Friends/Family who sabotage
cookiemonster_ashley
Posts: 27 Member
How do you deal with friends or family who try to sabotage you? Maybe they don't realize theyre doing it. I don't know.
Like the ones who claim "you're fine you don't need to lose any weight"
Or they always want to eat out or have really sugary/fattening foods all the time. And tell you "oh one bite wont hurt"
Like the ones who claim "you're fine you don't need to lose any weight"
Or they always want to eat out or have really sugary/fattening foods all the time. And tell you "oh one bite wont hurt"
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Replies
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Sit down and have a serious conversation with them about it. If they don't understand or keep doing it you'll either learn to effectively say no or how to fit it into your goals (I do a bit of both).4
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I swear everytime I bring up that I've lost weight or trying to my bf makes me something I love that's really fattening or unhealthy. And I honestly don't think he does it on purpose. I always feel bad because I'll turn him down and it hurts his feelings cause in his mind he's being sweet. He doesn't see weight or diet the way I do. We've had the talk and all but he doesn't feel the same as I do about it. He's been better lately tho so idk. But if I were you.i guess I'd start with a conversation and if that doesn't work resist.2
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cookiemonster_ashley wrote: »How do you deal with friends or family who try to sabotage you? Maybe they don't realize theyre doing it. I don't know.
Or how to deal with them without harming a relationship. I told my wife that I would be cutting out alcohol completely for a few weeks to try get my weight loss back on track, the following evening she arrives home with two bottles of wine. Although I don't want to place any restrictions on her I remind her of what I said only the day before, her reply " but its only got 5% alcohol"
I do most of the cooking in our house. With a big family it can be hard to please everybody, it usually means cooking two or three different variations or different meals entirely. I used to always place myself last on the priority. Now I plan all my meals in advance. With MFP I enter in my meals details the night before just as a reminder. This often means I have to cook four different meals or have a cranky with who would have preferred something nicer.
Family can be supportive for a day, or now & then but not constantly. This is often a solo journey so expecting huge levels of support is probably only going to lead to disappointment. Two weeks ago I cooked a beautiful Sunday roast beef dinner with all the trimmings, as I was finishing cooking I was also eating my dinner ( a warm chicken salad). Then I served dinner and went for a walk while the rest sat down to eat. That brought a message home about how serious I was. Otherwise they just think, there he goes again with all his old guff about losing weight.
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Okay...Not trying to be mean here, but sometimes when we are focused on our weight loss or fitness goals, we tend to get annoying sometimes and that's all we think or talk about. So first I try not to annoy people with my goals. If it's someone close to me, I try to explain why I have the goals I have. If not, or if I have already tried to "talk" to them, I just ignore it and move on.10
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Don't talk about weight loss/ diet with a majority of people in your life. It is just not worth the headache, unless it is someone who seriously wants to have a real discussion and is willing to think outside the media woo box.
There will always be yummy food, and people wanting to share yummy food, there isn't really a good answer there, you just have to learn to deal. You may be able to just remove yourself and/or avoid certain situations. If not just don't make a big deal out of it and hopefully they will not either.
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Husband brought home cake this weekend and then made homemade pizza. He's very proud of his pizza and would be really hurt if I didn't sit down and eat it with him. So I'm trying to just take small pieces and cut calories elsewhere, but I'm over my goal just about every day this week. I asked him to not do this stuff next week... He knew I was dieting but thought "a few treats won't hurt."0
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terr91payette14 wrote: »I swear everytime I bring up that I've lost weight or trying to my bf makes me something I love that's really fattening or unhealthy. And I honestly don't think he does it on purpose. I always feel bad because I'll turn him down and it hurts his feelings cause in his mind he's being sweet. He doesn't see weight or diet the way I do. We've had the talk and all but he doesn't feel the same as I do about it. He's been better lately tho so idk. But if I were you.i guess I'd start with a conversation and if that doesn't work resist.
I hear you! Exactly. He thinks he's being nice, but it throws off my efforts!2 -
And my mother suggested that I take the pizza he made and then throw it in the trash.... Yeah, that'll work. We sit at the table and eat it together, he'd know if I did that! But the leftovers last for three days....0
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For me it depends on what role the person plays - my family are the most important thing for me so when my wife cooks me something special but extraordinarily fattening (which all tasty stuff seems to be) I enjoy it, then give little guilt trips when on MFP of going "Whoa 1,000 calories", the message gets through slowly however I would not want to offend them in the process. Currently working through the sweets my son packed for me on my current trip, he asks on skype every night if they are good so I can't let him down and just make other sacrifices. One or two bad meals a week will not derail me.
Ask yourself if you want to do this for yourself as that is the toughest call. If you are the only one trying to lose weight you can get dragged down by everyone else's bad habits or the fact they quit if they were trying with you. Do this for yourself, the only one who can let you down is you. If you are determined you will succeed in spite of anyone. Using other people's action to stop trying means your were not really dedicated or ready on this occasion, it doesn't mean you never will be but every year and every extra pound make these things a little tougher.
You can make this happen!2 -
I never quite understand it when people say other are "sabotaging" them. Refuse to engage if they try to talk about it, change the subject after a generic "hmm."
As for them offering you something to eat "No thanks" is a full sentence and needs no explanation. If they do get their feeling hurt, you can ask them "do you remember when we talked about eating healthier X days ago? That's why I don't want to eat any of X" Or like TheMrWobbly said, take one bite and toss the rest, one bite of something won't derail your entire day.2 -
nevadavis1 wrote: »Husband brought home cake this weekend and then made homemade pizza. He's very proud of his pizza and would be really hurt if I didn't sit down and eat it with him. So I'm trying to just take small pieces and cut calories elsewhere, but I'm over my goal just about every day this week. I asked him to not do this stuff next week... He knew I was dieting but thought "a few treats won't hurt."
Yeah, I would not let this go without a talk. He gets hurt when he didn't bother to actually listen to you in the first place? Over something you didn't ask him to do? You can still have dinner together, even eat it for ONE meal. After that, the left overs are his issue, not yours.2 -
Some coping strategies that sometimes work for me...
If there's pizza in the house (or a large amount of some other tempting food) I parcel it out, write the calories for the serving on it and put it in the freezer. It's still there for me and DH, but it's easier for me to have some and stay on track if I want some.
I had a boss who used to reward our team with pizza or chocolate when we hit a goal. A lot of the team were trying to make healthier choices so after talking to the team, I went to the boss and suggested alternative surprises like fresh flowers for our desks or mini-manicures, or bringing a beautiful fresh fruit platter in. She really liked the idea and got really creative with non-food items, or asking us in advance if we wanted a pizza lunch so we could budget our calories accordingly.
Sometimes people want to give us a treat but only know food ways to do it so we have to train them.
And sometimes they are uncomfortable with our choices for many reasons and they really are trying to sabotage us and they need to be carefully managed if we still want to spend time with them.2 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Okay...Not trying to be mean here, but sometimes when we are focused on our weight loss or fitness goals, we tend to get annoying sometimes and that's all we think or talk about.
I have to keep this in mind. Sometimes I get so fixated that it's all I can talk about. I have at least one friend who has offered me a cookie just to make me stop talking.1 -
No one can sabotage you. You can only sabotage yourself. Unless of course someone is stuffing food down your throat.1
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I had the same problem! I even discussed it with them. Problem is you make them feel insecure about themselves. None of the fit ppl did it intentionally, but it is there. Best way is just try to ignore it and only give advice when they ask.0
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »Okay...Not trying to be mean here, but sometimes when we are focused on our weight loss or fitness goals, we tend to get annoying sometimes and that's all we think or talk about. So first I try not to annoy people with my goals. If it's someone close to me, I try to explain why I have the goals I have. If not, or if I have already tried to "talk" to them, I just ignore it and move on.
Agreed! I think I've been so annoying lately because I've been working out religiously and eating better the last 2 weeks and have had some weight loss so I've been telling all my friends and family about it. At this point, they really don't comment anymore so I've stopped doing it. I've especially noticed it from my bf because he tries to get me to eat more after I've told him I'm full already. I guess I just wish they were more supportive which is why it's so nice to have the MFP community here cause we're all going through similar things and help/listen to each other.
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My mom likes to bake me cookies...it's not sabotage...she just likes making me cookies. I have enough self control to not eat all the cookies all at once...0
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Practice this: "no thank you"1
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My family and friends are very supportive. One girl at work does offer me chocolate or tuts at me if I put an already calorie counted treat in my mouth but other than that I have no issues0
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If they don't realize they are doing it, then they aren't trying to sabotage you. Sabotage is a deliberate act. If someone offers you something that you can't fit in just say "no thanks". If someone offers me something and I refuse it and they say "one bite won't hurt", I just say "I know it won't, but I still don't want it." I do still eat all things in moderation though, so if I'm at a family gathering I can usually work anything they serve into my goals. And I work in a small office, so there is almost never any food there.0
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