Living with the mother in law
I have 3 kids and I live with my mother-in-law. And it is quite stressful and probably part of the reason I gained weight because food made me happy. When I started my journey to lose weight I start dieting and exercising. She quite literally told me I was going to fail. Guess what lost 40 lbs since october. Now she asked me if I'm anorexic or bulimic and tells me I have no butt . I'm too skinny and I need to eat, which i do! I don't starve myself I eat normal healthy food instead of fattening McDonald's or Chinese every night and I exercise so yes I'm going to be skinny cuz I'm taking care of my body. She's always questioning my decisions and choices with my kids. and she's kind of a bigot in a way when I try to do anything that involves "man like labor" like installing a ceiling fan or a bathroom vent or a thermostat (which I did spectacularly with nobody's help by the way) she tells me I shouldn't be doing those things I should wait for a man to help me. so frustrating living with a woman from the fifties. The worst part about it is I can't say anything to her because she does do it out of a good heart and genuine concern. But the lack of faith and trust and belief that I might actually know what I'm doing and that I'm not just jumping into something blind is starting to drive me nuts. Please tell me there are women out there who know what I'm talking about. How do you deal?
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Replies
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By not saying anything you are being a martyr, try something along the lines of I know you are trying to help but when you say stuff like "---" it makes me feel very hurt that you are not able to trust my judgement.3
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I couldn't live with my MIL for 5 minutes without getting fat. I love her to bits but we can't even stop in for a 5 minute visit without her bringing out 17 plates of biscuits and scones and cream and chocolate and cake and slices. For 2 people. I will say though, she understands I'm low carb and she puts cream in my coffee for me, and puts cheese out with all of the other crap. And when I had surgery she brang over the most delicious quiche and proudly told me she'd made the crust with almond flour so I could eat it. Bless her.
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wow your handy around the house. the next time she says wait for a man to do say no thank you. it might not ever happen if you waited4
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michael1976_ca wrote: »wow your handy around the house. the next time she says wait for a man to do say no thank you. it might not ever happen if you waited
Hahaha! You are correct sir. You want something done ya gotta do it yourself.1 -
Well, if you feel she's doing out of a good heart and genuine concern, perhaps she'll listen if you try to talk to her?
She sounds annoying but not like a bad person. Just stuck in the past.
And if that doesn't work, come up with a one liner for various situations and just repeat every time she asks the same question or gives the same criticism.1 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »I couldn't live with my MIL for 5 minutes without getting fat. I love her to bits but we can't even stop in for a 5 minute visit without her bringing out 17 plates of biscuits and scones and cream and chocolate and cake and slices. For 2 people. I will say though, she understands I'm low carb and she puts cream in my coffee for me, and puts cheese out with all of the other crap. And when I had surgery she brang over the most delicious quiche and proudly told me she'd made the crust with almond flour so I could eat it. Bless her.
You hit the jackpot!1 -
I couldn't do it. My mother-in-law is a wonderful person but she drives me crazy with her comments. The older you get the easier it is to not give a *kitten*. I used to get so upset about everything she used to say. Now, it's only about 1/3 of what she says that drives me crazy.
Praying for you too!2 -
hi1
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TheRealSlim_Shelly wrote: »I didn't read your post, just the title. My condolences. Praying for you.
Lmao! Thanks0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.0 -
Well, I feel for you, it is not my mother in law, but 87 year old Father, who is just recently widowed. My mother used to complain about his dominance, and laws of the house, and he has not quite figured out that he cannot continue to live the way he is without us. We (as in 3 of us) take turns staying with him, (me being the youngest and only male). He doesn't make me eat, quite the opposite, but he is very hard to be around most days as he treats us as though we are small children, who need to be warned of the dangers of the house, to make our beds, and to not get into his stuff, etc etc. I am 59, and have done quite well for myself. I just grin and bear it, take it in stride and get through my time with him, as I am not sure how long he may be around. But my sisters have a tough time with him, and I always get the brunt of that also. So hang in there dpack, you'll do okay, and later in life will look back and think about how much stronger you are now because of it.
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Bless you for living with her! I'd rather live in a cardboard box than have to spend more than 2 hours with mine!2
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...0 -
60! She could be around another 40 years! He needs to say something.6
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Another 20-30 years of your life, easily, unless she is dying (hope she is not)
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I get you. A real quote from my MIL: "He shouldn't have to cook. He's a man." Are you kidding me woman?1
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I hope this isn't my wife with a covert profile.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
Hahaha! So I'm not the only one...0 -
So where is your husband in all this?0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
My mother does not live with us, but she visits and stays for a couple to three weeks every year and that is the time my stress levels are at manPMSing x 100Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I hope this isn't my wife with a covert profile.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
Hahaha! So I'm not the only one...
I can relate to that man. But my mother never says weird things - she does weird things which drives my wife crazy. Like re-arranging the decor and taking over the kitchen
She sees us as two children.
For a moment, I thought you were my husband. But my MIL doesn't stay for three weeks. She SAYS she's staying for three weeks but now it's been ... a year and a half?
I'm going to try not to get started on how much that woman and I are driving each other absolutely bonkers, because I love her, and she does a lot for us. But I often want to strangle her.0 -
JeepHair77 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
My mother does not live with us, but she visits and stays for a couple to three weeks every year and that is the time my stress levels are at manPMSing x 100Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I hope this isn't my wife with a covert profile.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
Hahaha! So I'm not the only one...
I can relate to that man. But my mother never says weird things - she does weird things which drives my wife crazy. Like re-arranging the decor and taking over the kitchen She sees us as two children.
For a moment, I thought you were my husband. But my MIL doesn't stay for three weeks. She SAYS she's staying for three weeks but now it's been ... a year and a half?
I'm going to try not to get started on how much that woman and I are driving each other absolutely bonkers, because I love her, and she does a lot for us. But I often want to strangle her.JeepHair77 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
My mother does not live with us, but she visits and stays for a couple to three weeks every year and that is the time my stress levels are at manPMSing x 100Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I hope this isn't my wife with a covert profile.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Does he have an opinion on his mom's exploits? Did you talk to him about it?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Where is the husband?
Around... in his own happy carefree world lol. He's always busy, breadwinner and all. But house projects take him forever to get around to ( hes the procrastinator type) If I feel confident I can do it I just get err done.
Yeah, he's says she's old and won't be around too much longer so take what she says with a grain of salt and enjoy the time you have with her. She 60. Which I understand but it doesn't make it any less stressful...
Hahaha! So I'm not the only one...
I can relate to that man. But my mother never says weird things - she does weird things which drives my wife crazy. Like re-arranging the decor and taking over the kitchen She sees us as two children.
For a moment, I thought you were my husband. But my MIL doesn't stay for three weeks. She SAYS she's staying for three weeks but now it's been ... a year and a half?
I'm going to try not to get started on how much that woman and I are driving each other absolutely bonkers, because I love her, and she does a lot for us. But I often want to strangle her.
That's exactly it, for all the bad she does an equal amount of good, my stress and anxiety is through roof though. I feel like I'm endlessly trying to prove I'm grown up!0
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