i have a lack of self confidence

*BUMP*

Self esteem is just that. It resides in YOU. Nobody can give it to you, get it for you, or teach you how to have it. You have to find it within yourself.

Try focusing on what you LIKE about yourself, even if it isn't physical.

Confidence has NOTHING to do with size. I have learned since exiting my teens that I have no issue with self confidence and being comfortable with who I am, being comfortable in my own skin.

What made me that way? I decided that since I believed I was basically a good person, with good values and treated others well that it really did not matter what anyone else thought of me-which included how I looked. What does some random stranger's opinion of me mean to me anyway? How does it impact my life? It doesn't-unless I ALLOW it to. I am in control.

You just need to learn to build yourself up and not place so much importance on others. At the end of the day, YOU are the ONLY person whom has to look at you in the mirror each morning and live with what you see. Make it an image you like and can live with. And remember-that is NOT skin deep.

Sarah

Honestly, and this sounds cheesy, but until you do get further along in your weight loss, I would suggest some new clothes. Look up some things on line about your body type and really dress to flatter it. I know I feel terrible about myself when I'm just wearing whatever highlights what I think are my problem areas- even if others don't agree!

Sounds like you're getting a lot of negativity from people in your life about your body, and that's a shame. Your body is your business and no one else's, but unfortunately, internalizing this kind of stuff is sometimes impossible not to do. Have you told them your weight loss plans? How you feel about yourself? Maybe trying to explain that you're self-conscious about it will stop the comments and comparisons. It's extremely hard to self-improve without a support system.

If that's a bust- YOU HAVE ONE HERE. Try to block out all the negative comments and sign in here and really tear up the message boards.

And ultimately- EXERCISE. Not just for weight loss, so that you are more "acceptable to others." But purely for the mental boost and confidence that it naturally gives you.

I can only speak for myself and say it was a long process!

Really, it started with doing little things for myself. I would go places by myself that were originally considered for couples/groups only, like the movies. (Okay, maybe no one going alone to a movie ever got booted out, but it felt weird.) Or the bookstore - I'd go, buy a coffee, grab a bunch of books, find a couch, and read for hours. That was HEAVENLY. And no one there EVER said, "Hey, what are you doing here, you weirdo?"

Beyond that...a lot of it was faking it until it really happened. I'd have imaginary conversations with myself where people would compliment me and I'd graciously accept their praise, rather than say something off-putting the way I used to because I didn't believe a thing they were saying. (I still have trouble once in a while accepting compliments, but I'm getting there.) If I had to go somewhere new and talk to a stranger, I'd practice what I was going to say ahead of time, complete with a great big "Yeah, I got this" smile. I'm a bit shy around new people at first...at least on the inside. It's still kind of scary. If you met me in person I doubt you'd ever know it, though.

It's not about being false to yourself, as much as it might sound like it. It's about being different, yes, and opening up a part of yourself that maybe you never have before. Once you do it a few times, though, it becomes more natural and more a part of you.

Part of my self-confidence stems from one very important thing that I have FINALLY "gotten": I cannot change anyone else but me. Things that people say to hurt me still sting; I still wish certain people were different; but that will not happen. I, however, can be different in my reactions to them. I have that power. They don't get to choose how I react to them, and that's HUGE.

Does it always work? Pfft. Of course not. I'm human. But it does a lot of the time.