Why self sabotage?

inotnew
inotnew Posts: 218 Member
edited September 30 in Motivation and Support
I find the strangest thing happening to me. When someone notices and comments on how much weight I have lost, I find I am eating more afterwards - sometimes to the point of gorging on junk. I wanted to blame it on the heat last night, but I did this the last time someone commented too. I don’t want to tell people not to comment on my weight loss.

OK, I am a shy person, and always will be somewhat. Without getting into a ton of psycho-babble, I wonder if I am just more comfortable with people seeing me as big. i.e. my stomach gets smaller my breasts look bigger, I am very uncomfortable with my large breasts (childhood trauma). I want to be proud of what I have, but seriously, could you talk to my face?

This is what my whole rollercoaster weight problem circles around. I want to feel/look better, so I diet - I start to look better - can’t take the attention - go back to gaining weight. I want to kick myself and say “get over it”, but how and make it last?

Looking for help, but know that it has to come from within.

Replies

  • luthorx
    luthorx Posts: 1
    Hey,

    I know the feeling!! I'm naturally anti-social so I see my extra layer as a buffer. I use it as an excuse for not getting too close to people. I lose too much I feel naked almost, and then I don't have an excuse for not getting out and being sociable.

    Now that you've realised what you're doing hopefully you'll be able to stop next time and remind yourself why you're doing this.

    Good luck!
    xx
  • daniface
    daniface Posts: 338 Member
    I find that I do the same thing. I'm not exactly sure where it stems from, I think it has to do with a lot of past self hatred that I used to harbor and maybe subconsciously I still do hate myself and feel like I don't deserve to look my best. Or maybe it’s a fear, an irrational fear that I will be happy with myself for once, or a fear that people will start noticing me after being in the shadows for so long.

    I’m a shy person too and I’ve always turned to food to comfort myself, I think we just need to learn new ways to cope and to accept that we do deserve to feel and look our best. The best thing that you can do which it sounds like you are already pretty self aware; is acknowledge when you are doing the gorging and try to change the behavior. Good luck, you can beat the negative self talk
  • MerA822
    MerA822 Posts: 43
    WOW , that's happened to me too when some one tells me that i lost weight i just start to eat the things i'm preventing my self from like Junk Food Deserts ....etc , i thought about it a lot , i think it psychological thing , i think we feel that we achieved our goal or something , i told my families & close friends don't comment on this & when some one does i take a look on my self in the mirror & on the body i want have & see that i still have way to go , try doing that & good luck .
  • Helendec1962
    Helendec1962 Posts: 50
    I'm so sorry to hear that, I don't have advice for you since I just started myself and seem to be failing as well but I would like to offer you encouragement. Good luck and no matter what, don't give up.
  • adrehe
    adrehe Posts: 36 Member
    Self sabotage is a huge problem for many of us. Many of us use our weight as a sheild so to speak. When we are overweight we have a "problem" or "medical condition" to hide behind. It helps us avoid situations and events. I think the more we understand our subconscience motives to better we can be prepared to stop our selves from making mistakes.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    It's just a suggestion, but maybe you should talk to someone about this. You are worthy of the compliments that you receive. Maybe you can find someone to help you realize that.

    Good luck!

    Michelle
  • RaeannePemberton
    RaeannePemberton Posts: 382 Member
    isn't this the strangest thing ever? i have thought and thought about this and the only conclusion i can come to is.... it's out of fear. i used to fear that it wasn't "real" or that my success was only temporary... or that i wasn't truly losing weight... fear that it would come back, fear that i would let myself down or others... fear of NOT being perfect on this crazy journey.

    but that fear is gone now. and i no longer self sabotage. my success is permanent because i am in control and success is defined by my own happiness.... those moments become less and less.... hang in there.
  • inotnew
    inotnew Posts: 218 Member
    the only conclusion i can come to is.... it's out of fear. i used to fear that it wasn't "real" or that my success was only temporary... or that i wasn't truly losing weight... fear that it would come back, fear that i would let myself down or others... fear of NOT being perfect on this crazy journey.

    true, I must investigate this further

    Thank you all for your input.
  • lstnlondry
    lstnlondry Posts: 1,794 Member
    Well, seeing that I am a highly professional Dr. Phil, Oz & Oprah watcher, this tells me that you are being protected by extra weight. I read a book called "you can heal yourself" (I say that otten too!) And it teaches you about growing out of the past and accepting and loving who you are now. You are beautiful and if I personally need to you tell you MFP daily to drill it in I will!! (Spoken from a true A cup friend)
  • inotnew
    inotnew Posts: 218 Member
    a book called "you can heal yourself"

    I am going to look for this. I have done a lot of personal growth, but I still have gaps. Thanks!
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