Completely petty, but I miss the compliments
wellthenwhat
Posts: 526 Member
So when I first lost 25 pounds, everyone noticed, asked what I was doing differently, congratulated me. I could also eat more and lose back then. Now it's harder, I have to eat fewer calories to lose, progress is slower. I've been 'slim' for so long that people have forgotten that I was ever chubby. So instead of getting told wow, you're doing a great job! I get told "Oh, it's easy for you, you're young!" or " Why are you so worried about calories, you can eat anything and stay small, just wait till you are my age!" or if I do happen to indulge, "How do you eat that much and stay so small?" or "you're gonna get fat eating all that!" I obviously know that I cannot rely on others for motivation, but it's just discouraging to be working so much harder, plus battling all that negativity.
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People are jerks. This is as constant in life as death and taxes. Learn to not rely on others for justification.15
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gamerbabe14 wrote: »People are jerks. This is as constant in life as death and taxes. Learn to not rely on others for justification.
You made me laugh out loud. No I don't rely on them, but it was still nice, ya know? 1 -
Yeah you're not always going to get pats on the back for everything.
And there's one thing I've definitely learned is that SOME people generally are uncomfortable with others who they see as somewhat successful because it reminds them of their own inadequacies. So they'll pat you on the back when you're working towards your goal, but when you've achieved and you maintain that success (whether it's in career, weight, family life - whatever), you may find those people treat you differently, because you've achieved something difficult, and something they couldn't do.8 -
Here you go - You are doing a sterling job, well done you - I do not even charge (the first time
) 4 -
... oh and the other thing which probably gives you compliments all the time are your cloth-sizes ... and they are completely unbiassed6
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It certainly won't stop me! One co worker I had when I still had a.manual job told the others that I was gonna get chubby again when I started my current (bank teller) job. I'm not gonna let her be right!5
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You are awesome......do u......look elsewhere for the compliments, and always know ppl are gonna hate.....i find if u kill them with kindness they are more forthcoming with compliments, & kudos. That you aren't in competition.1
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christys03 wrote: »You are awesome......do u......look elsewhere for the compliments, and always know ppl are gonna hate.....i find if u kill them with kindness they are more forthcoming with compliments, & kudos. That you aren't in competition.
I find if you kill them they cannot give you compliments, but they cannot bother you anymore either ....5 -
christys03 wrote: »You are awesome......do u......look elsewhere for the compliments, and always know ppl are gonna hate.....i find if u kill them with kindness they are more forthcoming with compliments, & kudos. That you aren't in competition.
I find if you kill them they cannot give you compliments, but they cannot bother you anymore either ....
Lmfao......u would b correct.......1 -
You say you know it's "completely petty" so why are you allowing something "completely petty" to discourage you so much? Why not celebrate that you've been "slim so long people no longer think of me as chubby"? That's awesome! Furthermore, most of the comments you cite are completely ignorant and uninformed, so just dismiss them for what they are. No reason to rely on these people for motivation at this point in your journey. Certainly don't accept the "negativity" you feel they are creating in your head.4
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You say you know it's "petty" so why are you allowing something "petty" to discourage you so much? Why not celebrate that you've been "slim so long people no longer think of me as chubby"? That's awesome!
Because I am human, and what people say does have an affect on me. I am not a perfect, immortal goddess.2 -
If I ever get this weight off I hope no one remembers me being so heavy. I have wasted 20 years being overweight and missed out on so much because of my reluctance to get out there and do things (knowing it would be awkward or people would make comments or I just wouldn't be able to do it physically) that I am scared to get compliments. I wish they wouldn't have to say anything to me at all about what I have accomplished. To me it is embarrassing. Maybe folks think you don't want to be reminded of your struggle because to them you are past it. :-)4
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I am tired of the compliments. Every day I am reminded of how I'm disappearing. How thin I am. How I shouldn't lose more weight. Etc. But I'm sure I will miss them when they are gone!0
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kristenmuehler wrote: »If I ever get this weight off I hope no one remembers me being so heavy. I have wasted 20 years being overweight and missed out on so much because of my reluctance to get out there and do things (knowing it would be awkward or people would make comments or I just wouldn't be able to do it physically) that I am scared to get compliments. I wish they wouldn't have to say anything to me at all about what I have accomplished. To me it is embarrassing. Maybe folks think you don't want to be reminded of your struggle because to them you are past it. :-)
I think it's more they never realised it was a struggle. But that does help me some!0 -
wellthenwhat wrote: »So when I first lost 25 pounds, everyone noticed, asked what I was doing differently, congratulated me. I could also eat more and lose back then. Now it's harder, I have to eat fewer calories to lose, progress is slower. I've been 'slim' for so long that people have forgotten that I was ever chubby. So instead of getting told wow, you're doing a great job! I get told "Oh, it's easy for you, you're young!" or " Why are you so worried about calories, you can eat anything and stay small, just wait till you are my age!" or if I do happen to indulge, "How do you eat that much and stay so small?" or "you're gonna get fat eating all that!" I obviously know that I cannot rely on others for motivation, but it's just discouraging to be working so much harder, plus battling all that negativity.
Battling negativity is a challenge. No doubt. But its awesome you'e been slim for so long that people have forgotten you were ever chubby! That's a great thing! Don't be afraid to gently remind people that you worked hard to get where you are. Please also don't forget that it may actually be slightly more difficult for older people to repeat your success, for psychological reasons or physical ones. Maybe you can turn such comments into positive, motivational ones for the people making them.
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sheermomentum wrote: »wellthenwhat wrote: »So when I first lost 25 pounds, everyone noticed, asked what I was doing differently, congratulated me. I could also eat more and lose back then. Now it's harder, I have to eat fewer calories to lose, progress is slower. I've been 'slim' for so long that people have forgotten that I was ever chubby. So instead of getting told wow, you're doing a great job! I get told "Oh, it's easy for you, you're young!" or " Why are you so worried about calories, you can eat anything and stay small, just wait till you are my age!" or if I do happen to indulge, "How do you eat that much and stay so small?" or "you're gonna get fat eating all that!" I obviously know that I cannot rely on others for motivation, but it's just discouraging to be working so much harder, plus battling all that negativity.
Battling negativity is a challenge. No doubt. But its awesome you'e been slim for so long that people have forgotten you were ever chubby! That's a great thing! Don't be afraid to gently remind people that you worked hard to get where you are. Please also don't forget that it may actually be slightly more difficult for older people to repeat your success, for psychological reasons or physical ones. Maybe you can turn such comments into positive, motivational ones for the people making them.
Thanks! I don't disagree that it is probably a little harder, but it's said as an excuse for why they didn't try. Although come to think of it, I'm sure I've said similar things in my life.
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I get what you're saying, but while others can hardly remember us being heavy we never quite forget...even yet I sometimes feel I'm still the 'fat' friend or sister. Our minds sure can do a number on us.
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wellthenwhat wrote: »You say you know it's "petty" so why are you allowing something "petty" to discourage you so much? Why not celebrate that you've been "slim so long people no longer think of me as chubby"? That's awesome!
Because I am human, and what people say does have an affect on me. I am not a perfect, immortal goddess.
Consider that there is a lot of room between "completely petty" and "immortal goddess." These are your words, not mine. Try to relax a bit and celebrate what you HAVE accomplished. Look at your progress pics & Weight loss log for positive reinforcement!1 -
wellthenwhat wrote: »You say you know it's "petty" so why are you allowing something "petty" to discourage you so much? Why not celebrate that you've been "slim so long people no longer think of me as chubby"? That's awesome!
Because I am human, and what people say does have an affect on me. I am not a perfect, immortal goddess.
Consider that there is a lot of room between "completely petty" and "immortal goddess." These are your words, not mine. Try to relax a bit and celebrate what you HAVE accomplished. Look at your progress pics & Weight loss log for positive reinforcement!
Oh, I definitely do! I was just feeling a little down, and whining to people who have probably had similar experiences at one time2 -
I think I am sort of expecting the compliments once my weight loss becomes more noticeable... and I'm sure I'll miss them. I don't think it's petty, or if it is, I am a bit too.2
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we could have a comment swap I will tell you how slim you are looking and commiserate how tough it is. 4
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Although, I will admit, it also feels good to not be known as the chubby one in the group, too.1
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It feels good to give a compliment and to receive one. You're doing great! By the way, nice pic!. 1
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GrayRider61 wrote: »It feels good to give a compliment and to receive one. You're doing great! By the way, nice pic!.
Thanks!0 -
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If I were you I'd pin my before picture on my shirt and walk around work like a boss 1
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You know I realized the same thing recently. The first time I lost all my weight (2012) I enjoyed the comments immensely, but the high was short lived because I majorly failed at maintenance. This time I lost it all, I'm smaller and fitter than ever. I do like receiving compliments but I also feel they are backwards like "wow your so small, you look great!" Is really the unspoken "damn you were big, you looked awful!" That they simply didn't want to say before. I know it isn't so but I feel differently this time depending on how it's worded. I'm determined never to go back so I'm trying to bask in the compliments while they are still coming.1
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Mini_Medic wrote: »You know I realized the same thing recently. The first time I lost all my weight (2012) I enjoyed the comments immensely, but the high was short lived because I majorly failed at maintenance. This time I lost it all, I'm smaller and fitter than ever. I do like receiving compliments but I also feel they are backwards like "wow your so small, you look great!" Is really the unspoken "damn you were big, you looked awful!" That they simply didn't want to say before. I know it isn't so but I feel differently this time depending on how it's worded. I'm determined never to go back so I'm trying to bask in the compliments while they are still coming.
You can do it!!!0
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