Trying to focus

Ok so I have been logged in for 35 days. Go me!! For the past week my husband and I have been arguing. It came down to a divorce or he travels across the world for 2 to 3 weeks to california. It has been my dream to go since I was little and he knows this. I'm do hurt because I don't understand why he says or divorce or why he would go and madge me stay home. I would go but I work and can't afford to go. He told everyone we have problems and just wants to get away. I feel sick to my stomach because he doesn't want me doing anything but he us doing this. Just makes me feel like crap. I'm weaker only pretending to be ok.. He wants to take a buys back to visit other places. I feel sicker every time he talks about it because not only does he want a divorce supposedly but he is taking my dram from me making it mean less. Just had to vent.