for that. Just lose weight along the way.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
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    Instead of eating 1200-1600, eat 1600-1800. Don't let yourself go below 1600 for those first 2 weeks. And especially for week 3, but start sooner, plan your day in the morning. Prelog meals and snacks. You can make changes if you need/want to, but having a plan for the day may help you stay on track.

    By eating at least 1600, you will be having larger portions and/or greater variety in your food choices. This and the planning should be able to keep you in control.

    Other than that, you've got to come to terms with the fact that this is all up to you. Your body is not forcing you to eat, and neither is any other outside force. If you binge its because you let yourself lose control. Your first post sounds like you are not taking any personal accountability. Accepting that you alone decide what goes in your body may be your big first step.
    SadDolt wrote: »
    so 4 weeks ago i started by weight loss and in 2 weeks i lost 4.2lbs. but these last two weeks have been awful and i binged a lot. this is my second time losing weight, before i lost 105lbs easy, but gained it back because of hard times. this second time around it feels like my body is working against me. i do great for 2 weeks and then by the 3rd week i can't stop eating, and have so many cravings. it's like my body is forcing me to gain back whatever i lost. i know my calories can't be too low because i'm never weak. i eat anything from 1200-1600. i eat whatever i want but i count calories. this the exact way i did it the first time i lost weight, but now it's hopeless and i'm so effing hungry.

    when i gain back all the weight i lost (4 pounds) i'm back to not having uncontrollable cravings and i can easily control my calorie intake again. but when i lose the 4 or 5lbs again i get super hungry again. what the hell is going on? i ALWAYS lose control on the 3rd week. it's like clock work

    anyone else have this problem but overcame it and lost the weight??? :(

  • can111
    can111 Posts: 63 Member
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    MissBecca145 wrote: »
    Nutrient. Dense. Foods.

    Protein (without breading/deep frying), veggies (not incl. potato, she's in the carb family), whole grains/complex carbs (if you are allowing them). I watch my sugar, cook 8/10 things from scratch (which doesn't have to take too much time if you're smart about it). And of course meal prepping works for some.

    I agree with what this person said. I try to find foods that keep me filled. If I eat a bagel I will be hungry soon after. Oatmeal, chia seeds (just discovered those recently), about 10 almonds, berries will keep me full until lunch. I have successfully found that eating little to no sugar/white flour works very well for me.

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