when your spouse is not supportive.

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zigzag423
zigzag423 Posts: 18 Member
in Motivation and Support
Anyone else have a spouse that loves you how you are. (So they say) but you are so Uncomfortable in your body and yet they don't get it. I need someone who can support me and I can support them I this journey to lose weight.
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  • strshllw84
    strshllw84 Posts: 256 Member
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    Yes. I know he supports me in his own way, and I appreciate that he loves me for who I am but I don't love the me I have become.
    He doesn't fully understand what I'm doing.
  • sammyjo0218
    sammyjo0218 Posts: 108 Member
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    Only you own your body and mind! When that person sees progress of you in person and see how much better you feel your spouse will eventually come around. It is hard on some days when it feels like that person is bringing you down. Someone has an image of me looking like a skinny model I say no thanks I want muscular showing not ribs ;) the reason the person has that image in their head is because theyre brainwashed thinking lifting heavy weights and high protein will make you bulky like a man. I have background in training and nutrition so I know better we aren't capable of building that kind of body like a man unless you take loads of boosters and massive calorie intake plus men has the testosterone and greater capacity for muscular hypertrophy. People like to judge and be in control of others. Opinions are nice but sometimes it can go to far. You will accomplish your goals either way with or without their support.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    edited March 2017
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    My husband met me at 100kg, loved me at 116kg and loves me now at 84kg. He's utterly uninterested in my weight loss efforts, and I don't expect him to be. It's my thing. He doesn't need to lose weight, but even if he did, I wouldn't expect him to get on the same bandwagon unless he was ready.

    He buys chips, asks for takeout for dinner, suggests sedentary weekend activities... I weigh each of those up and make decisions based on what's best for me.
  • zigzag423
    zigzag423 Posts: 18 Member
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    Ty for feed back but I'm frustrated very much. He is irritated by my working out yet when we met I worked out daily. I'm sick of it I love him forever but I will do what I need to do. I'm a strong person I will fight for myself. I will not keep hating myself.
  • sammyjo0218
    sammyjo0218 Posts: 108 Member
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    Could be some insecurities on him. You need to give yourself an amount of time for the day to workout. If he works and does errands plan your workouts during those hours or when he's sleeping. Do what makes it convenient for you and never make it feel like he's stopping you. You can work your way around it and through it. To help get him involved start out by making healthy recipes for him show him it's important for a healthy and active lifestyle
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,574 Member
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    YOU go on anyway. Unfortunately this is not uncommon. Many people close to you DON'T really want you to succeed deep down because if you do, then it reflects on their lack of discipline and desire.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
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    I think for a lot of guys, they don't want to pressure their g/f or wife to change. He doesn't want you to feel like you're not pretty enough for him, so he loves you as you are.

    That's being said, why is he irritated by your daily work out? Do they cut into "together time", does the gym member ship cost a bunch and stops you from doing other things? I think communication is key in this situation, esp because as you get more in shape, he may start worrying that he is no 'good enough' for you.

    Good luck!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    One of the reasons I come on here often. My hubby is supportive of me working out but not so much on the eating and food front. He likes his large fatty meaty meals with minimal vegetables. Do what you know is right for you.
  • zigzag423
    zigzag423 Posts: 18 Member
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    Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.
  • thutch40
    thutch40 Posts: 26 Member
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    My wife supports me but don't want to hear about all of the time which is understandable but losing weight does become apart of who you are. I would like to lose the last 30 but having such a tough time with it. Cannot give up for I've come so far but just feeling defeated right now.
  • sammyjo0218
    sammyjo0218 Posts: 108 Member
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    zigzag423 wrote: »
    Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.

    Marriage is teamwork he shouldn't need to worry about what other people think and glancing. As long as there is commitment with both sides in marriage. He should understand you have goals to hit and want to feel better. People will look but that doesn't mean youre going to pay attention to everyone that looks. It'll take some time but he'll come around, maybe have him join you for a couples workout at times! I see at gyms couples would do box jumps beside each other and jump rope. Seeing all the dedication and progress he'll want to see how you're doing it and eventually follow you along. If anything where there's too much negativity find close people around you to help keep you going the last thing you need is being overly-controlled by nonsense things. You cant force him but you can convince him!
  • zigzag423
    zigzag423 Posts: 18 Member
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    My mom's dead my dad's far away. All my friends are gone. I have nothing but him.
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
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    zigzag423 wrote: »
    Well I think his problem is when we met he loved how I looked. Now I think he's afraid I will lose the weight and other guys will look at me. I can't help who looks at me. Hrs gonna have to deal cause I'm not happy with this weight.

    I hear this often.

    Some people just need reassurance that you still love and care for them:).
  • aneedforchange
    aneedforchange Posts: 75 Member
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    Are you sure this isn't coming from a darker place? I dated a guy that used lines such as ... I think your beautiful the way you are and if you lose weight other guys will be more attracted to you. He sabotaged me constantly by making me dinner or buying it and then making me feel awful about not eating it. He had alot of insecurities that had nothing to do with me. I hope that's not what you are dealing with.
  • nrbutton
    nrbutton Posts: 165 Member
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    Yes, my husband is supportive of my desire to get into shape and lose weight but he would NEVER tell me I need to lose weight or stop being lazy. He always tells me how gorgeous I am and reminds me that I was 180 lbs when we first met and I'm just as beautiful to him no matter what the scale says. In our 8 years together he has seen me at every weight between 139 and 225 at my heaviest.

    That being said he knows how my weight effects my self esteem and when I start complaining about my body he reminds me that it's up to me to change the things I don't like. I should do for myself what I need to in order to feel good in my own skin.

    Feel free to add me
  • sammyjo0218
    sammyjo0218 Posts: 108 Member
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    zigzag423 wrote: »
    My mom's dead my dad's far away. All my friends are gone. I have nothing but him.

    I'm so sorry to hear that :( that's terrible.. I'm hopeful your spouse will follow your fitness journey! Don't let him bring you down it's for your health and well being, do it for you! Best of luck with your fitness goals and keep us posted! :)
  • DietPrada
    DietPrada Posts: 1,171 Member
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    Just be careful about tying the way you think you look to the way you think he feels about you. I really believe that's one of the things that destroyed my marriage. My husband and I were together for 11 years, and I was over 100kg the whole time. He said he loved me and I know he did, and he was definitely physically attracted to me, but I couldn't understand how these things could be true when I found the way I looked to be so disgusting. It's almost like I thought less of him for feeling that way about me. How could he love me when I hated myself.
  • zigzag423
    zigzag423 Posts: 18 Member
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    Yeah that's how I feel how can he love me when I don't. I hate looking in the mirror and I'm so uncomfortable in my skin. So self conscious. It's debilitating at times.

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