I'm about to weight more than my fiance! HELP!

dribbles88
dribbles88 Posts: 5
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
I just wanted to write everyone to see what you all think.

I'm 23. I'm 5'8, a size 10, and weight 189 lbs. When I first started dieting about a month ago, I weighed 196. I should be happy, right? I am proud of my 7 lbs lost, don't get me wrong, but I've lately been having this problem:

I got engaged exactly 2 months ago. I knew I had gained a little bit of weight back that I had lost (my pants were fiting tighter) but it didn't seem like that much of a problem. Well fast forward to the beginning of January when I was sick and went to the doctor and they weighed me. I was horrified to find I weighted 196! Last time I ever weighed that much I was 13 and wore a size 18. I swore I'd never get that heavy again. So after my doctors visit, I begain dieting and exercising more , like I had done before to lose weight. Then a coworker showed me this website which has been fabulous helping me keep track of things and helping me stay on track. Well, my fiance found out about what I was doing and decided to join me (since he said he has gained about 40 lbs in about a year). I was happy to have a buddy that could now share my pain and success of dieting and getting back into shape.

Well, one day, we are weighing ourselves and he tells me that he weighed 208 when we started. I was shocked to learn that we were that close in weight. (he's 5'10 and wears a men's 36). I remember back when I weighted 174 about a year ago (seems so far away now) and I proudly told him how much I weighed he was shocked to learned I weighed that much. My whole life since I have been over the age of 16 people have remarked (including doctors) that I look like I weight much much less than I actually do. At the time, my fiance told me he thought I weighed 140 (when I was 174!!!)

My problem is that now I weight 189 and he weighs 194!! I'm horrified to think that in a couple of weeks, he'll either weigh as much as me or even less (gasp!). I'm really happy to know he's doing so great but at the same time, I don't want him to think or know that I weight more than he does! It embarasses me and horrifies me. What I can't get over is that I am more on track with my diet (I NEVER go over my alloted amount and I am a lot further away from my limits than he is), I exercise WAY more than he does, and what I eat is way heathier in every way (for example he'll have 2 eggs, toast, and milk for breakfast and I'll have half a banana and water.)

The only thing I can think of that makes me feel better is maybe we are so close in weight because I have more muscle than he does and that weighs more than fat?? Plus we are about the same size in height, sized feet, etc. BUT I"M A FEMALE! Women are supposed to weigh less, right?? I'm just really upset about this and I'm afraid of his reaction once he weighs less than me. I'm most definitely overreacting but I just don't want the embarassment. Maybe I should just not tell him anymore how much I weigh? But then I'm afraid he'll get the impression I do weigh more than he does!! :sad:

Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been in a similar situation?? Guys, how would you feel if this happened to you and your lady?? Please HELP!!

Replies

  • dribbles88
    dribbles88 Posts: 5
    I just wanted to write everyone to see what you all think.

    I'm 23. I'm 5'8, a size 10, and weight 189 lbs. When I first started dieting about a month ago, I weighed 196. I should be happy, right? I am proud of my 7 lbs lost, don't get me wrong, but I've lately been having this problem:

    I got engaged exactly 2 months ago. I knew I had gained a little bit of weight back that I had lost (my pants were fiting tighter) but it didn't seem like that much of a problem. Well fast forward to the beginning of January when I was sick and went to the doctor and they weighed me. I was horrified to find I weighted 196! Last time I ever weighed that much I was 13 and wore a size 18. I swore I'd never get that heavy again. So after my doctors visit, I begain dieting and exercising more , like I had done before to lose weight. Then a coworker showed me this website which has been fabulous helping me keep track of things and helping me stay on track. Well, my fiance found out about what I was doing and decided to join me (since he said he has gained about 40 lbs in about a year). I was happy to have a buddy that could now share my pain and success of dieting and getting back into shape.

    Well, one day, we are weighing ourselves and he tells me that he weighed 208 when we started. I was shocked to learn that we were that close in weight. (he's 5'10 and wears a men's 36). I remember back when I weighted 174 about a year ago (seems so far away now) and I proudly told him how much I weighed he was shocked to learned I weighed that much. My whole life since I have been over the age of 16 people have remarked (including doctors) that I look like I weight much much less than I actually do. At the time, my fiance told me he thought I weighed 140 (when I was 174!!!)

    My problem is that now I weight 189 and he weighs 194!! I'm horrified to think that in a couple of weeks, he'll either weigh as much as me or even less (gasp!). I'm really happy to know he's doing so great but at the same time, I don't want him to think or know that I weight more than he does! It embarasses me and horrifies me. What I can't get over is that I am more on track with my diet (I NEVER go over my alloted amount and I am a lot further away from my limits than he is), I exercise WAY more than he does, and what I eat is way heathier in every way (for example he'll have 2 eggs, toast, and milk for breakfast and I'll have half a banana and water.)

    The only thing I can think of that makes me feel better is maybe we are so close in weight because I have more muscle than he does and that weighs more than fat?? Plus we are about the same size in height, sized feet, etc. BUT I"M A FEMALE! Women are supposed to weigh less, right?? I'm just really upset about this and I'm afraid of his reaction once he weighs less than me. I'm most definitely overreacting but I just don't want the embarassment. Maybe I should just not tell him anymore how much I weigh? But then I'm afraid he'll get the impression I do weigh more than he does!! :sad:

    Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been in a similar situation?? Guys, how would you feel if this happened to you and your lady?? Please HELP!!
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
    Doesn't bother me, I think my wife weighs more then me, but she's a very strong woman (physically and mentally). What does it matter what you weigh, as long as you are healthy, look good, and feel good?

    I know I weigh about 10 lbs less then I want, but I don't care about how much I weigh, I'm just using it as a marker for how much muscle I would like to add to my frame and still be healthy. That's how you might want to think about viewing weight, as a marker for health, not as a standard by which you judge youself.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    Until last year, I outweighed my hubby for the majority of our marriage. :indifferent:

    Yes, I was happy when I finally weighed less then his skinny @$$, but it was never a issue between us. :smile:
  • SJGBassett
    SJGBassett Posts: 10 Member
    Ok--I know how you feel. I am the same height and virtually same weight as you (5'8", 185 lbs). To be honest, if you are a size 10, then your weight must be distributed pretty well. I am a size 12/14. So, you are ahead of the game already.

    Now, at this height, your weight, like mine, is very deceiving. Most people would NEVER guess my weight as heavy as it is.

    I just had a baby (I lost a lot due to nausea) but when I was pregnant my hubby went with me to the doc. They wanted to weigh me and I was HORRIFIED. I knew that he was 220 or so, and 6' 4" (8 inches taller!!!!!) and I didn't want him to know that I was even CLOSE to his weight. Anyway, he was shocked when he heard my weight (at the beginning of the pregnancy I was 198 or so) but not shocked that he was disgusted, more like disgusted because he didn't think I looked that weight and thought I looked great for being that weight.

    He fell in love with me when I weighed a lot heavier, so I am actually getting better every year...losing a little more at a time. I have a long way to go, but remember, he proposed to you at the weight you are so that means he thinks you are a HOTTIE the way you are! Forget his weight....men have better metabolisms and muscle. Muscle weighs less. Women have more fat in their hips, breasts, thighs, etc. We are curvy by nature and should be proud of some curves. Forget the numbers and focus on the health...are you healthy?

    It sounds like you are like me...we are close to our goal, but look pretty good the way we are so it is hard to get truly motivated. We don't look so bad that we feel awful, but we wish we could lose 20 or 30 lbs.
  • LisaZaugg1976
    LisaZaugg1976 Posts: 1,144 Member
    don't let it get you down you can do it that is what I tell myself
  • mandersen16
    mandersen16 Posts: 261
    I don't really know what it's like to be around the same weight as my husband (i am WAY shorter) but I will offer you this.

    I don't care what ANYONE says, it is A LOT easier for men to lose weight than women.

    You very easily could have more muscle than him. One of my friends was in the same boat. She looked like she weighed what I did at the time but she was actually like 50 pounds heavier.

    I think as long as you feel good about how you look, who cares what the scale says. Muscle does weigh more than fat! Maybe bones too........Don't feel bad about yourself!! As long as you feel good and look good, who cares what a stupid scale says!
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Breathe....

    First off, why is it an issue... I assume he likes you for more then what you look like.
    I mean, my fiance weighs only a few more pounds then me... when we met...I weighed a good 10lbs more then him. The reality is... this is your mental roadblock... he may not even have one.

    Secondly, men and women's bodies work diffently. Don't be comparing yourself to him and his weightloss because it's not going to be a good indicator FOR YOU. Also, try not to fool yourself with the whole "I have more muscle" mentality... weight is weight... even though more muscle is great it's still weight. A pound of fat and a pound of muscle are both a pound no matter how you slice it. However, the more muscle you have the nicer your clothes may fit... because although a pound is a pound... a pound of muscle is much denser then a pound of fat...therefore taking up less room.

    Don't focus so much on his success (which is what it is, no matter his methods). Focus on what you are doing right for you... Make sure you are eating enough, drinking enough, etc. This is not a one-size fits all world... make sure your plan is correct for you.
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
    i have to say, and please dont be upset, but i think you are doing so good and it really shouldnt matter if you are that close in weight to you manly man. :flowerforyou:

    the fact that you are eating right, using MFP, and excercising is what is important. there are all sorts of things to consider - muscle weighs more than fat, inches come off as well as weight, men and women are different period - i could go on and on.

    please dont stress yourself out about something like this. i know you probably think it is easy for me to say, but i have been there before. you are a tall girl and tall girls carry their weight much differently than shorter girls - this is why people are suprised at how much you weigh. i myself am tall - 6'1"!!! - and have always been thought to weigh less than i do. for a short time it bothered me. but i got over it and think about it differently - especially when comparing weight to a guy. its like comparing apples to oranges, you know?

    be proud of who YOU are :flowerforyou: and be happy you are on the right track. i suggest you focus more on mini goals than things you cant really change. you should be so proud of your 7 pounds lost and keep it up. focus on how your clothes fit rather than the # on the tag. dont worry about what others think and avoid giving them fuel by not sharing how much you weigh until you are comfortable with it.

    i think you look great and you are doing great and say, be happy! :wink:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    I think it's great that you shared this site with him so He too can become healthier...to me that's all that really matter, getting healthy not a number on the scale. Men tend to lose faster than woman typically.

    Banks has some good points...perhaps viewing it in a different light might calm you down? Really what does a number even mean?? Getting healthy and fit and gaining back our self confidence is what matters most here in my book.:flowerforyou:

    FC:heart:
  • rwinston
    rwinston Posts: 7
    You're making progress. That's what matters. Focus on the positive and don't worry about the rest. Does it really matter who weighs more, when you are both working towards healthier bodies?

    My husband is lean at fit at about 139 lbs. I'm 177 lbs and 3-4 in shorter. It doesn't bother him that I'm overweight or that I'm 36 lbs heavier than him. All he cares about is that I am happy, I feel good every day and that I take care of my health.

    I'm sure your guy will continue to cheer you on, no matter who weighs more. Be proud of what you've accomplished and look forward to the transformation that awaits you.
  • MReynolds61
    MReynolds61 Posts: 5
    Muscle does not weigh less
    more muscle will help you BURN more fat as well.
  • dribbles88
    dribbles88 Posts: 5
    SJGBassett, It does sound like we are about the same! Thanks for the great advice and input. I feel better already!


    Everyone! You are wonderful! I really appreciate all the great advice and the help! It means a lot to me. :bigsmile:
  • MReynolds61
    MReynolds61 Posts: 5
    I just joined and it is very impressive how much all of you have lost.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
    Ah, it really isn't a big deal. DH was 130 and fit when we met, I was 185. He is now 'fat' at 160 and I'm at 211. We are both trying to get healthier together, and I can assure you that while men may care about the way you look, they don't care how much you WEIGH. You could tell them that Angelina Jolie weighed 170lbs and all they would say is 'she still looks good!

    Also, my DH has a theory. In nature, its always the female animals who are bigger. Why should it be any different for us? :tongue: :laugh:
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    I am a lot heavier than my husband and I was when we met. We are both on MFP and he is losing weight much faster than me.

    Despite all that, he says I am sexy and he loves me. We are both excited that we are working towards healthier bodies andeven more so that we are doing it together. He will grab my butt and say it is smaller ( what a sweet man)

    What I'm saying is, does it really matter who is heavier as long as you love each other and respect each other
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Also, my DH has a theory. In nature, its always the female animals who are bigger. Why should it be any different for us? :tongue: :laugh:

    My brother told me that women hold on the wight more because in cave man days, you didn't know when your next meal was coming and you needed something to help nurture the babies
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Also, my DH has a theory. In nature, its always the female animals who are bigger. Why should it be any different for us? :tongue: :laugh:

    My brother told me that women hold on the wight more because in cave man days, you didn't know when your next meal was coming and you needed something to help nurture the babies

    In a lot of my health classes this "caveman" theory is brought up a lot. Theoretically, it is very possible. Genetically we wouldn't be too altered the only major difference is life style.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    How is half a banana and water healthier than eggs, toast, and milk? :huh:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    How is half a banana and water healthier than eggs, toast, and milk? :huh:

    Hmmmm... it's not. :smile:
    Not enough balance.

    My question remains... are you eating enough?
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    How is half a banana and water healthier than eggs, toast, and milk? :huh:
    Very good Point!! I missed that the first read through.

    What he's eating is definitely a healthier breakfast and will take Him much further through to the next meal time than simply carbs and water.:noway: Eating less doesn't = healthy weighloss. Eating balanced meals will do that though. Sounds like He's on the right path...eat more Girl and you'll lose more!! Just keep it healthy and small frequent meals can help as well. Plus water is a great thing to be keeping up with.

    Perhaps keeping your eyes on your meal plan and not worrying so much on what He does or doesn't eat might keep you in a better mind set and on a better weight loss track:flowerforyou:

    FC:heart:
  • borac
    borac Posts: 174
    Ok..

    When I got married husband and i were the same weight.. well after my pregnencies etc.. i weighed about 120 lbs more than him !!
    It bothered me - not him.

    He loved me and loves me.. for " me " and not my weighed.. I can say not once have I noticed any difference in him towards me.. if i'm 280, 180, 150, or what ever weight..

    What i'm trying to tell you - do it for yourself.. and your fiance - if he loves you , he will love you no matter what weight the scale is showing ..
  • smadag1
    smadag1 Posts: 1,368
    I wish i could weigh what my husband does i am 5'8ish and am around 175 size 12/14. He is 5'11 and 125 in a 28 mens waist. Iknow he loves me no matter what i weigh. I am on a weight loss mission more for me than i am for him. I know he will be proud of me for my weight loss efforts. Keep your head up and keep on track.
  • jojo52610
    jojo52610 Posts: 692 Member
    Hi I'm the same height as you 5'8" and I weighed 184 (not weighing my self right now- the scale is broken)

    I wear a size 10 as well right now they are a little snug - the skinnest I have ever been was 4 years ago I weighed 149 - and I looked like I was starving myself to death.

    I remember going to the Dr's office and the nurse weighed me at the time I weighed 160 and she said - you don't look like you weigh 160 -

    the point I'm trying to make - it doesn't matter if weigh 180 or 130 it's how I feel and how happy you are about how you look.

    my ideal weight where I am the happiest is around 165-170 - I like the way I look - at that weight I'm a size 8 - and that makes me happy and that's what counts.

    And as far as weighing more than your fiance - well I wouldn't worry about it - at one point in my marriage my Husband lost so much weight I out weighed him by 15 lbs - now he out weighs me by 30 -

    Weight is only a number :happy: and numbers shouldn't define how we feel
  • chulie
    chulie Posts: 282
    Omg..im not gonna lie...Im definitely a little jealous of you ladies!!hahahahahaha. I am about the same height 5'8-5'9 and when i started this i weighed 174 lbs and was MOST definitely a 14...12 was never an option for me.....Im now down to 164, and probably am now in a size 12.......You are sooo lucky to be wearing size 10's!!!!!! i WISH! But just goes to show how some people are genetically lucky to carry the weight in the right places!hahahaha..While I am mildly jelous....congrats on the weight loss still..... hehehehe
  • dribbles88
    dribbles88 Posts: 5
    Great tips everyone.

    And for those of you who are concerned :tongue: I'm eating plenty. The only reason I have that little for breakfast is that I'm not much of a breakfast person anyway. But then for lunch I'll have grilled chicken and a spinach salad (my favorite!) and a glass of milk (If I'm too low on the calories). Believe me, I am not starving myself or eating too little. I tried that when I was younger and I ended up feeling horrible and overall gaining more weight. Plus it's just not good!

    I really appreciate everyone's support! It's interesting to hear everyone else's stories. It makes me feel like we are all in this together. I feel a lot better. Thank you!
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
    I'm just throwing this out there: My fiance is slim but muscular, he's 5'8", his weight fluctuates between 150 and 160, depending on how well he's been keeping up with his workouts. When he met me I weighed about 175lbs, he loved me anyway, and I didn't care that I weighed more than him. Wwhen I started here I was up to 209 lbs, 59lbs more than my fiance. now I weigh 152 and am SO happy and healthy! and I STILL weigh more than he does. Thing is I still don't care. You can't compare yourself to other people. Make your goal to be happy and healthy, not to weigh less than someone else. In fact, since it seems to really bother you, don't weigh together and don't discuss numbers. :flowerforyou:
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