Dealing with Being Average/Normal in Overweight/Obese Social Circles

GoddessofBody
GoddessofBody Posts: 12 Member
edited April 2017 in Getting Started
Here's the thing: Many people have the drive from hitting rock bottom or being among the fattest in the group wherever they go. How about when you're among the thinnest in the group (which is easy in a country like America), but you still HATE what you see in the mirror?

I'm almost 31 and for most of my adult life, I've been among the slimmest in any group, but I knew I was still on the flabby side for me and I knew I could be much better. Being the right-smack-in the middle average would mean overweight in America, which I'm not. I'm average in the sense of average healthy, but that is not my standard because I've never been truly happy about how I look or even feel in a complete sense.

I've mostly been too voluptuous/too flabby for my own happiness and when I slim down to closer to my ideal body fat percentage for me, a lot of people tell me that I'm too skinny, which I would let discourage me. Even if I slimmed down to my ideal weight for me, I know for sure that I'd still be healthy, just athletic/toned and slim. I'm sure there are some or few of you that can relate to this, so please tell me how do you deal with still being among the slimmest in our obesity epidemic but not good enough for your own happiness, for your own goals? I know I'm going to be go at this alone in real life, but I need your support.

Replies

  • BeauNash
    BeauNash Posts: 103 Member
    Simple. You do you. Sod what others think.
  • haleyrhart
    haleyrhart Posts: 26 Member
    I hear you loud and clear! My BMI is on the high side of healthy and I would like to be healthier. I always feel like I have to justify my life style change. I have gone from trying to describe how I feel to people to just telling them my pants don't fit. The usual response is positive and few joke and say "buy new pants" which I disregard. Good luck! You are not alone!
  • GoddessofBody
    GoddessofBody Posts: 12 Member
    edited April 2017
    Thank you both. Haleyrhart, same here. I range from med to high of healthy in terms of BMI and fluctuate between those two points. Your circle's responses are obviously not supportive of what you want, and I have the same issues but my social circles' responses are different.

    I am tired of being mediocre for myself because it just feels like I am coasting through the fitness aspect of life. It is very difficult to find truly athletic and lean friends that are close enough so that you can have strong habits rub off on each other. I just have to frequent this forum often. I finally want my dream body and stick with it.

    I just need to live in a bubble for now because my goals are vastly different from other people around me.
  • DietPrada
    DietPrada Posts: 1,171 Member
    You gotta stop caring what others think. Honestly. In all areas of life. It's not of anyone's business how much you weigh, what car you drive, where you live, what you do for a living, what clothes you wear, how you eat. You work out what makes you happy, be who YOU want to be, and ignore the haters. My MIL picks at me constantly coz I don't eat all the things at family gatherings, telling everyone she thinks I've lost enough weight but I don't care. It's not really up to her. I'm still about 15kg overweight and it's my business if I want to lose that much more.
  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
    by all means feel encouraged to get more toned and lean, but don't use your BMI range as a clear guide, it's more of a ballpark range.

    If you are already in the 'healthy' range, perhaps you can get your body fat tested, that would allow you to set better goals than perhaps targeting the low end of the 'healthy' range.
  • GoddessofBody
    GoddessofBody Posts: 12 Member
    edited April 2017
    dreawest wrote: »
    As one of the obese I still want to weigh in. At first it was hard for me to listen to a slim and healthy woman say she wants/needs to lose weight without scoffing at her. But that was defensiveness and embarrassment on my part. What must you think of me if you aren't happy with what looks ideal to me kind of stuff. But I have come to accept on this journey that we all get to try and improve ourselves and deserve support in doing so. One of my colleagues has a max of 7lbs to lose and people often can't believe she is watching her weight but in talking and walking with her I see how hard it can be to shift even a few extra pounds and that just because I let myself go to get to the point I'm at doesn't mean others should. Instead I try and support her and we help keep each other accountable to our own goals. So long as you aren't trying to lose so much that you become unhealthy skinny then you are entitled to want to be fitter, both in physical endurance and in appearance if thats what you want. The only thing I would think about for you if you think you're flabby thin is to maybe add in some muscle building because women can rock six packs and that might help you achieve a sense of accomplishment along with building strength.

    You are welcome to weigh in and thanks for your insight. I don't compare myself to others anymore (for years), but I have a particular athletic ideal for me that I want to reach. It's clear in my head and that's what I compare my current self to. I do want a six pack (maybe not a super defined one but the type where the lines are not so deep), so I'm glad you mentioned that. I aspire to be in a bikini level bodybuilding competition, so I have to be very lean for that anyway and it would be even easier to stay close to that level in terms of body fat percentage/weight (most sources recommend not to stray more than 5-7 pounds from target competition weight) as a ballpark when you are off-season. It's great that you support your colleague as I've had people try to sabotage me over and over again, and I'm mad that it has worked many times. I am feeling pretty awful about myself because I have never reached the ultimate fitness goals that I set for myself and I keep telling myself to ignore my friends and family that say very discouraging remarks and keep pushing me to eat when I lose weight. It's like I have to build a wall around myself because I keep doing things for the sake of their happiness and satisfaction. I want to be the best I can be in all aspects of my life and this is just one of them.
    EbonyDahlia wrote: »
    You gotta stop caring what others think. Honestly. In all areas of life. It's not of anyone's business how much you weigh, what car you drive, where you live, what you do for a living, what clothes you wear, how you eat. You work out what makes you happy, be who YOU want to be, and ignore the haters. My MIL picks at me constantly coz I don't eat all the things at family gatherings, telling everyone she thinks I've lost enough weight but I don't care. It's not really up to her. I'm still about 15kg overweight and it's my business if I want to lose that much more.

    Thank you; I agree. It's sick that your mother in law is not supportive of your goals at all and does the opposite. I'm just sick of doing things because they are socially acceptable, because my family and friends want me to. My mother seems to despise seeing me near my "best" weight, but I cannot stand kicking myself all the time. Every time I start over, I want to scream. I just have to be really mentally strong about this because pressing that reset button again is going to make me flip. My BMI is on a high of 24.7 again and this reflects what I see in the mirror when I was there before.
    Theo166 wrote: »
    by all means feel encouraged to get more toned and lean, but don't use your BMI range as a clear guide, it's more of a ballpark range.

    If you are already in the 'healthy' range, perhaps you can get your body fat tested, that would allow you to set better goals than perhaps targeting the low end of the 'healthy' range.

    The BMI is not everything, but I remember seeing the most definition in my abs and arms and legs when I was closer to the low part of the healthy range. I was an athletic type of slim, not boney. That was a relatively brief period of my life. I have thin bone structure, which means when I do get to the higher point of the BMI, I am just downright flabby to me. I have had my body fat measured before and it was 27 to 28 percent when I was starting out, which is too high to see any muscle definition without flexing.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 31,972 Member
    I went from being on the heavy side of some of my social circles, to being the thinnest in some, and low-average even among the rest. (Among others, rowers and arts/craftspeople are two groups I socialize with . . . the average body configuration is quite different between the two, though there's obviously individual variation within each.)

    Frankly, it hasn't been that big a deal. I was happy and confident as an obese person, and I'm happy and confident as a thin person. People don't seem to treat me dramatically differently.

    I feel like you're giving other people a lot of power over your self image ("when I slim down to closer to my ideal body fat percentage for me, a lot of people tell me that I'm too skinny, which I would let discourage me").

    You have a desired image in your head. You say - and I believe - that it's a healthy image. It sounds like you know what you'd need to do to accomplish your goals, but you're worrying about it, because . . . why?

    While losing weight, I pretty much said nothing to anyone about it - didn't talk about changing my eating, or make a big deal about doing it, just changed it; didn't talk about exercise strategies (any more than I normally would with the rowers, where it's normal to talk about exercise); didn't talk about progress; didn't make a big deal about logging my food (tried to do it mostly away from others when possible); etc. The only people I talked with about it were a couple of people who were doing pretty much the same thing, and were interested/open. Most people are seriously not interested in other people's diets, but if you let it become a topic of conversation . . . everyone's got an opinion.

    Yes, some people along the way told me they thought I was getting too skinny. So what? If I thought they were motivated by actual concern, I'd say something like "my doctor and I are happy about my weight goal" and leave it at that. I didn't let it become a topic of conversation. If it came up, I'd say something brief, and change the subject.

    Now that I've been thin - thinner than a lot of people in all of my social groups - for over a year, no one pays any attention to it. The people I've known a long time are used to New Me. New people I meet think I've been thin forever. It's still not a big deal.

    I guess my bottom line is this: If you have a goal, why not just go after it? Don't agonize, don't borrow trouble. It's no one else's business, other than maybe your doctor.
  • subcounter
    subcounter Posts: 2,382 Member
    GoddessofBody wrote: »
    Here's the thing: Many people have the drive from hitting rock bottom or being among the fattest in the group wherever they go. How about when you're among the thinnest in the group (which is easy in a country like America), but you still HATE what you see in the mirror?

    I'm almost 31 and for most of my adult life, I've been among the slimmest in any group, but I knew I was still on the flabby side for me and I knew I could be much better. Being the right-smack-in the middle average would mean overweight in America, which I'm not. I'm average in the sense of average healthy, but that is not my standard because I've never been truly happy about how I look or even feel in a complete sense.

    I've mostly been too voluptuous/too flabby for my own happiness and when I slim down to closer to my ideal body fat percentage for me, a lot of people tell me that I'm too skinny, which I would let discourage me. Even if I slimmed down to my ideal weight for me, I know for sure that I'd still be healthy, just athletic/toned and slim. I'm sure there are some or few of you that can relate to this, so please tell me how do you deal with still being among the slimmest in our obesity epidemic but not good enough for your own happiness, for your own goals? I know I'm going to be go at this alone in real life, but I need your support.

    Honestly, your social circle should not dictate your diet, nutrition or health is general. It is your body and you have the control over it. My friends and family knows I can take care of my own nutrition and health, so our conversation topics are rarely about how much I eat.

    So in general, your friends numbers on scale should not really matter realistically. Simply follow a diet that will make you happy in general. Life is too short to waste time on little notions like these, don't overthink it :smile:

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