Working on self-image while dieting.

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antinomiancelestial
antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
in Getting Started
From using the calculators and tools that this site and other sites offer, I know that I could be pretty close to back to normal by Christmas. What an awesome Christmas present that will be! At the same time, breaking the denial and realizing how much I hate looking like this and feeling like this has been hard on my self-esteem.

I decided to join this site after seeing my reflection next to my friends' reflections in a mall window last weekend. It hit me then that I've become the "fat friend" when I used to be so slim and put together. I felt miserable looking at myself.

Because I kept gaining and gaining on my old meds (which I'm finally off of), I couldn't keep appropriately sized clothes in my drawers. That means everything that I can fit into is cheap/oddly-fitting and just not flattering. My hair looks awful and needs to be cut, but I haven't found space in my schedule or budget to get the damn hair cut yet. My color needs updating too, and I used to always have freshly colored hair before. Beyond that, I'm broken out and just look like a frumpy, depressed mess right now. I don't want people to see me like this, which means it's difficult to go out and have fun. My friends don't care how I look, but I care! I work from home, too, so my two roommates are the only people who really see much of me. Therapy is my one big "outing" for the week, and I have to count that as a great start for myself.

I'm trying to tell myself that a diet and some therapy are good steps for now, but I feel awful that I've let myself get not just heavy but broken out, poorly groomed, low on friends and social contacts, etc.

How do you work on feeling more confident/comfortable in your skin while knowing that the body you want isn't coming to you for a while? I feel ridiculous for having this bad of self-image issues when I know others are in much worse situations/have a lot more to lose than I do.

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  • 1shedev
    1shedev Posts: 144 Member
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    OP, you seem to be getting it from all sides. While the weight loss will take time, a lot of the things that you mention can be fixed right away. Get the cut and color, even if it is a cheaper cut and coloring at home. Dress the body you have now, inexpensive clothes can be thrifted but pay attention to fit. There are a ton of you tube videos and pintrest posts for natural facial care using things you likely have at home. Best of luck to you.
  • youdoyou2016
    youdoyou2016 Posts: 393 Member
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    I could have written this -- more or less -- over a year ago.

    What I noticed: at some point I started seeing / experiencing some success. The number on the scale went down, I noticed little things like my wrists looking smaller, etc. I know it's a cliche, but "success breeds success" and as I felt like I was getting what I wanted, that it was working, I just started feeling much better about myself. I didn't necessarily do anything regarding my self esteem; it just really started to improve dramatically as I lost more and more weight.

    I don't have the perfect life now. Far from it, in fact. I don't have a lot of friends or activities. My therapy appointment is really important to me, too. I now see that, for me, the weight was a symptom of something else going on. And now that I am nearly done losing, that "something else" is demanding attention. But, at this point, at least I have my body sorted out -- now, I just deal with the next thing there is to deal with.

    I hope this is helpful in some way ...
  • antinomiancelestial
    antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
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    @fidycixer - Thank you for the suggestions! I can't really afford new clothes right now, even thrifty ones, so I'm planning on waiting a few weeks in the hope that money will loosen up and so will my current fat pants. Dealing with the grooming issues sounds like a good idea too.

    @youdoyou2016 - I'm glad to hear you lost the weight and are having some success in therapy. It's nice to think that maybe my life doesn't have to be this awful forever. I think you gave a good reminder that there will be lots of good
    milestones between here and the finish line.
  • lionessNV
    lionessNV Posts: 136 Member
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    Do what you can now to make yourself feel better. Then, I would say, just focus on how you're going to look. Some of my clothes are starting to be ill fitting and I can't afford to buy new ones and I probably could do with a haircut too. As cliche as this is, I want to have the long hair and be fit. Got my hair cut really short in Dec. (kinda wish I hadn't) and I look forward to shopping once I get to my ideal shape. I wish you luck in your journey and hope everything goes well for you.
  • antinomiancelestial
    antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
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    @lionessNV - I'm glad to hear you're losing the weight. Thinking about how I will look sounds like a good idea...it's just hard to believe I can really lose the weight.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
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    I'm so glad you're taking steps for self-improvement. Self-esteem isn't going to come from simply losing weight... i've lost over 50 pounds in the last year and struggle with my self-esteem more than I did before. This is been said in order to get you down, I would just advise working on it now, which it sounds like you're doing.

    As far as clothes go, I second what everyone else says about going to Goodwill or thrift stores. Do you have a beauty school in your town? If so, they will normally cut hair at a very reduced rates. Don't worry about them being students, all of their work is checked by their teachers. Aveeno skincare is amazing and can be purchased at Walmart. Say it's very midpriced.

    I wish you the best of luck and continued success. You can do this.
  • antinomiancelestial
    antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
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    I don't know if there are any beauty schools around, but I should look into that! I have heard they give good deals.

    I haven't found anything at Goodwill lately, and that's the only thrift store around. That said, I am thinking about the hair cut and the skin treatment.
  • marie9910
    marie9910 Posts: 34 Member
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    I'm in the same boat. The only thing that's helped me is seeing the little tiny successes building up. Like sticking to my calories for one day, then a week, then seeing the numbers on the scale drop by tenth of a pound lol. But now I can see the process working, though slowly, and I can imagine my future if I stick to what I'm doing. Just be consistently making the better choice, and be patient. That's the most difficult part is being patient. You can do it!
  • antinomiancelestial
    antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
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    Thanks, @marie9910 . Patience is definitely hard, but hopefully it will pay off.
  • fubarfornow
    fubarfornow Posts: 40 Member
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    It sounds to me like you're being awfully hard on yourself. Wanting to change the way you look is fine, but it sounds to me like you're blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault. If you're doing therapy and taking meds (and good for you for doing both of them) my guess is that whatever you have been going through has taken up a lot of your time and attention, and understandably so. I get wanting to change those things and get back to your old self, but if you wouldn't blame yourself for a broken leg, or a physical disease (and you shouldn't blame yourself for those either) you shouldn't blame yourself for not having enough attention and energy to take care of every single thing. You were focused on what you needed to focus on at the time.

    For me, it is always easier to make the changes I want and need to make for myself if I'm not feeling terrible about needing to make them. Be proud of what you've done and are doing to help yourself, not angry with yourself for the problem. That's not on you.
  • lisa8454
    lisa8454 Posts: 8 Member
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    Here's a fascinating journal article on diet and acne. Your skin may get better just from reducing calories. In my own case (lifelong sufferer of random breakouts), things have much improved by cutting dairy out, and drastically reducing sugars/simple carbs. Monthly hormone fluctuations still get me, but overall things are better; they're as good as when I was on medication (spironolactone) for it. It took about three months for my lumpy chin to smooth out, but it eventually did. Also: mint tea! Seriously. Do a search on mint tea and acne or androgens; there are studies on that, too.

    I completely understand the feeling of don't-want-to-see-anyone when one's face feels like a blotchy mess.... while also recognizing that other people neither notice nor care.

    The article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3408989/
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,432 Member
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    On the clothes front, a couple of thoughts:

    Pull out your clothes, spread them out, think about what goes together well, and maybe try some fresh combos or different accessories to give yourself a new look. Maybe you could enlist a room-mate or friend to help you get new ideas? This review will also help you think about one or two key things you could add thriftily that would make the biggest impact.

    Do you, or do you have a friend (or mom/aunt/cousin/granny) who can sew? On Pinterest, you can find lots of ideas for low-effort alterations (that don't need to be changing the size if you're not there yet) to give things a new look. Sometimes just a clever way of taking scissors to a t-shirt can give you a new look. Larger-sized men's t-shirts are often very cheap at Goodwill (or garage/tag sales) and are great scissor-able material.

    As far as complexion: I've seen many here report that the increased water consumption (keeping it reasonable!) that went with their weight loss efforts also helped to improve complexion, both in terms of acne and suppleness/healthy glow.

    +1 to the beauty school idea, or even asking a level-headed friend to help you with a basic trim to tidy things up, and maybe do an over-the-counter color.

    You don't have to do everything at once - that can be kind of overwhelming - but each positive step can help you feel up for the next.

    Wishing you continuous progress in a positive direction, from here on out!
  • TCWUK
    TCWUK Posts: 7 Member
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    Think about how you would treat someone you love if they felt how you do now. You would treat them with respect for the situation they find themselves in, no matter the myriad reasons that led to where they are, and you would encourage them to achieve the changes they want in their life. You would feel proud of them each time you saw them making a move towards confidence, rejoice as they start to feel their own worth. You must treat yourself in exactly this way. Life is a privelege and each of us is precious. Learning to love ourselves is not self-indulgent. We cannot love others and their imperfections, without having learnt to love ourselves and our own imperfections. When we learn our own worth we allow others to see it where they may not have previously - it sounds like a cliche but in my 50-odd years this is a truth I have learned only recently and wish I had learnt decades ago.
  • antinomiancelestial
    antinomiancelestial Posts: 36 Member
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    Thanks, all. I probably am being really hard on myself.

    I had to go off my last round of medications because the psychiatrist I could afford had no experience dealing with multiple diagnoses at once and very little experience helping someone whose depression/anxiety were complicated by C-PTSD. He kept piling labels on me and telling me how difficult I was while just throwing random guesses at the problem and then not listening when I said those guesses didn't work. I'm seeing a therapist now, and I am going to see a new psychiatrist probably in the next couple of weeks. My mental health is worse than it has ever been, and I'm pretty scared about that. The weight, the acne, the hair, and the clothes are all basically symptoms. I feel too awful to go out with people because I just can't cheer up/distract myself with light-hearted conversation/etc. I'm just in too much pain to see people. My therapist thinks the right med will help a lot, but I'm of course worried about weight gain and about a million other things there are to worry about.
  • IlanaKersch
    IlanaKersch Posts: 8 Member
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    It is so hard to have mental health issues. It is such a vicious cycle and so hard to find right professionals to help and meds. Plus all of that takes energy that is hard to find. I know you are not alone as I for one struggle with mental health issues and am in a very hard place. I hide it from everyone as much as I can
  • crackpotbaby
    crackpotbaby Posts: 1,297 Member
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    Hi. I also gained weight on psych mess (some of which are now ceased but I still take lithium) and am back to normal weight.

    As I was losing weight I bought nice second hand clothes on eBay for a few dollars. It made a big difference to have clothes that fit.

    I recommend prioritising the hairdo. Little things help.
  • LonsyBoy
    LonsyBoy Posts: 72 Member
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    Heres some advice that I swore by for months and months as the fat friend and horrible self image (hated photos and being shown anything involving myself. but this was told to me and helped;
    What you are now, is only existing in the present
    You will become what you Dream tomorrow by pushing harder today

    In other words, you may be the aclaimed "fat friend" now but you're doing something about it! so it wont last at all, just keep on track and youll look back and appreciate your own butt kicking to get it done
  • luvinboxer10
    luvinboxer10 Posts: 1 Member
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    For anyone experiencing depression or anxiety read the book Feeling Good by Dr. David D Burns. You will start to feel relief right away! Anyone read it? I'm just starting it

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