Cuddle problems (not those kind)

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zyxst
zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Not sure where to put this since it doesn't fit anywhere, but I'm maintaining, so here it goes.

I've lost my weight and have a pear shape body. My upper torso is what I'd call thin (still have flab on my arms) and I'm sporting the xylophone chest look (ribs showing through above breasts). I still have a hanging stomach/mom's apron. Just some background; can provide more if needed.

It's rare that hubby and I go to bed at the same time, and last night was one of those. He wanted to spoon behind me which is cool. The problem? He puts his arm across my waist between ribs and upper pelvis and it so uncomfortable, like a really heavy weight is jabbing me. The way the space is placed is there's only skin and maybe muscle between his arm and my internal organs. I've done my best to lay in a better position so it doesn't hurt, but it does and it's annoying both of us. We joke about bringing fat from elsewhere on me and putting it there (and other places, lol).

Anyone else have this problem and/or help me figure out a way to make it not painful/uncomfortable?

Replies

  • mspris2u
    mspris2u Posts: 161 Member
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    I'm starting to have that problem! I thin out through the waist before anywhere else and I'm starting to feel it. I drag his arm up a little higher so its not lying in that "valley" and that seems to work for us. Mind you, we don't stay that way long. Once it's time to sleep he has to get on his own side of the bed so I don't get hit all dang night but that's a different problem..... Anyway! Maybe try a small pillow right there or something? IDK.. sorry :-)
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    We do move his arm up/down, but it doesn't feel "right", you know? The best thing that works is for me to lift my stomach up and push it to the side as padding.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    I have the same issue; any weight on my ribcage tends to hurt. I ask my BF to shift his arm slightly higher (so he's laying it over and across my upper arm instead of through my arm and across my ribcage), or lower (so he's laying it sort of down and across my hip/thigh). Or I'll sort of hug/spoon a pillow and then he'll spoon me, so that most of his arm's weight is supported by the pillow and not by me.
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
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    I have my husband pull his arm up across my chest, kind of between my breasts. It helps eliminate the pain and makes him pull me closer. I do like the pillow idea someone suggested...
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,934 Member
    edited February 2017
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    My husband and I do this often. I ask him to shift his arm a little when it's uncomfortable and it's never a problem for him to do so. I just ask him to rest it on my hip or ribs (a couple inches up or down). Or sometimes he lays his arm along my thigh instead. Or across my chest more. All of these arm positions seems to work for us. But the space between my ribs and hips is quite small compared to some people so maybe that is why it works. There's only an inch or 2 of gap.. probably not even 2.

    Another thing you could try is to just rotate your body a little bit so you lay slightly more on your stomach (not completely, but just a bit of an angle). You might find your back will help support his arm in that position and it still feels like spooning. You'll probably have to straighten your legs a bit.

    When it's time to sleep though, my husband usually rolls over and we bump butts instead lol.
  • starryeyedsnoozer
    starryeyedsnoozer Posts: 89 Member
    edited February 2017
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    Yes! Both my husband and I have lost 2 stone in the last 4 months and I've noticed that cuddling (all kinds!) is much more "pointy" than it used to be. I think we'll just have to experiment to find a more comfortable position!
  • Rachelmilloy
    Rachelmilloy Posts: 158 Member
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    If the above suggestions don't work, I'm thinking of the way medical supplies are designed to take pressure off or provide cushioning: for example, the donut shaped heel support to relieve heel spurs, or the Roho cushion for wheelchairs. If you have a needle and thread, maybe you could fashion something that would support your husband's arm, while keeping its weight off your tender areas: discount supermarkets sell inexpensive long scarves made of polar fleece: maybe you could cut the scarf in thirds, and roll up two of the pieces like two giant worms (acting as the legs) and attach them to the third which would act as a canopy. Your husband's arm would then rest on the canopy while the worms hopefully held it aloft. You'd need to experiment though because there's always a chance the canopy would just collapse if the worms weren't thick enough or were too far apart. Maybe you'd need a more rigid square shaped foam for the legs...
  • SparklyBubblyBabe
    SparklyBubblyBabe Posts: 96 Member
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    Not to pry, but is your husband heavy as well? Because I noticed my current boyfriend either has delicate arms or his arms just weigh less than my ex's (my ex was a larger dude). My current bf isn't skinny either though just medium sized. But yeah, I used to hate cuddling because I thought it always meant being squished to all hell.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    SparklyBubblyBabe wrote: »
    Not to pry, but is your husband heavy as well? Because I noticed my current boyfriend either has delicate arms or his arms just weigh less than my ex's (my ex was a larger dude). My current bf isn't skinny either though just medium sized. But yeah, I used to hate cuddling because I thought it always meant being squished to all hell.

    My hubby is obese, but I didn't think his arms had gotten fatter. I will try using a towel as a cushion (should work). I know how my mom felt when I'd "dig in" with my "pointy little elbows".
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    Hubby and I have been "spooning" for nearly 40 years at all weights and sizes. We usually only do it for a few minutes before sleep or if we wake in the night and one of us is cold. If it feels uncomfortable, I'll just move his hand to my hip area where there's still plenty of padding. We also do what we call "half spoon" where mostly just our lower bodies are touching. We still have the physical connection, but it doesn't make me so warm from his body heat.

    On the flip side, you could switch things up and cuddle/spoon him and I'm sure he won't mind where you put your arm. :D
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
    edited February 2017
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    My hub's puts his arm across my arm & chest because I like to hold his hand up close to my face. When it gets uncomfortable for him or me he slides his arm down the length of my body so his hand is resting on hip like this...
    pn4n7csskzp6.jpg



    Hope you solve your cuddle problems because you know cuddles are important!
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Hubby came home and we tested with a folded towel. It seemed to work, though we really had to play with arm positions to get the uncomfyness.
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    zyxst wrote: »
    Hubby came home and we tested with a folded towel. It seemed to work, though we really had to play with arm positions to get the uncomfyness.

    Sounds like a fun activity!
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
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    Another vote for hip. Or you can spoon him. :)
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    I love the title of this thread, and also the almost-TMI but needed discussion. My husband says (jokingly) that I'm "bony" now. I've lost about 14 inches off my waist, so it's a real difference. From your description, I'm shaped similarly to you. I'm almost maintaining (7 pounds from goal, and browsing the maintenance board to learn what to do when I get there).

    We had to experiment a bit to figure out what was most comfortable. It honestly doesn't matter too much because ultimately we both shift to sleep on our backs, but what works for me is his arm just above my hip. Or switch out who's the big spoon. Or he's lying on his back and I snuggle under his arm with my head on his shoulder, which is generally the least awkward position.

    Oh the weird things no one tells you about weight loss :)
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    I had to re-learn how to cuddle with my ex after weight loss. I kind of sunk down farther when my head was on his chest and there was a whole new meaning to the small spoon. Some adjustments had to be made.

    I think the worst thing was when he got a very hard mattress. I can't sleep on my back the whole night and my hip bone would drive into it on my side. I swear it bruised me.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    If you don't want to, just start saying "Arthritis, ouch".
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    If you don't want to, just start saying "Arthritis, ouch".

    Cuddling is all I get for sexy time (problem on him, not me). I'm not saying no.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,484 Member
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    @zyxst just have to say I love your new(ish) avitar. Your back, arms, and shoulders are looking marvellous :)
    Have you got a new hairstyle too?

    Cheers, h.
    Sorry for the off topic OP.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    middlehaitch wrote: »
    @zyxst just have to say I love your new(ish) avitar. Your back, arms, and shoulders are looking marvellous :)
    Have you got a new hairstyle too?

    Cheers, h.
    Sorry for the off topic OP.

    I cut off my hair 2 months ago in a pixie cut. I wanted to see what my back looked like when I was flexing. Not as much flab/wrinkles as I expected.

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