need to vent..am i wrong for feeling this way

nefertirie · July 2011

I am so upset at the moment at one of my friends and upset at the trainers at the gym that i am going to...
first to my friend.. in jan she said that we would do the weight loss thing together.. she needs to loss about 50 pound and me about 150.. said that we would work out together... now almost 8 months later we have exercised together maybe 5-10 times.. i have had to do this by myself.. she is there in the encoragement department, but i have to work out all alone and its so depressing and it starting to make me feel really upset with my friend. i understand she gets her kids for the summer.. and i love her kids to death.. but then she decides to go to college too.. so now she works full time, has her kids, goes to college.. and so i am alone.. my hubby works and at the health weight so i used to do my walks alone..which was fine.. because it my zone out time.. and now that i go to the gym in the mornings he works so i understand why he doesnt do things with me.. that is fine with me.. but i feel so betrayed by my friend.. i am so mad at her right now..am i wrong? am i just be selfish?
then to the personal trainers in the gym... yes i know its their job to try to sell the personal trainers and i would love to do it..but its too costly.. i cant afford.. 80 bucks-360 bucks a month for a year..money dont grow on trees even through we all wish it would..you cant even get out of the contract when you start..and you have to keep paying for even though you are not using it.. so i told that trainer i couldnt do it due to the cost.. and he tells me i am setting myself up to fail and that i am not gonna get anywhere without a trainer.. belittles my friend that i am trying to get to come to the gym with me.... saying that he couldnt believe that i am going to put my trust in someone that is over weight themselves...(( for one my friend has had 3 kids..)) was in the air force. yes i am mad at my friend but dont belittle her.. and i didnt tell him what has gone on with me and her...he made me feel so small and bad that i started to cry and i am 32 years old.. i was that upset.. now all i want to do is hit him every time i have seen him the last couple of days...grrrr.. i keep telling myself to breath it will be okay.. and it will... i just needed to get it off my chest...sorry

KarenBorter · July 2011

Let me tell you something .... I had personal trainers for YEARS and my body didn't change. In fact, I gained weight. I found MFP and not only lost the weight I have but am now in the best shape of my life. Yes, I did work out by myself. Yes I did do P90X ... YOU CAN DO THIS without paying someone ... start by walking every day ... do workout videos but you don't need a personal trainer.

CassieLEO · July 2011

First off, you can do this girl. You can do it by yourself with no problems, I have no one exercising with me at all, and im just as happy doing it. I got myself into Zumba and now I have Zumba friends and it makes the class all the better. SO while your friend isnt holding up her end of the bargain, it doesnt mean that you cant do this!

Second off, millions of people, myself included, do this without a personal trainer. That guy was just trying to get more money out of you. You dont need one. They help you, yes, but it isnt a necessity!!! You can learn what to do from books, the internet, and watching other people at the gym.

Dont let these issues bring you down, you have to have faith in YOU, and not worry about anyone else...

JulieBoBoo · July 2011

1) your trainer is an asshat and you can do it by yourself. Sure trainers are helpful, but they are not necessary.
2) you can't expect other people to hold your hand through this. Your friend had good intentions but she's fallen. It happens. It's happened to all of us and while it's frustrating, making her feel worse won't help either of you. Try making new friends at the gym. Failing that load up your ipod with very good very loud music and ignore everyone around you.

Kayamooh · July 2011

Firstly, If YOU want to loose the weight, then nobody can tell you otherwise. You CAN do it!
Its hard having friends who are not as motivated, and promise things that they later cannot keep, but there isn't much that can be done about that. instead you have to keep it up, and stay motivated. At least your friend is still trying to encourage you, and wants you to succeed, so try your best!
Secondly, Your personal trainer sounds horrible! and you CAN do it without a trainer. A trainer may help the process, and make it easier, but there's no reason why not having one is gonna make you fail. I haven't had a personal trainer, and I've still lost weight.

Is there another gym that you can go to where you don't have to see him anymore?

vsyates · July 2011

I understand that you are angry with your friend but try to remember that you aren't trying to lose weight for your friend -- you're doing it for yourself because you are worth it :flowerforyou: Just because other things have taken priority in your friends life doesn't mean that those things should interfere with your motivation to lose weight. Think about why you wanted to do this in the first place. As for the personal trainer, just take him with a grain of salt. They say what they say because they want your money and try to make you feel bad when you turn them down. Ignore what he has said to you and do your own thing. No one can tell you how to feel -- you make that decision yourself :flowerforyou:

melsinct · July 2011

Wow, that trainer is an unprofessional jerk. Don't worry about him, he just wants your money.

You can do this by yourself! Many of us, me included, are! That is what MFP is for, so you don't have to feel alone as you lose the weight!

catcrazy · July 2011

Your friend has her kids, is working and is trying to better herself with education, her future could well depend on her doing these things so I think its unfair to be mad at her to be perfectly honest. yes is a p off that she changed her plans but these things happen, opportunities come along that you would be foolish to turn down.

On the other hand I think the personal trainer is totally out of order but you can use his words as your motivation, be a stubborn madame and make him damn well eat them!

lizziebeth1028 · July 2011

Wow...
Well let's address the trainer first. He was out of line and you should report him to the gym. Bullying people to sign up for training sessions is shady business. Report him and move on.......

Your Friend - you have to remember this is YOUR fitness journey. You are doing this for yourself. Your friend has chosen another life path and is working on getting an education and spending time with her children. This is an admirable quality and she is doing nothing wrong.

I think your feeding too much drama into this. Do you want to get in shape?? If the answer is yes, then get to the gym and stop being distracted by a busy friend with a full life and a personal trainer who is obviously a ****. JUST DO IT!

tashjs21 · July 2011

I would definitely report the trainer to the management at your gym. There is no excuse for that kind of sales tactic.

As for your friend, I understand it can hurt but keep doing what you are doing and think of how proud you will be when YOU do this all on your own! (and for the petty emotions if you want to indulge in them, when she complains about the weight still being on her, you can just smile knowing she had the oppurtunity and didn't take advantage of it!)

Don't give up, you are not setting yourself up to fail...you are taking action and working out! Good for you! Don't let this jerk make you feel bad about your efforts. :flowerforyou:

JeSuisPrest · July 2011

I can understand why you feel so upset about your friend, but I have learned dieting and excercising with someone does not work. Too complicated to go regularly together with different schedules. I don't go to a gym,but I can understand your disappointment that your friend can't always make the time to go with you. Over the past few months I have taken to bike riding and more recently the couchto5K program. I listen to my ipod during these work outs, I listen to audiobooks and treasure that time alone.

As far as the trainer goes, I think his comments are rude. And you should report him to management. He sounds like a bully.

mfiggs · July 2011

I do all my working out by myself and I like it that way. I do workout videos, which I love, and I use my treadmill, lift weights all in my own home! It would be more fun with a friend but I am doing this to get healthy not for fun. Also, I can't afford a personal trainer either and I wouldn't worry about him. He was just trying to make you feel bad because you were not going to pay him to help you do something you can do on your own. Keep your head up and don't be too hard on your friend, just keep doing what you are doing it will pay off.

tanyamelliott · July 2011

You should not need a trainer or a friend to rely on for workouts although it can help some people, I suggest you finnd something you love... try a new class or go for a hike. I find inspiration in my music and I love feeling accomplished, so I set short term goals to help me keep my focus. For example, I am training for a half marathon but I am most likely doing it by myself. Although I have the support of all of my loved ones and friends they don't want to join me. You need to exercise and find joy in it or it will not last. Unfortunately, there is no magic personal trainer or pill to make us loose the weight and stay motivated. I have a blog that a friend of mine create andwe talk about our exercise goals and have healthy recipies... Maybe you can find some motivation there? http://goodbetterbestbody.blogspot.com/ Good Luck! You can do it! Just take it one day at a time

peanut613 · July 2011

As far as the people at the gym, I would report them. I don't know if that was the owner or if it is a "chain" gym, but if that person has a boss, go to them and complain. That is not helpful at all. I understand them selling the trainers, but if you can't afford it than you can't afford it! And besides, plenty of people make progress without trainers.

As far as your friend goes, it's not really fair to be mad at her because she has a job, school and a child. That's a lot on her plate and she's doing all those to make her life better. That doesn't excuse her for breaking her word. Hopefully you can talk to her and understand that she's got a lot on her plate and can't work out often, but tell her that you wish she hadn't committed to working out if she wasn't able to follow through.

You aren't the only one alone in this. I'm alone. The only support I have lies in the handful of friends I've made on MFP. My family isn't supportive. My friends aren't supportive. I have nobody to go to the gym with. You just do it. Good luck...

Setof2Keys · July 2011

Friend: yes you are being a little selfish. Sounds like she is doing what she can for you and she can't stop every aspect of her life for your needs. During your weight loss some ppl will be there and some won't. Some may even be discouraging. You do this for you and you are doing great. She will come around when she is able. Plus it sounds like she doesn't have much free time right now and she needs to spend that with her children. She is doing what she needs to better her life and you are doing you.

Trainer/Loser: You're totally right on about this. I would actually calm down and speak to him when you can do it tactfully. He could use the feedback. You can even show him this site and how other overweight ppl can encourage you to do well in your own weight loss. He has no right pressuring you like that and he is wrong. Tons of ppl on here did it without a trainer. Plus depending on what gym he works for, he prob doesnt have much "training" experience anyway. If he is in the business to help people better themselves, he can't do that by putting them down. He needs to hear these words.

Sounds like you need a vacation...good luck.

melbaby925 · July 2011

That trainer is an *kitten*! The training concept is easy: do as many reps as you can with a manageable weight, increase when it gets to be too easy. I start with 8lbs and go up from there. Some exercises are lower, some are higher - adjust as you need to, and don't push too hard that you hurt yourself. Use exercise resistance bands. Get on the equipment - there are pictures - and you absolutely will be able to work it out yourself without a trainer. I don't blame you for wanting to smack him!

As for your friend: we all do the best we can. And her intentions were good, but she's not making her weight her priority right now, and as a byproduct of that, you're a lower priority too. It sucks, but it happens that way sometimes. You need to put you first, and take care of your health. She'll either catch up, or she won't. Chances are, she'll get back into the groove with you when she sees how much progress you're making on your own!

Stick with it, and don't let anyone get in your way.

melaniecheeks · July 2011

The trainer's attitude is annoying - but brush it off. You did the right thing by being assertive and saying it wasn't in your budget - well done for not being arm-twisted into something you didn't want! So move on with your head held high.

Yes it's a shame your friend couldn't keep to the promise she made - but her life has changed, and she's lucky to have a supportive and loyal friend like you. You say she's good at the encouragement part - great, be thankful for that.

Hang on in here, keep going, it's a long tough journey but you WILL make it!

wanetam · July 2011

I have lost 71 pounds so far, I still have more to go, but I have never had nor will I ever pay for a personal trainer. I think that guy was rude to you, and kind of a jerk. You can do this all on your own. As for your friend, I think you should forgive her. You know people start off with the best intentions, as I am sure she did. Obviously things for her are busy right now, and she has lost her drive to lose the weight. Thats fine, if someone is not ready, nobody can force them. I work out by myself as well. I prefer it that way, I do not want to rely on someone else, this is a personal thing that I am doing only for me. I have a friend that started this journey with me, and she has kind of fallen off a bit, Thats fine, I still love her to pieces and hold no bitter feelings. You can do this on your own, because you are doing this for you, no one else.
Best of luck : )

CharNordie · July 2011

.i dont get angry, just never been the type to waste life being mad..just not my style...

this was something I read in your write-up about yourself on your profile. Try to live by that.

Don't take let frustration with your friends or anyone else hinder you. I know how it feels to want to put those kind of feelings out there and feel frustrated that you might be doing this by yourself but really, should your friends lack of determination make you change your own right to live a healthy life? and while your trainer might be being really blunt, he is coming from a place where he would you to realize that NO ONE will your change your life for you but YOU!

I have been there myself, where I blame pregnancies or my husband's lack of motivation as the reason I was over-weight. I then came to the realization that nobody is force feeding me and nobody is chaining me to the bed so that I can't exercise. I am in control of my own life and nothing is going to change my mind about that anymore.

jessbennett1986 · July 2011

That is a terrible situation you had to endure. For one, the trainer is ABSOLUTELY wrong to tell you that you will fail without one and that taking advice from someone who is overweight is wrong. Anyone can tell you that not all skinny people are healthy and know anything about eating/exercising the right way. I had been overweight and had taken nutrition classes and had collected a ton of information about the right way to exercise, only to not follow that advice. It's trial and error for everyone who wants to get healthy, what works for one person may not work for another.

About your friend. Her intentions of losing weight may not have been what she expected. Maybe she worked out a few times and then decided it was too much work or dedication or even too much time out of her day. We are all really busy and it takes so much dedication to go from bad habits to good within only a few months. I can understand how you felt betrayed and it sucks when it doesn't work out as well as you wanted it too. Plus having a friend there for you while you workout can be beneficial for both of you to push eachother, however, you cannot count on anyone to help you get to where you want to be. I have found out the hard way. Now that you know that she is unable to be there with you while you workout, move ahead and do what you need to do to get to where you want to be. It will blow over, and who knows? When you start to lose weight it might motivate/inspire her to join you!

Maybe walk or workout outside to avoid the gym if you don't like it. I hate the gym. But I can understand why it would be hard if you have to pay for it either way. Know that MFP friends are all here to help motivate eachother and help eachother succeed! Good luck!

atomdraco · July 2011

Well, don't count on someone else when it comes to your own health. Be responsible and take control of your own life. Your friend got her own life to deal with and it's her life. She have no obligation. So, I'll say don't give excuses for not making your life better just because your friend is not doing it with you. There are millions of people every year will have similar new years resolution to be healthier, losing weight. But not all of them doing it as they are hoping for.

Stop being mad at your friend, but start taking control of your life in your hands. May be with a positive change and attitude, your friend will change her mind and wanting to do something for herself.

You are coming to the right place (MFP) to be surrounded by positive, motivated people. Just get support here, enjoy your friendship in your other life, and make a lifestyle changes - to be leaner and healthier.

Yes you don't need personal trainer. But having one to start with (not long term) to help educate and set up a program for you, until you get better feel how to do it, might help. Or you can always look for books (library), and online resources, etc to help you. But it definitely doesn't seem like the trainer you mentioned here is good, anyone try to pressure others like that, no good to me. I don't think they are try to sell the PT services everywhere. Look for different gym if you have to.

Good luck to you.

Qarol · July 2011

I'm seething at the personal trainer. He absolutely needs to be reported to management. I doubt they'd be too happy to hear what he's telling members. But I'm, unfortunately, not as sympathetic as you may like about the friend. If I've learned anything (the hard way) is no one can help me in this. I'm on my own. Savor the times you DO get to work out together. But you've got to find the motivation within yourself to do this.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I'm kind of on the other end of this. I have a friend who's gained a bunch of weight while I've lost. She wants to work out with me, but I'm already working out a lot as a figure skater. I need those practice sessions to be about what I'm working on - jumps, edgework, spins, etc. She wants me to go to a public session with her and just skate around in a circle. I'm happy to do this with her a couple times a month. But not more. But she won't go by herself. I can't give her the motivation she needs. She has to find it for herself.

JennsLosing · July 2011

that PT sounds like a jerk. you should of talked to the manager at the gym and told him/her about your experience.

kerriBB37 · July 2011

I'm so sorry to hear this my dear! I always start up the year (January) with a few friends that are all gung-ho for working out and making changes, but every year all those friends drop off and I am left alone to workout. I realized this year (I moved and wasn't around anyone I knew) that I HAD to do this on my own and that no one owes me anything. It sucks that your friend has so much going on but that doesn't mean that you can't find some fun exercise stuff that you like! Like some posters have said, try classes, that is a GREAT way to meet friends. Everyone has the same things in common. Even if you just get together a few nights a week, it's good to have friends like that. First and foremost though, you have to get to the gym by yourself and if people are there to workout with you, then that is a bonus. Look at it that way. Sometimes I wish I had friends that would diet with me. To ME, that is the hardest part. My fiance eats horribly and most friends' outings revolve around food, booze or partying! it's hard. I'm going to a concert this Friday and I have already told all the girls, I AM NOT DRINKING, do not pressure me or ask me. I'm on a diet (I started Paleo on Monday) and I have a kick butt workout planned for Saturday morning. I PLAN to stick to this. It'll be hard. We are all a product of our enviorment. Moving on, think of your workouts as "me" time.. Unwind, blow off steam, take out aggression, whatever!

As for trainers, as others have said, they are NOT necessary. I have had success with doing cardio on my own and now I lift weights with a group of people. I know the Fitness Director at my LA Fitness gym and I told him the same things--I can NOT afford a trainer. He said I didn't need one! So take that right from the horses mouth!! If you have over 50# to lose MY advice is to start with simple cardio (walking, jogging, classes, dvd's, etc) and lose some before focusing on weights, which is all you'll get from a trainer anyways!

Feel free to add me. I feel ya girl!

shannieboo · July 2011

1. there is no need to spend a bunch of money like that. for any personal trainer/fitness questions go to www.bodybuilder.com they even have videos to show you how to do certain exercises.

2. You and only you are on this weightloss journey, you have to take this journey alone to figure out who they person you are and why this weight came on in the 1st place. Sounds like your friend has a lot going on and you cant fault her for working a full time job, raising her kids and going back to school to better herself. I dont mean to be mean but she didnt need anyone to go to college with her to better herself, so you do not need anyone to work out with you to better yourself

I have lost 75 pounds doing this mostly alone. My hubbby works nights and I work days, we only see each other on the weekends and I work a full time job, have 2 girls and go to the gym. Sure I have had some people help me and point me in the right direction but I in no way waiting for someone to exercise.

I dont think its not that she is no motivated. She has a lot going on and may exercise in different ways or she is just not ready because so much is going on.

tiffwhit16 · July 2011

That trainer is a complete jerk!! About 6 yrs. ago I lost 40 lbs without a personal trainer (or a gym membership)!! I did it by counting calories and daily exercise. As long as you're making an effort to get moving and eating healthy then you CAN do it without paying money you don't have for some jerk trainer!!

Your friend I think, deserves your understanding right now. (Maybe your encouragement too!!) Between a job, college and kids that has got to be tough to find the time for working out.

I personally think that one of the best things my husband and I ever did was getting out of the gym and trying to make working out fun. We have really been enjoying bike riding this summer and we're looking for other fun ways to make sure we break a sweat everyday too.

Keep up the good work and pay not attention to Mr. Negativity at the gym. He's just playing on your emotions to make more $$!!

Flyntiggr · July 2011

Ok - first off, have you talked to the friend? I mean, could she be feeling so overwhelmed with all that is going on in her life right now? Working out with a friend isn't all its made out to be anyways - especially if you are in such different places in your weight loss. I have a friend that always bails on me. I'm used to it now. I invite her, but plan on going it alone. If she shows (rarely), then Jim-dandy. If not, I'm still gonna exercise FOR ME and my health.

Second - that trainer is an azzhat. But not all of them are, so please don't crucify all of them. Gym trainers seem to be worse - a lot of times ( NO, not always!) they are young snots that just wanna make a buck. The chain gyms hire them because they are muscle bound and cheap! NOT because they are good. I have a trainer that I work with twice a week, and adore her! She owns her own business, is certified, and teachs instead of preaches....

If you have insurance, sometimes they will pay for visits to trainers and nutritionists. If your doctor says it is medically necessary. Good luck, and hang in there!

espieee2003 · July 2011

I think it's wonderful that you are even wanting to lose weight. You are just the type that needs motivation, is all. You made a big step in joining Myfinesspal. I joined because my daughter invited me. My daughter needs to lose like 60lbs or more. I could and would love to lose 30lbs. This site is a great start for all of us. I find that it helps me keep tabs on what I'm putting into my pie hole. I exersise in the privacy of my home to Lesie Sansone videos. She does walking of up to 4 miles. Check her out and see if this is more in your price range. My name is Espie. If I knew how to invite you, I would. Maybe you can find me. Good luck!

ANewMaria2014 · July 2011

First of all I think that you should report that trainer, if he thinks that he is going to make a sale by making you feel bad he is seriously mistaken and I dont think his supervisors would be happy with that! As for your friend...well I have learned the hard way that you can not depend on anyone exept yourself. I have had so many friends swear that they will go with me and then at the end they all have excuses. I have not had one single one follow through!! Just know that you are strong and you don't anyone to go with you or anything, look deep within yourself and you will find all the strength and support that you need, plus you have us here as well!! Good luck on your journey and keep your chin up!!

RunHardBeStrong · July 2011

1) your trainer is an asshat and you can do it by yourself. Sure trainers are helpful, but they are not necessary.
2) you can't expect other people to hold your hand through this. Your friend had good intentions but she's fallen. It happens. It's happened to all of us and while it's frustrating, making her feel worse won't help either of you. Try making new friends at the gym. Failing that load up your ipod with very good very loud music and ignore everyone around you.

I completely agree with this!! Some of my best friends are people I met through working out at the studio I go to. I didn't know anyone when I started and was so nervous the first couple classes but now I look forward to going and talk to some of these people outside of class and they are some of my biggest motivators!

sava624 · July 2011

i can understand how you feel as your friend was your support for this journey, pity it didnt happen but remember you are doing this for you and you will benefit from it, it is disappointing and hurtful when let down but dont let it spoil your friendship and maybe you could get chatting to one of people in gym and become gym buddies ........although sometimes its good to do alone as it is then you deciding because if friend gave up would you.........and that could be a negative.......however you can ask hubby and friend for support in other ways.
like you im on the long haul and i felt unsupported until someone asked me what did i want and i realised i wanted people to acknowledge and validate my hark work and achievements and so i told my family so now when i come down once a week and say what i lose they all have to celebrate which has turned into a funny but werd beetlejuice kinda dance at table,,,,,,,,but i feel good that its acknowledged.
trainer........he just wants money and they dont listen to us, i went to a gym and after using my own system of walking machine, bike and some weights trainer came over to sell and said he show me benefit of using exercise ball...i have arthritis everywhere and i said i have to be gentle as have the arthritis but again he was finished and i got home my whole body started to seize up and that one routine took me out of remission for 7 months and i wasnt even able to walk. So feck him, he's not on your plan...so lose him and dont let him bog you in negativity...you have had the strength to start and to go on and his negativity you dont need nor the expense of a negative bum..........keep doing it yourself girl, use the forums for support and ask for achievements to be acknowledge... weall be with you on the journey

need to vent..am i wrong for feeling this way

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