how can you...

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chelroxxx
chelroxxx Posts: 13 Member
in Motivation and Support
How can you expect others to love you when you do not even love yourself? I have been asking myself this a lot lately and have not yet come up with a good answer. Over time I have learned this horrible thing called self hatred... I constantly criticize myself, for EVERYTHING... How can I love others when I don't even know how to love myself. Why is this so hard? I thought losing weight was the answer, so I went to my doctor and got put on Adipex. Sure I lost 13 pounds in a week and a half, but it made my Bipolar worse. It caused me to rapid cycle. I was forced to make a decision: Deal with being fat or deal with being an emotional roller coaster... I chose be fat... BOOOOOO to me for that one! Now I am more miserable than ever and I don't even know what to do. I have stuck to the 1000 calorie a day diet that my doctor put me on except for like 2 cheat days and have gained back almost all of the 13 pounds that I lost while on the Adipex. I know I am not as bad off as some people but I am heavier now than I was at 9 months pregnant with my son. I want to be a good example but I feel like a lost cause. It's like somehow I am being punished for god only knows what. I just feel so alone. I literally have no friends, they all dropped out of my life after I had my son and could no longer be at all the parties or even just hang out all hours of the night. I just hate how you can go from being happy and sociable and full of energy and life to this fat disgusting blob that stays in the house all day waiting for some magic answer... Gosh I hate myself today... Who knows it could just be the Bipolar talking... Whatever I just needed to rant...

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  • cjsgrimlin
    cjsgrimlin Posts: 246
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    I feel like that some days and i'm not bipolar. i think its because we have no "live" friends that can boost us up. We stay at home and have no one to talk to but children and all we see is ourselves and how far we have let ourselves go. It depresses us further. You just need someone who will boost you up when you get this low. You can and will lose the weight, slowly and difficultly, but if you stick to it you will do it. People like me are here almost every day (all day in my case) and i love to have someone to talk to, message or just respond to posts! It's my only form of outside interaction most days!!

    Come on and look up, we can and will make it through the day and onto the next!
  • nikkigullick
    nikkigullick Posts: 16
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    Find a local mommy's group. Try Meetup. It's easier when you have new friends who are going through the same as you. You could also check Meetup for a weightloss support group. If you had the money, maybe you could join a group focused weight loss center, like you-know-what. It helps to be around positive people going through the same things as you.

    You also need to do some soul searching. Reading, blogging, getting outside for a walk, you need to think about why you think fat people aren't worthy of love. You have to have a reason you're so down on yourself. Was it your parents? A sibling? The media?

    Success can only come from within, and what you see as success. Losing weight won't make you happy, you have to be happy, and value yourself, to find the motivation to do this for yourself.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Oh dont worry so many of us have felt like you. You need to work on loving yourself before you let some unworthy person in just because you are lonely. You have choices and there is so much for you to do and see. If you are still on the 100 calories a day diet i would stop. bring it up a bit and star doing some cardio it makes you feel great(eventually). When i feel down i will do something productive for myself and it brightens my day. :)

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