Just venting - relationship
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readytobeatfat54
Posts: 91 Member
in Chit-Chat
My last relationship ended about two months ago. He denied it being about my weight, but he certainly gave some hints. For instance, we went out to eat one night at a prix fix meal and I ate everything (as did he) and he commented that I did not need to eat dessert. Another time he insisted that I work out every night that week, "for him". Such comments stung, and when it ultimately ended I could not help but think that he found me too fat for him.
Okay, so be it. I do need to be healthy, not for anyone but for myself. After all, if I want to live a long and healthy life, I need to take care of myself. Perhaps his attitude was my wake up call from the powers that be. That said, he texted me about one month ago to ask how I was doing. I forgot to reply and only yesterday, while cleaning up my phone's contents I saw his text. I replied, telling him that I appreciated him asking how I was doing. Since then he has unfriended me on social media, saying that my appreciation was feigned and is actually me trying to get him upset.
I just don't understand it. I thought I was being nice and here he is, putting meaning where none existed?? Sorry to rant, needed to get it off my chest.
Okay, so be it. I do need to be healthy, not for anyone but for myself. After all, if I want to live a long and healthy life, I need to take care of myself. Perhaps his attitude was my wake up call from the powers that be. That said, he texted me about one month ago to ask how I was doing. I forgot to reply and only yesterday, while cleaning up my phone's contents I saw his text. I replied, telling him that I appreciated him asking how I was doing. Since then he has unfriended me on social media, saying that my appreciation was feigned and is actually me trying to get him upset.
I just don't understand it. I thought I was being nice and here he is, putting meaning where none existed?? Sorry to rant, needed to get it off my chest.
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Replies
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You're better off without. Anyone who constantly criticizes or puts you down is not a good person and does not deserve your time. You need someone who will support you no matter what. Someone who is in your corner and willing to fight with you through the good times and bad. Also, if you plan to lose weight do it for yourself and not someone else. I am so sorry you had to put up with that. No one deserves such horrid treatment. Good riddance.9
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He was probably hoping for a booty call or to see if you were "lost without him" and when you didn't reply he realized that your life didn't revolve around him. He was probably hoping for an ego stroke, and you didn't give it to him. You're better off without him.20
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I wouldn't give him a second thought.6
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Yeah. I love people who tell me I don't need that dessert. While they're stuffing the very same dessert in their own face.
I feel the same way! He ate his entire prix fix menu, including dessert, and he even asked for more bread!
The funny thing is that I haven't looked back. I don't find myself asking, "what if..." or "if only", I feel happier with where I am at now. I am losing weight, clothes are less snug and a few people have even pointed out that they notice my weight loss--and I'm not advertising! Because MFP allows for one to eat anything within calorie range, people haven't noticed any sort of calorie restriction. So for people to take notice of my weight loss makes me feel great
I wouldn't trade my newfound focus on health for a date, that is just too silly. I also don't see it as a date's business as to what I do for my health. Seriously fat shaming is a no no in my book. I grew up being fat shamed my entire life by a parent, I don't want to date someone who does it too.
As for the ex's recent actions, I don't get it. Maybe you all are right that he is manipulative. I don't like thinking that, because it is such a negative thing to say about someone, but certainly his actions speak loudly. It takes me a month to respond, when I do it is positive and cheerful, and so he replies by unfriending me online. It doesn't seem to make sense, unless he is trying to hurt me or just way overthinks things.
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Guys, especially crappy ones, do the whole check-up for no real reason thing. They get bored and test the waters, wondering if you're still thinking about them. Now if you were all eager and responded right then, then he would go awol after a few texts and make you wonder, "WTH was that about?"
The fact that he got so unreasonably angry at your reply proves he's not worth a hill of beans. Also, the fact that you were a'ok without him is an even bigger sign. Keep doing you, hun. Don't spend time trying to analyze a nutjob, you'll only drive yourself crazy too.14 -
Looks like you had a lucky escape ... if someone told me I didn't 'need dessert' I would make sure I had a huge portion just to spite them, and if I needed to work out every day 'for him' I'd tie him to a chair, with his hands behind his back and start 'sparring' with him. Cheeky git needs a good slap!2
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Why did you text back after a month? I mean, it's been a month. I would've been a little pissed if someone I texted decided to reply a month later.4
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readytobeatfat54 wrote: »My last relationship ended about two months ago. He denied it being about my weight, but he certainly gave some hints. For instance, we went out to eat one night at a prix fix meal and I ate everything (as did he) and he commented that I did not need to eat dessert. Another time he insisted that I work out every night that week, "for him". Such comments stung, and when it ultimately ended I could not help but think that he found me too fat for him.
Okay, so be it. I do need to be healthy, not for anyone but for myself. After all, if I want to live a long and healthy life, I need to take care of myself. Perhaps his attitude was my wake up call from the powers that be. That said, he texted me about one month ago to ask how I was doing. I forgot to reply and only yesterday, while cleaning up my phone's contents I saw his text. I replied, telling him that I appreciated him asking how I was doing. Since then he has unfriended me on social media, saying that my appreciation was feigned and is actually me trying to get him upset.
I just don't understand it. I thought I was being nice and here he is, putting meaning where none existed?? Sorry to rant, needed to get it off my chest.
If you split up then leave it at that. Don't pay any mind to him and move on. I would not have texted him back after a month. IMO that would give the impression you are being rude on purpose.2 -
Why did you text back after a month? I mean, it's been a month. I would've been a little pissed if someone I texted decided to reply a month later.
I truthfully forgot. I have a busy job and often just swipe away messages meaning to get back to them later. I usually go back and catch up with everyone but not always. Sometimes I just forget. I've received more than one "hey did you get my message? " from folks.
If he were as you suggest, a little pissed or annoyed would be fine. We are also talking about someone who stressed wanting to stay friends. If it's true then why suddenly so the exact opposite?
Reading through the comments has been insightful. As much as there were aspects of the relationship I disliked, I never wished him ill. Yes I disliked being fat shamed but I also didn't think my weight was a make or break situation for him until it ended. I don't hate him for it or any number of other reasons, because in his behavior he proved he isn't the guy for me. I think that's why I'm so bewildered by everything, because our break up, while it hurt, wasn't messy.
A few people have suggested why bother texting. I did so thinking we could or would stay friends. We did agree to that.1 -
I'd hope he isn't so dramatic about his friends!0
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My ex used to tell me...eat another taco or he'd slap my hand if I reached for the chip bowl at a restaurant while we were waiting. My husband now tells me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and encourages me either way. Moving on is difficult but some day you will look back and think I'm so glad I ended that relationship!0
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chunkymomma75 wrote: »My ex used to tell me...eat another taco or he'd slap my hand if I reached for the chip bowl at a restaurant while we were waiting. My husband now tells me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and encourages me either way. Moving on is difficult but some day you will look back and think I'm so glad I ended that relationship!
Wow, just wow - on the bolded portion of the comment! Glad for you that he is your 'ex'!3 -
First and foremost I know it can be difficult to lose weight, and it sounds like he wants you to lose weight but not for your health, or self esteem, or overall happiness. What he's doing is the opposite of being supportive, but the question I have is how long have you been battling this, what kind of progress have you made, and how does his attitude impact your goals?0
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readytobeatfat54 wrote: »My last relationship ended about two months ago. He denied it being about my weight, but he certainly gave some hints. For instance, we went out to eat one night at a prix fix meal and I ate everything (as did he) and he commented that I did not need to eat dessert. Another time he insisted that I work out every night that week, "for him". Such comments stung, and when it ultimately ended I could not help but think that he found me too fat for him.
Okay, so be it. I do need to be healthy, not for anyone but for myself. After all, if I want to live a long and healthy life, I need to take care of myself. Perhaps his attitude was my wake up call from the powers that be. That said, he texted me about one month ago to ask how I was doing. I forgot to reply and only yesterday, while cleaning up my phone's contents I saw his text. I replied, telling him that I appreciated him asking how I was doing. Since then he has unfriended me on social media, saying that my appreciation was feigned and is actually me trying to get him upset.
I just don't understand it. I thought I was being nice and here he is, putting meaning where none existed?? Sorry to rant, needed to get it off my chest.
I'm sure it's been said, but I'm not reading through all the comments:
Let.It.Go.
He didn't treat you nicely and his behavior borders on abusive. Yes, being overweight is unhealthy in many ways. And even if you're in great health now, it can lead to poor health and joint problems and all of those things. If you want to eat better and exercise and get into better shape, then you should. FOR YOU. Because YOU want to. Not for anyone else. And if that's why he ended the relationship, so what? You're better off without someone like that in your life.
I mean, if someone was genuinely concerned about your weight for your health and said so, that's one thing. But for it to be all about attraction, well, he just isn't the guy for you. I know breakups are often really tough. Been there. But you'll get over it. We all do!1 -
chunkymomma75 wrote: »My ex used to tell me...eat another taco or he'd slap my hand if I reached for the chip bowl at a restaurant while we were waiting. My husband now tells me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and encourages me either way. Moving on is difficult but some day you will look back and think I'm so glad I ended that relationship!
Wow. There is a friend of the family who used to do that to her daughter. If the daughter reached for chips, the mother would immediately scold her. It was uncanny how quickly the mother could go from normal conversation with you to scolding her daughter, and then back to conversation: "well this weather is just...Sheila!...so miserable lately." Nonetheless I felt bad for the daughter, but I also was not comfortable stepping in between the two.
Question to everyone: if you see fat shaming, do you step in? Do you quietly approach one of the two involved? Or do you ignore it? Assuming you know the person being shamed..1 -
readytobeatfat54 wrote: »chunkymomma75 wrote: »My ex used to tell me...eat another taco or he'd slap my hand if I reached for the chip bowl at a restaurant while we were waiting. My husband now tells me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and encourages me either way. Moving on is difficult but some day you will look back and think I'm so glad I ended that relationship!
Wow. There is a friend of the family who used to do that to her daughter. If the daughter reached for chips, the mother would immediately scold her. It was uncanny how quickly the mother could go from normal conversation with you to scolding her daughter, and then back to conversation: "well this weather is just...Sheila!...so miserable lately." Nonetheless I felt bad for the daughter, but I also was not comfortable stepping in between the two.
Question to everyone: if you see fat shaming, do you step in? Do you quietly approach one of the two involved? Or do you ignore it? Assuming you know the person being shamed..
If it were family I'd step in and I have. Dealing with people I'm not close to though.... I wonder if it it's "my place" to say anything. I guess that's just being a coward tbh.0 -
KyleGrace8 wrote: »If it were family I'd step in and I have. Dealing with people I'm not close to though.... I wonder if it it's "my place" to say anything. I guess that's just being a coward tbh.
I'd like to think I would. But I don't know.
There are people who advocate for fat shaming as motivation.
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The guy I was dating before I met my wonderful husband told me, "you are perfect except for your double chin". He actually thought that was a compliment!! I told him "a few more inches would make him a man", and "goodbye". That set me on a journey to prove that not all good looking men were shallow. However in my experience there is a 10/90 split on good looking men with a heart and good looking men with just a hard. I'll let you guess which category is the 90%. I don't think women will have to think very HARD to know a great man is difficult to find.0
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