need to vent..am i wrong for feeling this way

That trainer sounds like a POOP HEAD to me anyone who strange is going to belittle your friends (who they don't even know) and make you feel so bad and insecure about yourself that you find yourself in tears is not looking out for your best interests and certainly not someone you need in your life, let alone PAYING them to be in your life.

As for your friend, you know what we are all in this alone. You have to do this for you first and foremost!
I understand being very disappointed, but I peoples circumstances change and they have to do what is best for themselves and their kids. So I don't think her actions were a betrayal as much and circumstances lead her in a different direction that she did not foresee when you two started off with this plans. (It's not like she's ditching you to go out drinking (or binge eating) with other friends. She's getting an education to build a better life for her family.)

I don't know if your schedule allows, but can you make it a WIN-WIN, by taking her kids once in a while, and being a good example of healthy active lifestyle for them take them for a hike or bike ride, show them that active can be way fun? Her kids will be with someone she trusts you can encourage her self-improvements, foster your own healthy self-improvements and have some pint-sized company (I don't even know if you are a "kid person")

Maybe that's even a WIN-WIN-WIN:
WIN 1) For your friend...supporting her educational goals with a little free child care,
WIN 2) For you... supporting your own active goals & having some company doing it
(I know when I've got kids around I strive harder to be a good example and that benefits me too),
WIN 3) For the kids... teaching the kids good life-lessons along the way

Your friend has her kids, is working and is trying to better herself with education, her future could well depend on her doing these things so I think its unfair to be mad at her to be perfectly honest. yes is a p off that she changed her plans but these things happen, opportunities come along that you would be foolish to turn down.

On the other hand I think the personal trainer is totally out of order but you can use his words as your motivation, be a stubborn madame and make him damn well eat them!

<<<<

---

This.

Support your friend--going to college as an adult with three kids, PLUS working is backbreaking. Be there for her. Offer to help her study/quiz her on terms and such. Offer to watch her kids. Our lives change, and you can't take it personally. Stuff happens.

Ditch the trainer--heck, I'd even find a different gym, and I'd let the management know why. You can do this without a trainer, and you can do it solo if needs be. Don't let your friends' changing needs and demands on her time OR some snot-nosed trainer derail you. You do your thing--you CAN, you know. You're capable, and any trainer who tells you different is just sore at losing your cash.

Kris

As far as your friend goes- It took me a long time to realize that everyone has to be their own priority... so while I'm sure your friend wants to work out with you, she has to put herself first, and right now that might mean spending more time doing other things. On the flip side of that, you have to put yourself first- so good for you for going to the gym... but another thing it took me a long time to realize was that SINCE everyone has to put themselves first, I can't rely on them to keep ME motivated and I can't blame them for it.

I've actually enjoyed working out a lot more, and I have gone more often now that I just anticipate going alone. I'm never disappointed if my friends can't make it. If someone is available to join me: FANTASTIC! It's a treat.

In addition- Since I've started being my own priority and stopped focusing on everyone else, I've been much more successful and in a much better place, mentally. It's okay to be selfish... selfish is NOT a bad thing.

As for the trainer-- I think that that guy was a total douche (pardon my french, but it seems appropriate) and you should do your best to surround yourself with supportive and understanding people. Maybe that means switching gym's.

I've never had a trainer, but I think that having someone to guide you and help keep you motivated could be a good thing, but like anything there are going to be good trainers and bad trainers... that's to be expected.

Tell your trainer to p*ss off! All he wants is your money, and he is trying to guilt you into staying.


You CAN do this on your own. Scrap that, you're not on your own anyways, as everyone here on MFP is here to help you.

I say add as many friends as you can on here, vent when you need to, and look to the MFPers for encourgement. Sounds like you are doing a great job already. Please feel free to friend me. I am gonna be here for a while!

thanks for all the comments.. i know i am in the wrong with how i feel about my friend.. i just needed to vent...i still love her and i know he intentions were good. and things change...and she has a family. and a life.. and a job..SORRY.. i will be okay tomarrow.. just letting things get to me i guess..and i dont need to.. and i asked if i was wrong..we all have really bad days think today is my one really bad day..:sad: :embarassed:

We ALL have those. Hang in--remember you deserve to succeed and you WILL.

Kris

Sweet heart, calm yourself and stop and think for a minute. Don't come down on your friend. The weight loss journey is all about you as an individual. It can be done on your own. If your friend is too busy with other things right now let her be. We all have our own priorities and we should do what works best for ourselves. I know it's more enjoyable with a friend but I personally like to work out in my basement when I'm ready . Don't need to plan a session or put on a calendar because I need someon to work out with me. You can do it for yourself by yourself. If I can you can.

As for the trainers, they are in it for the money. That's their job. They could care les about your progress as long as they can convince people that they are needed they remain employed. I have lost weight many times and I never had a trainer or a gym membership. I prefer to work out in the privacy of my own home where I don't have to deal with waiting for a machine, or smelling other people sweat, etc. The money I would have spent on gym membership over the years I invested in my own equipment so I practically have my own gym at home. It's just commin sense. How dare that trainer tell you that you are going to fail without him. He sounds horrible. I would never go back to that gym and I would tell everyone I know how terrible they are. Don't worry, hon just stick tp MFP and you will do fine. Take care of yourself cause no one else will.

Like others said...the trainer was way out of line and rude and other things I won't repeat! lol I had a similar experience, I went to a large commercial gym with a friend (she had a free pass for me), and I was expecting the pitch about getting me to join, etc. I wasn't expecting one of the trainers to ask me what gym I currently go to, and tell me IT was the reason I hadn't reached my goals yet, that I *Needed* the trainers and classes that HIS gym had...and when I mentioned that IF I switched gyms, I wanted a pool and indoor track...he said no one needs those!! :noway:

It's been over a year and I still remember him and how rude he was...and one of these days I want to go back to that gym, and show him I've lost 25 lb since I saw him last, WITH my current gym, WITHOUT classes, and I *do* swim and have used an indoor track! (at a friend's gym)

So why avoid him...just use it as your motivation to show him that you don't need him!!

As far as your friend....I can understand that you feel let down. But like others said, you can't rely on other people, you can do this on your own! I know it is very helpful when you have someone else exercising with you - I HATE running by myself unless it's a treadmill! Have you considered looking for a walking buddy? Either here, or try meetup.com - they have all kinds of groups on there you can join, and usually for free!

The trainer is a jerk who is upset he can't pay his bills because he keeps pissing off clients. The reality is probably dawning on him that he's pretty much useless. No one NEEDS a personal trainer, unless your an actor or actress training for a role.

No, you shouldn't be mad at your friend. Things happen and life gets in the way. It's hard enough to squeeze in regular exercise around your own schedule, let alone trying to squeeze it around two people's schedules.

I've gone to the gym a few times with friends, but mostly alone. Having a friend there is nice because it's a distraction and makes the time go faster, but I get more done on my own. I can come and go when I want, stay as long as I want, switch machines whenever, get lost in a tv program, listen to my own music, etc.

But if you do better having someone to talk to, look into taking some classes, like Zumba. You'll see the same folks every week and make new friends. Or if your gym has it's own Facebook page, post and see if there's anyone who goes at the same times you do who's looking for a workout buddy.

I am so upset at the moment at one of my friends and upset at the trainers at the gym that i am going to...
first to my friend.. in jan she said that we would do the weight loss thing together.. she needs to loss about 50 pound and me about 150.. said that we would work out together... now almost 8 months later we have exercised together maybe 5-10 times.. i have had to do this by myself.. she is there in the encoragement department, but i have to work out all alone and its so depressing and it starting to make me feel really upset with my friend. i understand she gets her kids for the summer.. and i love her kids to death.. but then she decides to go to college too.. so now she works full time, has her kids, goes to college.. and so i am alone.. my hubby works and at the health weight so i used to do my walks alone..which was fine.. because it my zone out time.. and now that i go to the gym in the mornings he works so i understand why he doesnt do things with me.. that is fine with me.. but i feel so betrayed by my friend.. i am so mad at her right now..am i wrong? am i just be selfish?
then to the personal trainers in the gym... yes i know its their job to try to sell the personal trainers and i would love to do it..but its too costly.. i cant afford.. 80 bucks-360 bucks a month for a year..money dont grow on trees even through we all wish it would..you cant even get out of the contract when you start..and you have to keep paying for even though you are not using it.. so i told that trainer i couldnt do it due to the cost.. and he tells me i am setting myself up to fail and that i am not gonna get anywhere without a trainer.. belittles my friend that i am trying to get to come to the gym with me.... saying that he couldnt believe that i am going to put my trust in someone that is over weight themselves...(( for one my friend has had 3 kids..)) was in the air force. yes i am mad at my friend but dont belittle her.. and i didnt tell him what has gone on with me and her...he made me feel so small and bad that i started to cry and i am 32 years old.. i was that upset.. now all i want to do is hit him every time i have seen him the last couple of days...grrrr.. i keep telling myself to breath it will be okay.. and it will... i just needed to get it off my chest...sorry

Yes you are wrong.

You spell out all the things she got going positive in her life and but expect her to be the crutch to lean on. I think that I got into this by myself so i got to get out of it by myself. <--- that is inspiration enough for me. I know some of us feel we need someone to push us but when you have lost all the weight and gotten your heart healthy who will push you then to stay healthy.

You need to not cast blame or discredit your friend (if you still value her as a friend) and realize that you have MFP for the added nudge but you have to be self reliant to really make a life style change. We are here for you and willing to give constructive advice (some not so constructive) but you have to be willing to take the credit for your successes and the blame for your failures but do not let your failures keep you down. Read, educate yourself and get into action. Understand what it means by 6 meals a day to help raise your metabolism. Understand cardio health, caloric intake (balanced), muscular health, skeletal health, etc. Be who you can be because you are capable enough on your own.

I got two personal trainers at both from 24 hour fitness at two different locations and the only time I was available was early in the morning on the weekends when my kids were sleeping (and Dad didn't have to worry too much about what to do with them). Everytime I would show up the trainer would be late or hung over and smelling aweful. This was a complete waist of money. I don't rely on my friends or family to do activities with me. I try to encourage them but infact I have people who try to discourage me. Be strong and know that you are doing this for you and not anyone else. Feel happy that you are accomplishing your mini achievments by first even going to the gym. I am too intimidated to even step into a gym because they are such meat markets now. I enjoy working out at home. If you don't enjoy the work out try different workouts. Don't give up and try to forgive your friend because aside from the exercise she is still your friend.

I am so upset at the moment at one of my friends and upset at the trainers at the gym that i am going to...
first to my friend.. in jan she said that we would do the weight loss thing together.. she needs to loss about 50 pound and me about 150.. said that we would work out together... now almost 8 months later we have exercised together maybe 5-10 times.. i have had to do this by myself.. she is there in the encoragement department, but i have to work out all alone and its so depressing and it starting to make me feel really upset with my friend. i understand she gets her kids for the summer.. and i love her kids to death.. but then she decides to go to college too.. so now she works full time, has her kids, goes to college.. and so i am alone.. my hubby works and at the health weight so i used to do my walks alone..which was fine.. because it my zone out time.. and now that i go to the gym in the mornings he works so i understand why he doesnt do things with me.. that is fine with me.. but i feel so betrayed by my friend.. i am so mad at her right now..am i wrong? am i just be selfish?
then to the personal trainers in the gym... yes i know its their job to try to sell the personal trainers and i would love to do it..but its too costly.. i cant afford.. 80 bucks-360 bucks a month for a year..money dont grow on trees even through we all wish it would..you cant even get out of the contract when you start..and you have to keep paying for even though you are not using it.. so i told that trainer i couldnt do it due to the cost.. and he tells me i am setting myself up to fail and that i am not gonna get anywhere without a trainer.. belittles my friend that i am trying to get to come to the gym with me.... saying that he couldnt believe that i am going to put my trust in someone that is over weight themselves...(( for one my friend has had 3 kids..)) was in the air force. yes i am mad at my friend but dont belittle her.. and i didnt tell him what has gone on with me and her...he made me feel so small and bad that i started to cry and i am 32 years old.. i was that upset.. now all i want to do is hit him every time i have seen him the last couple of days...grrrr.. i keep telling myself to breath it will be okay.. and it will... i just needed to get it off my chest...sorry

(1) Maybe your friend has time to workout and maybe she doesn't. IDK. She made a pact with you and you feel betrayed that she gave up on it. Guess what? That's being human. People do that all the time. Is she a good friend still? If she is, stop being mad at her (because it gets you no where) and just be encouraging and open to her joining you in your weight loss journey. Ultimately we have to climb our own hills. And does that suck to do it alone? Sometimes. And sometimes we realize, HOT DAMN! We can do this!! (2) The trainer is a grade A *kitten*. Don't assault him. But every time that you want to give up, in the middle of a really hard workout or walk/jog/run (hey! you might be a runner someday, who knows!!), think of that smug little jerk doubting your vision and tenacity and use that anger to fuel you to the end!! YOU CAN DO THIS THING!!

then to the personal trainers in the gym... yes i know its their job to try to sell the personal trainers and i would love to do it..but its too costly.. i cant afford.. 80 bucks-360 bucks a month for a year..money dont grow on trees even through we all wish it would..you cant even get out of the contract when you start..and you have to keep paying for even though you are not using it.. so i told that trainer i couldnt do it due to the cost.. and he tells me i am setting myself up to fail and that i am not gonna get anywhere without a trainer..

I'd like to start by saying Kudos to you for doing it, even if you end up doing it alone most of the time. Start small, stick with it and while your friend said she would do it, if she's not ready, she's not ready. Until she is, no amount of asking, pressure, guilt, nothing is going to get her there.

As for the quote above, I'd like to say what an @$$ and you should take what he said for what it's worth: NOTHING.

Like you, I cannot afford a trainer. I have been a the gym now for nearly 2 years and I do not pay a trainer. I am still doing it, still succeeding and I feel like I am a rock star because unlike almost everyone else at my gym, I am doing it all by MYSELF! I even had someone who works with a trainer ask me which trainer I work with. When I said "I don't" she looked at me and said "Damn. I never would have known that and I am beyond impressed that you are doing this on your own and your resutls ... well, they speak for themself. Just look at you and the transformation in just the last couple of months alone (which was when I changed my focus from weight loss to body comp).

I will tell you one thing that I do however ... while I may not have a trainer, I sure as heck listen to every word that comes out of the trainers mouths as they are working with their paying clients. I absorb as much information as I can on nutrition, proper form, what exercised are using what muscles and so on. I have taken in so much information for free it's crazy.

I also learned that if I didn't know something and wanted more information, find a trainer that is personable and simply ask. Most of the time, if you have a question here or there (or want help with a weight machine you are unfamiliar with), ask. The worst they can do is refuse to answer, but I've not seen that happen very often. I have referred a number of people to the trainer that has helped me several times at no charge ... referrals he might not have otherwise received. Most are independent business owners and the ones who are GOOD ones know how to treat people are the ones who do not need to feel as though it's necessary to guilt you into signing up for training and the GOOD ones would NEVER put down your ambition to be there and become healthier, regardless of whether you are using a trainer to do that or not.

Stick with it! Do not let that loser dampen your energy, efforts, spirit or anything else. Quite the opposite ... go workout and fling sweat on him LOL ...

Yes, you can be disappointed in your friend for not following through, those are your feelings and your are entitled to them, but no you have no real reason to be mad. She has her life and is responsible for it. This is your life, and instead of taking responsibility for and embracing it I’m reading you blame others and using them as an excuse. That trainer, if this is correct and you’re not misinterpreting it, sounds like a *kitten*. He’s right in one regard, you should not be dependent on anyone but yourself . . . not because of the weight that they are but because you need to be responsible for yourself. He’s keeping you dependent on him? Maybe? Write down the workouts he’s had you do, get some for other sources, and give him the old heave-ho. Step it up.

Absolutely you can do this. Trainers never worked for me as they were rather condesending. This being at those fancy chain gyms. They tend to think its a one size fits all thing and that simply is not true. Find your groove and all will work :smooched:

hello! this is coming from a person who like you, had friends that said they would start and end this wt loss journey with me and i am now the only one who finished. in conversation a workout buddy sounds like a great idea but we all have diff lives and diff schedules. the last 14 yrs has been my own journey of dropping over 70 lbs and still looking to drop some more. one thing i have found...this is your journey, it's all about you! it's great to have a workout buddy for motivation but don't put all your effort into it. put that effort into you! after 14 years of teaching aerobics and lifting weights i finally have a training partner. she is a good friend and who teaches classes and has her own life. we hook up 3-4 times a week to workout. it took me that long to find someone have the dedication it takes to do this. up until now, it's been only me. i had many, many, many workout buddies but no one ever stuck with it. life changes, so do they. my advice to you since i've been in your shoes.....learn as much on your own about nutrition, exercise and YOUR body. find out what sparks your attention and research it over and over. the more you know, the more you won't need to rely on someone else. as for your personal trainer, dump him and find one who loves what they do, not in it for the $. i am a certified pers trainer as well and trained several clients. for someone new, i start them on a basic routine, work on form and then once they are ready i will do a 4-6 week routine for them to follow. they don't have to meet with you every session. if you have great form and ready to be on your own, find a trainer who will do follow up sessions. i owned a gym and was there every night so a lot of the clients i had i would work with but never charged them. i was there to help and teach. there are wonderful trainers out there wanting to do the same, and then you have your money hungry ones that learned from a book only. find someone with qualifications and who lives the life. never stop learning! i've been in the fitness world over 14 years with tons of certifications because i wanted to keep learning. good luck with your journey!