My daughter

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havingitall
havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband and I have started eating a lot healthier this year. My 16 year old daughter, who unfortunately is built the way I was at that age, could really do well from eating this way too. Instead, she gets mad at us, says we are obsessing on our bodies and has decided she wants to stay at her Dad's house for a month ( he weighs about 400lbs)

How do we lead her gently to the path of eating healthy and regular exercise?

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  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    My husband and I have started eating a lot healthier this year. My 16 year old daughter, who unfortunately is built the way I was at that age, could really do well from eating this way too. Instead, she gets mad at us, says we are obsessing on our bodies and has decided she wants to stay at her Dad's house for a month ( he weighs about 400lbs)

    How do we lead her gently to the path of eating healthy and regular exercise?
  • TRLTAMPA
    TRLTAMPA Posts: 824
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    I'm working on this with my own 11yr old. She's not overweight but I see her bad habits. I also know that at this VERY hormonal stage, I don't want to give her a complex. I have incorporated her into my fitness routine and she likes the alone time. I let her still have the bad foods she likes, but if she balances it out with some veggies. I cook her "bad" food in a more healthy way and she doesn't mind.
    I think they key is to not push it on her too much. Let her feel like it's her choice.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    at sixteen, she is not in charge of whether she stays at Dad's house for a month. she is also not in charge of buying the groceries. Don't tell her what to do, just only provide healthy food in the house. Maybe she feels bad that you are getting healthier and she isn't. you can't make her exercise, but you can only provide good food choices. teenagers need to feel like they are breaking away from their parents, and that's fine, but custody arrangements are not up to her. whatever the arrangement has been, you need to let her know it will continue to be. if she goes over there every other weekend, it stays that way. when she sees you getting slimmer, maybe she will want to get on board. maybe not. all you can do is show her the way, it will be up to her to do it or not.

    good luck-
  • oregonlady
    oregonlady Posts: 2,743 Member
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    i have simmilar issiues w/ my 15yr son. :grumble:
    my guess is that typical teenage stuff plays a big role in this battle. :wink:
    i will not claim to know the cure for our delimas, but i honestly believe we are doing best by setting good examples and allowing our teens to make their own choices. :noway: boy that can be hard!:noway:


    robin:heart:
  • hmo4
    hmo4 Posts: 1,673 Member
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    Don't buy any crappy food. I always try to teach and not preach. When they choose proper selections, I tell them what an awesome balanced meal they're eating, etc. When my 11 yr old is eating something, I'll tell her oh, you're missing your protein that will make your bones strong and so you'll have beautiful teeth-want some cheese, etc. She's still easy to influence. I think you should stop saying anything, you don't want her at his house, that's for sure. She'll see by example. Keep up your good work. 16 yr olds know everything, don't you know?:flowerforyou:
  • sussemaus
    sussemaus Posts: 18 Member
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    I don't post much, but this is a good topic.
    I think you should sit your daughter down and talk to her. At 16 of course she wants to be independent and treated like an adult, but she needs to know there are limits. You should tell her that getting healthy is NOT obsessing about your body. You should also explain to her the types of health problems that can result from bad eating choices. Tell the real facts honestly and assume she is mature enough (which will make her feel better).
    I can say from personal experience if someone had sat me down at 16 and told me this i would be in better shape. At 22 i am now have to make huge changes in my eating and exercising habits. You tell her that learning now will make it easier to make better choices when she is no longer at home. Also the longer you have bad habits the harder it is to break them.
    Good Luck! Don't push her too hard and like someone else said only provide her with healthy choices. Not every yummy food has to be forbidden, maybe just prepared differently or portioned better.
  • madmisskelly
    madmisskelly Posts: 42
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    When I was about 14 i weighed about 150. I was heavy and unhealthy. I finally got frustrated and decided it was time. I was crying at the thought of my weight and finally just got pissed off. My parents admitted that I was unhealthy, ate portons too big, and my dad said that at one point when he went to pick me up from school that he didnt even recognize me from far away.
    They did get on board with me though and we all ate healthier and exercised.

    I guess that sometimes you have to be blunt. I would try what others said. Only provide healthy foods in the house.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    We do only have healthy foods in the house but,since she earns her own money at a part time job, she eats garbage at school for lunch. As well, her Dad has horrible eating habits and he always has junk food at his house, hence the reason she wants to go visit for a while.

    I cannot prevent her from staying at her dad's for a few weeks, it is in the agreement and I can't ask him to feed her healthy food ( why would he ever listen to me)

    I just know when she is at home it is clean healthy eating. It may seem different and "obsessive" to her but hopefully one day it will rub off on her.
  • astarte09
    astarte09 Posts: 531 Member
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    When I was 16, I nobody could talk to me!! At school, if you are on a diet, kids actually make fun of you, cause then they know your are unhappy with the way you look.. That is how it was when I was in school anyways.. I was very fit in high school from dancing, but I saw people talk crap to people all the time..my best friend is 300lbs at 5'4" and was that way in high school. When she was eating junk, nobody said anything, but when she was eating a salad or something, people would make comments like "that aint gonna help fat as*." Kids are mean...
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    How overweight is she? Are we talking 20lbs extra or 100lbs?

    This has to be her choice. You can be open, let her know if she wants to workout and exercise, you'd be glad to take her with you or set up a routine for her. Let her know you'd be glad to help her learn what healthier foods she can make (with you or her dad) that are still yummy.

    If she is more in line with the 100lbs overweight category, make an appointment for a physical with the doctor. Explain beforehand the situation to the doctor. See if the doc can explain in non-confrontational ways why a healthy weight must be maintained (not 'why she needs to diet', you know?).

    She can run to her daddy's. I remember having the choice in my parent's divorce and I stayed with my mom 24/7 at that age. However, I think she is afraid of being the fat daughter in the skinny family. Even more, I think she may be afraid of "dieting" and failing.

    I wish you much luck with this situation!! My daughter is 3 and I've already started to think about how in the world I will try to handle these kinds of issues as she gets older.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Unfortunately, at 16 years old it now has to be HER choice. Who she is has been mostly formed, making those huge changes is not something you can control anymore. I was an overweight child, an overweight teen and I am now an overweight young adult.

    I never LIKED being fat, but I never really sought to make that change until just last year. She has to come around by herself. You can't make her eat healthy, you can't make her exercise. You can only lead by example. Speaking as someone who wasn't a teen too long ago, don't pressure her, it will just make her push back harder and possibly alienate her. Assure her that you love her and you respect her choices.

    If you are REALLY concerned about her health (she is morbidly obese and you see health risks) consult her pediatrician. Have him talk to her. Oftentimes teens will take the word of a professional before they will take the word of their parents. :ohwell:

    As far as living with her father, that is something that is a family matter and you and yours need to work out. :flowerforyou:
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    How overweight is she? Are we talking 20lbs extra or 100lbs?

    This has to be her choice. You can be open, let her know if she wants to workout and exercise, you'd be glad to take her with you or set up a routine for her. Let her know you'd be glad to help her learn what healthier foods she can make (with you or her dad) that are still yummy.

    If she is more in line with the 100lbs overweight category, make an appointment for a physical with the doctor. Explain beforehand the situation to the doctor. See if the doc can explain in non-confrontational ways why a healthy weight must be maintained (not 'why she needs to diet', you know?).

    She can run to her daddy's. I remember having the choice in my parent's divorce and I stayed with my mom 24/7 at that age. However, I think she is afraid of being the fat daughter in the skinny family. Even more, I think she may be afraid of "dieting" and failing.

    I wish you much luck with this situation!! My daughter is 3 and I've already started to think about how in the world I will try to handle these kinds of issues as she gets older.

    Lauren, I should have just read your post first and said ditto. :tongue: :laugh:
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    How overweight is she? Are we talking 20lbs extra or 100lbs?

    This has to be her choice. You can be open, let her know if she wants to workout and exercise, you'd be glad to take her with you or set up a routine for her. Let her know you'd be glad to help her learn what healthier foods she can make (with you or her dad) that are still yummy.

    If she is more in line with the 100lbs overweight category, make an appointment for a physical with the doctor. Explain beforehand the situation to the doctor. See if the doc can explain in non-confrontational ways why a healthy weight must be maintained (not 'why she needs to diet', you know?).

    She can run to her daddy's. I remember having the choice in my parent's divorce and I stayed with my mom 24/7 at that age. However, I think she is afraid of being the fat daughter in the skinny family. Even more, I think she may be afraid of "dieting" and failing.

    I wish you much luck with this situation!! My daughter is 3 and I've already started to think about how in the world I will try to handle these kinds of issues as she gets older.

    Lauren, I should have just read your post first and said ditto. :tongue: :laugh:


    Great minds, Hannah. Great minds. :wink:
  • MFS27
    MFS27 Posts: 549 Member
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    I agree with what the previous posters have said, also - can you involve your daughter more in preparing the food? Does she like to cook? Maybe the two of you could sign up for a class at the community college or something - dance, or even pottery (something that does not involve unhealthy food and promotes bonding.)

    My girls are 8 and 10 - so I don't have experience raising teens (other than my own personal experience), and I'm hoping that the things I'm showing and doing with my girls now will form how they make choices later. I do know that - even as a teen - it would have meant a lot to me if my mom wanted to do stuff with me or invited me to help her plan meals, etc.
  • KirstenJ
    KirstenJ Posts: 19 Member
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    From my own personal exsperience i don't think there is any thing you can really do to help your daughter. I myself, at 15, was 185 pounds. My parents had told me I needed to lose weight, exspecially my father, and for me, that was heart breaking. The last person you want to hear that you have to lose weight from is your parents. Eventually your daughter will have to learn to make the decsion of losing weight on her own. That's how it went for me. In the mean time maybe you will just have to work around her and she will see the differences in yourself and your husband and begin to realize what is right and what is wrong.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    I wish you much luck with this situation!! My daughter is 3 and I've already started to think about how in the world I will try to handle these kinds of issues as she gets older.

    I don't even have kids and I think about it!

    You provided very sound advice in my opinion. Advice that I'm definitely taking in and I'm not even in the situation! Well done :smile:
  • chwilson
    chwilson Posts: 6
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    I am just entering into this stage as well. My daughter is almost a teen and thankfully she is a skinny minny, but I want her to have healthy eating habits so that when her body changes she is not set up for frustration. I always try to keep fresh fruit in the house and I just started to buy Fat free muffins for breakfast. I made some up and put them in the freezer. 20 sec and their done.

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