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Why am i so offensive?

clarech
clarech Posts: 157 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I don't know if anyone else has experienced this but since becoming healthier you would think I was walking around with offensive slogans on my t-shirt the way some people treat me. I don't talk to people about diet and health except for those who ask about it and yet I feel like I'm in the wrong for wanting to better myself.

As some have you may know my other half is probably the most anti this new lifestyle and has got worse since realising he eats 4000+ cals a day. Well the other day he asked how much more I need to lose and when I said about 20lb he went "great then you can stop all this stupidness and go back to eating normally like me (I didn't point out his diet is not normal) and honestly he looked like I had threatened to punch him in the face when I said I'm never going to stop.

Then the other day I had someone I have known for a long time tell me I looked good and should stop now as I am the same size as them but when I pointed out I'm concidetably shorter than her and still over weight she got really nasty with me.

Does anyone else get this reaction from people?

Replies

  • beccau_20
    beccau_20 Posts: 191 Member
    You aren't offensive, you're living in the reality of what your body needs. I even get twinges of jealousy when I see someone who might be working hard to lose weight and they're doing it quicker than me. But then I remind myself that that this is MY journey and everyone else can ride along or stay behind.

    Sorry about your SO, I have a tough time with mine, too.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Oh yes. I've gotten some VERY negative responses from people.

    When I was heavier, my mom used to tell me "You better be careful - you're overweight and you have a family history of heart problems". When I started losing weight, I thought she'd be supportive, right? WRONG. Now she tells me I better be careful or I'm going die while running on the treadmill and that it isn't good for ME or my back. *sigh* I can't win.

    I've heard negative and downright nasty comments from people I work with too. Everything from "Are you sick? You've lost so much weight you look sickly" to "Eat a candy bar! You don't die from it! You're too thin anyway".

    I'm not sure WHY people do it, but I suspect they are unhappy and insecure with their own choices/bodies and take it out on those who have the motivation, dedication and determination to change themselves.
  • sleepthoughts
    sleepthoughts Posts: 13
    I have found people tend to feel better when their friends are fatter than them. Losing weight can show you who your real friends are. As for boyfriends, he might be insecure about you leaving him once you reach your goal because his health habits don't match yours.
  • Apryl546
    Apryl546 Posts: 909 Member
    I just think of them as being jealous because you are losing all this weight and they aren't.

    I can't say I've had this problem because I've only been at this game for a short time, but for now My bf is just all happy and stuff about it.. but I think when I start actually looking different he might start getting jealous because no matter how much exercising he does he can't get past 215..
  • Maid4richie
    Maid4richie Posts: 78 Member
    I havent lost any weight yet (just starting) but i do have the issue with my hubby who doesnt feel he needs to lose anything and is looking at me like " if i love you the way you are why do you need to lose weight" i am loseing weight for me and no one else . i think you just have eyes more open to what people are saying !
  • SuperMoniMonk
    SuperMoniMonk Posts: 467 Member
    Bc... You are choosing a lifestyle that is different to the one they have chosen. We as human want people to agree with us ...if they don't they offend us.

    Keep it up , don't let it get you down.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/294990-health-nuts-vs-lazy-fatties-on-denial
  • RainyDayKelli
    RainyDayKelli Posts: 85 Member
    My husband gets very negative about it. He tries to make all of my hard work and struggles seem like nothing. I just keep going.
  • MiaOrange
    MiaOrange Posts: 151 Member
    Yes, I've had people say it. One person even walked away from the middle of a conversation after asking what I was doing to change my weight.

    It's good to have this site and help support each other!
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    Luckily for me i started this journey with my fiance, i cooked the food and he ate it. he lost 20 lbs now. Hopefully you have more in common with your boyfriend besides food because that is not going to work out in the end. You are going to just get even sexier and he will still be a goober. lol
  • BigD1984
    BigD1984 Posts: 1 Member
    I feel this reaction is normal from people. I receive a similar reaction when I go to the gym. People just stop their whole workout and stare at me the whole time, but it is easy to ignore them. However, with your loved ones it is a little harder to ignore them because they are around you all the time. I would guess that your success is making him feel guilty, and he probably is afraid of losing you. As men we really do not know how to express or feelings, so continue to work hard and hopefully he will come around!
  • SouthernBell86
    SouthernBell86 Posts: 275 Member
    Well, first of all, you are making people confront areas of their life that they would rather leave in the background. Think about it, do you enjoy thinking about your failings? It is very uncomfortable, and a lot of people will not realize that they are being really rude to you as a defense mechanism. I think you are a person who has confronted this discomfort head on, so you probably feel like letting other people know that things are much HAPPIER on the other side of this confrontation. Right?

    Unfortunately I think that this is a personal journey for all of us, and we can't always 'hear' what people are saying to us about it. Excuse the pun, but you will probably have to be the bigger person about this issue (even though you are getting smaller!).

    As for significant others, just remember that all this change in your life probably makes him wonder what his role to you is and will be. My guess is that as much as he enjoys being with you, he isn't so sure that you will still want to be around him when you are all skinny and fantabulous. I think that is a fair question to ask too. I mean, you are getting healthier and putting new priorities in your life, and he isn't. Unless you show him that you are able to LOVE him the way he is, without making changes to his diet, he may keep on being unsupportive. You may have bonded over food in the past as well (just a guess) and if that aspect of the relationship is missing, he may be feeling neglected. Perhaps you could think of some new things to replace the bond you had over food, or find new recipes that are healthy for you and delicious for him that you can enjoy together (and you don't have to tell him how few calories or in it).

    I am SO glad that you have been brave through all this and made these changes for yourself, but remember that you are changing and most people are very scared of change and usually don't respond well to it. Since you are the one actively changing things, if you want stability in certain relationships, you are going to have to be the one to facilitate it. My hope is that if you find ways to show the people around you that this change is about yourself, and will not damage your view of others then they may get more supportive of your goals, and even curious to try it for themselves.

    Keep up all the good work!
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