when your spouse is not supportive.
zigzag423
Posts: 18 Member
Anyone else have a spouse that loves you how you are. (So they say) but you are so Uncomfortable in your body and yet they don't get it. I need someone who can support me and I can support them I this journey to lose weight.
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I was 108kg when I met my OH. I'm 86kg now. He never had an issue with my size, I did. I don't think it's reasonable for me to expect him to be involved in doing something about it. Quite simply you do you, and let him do him. My OH is a snacker, we have chips and ice-cream and lollies and all manner of things in our house. Not a problem, that's up to him. My commitment to being healthier and thinner is none of his concern. I think if you feel you "need someone who" then your relationship has bigger problems than your desire to lose weight.7
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Yes. I know he supports me in his own way, and I appreciate that he loves me for who I am but I don't love the me I have become.
He doesn't fully understand what I'm doing.1 -
Only you own your body and mind! When that person sees progress of you in person and see how much better you feel your spouse will eventually come around. It is hard on some days when it feels like that person is bringing you down. Someone has an image of me looking like a skinny model I say no thanks I want muscular showing not ribs
the reason the person has that image in their head is because theyre brainwashed thinking lifting heavy weights and high protein will make you bulky like a man. I have background in training and nutrition so I know better we aren't capable of building that kind of body like a man unless you take loads of boosters and massive calorie intake plus men has the testosterone and greater capacity for muscular hypertrophy. People like to judge and be in control of others. Opinions are nice but sometimes it can go to far. You will accomplish your goals either way with or without their support. 3 -
My husband met me at 100kg, loved me at 116kg and loves me now at 84kg. He's utterly uninterested in my weight loss efforts, and I don't expect him to be. It's my thing. He doesn't need to lose weight, but even if he did, I wouldn't expect him to get on the same bandwagon unless he was ready.
He buys chips, asks for takeout for dinner, suggests sedentary weekend activities... I weigh each of those up and make decisions based on what's best for me.4 -
Ty for feed back but I'm frustrated very much. He is irritated by my working out yet when we met I worked out daily. I'm sick of it I love him forever but I will do what I need to do. I'm a strong person I will fight for myself. I will not keep hating myself.3
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Could be some insecurities on him. You need to give yourself an amount of time for the day to workout. If he works and does errands plan your workouts during those hours or when he's sleeping. Do what makes it convenient for you and never make it feel like he's stopping you. You can work your way around it and through it. To help get him involved start out by making healthy recipes for him show him it's important for a healthy and active lifestyle1
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YOU go on anyway. Unfortunately this is not uncommon. Many people close to you DON'T really want you to succeed deep down because if you do, then it reflects on their lack of discipline and desire.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I think for a lot of guys, they don't want to pressure their g/f or wife to change. He doesn't want you to feel like you're not pretty enough for him, so he loves you as you are.
That's being said, why is he irritated by your daily work out? Do they cut into "together time", does the gym member ship cost a bunch and stops you from doing other things? I think communication is key in this situation, esp because as you get more in shape, he may start worrying that he is no 'good enough' for you.
Good luck!3 -
One of the reasons I come on here often. My hubby is supportive of me working out but not so much on the eating and food front. He likes his large fatty meaty meals with minimal vegetables. Do what you know is right for you.1
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Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.0
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My husband and I met when I weighed around 290. Almost 6 yrs later (in November 2016) I weighed 346 and decided to get healthier. He has sabotaged me with fast food and his awesome cooking skills, multiple times since, but I know it's because he loves me and wants to make me smile. I've just had to learn to tell him no and give my simple reasons why. One thing I've noticed really helps is not to make my weightloss a topic of conversation all the time. It gets old quick for people who don't share the same goals. Also, I find that working out and walking is easier done when hes at work. Afterall, it's my commitment to health, not his. But on the upside, he's starting to follow suit a little and eat healthier. He even shocked me the other day by signing up with me, for my first 5k. Bottom line he shows his support where he can but he is leaving this journey up to me, because that's who it's about. I hope you are able to find the support you need to reach your goals! Add me as a friend if youd like!
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My wife supports me but don't want to hear about all of the time which is understandable but losing weight does become apart of who you are. I would like to lose the last 30 but having such a tough time with it. Cannot give up for I've come so far but just feeling defeated right now.2
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Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.
Marriage is teamwork he shouldn't need to worry about what other people think and glancing. As long as there is commitment with both sides in marriage. He should understand you have goals to hit and want to feel better. People will look but that doesn't mean youre going to pay attention to everyone that looks. It'll take some time but he'll come around, maybe have him join you for a couples workout at times! I see at gyms couples would do box jumps beside each other and jump rope. Seeing all the dedication and progress he'll want to see how you're doing it and eventually follow you along. If anything where there's too much negativity find close people around you to help keep you going the last thing you need is being overly-controlled by nonsense things. You cant force him but you can convince him!0 -
My mom's dead my dad's far away. All my friends are gone. I have nothing but him.0
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Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.
I hear this often.
Some people just need reassurance that you still love and care for them:).1 -
Are you sure this isn't coming from a darker place? I dated a guy that used lines such as ... I think your beautiful the way you are and if you lose weight other guys will be more attracted to you. He sabotaged me constantly by making me dinner or buying it and then making me feel awful about not eating it. He had alot of insecurities that had nothing to do with me. I hope that's not what you are dealing with.0
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Yes, my husband is supportive of my desire to get into shape and lose weight but he would NEVER tell me I need to lose weight or stop being lazy. He always tells me how gorgeous I am and reminds me that I was 180 lbs when we first met and I'm just as beautiful to him no matter what the scale says. In our 8 years together he has seen me at every weight between 139 and 225 at my heaviest.
That being said he knows how my weight effects my self esteem and when I start complaining about my body he reminds me that it's up to me to change the things I don't like. I should do for myself what I need to in order to feel good in my own skin.
Feel free to add me2 -
My mom's dead my dad's far away. All my friends are gone. I have nothing but him.
I'm so sorry to hear that
that's terrible.. I'm hopeful your spouse will follow your fitness journey! Don't let him bring you down it's for your health and well being, do it for you! Best of luck with your fitness goals and keep us posted! 
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Just be careful about tying the way you think you look to the way you think he feels about you. I really believe that's one of the things that destroyed my marriage. My husband and I were together for 11 years, and I was over 100kg the whole time. He said he loved me and I know he did, and he was definitely physically attracted to me, but I couldn't understand how these things could be true when I found the way I looked to be so disgusting. It's almost like I thought less of him for feeling that way about me. How could he love me when I hated myself.2
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Yeah that's how I feel how can he love me when I don't. I hate looking in the mirror and I'm so uncomfortable in my skin. So self conscious. It's debilitating at times.0
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Yeah that's how I feel how can he love me when I don't. I hate looking in the mirror and I'm so uncomfortable in my skin. So self conscious. It's debilitating at times.
I think it sounds like some couples counseling would do you both good in this instance. Do you think he'd be open to that?1 -
I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend is so blind and clueless to my weight issues. We're both big and have been all our lives. He loves my body and doesn't see how heavy I really am. I've found support in friends. I'm just starting this journey over so wish me luck!2
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I totally wish you luck. You can do it !0
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So they say, until you lose a lot of weight and they love you "more". My bf doesn't really watch what he eats and wants to eat out a lot. It's hard but even when we go out to eat it's about portion control or making healthy choices. Anything with cheese is my weakness. Not easy for a Mexican like me. We put queso on everything.1
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Mine likes to eat biscuits and gravy,bacon,eggs etc for breakfast. Things I don't care for. Plus he loves eating out . I don't care for fast food it's crap food and not worth it. It's a struggle he does all the cooking. He loves cooking. I just try to eat smaller portions but then I'm hungry later. Ugh0
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