Would you throw your mom a baby shower?
FreyasRebirth
Posts: 514 Member
My (step)mom (who is 44) thinks she is almost 5 weeks pregnant. She seems sure enough about it that she's going around telling everyone, even though her tests are negative. I'm not buying it.
Anyway, she told me that she wants me to throw her a baby shower. It feels bizarre to throw a baby shower for her, even though this is her first biological child. She is not unfamiliar with babies or being someone's mom. They don't financially need anyone's help (my dad makes several times what we do). It isn't like Google is throwing results my way like "the party your mom needs to be initiated as a mom because you obviously don't count". There is also the aspect of us being broke enough to get free school lunches, and parties aren't free.
WWYD?
Anyway, she told me that she wants me to throw her a baby shower. It feels bizarre to throw a baby shower for her, even though this is her first biological child. She is not unfamiliar with babies or being someone's mom. They don't financially need anyone's help (my dad makes several times what we do). It isn't like Google is throwing results my way like "the party your mom needs to be initiated as a mom because you obviously don't count". There is also the aspect of us being broke enough to get free school lunches, and parties aren't free.
WWYD?
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Replies
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Tell her baby showers aren't thrown until the last trimester, so she'll have to wait about 25 weeks.10
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I'd suggest you get her a stick to pee on first to confirm the pregnancy at 44 she'll be considered high risk so Roxie is right....Wait2
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Well, first of all it's really early to think about baby showers. She needs to have a positive pregnancy test, several good ob visits, and get past the "danger zone" of the first trimester (possibly longer as she is advanced maternal age) before anyone needs to think about baby showers.
That said, if she is pregnant and makes it far enough along, maybe you and a few of her friends could go in together to host a shower. That way no one person is responsible for picking up the cost of hosting the party.6 -
Yes I would1
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I would wait for the blood test, if she is prego, tell her the shower comes later in pregnancy..
You guys could celebrate the announcement with close family and friends maybe? or maybe not?1 -
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FreyasRebirth wrote: »
Okay!
Well then how would you throw her shower if she is never home?
And to add, she has a lot of health problems so this sounds serious for her to become pregnant and at her age.
I would wait on everything until the blood test, and many months into the pregnancy before deciding anything on showers and gifts.4 -
FreyasRebirth wrote: »
Peri-menopause can feel like pregnancy. She might be in for a surprise of the non baby type
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Sounds like somebody's craving attention!4
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My mom went through tubal ligation after I was born and menopause and a hysterectomy before she died so her being pregnant again was never a thing we faced. If she had asked me to throw her a party I would have though because she was a great person who did a lot for everyone. My mom technically hosted a shower for me when I was pregnant but I did a lot of the work for it.
I believe traditional etiquette has baby showers thrown by someone not closely related to the mom-to-be. I think that is a bit stiff but an out if you want to suggest someone else to host it.
Traditionally baby showers are held closer to the end of pregnancy or even after birth sometimes.
Maybe you can agree to help plan and host a gathering at the appropriate time but ask that she and your dad help cover costs since they are more well off than you.
https://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/entertaining/baby-shower-etiquette/page21 -
My mom went through tubal ligation after I was born and menopause and a hysterectomy before she died so her being pregnant again was never a thing we faced. If she had asked me to throw her a party I would have though because she was a great person who did a lot for everyone. My mom technically hosted a shower for me when I was pregnant but I did a lot of the work for it.
I believe traditional etiquette has baby showers thrown by someone not closely related to the mom-to-be. I think that is a bit stiff but an out if you want to suggest someone else to host it.
Traditionally baby showers are held closer to the end of pregnancy or even after birth sometimes.
Maybe you can agree to help plan and host a gathering at the appropriate time but ask that she and your dad help cover costs since they are more well off than you.
https://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/entertaining/baby-shower-etiquette/page2
Yes, this. I was also going to say etiquette dictates that bridal and baby showers are hosted by friends (not family members), although this rule seems to be widely unknown and/or ignored. So you could use this as your "out" if need be.0 -
novasunflower wrote: »Sounds like somebody's craving attention!
This. imho.1 -
If its her first biological child than I don't see why you can't throw her a baby shower but yeah obviously there is some time until that would need to happen to find out if she actually is pregnant.1
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FreyasRebirth wrote: »My (step)mom (who is 44) thinks she is almost 5 weeks pregnant. She seems sure enough about it that she's going around telling everyone, even though her tests are negative. I'm not buying it.
Anyway, she told me that she wants me to throw her a baby shower. It feels bizarre to throw a baby shower for her, even though this is her first biological child. She is not unfamiliar with babies or being someone's mom. They don't financially need anyone's help (my dad makes several times what we do). It isn't like Google is throwing results my way like "the party your mom needs to be initiated as a mom because you obviously don't count". There is also the aspect of us being broke enough to get free school lunches, and parties aren't free.
As already mentioned, there are several weeks to go until a baby shower anyways, so you have plenty of time for it to all blow over if it is a false alarm. So for now I would just say sure mom, around week 25
I obviously don't know about your families situation, but it does sound like you are hurt over her excitement at being pregnant. Try not to take it personally, even if she has been a mother to other children it is a whole new experience to her to be the one actually carrying the child and she gets a chance to experience alot of first through that time. I think if she asked you to throw the shower it is because she feels you are also an important part of her life and wants you to be part of the excitement.
In my personal experience, this means you are not pregnant. And when you are merrily going along you way not feeling pregnant at all, wham.....but everyone is different.....She has taken at least two tests. They were negative but she "feels pregnant."
They have a blood test scheduled for Tuesday.
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It's too early to be thinking about this, obviously, and the two negative tests make me think you're never going to have to.
BUT, if she turns out to be pregnant, I think it's nice to throw someone a baby shower - even if they don't actually need the financial assistance. The shower is a celebration of the baby with loved ones, and if you feel uncomfortable throwing a traditional shower for gifts, you could always do something a little different and more personal. When I was pregnant, my former 2nd and 4th grade teachers threw me a "book shower." Everyone was encouraged to give their favorite children's book as a gift, and it was really lovely. Most people wrote a little something in the book, and those were maybe my favorite and most special baby gifts. And I imagine that something like that could be done on a seriously reduced budget, especially if you get some other friend to co-host.
Also, I'm a step-mom, and I agree with @4legsRbetterthan2 - I think she's probably trying to involve you and show you that you're special to her - she wants you to be a part of this.1 -
I thought it was friends who throw baby showers for moms-to-be, not the family members. It might be a false alarm considering her age, as pinuplove's mentioned, pre-menopause is more likely.1
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I agree with the other posters that have mentioned that baby showers come much later in a pregnancy. Especially a high risk one. I'm not sure why she'd be saying she's pregnant if she hasn't had a positive test! Most women that are in the high risk category don't say a word to anyone for fear of having to explain what happened if they miscarry.
I'd say try to support her as best as you can, but let her know that a baby shower is not something she needs to be focusing on right this minute. First comes the positive blood test and then the instructions from the doctor regarding making it a safe pregnancy. Tell her the baby shower isn't the most important thing - it's having a HEALTHY baby!
Sounds to me like she's just dying for some attention. If she's never home, it'll be hard to plan anything anyway. And yes, you can always ask her friends to chip in or throw it for her if she turns out to be pregnant!0 -
I think if she really is pregnant, a shower would be the nice thing to do. Parties and showers aren't free, but they certainly don't have to be expensive. Look up Pinterest posts on baby showers on a budget, and DIY decorations. Lay out a table pretty, with colored paper plates, some store-bought (if you can bake stuff yourself, that can cut costs down significantly) cookies, doughnuts, snacks, sodas/lemonade-drinks, etc and you're good. Since she's not a first-time mom (i.e. YOU) a huge shower blowout is not necessary.0
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I thought it was friends who throw baby showers for moms-to-be, not the family members. It might be a false alarm considering her age, as pinuplove's mentioned, pre-menopause is more likely.
I don't think it matters who throws it. In fact, it's always been my mom and sisters who threw me my showers, and I the same for them (15 babies between the 4 of us who have kids). Friends are invited, but it's our family who hosts and throws.0 -
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