Unsupportive partner...kinda
AlleyMac
Posts: 1 Member
You see my partner supports me verbally but I'm not really sure of what support I need because it just doesn't feel enough. I made a decision at the beginning of the year not to see him for a month and that worked! I lost near on a stone! However, since then we've seen each other like we used to and I feel myself starting to come off the bandwagon. He doesn't eat well and will choose not to eat at all if it's not a takeaway or something unhealthy. I fall into it too as I don't want to just cook for myself if he's around. I've spoken to him about it before but nothing changes. I'm considering not seeing him again for another month but how is that a long term solution?! Any advice/guidance/support would be greatly received xx
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You need to eat your own food and let him eat his. You'll both be happier, in the long run.14
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So... you eat bad because he does. That's what I got out of that. Is that correct?
If so - this is on you. I don't mean to sound harsh but - don't blame him because you can't say no.11 -
If you are depending on him changing what he does in order to be successful, you will fail. It's certainly easier when you're surrounded by like-minded people, but if you are committed to him and committed to losing weight, then you have to figure out how to do that by yourself.
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You see my partner supports me verbally but I'm not really sure of what support I need because it just doesn't feel enough. I made a decision at the beginning of the year not to see him for a month and that worked! I lost near on a stone! However, since then we've seen each other like we used to and I feel myself starting to come off the bandwagon. He doesn't eat well and will choose not to eat at all if it's not a takeaway or something unhealthy. I fall into it too as I don't want to just cook for myself if he's around. I've spoken to him about it before but nothing changes. I'm considering not seeing him again for another month but how is that a long term solution?! Any advice/guidance/support would be greatly received xx
What's the plan for the rest of your life? If you marry him, will you ask him to leave for months on end while you lose weight? Doesn't seem very sustainable, does it?
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fiddletime wrote: »You need to eat your own food and let him eat his. You'll both be happier, in the long run.
^^^This
My wife is a stay-at-home mom who cooks dinner for the family every night. She doesn't like that I've been on a fitness kick for 3+ years and watch my calories. I don't nag her, and I never dictate what she makes for dinner (after all, I DO appreciate it!). And I don't insult her by turning down something she has prepared. I just load more veggies on my plate and portion control the rest.12 -
Good luck finding someone who always eat exactly like you do.
He would have to be your same exact size and weight for one thing. If your current BF is larger than you, he NEEDS way more calories.
Eat what you want, let him fend for himself. OR, fix a meal you like and have extra sides for him of gravy or cheese on vegetables or a large potato, or bread or larger portions in general.
He/she who is cooking has all the power.2 -
Food is a personal choice and shouldn't be left up to your spouse. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we eat much differently than one another - still, to this day. We met and our eating habits couldn't be more opposite. I'm very strict when it comes to my eating habits and have been since before we met. He has picked up some of my good habits but continues to eat things that I don't eat. I wouldn't put that on him because that's his choice. It's all about self control. YOU decide what you put in your mouth. Cook what you want to eat. If he eats it, great. If not, I'm sure he knows where the refrigerator is!6
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Why couldn't you eat the same meals he does, at a lesser volume without interrupting your weight loss? Stay within your calorie limits and you will still lose weight.1
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Let me turn it around on you:
What would he have to do for you to think he was being supportive?
What would he have to do to make you happy?2 -
Wait, are you specifically not seeing him because you're dieting?0
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"I got rid of 150 lbs of ugly fat last month!"
"Wow! How did you manage that?"
"Oh, I binned my partner..."5 -
It doesn't sound like he is being unsupportive it sounds like he isn't dieting.
Just because you're trying to lose weight/be healthier doesn't mean he is and he shouldn't have to change his diet because you cant control your eating when hes eating poorly. My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years and we don't always eat the same. When I make dinner I make the same thing but different variations so mine is healthier, because he is not dieting. When we get take out I can get what he gets or make the decision to get something healthier, thats my choice.2 -
Just my opinion, please don't be hurt! Maybe your priorities are not compatible with having a relationship right now. If you can essentially put him away for a month and be happy about it, and then less than two months later, start thinking doing it again sounds good... you should just cut him loose. There's nothing wrong with focusing on yourself if you need to, but it is wrong to know that things aren't working out and (inadvertently!) stringing someone along.7
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You don't need anyone's support but your own. I have no idea if my husband is supportive. He keeps snacks all over the house and I just don't eat them if they don't fit my goals. His snacks have nothing to do with me and my weight loss. Neither of us really want to eat quinoa and kale for dinner, so we eat delicious traditional meat and potatoes meals with plenty of butter and lard, plus some veggies on the side. I have to go a little lighter the rest of the day, but I'm fine with that. I love taking the night off and being treated to dinner out. I make it fit in my calories, because it's worth it. We've made it work for six months now, so I don't see why you can't.2
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I would have gotten rid of you if you told me what to eat. Your journey isn't his.1
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I have to cook for myself with my husband and kids around. Nobody in this household likes the same foods. Daughter - vegetarian, husband - low salt, low sugar, son just plain picky. But if someone brings takeaway into the house they have to go eat it in a bedroom, because yeah, I will get into too. Give me some Chips!!!
I can hardly wait for maintenance. 0 -
I'm with you! My daughter is vegetarian and my husband struggles to keep weight ON! I can ignore with my daughter's weird soy fake chicken nuggets in the freezer but hubby's Oreos on top of the fridge call my name late at night!2
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If he's not giving you the support you want, is he the right one for you?0
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Maybe you're looking at this wrong. If you look at is as, "temptation will always be all around me, if I can get through the temptation presented by the s/o, I can ignore temptation at work, the grocery store, the TV, etc." In other words, use the hubby's unhealthy eating habits (your words) to strengthen your willpower, instead of seeing it as a reason to give in.2
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If you have to stop seeing him so you can control your eating, that's on you - not him. And if you don't live together and are on again off again depending on how you're feeling then he isn't your partner, he's sometimes your boyfriend.
When you're in a mature relationship, such things like what your hubby/partner eats is not your concern. Neither are the colour of his socks, the books he likes to read, or the groups he follows on Facebook.
I share my life with a wonderful man who makes me coffee in the morning, makes me laugh often, and is my peace and comfort every single day. He also eats constant junkfood/icecream/lollies/chips/soft drink. He works on his feet, and he does not have a family history of diabetes so it doesn't seem to affect him. I couldn't care less what he sticks in his mouth - it has nothing to do with me and does not mean I should stick it in my mouth.
You honestly can't take care of yourself if you're constantly trying to emulate the behaviours of everyone in proximity to you. Be your own person, do your own thing - even in a relationship.4 -
You lost fairly quickly during that month... you could set a goal for slower more sustainable loss and live more comfortably in the same world as non-dieters.
Eat smaller portions of the same food he eats. Order food for yourself that fits your goals.
Your plates do not have to match. Put more vegetables on your plate. Have a salad.
Cook for yourself and if he chooses not to eat that is his issue. He can cook or go get his own food. You cook for yourself when he isn't around.
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Break up. If you can happily not see him for a month to lose weight and feel fine about doing it again because you can't take responsibility for what you choose to put in your body then that isn't a good sign for a continued relationship. What are you you going to do after another month? After you reach your goal? This is how he eats.1 -
Here's what I have to say on the subject: Losing your weight, gaining your health, is not your partner's job. If I wanted to accuse my wife of causing my 33 years of marital obesity I have a good idea of how well that would be received by her. When I gave enough damn about me to do something about it, that's when I did it whether she wanted me to or not.1
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You see my partner supports me verbally but I'm not really sure of what support I need because it just doesn't feel enough. I made a decision at the beginning of the year not to see him for a month and that worked! ... I'm considering not seeing him again for another month but how is that a long term solution?! Any advice/guidance/support would be greatly received xx
If you're both comfortable not seeing each other for months here and there ... maybe you need to reconsider the relationship.
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You see my partner supports me verbally but I'm not really sure of what support I need
Firstly, if you are not sure what kind of support you need from him then be sure he doesn't have a clue.
Secondly, as has already been said, you journey is not his. If you are going to force him to eat like you eat he is going to get tired of it and your relationship pretty quickly, given that being apart for months does not seem to be a problem.
First decide how important your relationship is to you and then figure out how to manage your food. My wife and I compromise. She eats what I eat but over weekends we socialise and I just have to be a big boy and manage my eating accordingly.
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If this man is ok with not seeing you for a month, then seeing you again but you think that you can be without him pretty easily for another month to get your diet in order is this really this serious a relationship? You seem to make giving him up quite an easy thing. Is he really this ok with the on again off again thing? It seems that you both might just be security blankets for eachother. A man that loves you wants what is best for you and doesn't throw tantrums if you don't want to eat what he does.3
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I can just imagine what my husband would say if I said I wasn't going to see him for a month because he eats all the pizza and ice cream
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You are loosing weight for YOU, not for anyone else. If you are true to it, you wont eat poorly because it's what you so badly want. Unless your boyfriend is getting angry and forcing you to consume the same foods as him, I say you have a choice to eat it or not. I was in a similar situation with my partner and smoking. I wanted to quit, he didn't. It definitely took all I had to muster the courage to not smoke, but 8 years later and I am here still smoke free.
If you truly want something in life, you gotta take it and refuse to give in.0 -
You see my partner supports me verbally but I'm not really sure of what support I need because it just doesn't feel enough. I made a decision at the beginning of the year not to see him for a month and that worked! I lost near on a stone! However, since then we've seen each other like we used to and I feel myself starting to come off the bandwagon. He doesn't eat well and will choose not to eat at all if it's not a takeaway or something unhealthy. I fall into it too as I don't want to just cook for myself if he's around. I've spoken to him about it before but nothing changes. I'm considering not seeing him again for another month but how is that a long term solution?! Any advice/guidance/support would be greatly received xx
you need to take responsibility for your own actions.
he doesn't need to change anything just because you are. you need to find ways to make it work if yo uwant to be with him.3 -
I most of the time will eat the same as my partner but he might substitute veg for chips(fries). Sometimes we dont have the same thing at all. He doesnt need to worry about his health and weight but I do so I cant expect him to eat how I do all the time, if your partner wants a takeaway let him have it and make your own dinner.
This is your life and happiness0
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