Living with the mother in law

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dpack347b
dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
edited March 2017 in Chit-Chat
I have 3 kids and I live with my mother-in-law. And it is quite stressful and probably part of the reason I gained weight because food made me happy. When I started my journey to lose weight I start dieting and exercising. She quite literally told me I was going to fail. Guess what lost 40 lbs since october. Now she asked me if I'm anorexic or bulimic and tells me I have no butt . I'm too skinny and I need to eat, which i do! I don't starve myself I eat normal healthy food instead of fattening McDonald's or Chinese every night and I exercise so yes I'm going to be skinny cuz I'm taking care of my body. She's always questioning my decisions and choices with my kids. and she's kind of a bigot in a way when I try to do anything that involves "man like labor" like installing a ceiling fan or a bathroom vent or a thermostat (which I did spectacularly with nobody's help by the way) she tells me I shouldn't be doing those things I should wait for a man to help me. so frustrating living with a woman from the fifties. The worst part about it is I can't say anything to her because she does do it out of a good heart and genuine concern. But the lack of faith and trust and belief that I might actually know what I'm doing and that I'm not just jumping into something blind is starting to drive me nuts. Please tell me there are women out there who know what I'm talking about. How do you deal?
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Replies

  • pamfgil
    pamfgil Posts: 449 Member
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    By not saying anything you are being a martyr, try something along the lines of I know you are trying to help but when you say stuff like "---" it makes me feel very hurt that you are not able to trust my judgement.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
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    wow your handy around the house. the next time she says wait for a man to do say no thank you. it might not ever happen if you waited
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    michael1976_ca wrote: »
    wow your handy around the house. the next time she says wait for a man to do say no thank you. it might not ever happen if you waited

    Hahaha! You are correct sir. You want something done ya gotta do it yourself.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Well, if you feel she's doing out of a good heart and genuine concern, perhaps she'll listen if you try to talk to her?
    She sounds annoying but not like a bad person. Just stuck in the past.

    And if that doesn't work, come up with a one liner for various situations and just repeat every time she asks the same question or gives the same criticism.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    EbonyDahlia wrote: »
    I couldn't live with my MIL for 5 minutes without getting fat. I love her to bits but we can't even stop in for a 5 minute visit without her bringing out 17 plates of biscuits and scones and cream and chocolate and cake and slices. For 2 people. I will say though, she understands I'm low carb and she puts cream in my coffee for me, and puts cheese out with all of the other crap. And when I had surgery she brang over the most delicious quiche and proudly told me she'd made the crust with almond flour so I could eat it. Bless her. :)

    You hit the jackpot!
  • ddmom0811
    ddmom0811 Posts: 1,878 Member
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    I couldn't do it. My mother-in-law is a wonderful person but she drives me crazy with her comments. The older you get the easier it is to not give a *kitten*. I used to get so upset about everything she used to say. Now, it's only about 1/3 of what she says that drives me crazy.
    Praying for you too!
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
    edited March 2017
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    hi
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    TheRealSlim_Shelly wrote: »
    I didn't read your post, just the title. My condolences. Praying for you.

    Lmao! Thanks
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Where is the husband?

    Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
  • wesley58
    wesley58 Posts: 129 Member
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    Well, I feel for you, it is not my mother in law, but 87 year old Father, who is just recently widowed. My mother used to complain about his dominance, and laws of the house, and he has not quite figured out that he cannot continue to live the way he is without us. We (as in 3 of us) take turns staying with him, (me being the youngest and only male). He doesn't make me eat, quite the opposite, but he is very hard to be around most days as he treats us as though we are small children, who need to be warned of the dangers of the house, to make our beds, and to not get into his stuff, etc etc. I am 59, and have done quite well for myself. I just grin and bear it, take it in stride and get through my time with him, as I am not sure how long he may be around. But my sisters have a tough time with him, and I always get the brunt of that also. So hang in there dpack, you'll do okay, and later in life will look back and think about how much stronger you are now because of it.
  • GreenGoddess22
    GreenGoddess22 Posts: 3,821 Member
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    Bless you for living with her! I'd rather live in a cardboard box than have to spend more than 2 hours with mine!
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    dpack347b wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Where is the husband?

    Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
    Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?

    Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Another 20-30 years of your life, easily, unless she is dying (hope she is not)
  • CatLou76
    CatLou76 Posts: 26 Member
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    I get you. A real quote from my MIL: "He shouldn't have to cook. He's a man." Are you kidding me woman?
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    dpack347b wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    dpack347b wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Where is the husband?

    Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
    Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?

    Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
    I hope this isn't my wife with a covert profile.

    Hahaha! So I'm not the only one...
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    CatLou76 wrote: »
    I get you. A real quote from my MIL: "He shouldn't have to cook. He's a man." Are you kidding me woman?

    Can't even get mine to do the "man" chorea, lol never mind cook.
  • dpack347b
    dpack347b Posts: 41 Member
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    dc8066 wrote: »
    Another 20-30 years of your life, easily, unless she is dying (hope she is not)

    That's what I'm saying she has some health issues but nothing life threatening. My kids will all grown up by then lol.
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
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    So where is your husband in all this?

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