People Who Comment On What You Eat
Jirachii
Posts: 152 Member
Hi! I started MFP and losing weight Feb 20th 2017. I'm not following a diet plan, just counting calories and loosely trying to hit my macros. So far, I've lost almost 19 pounds and feel great.
Things are going great for me! I'm super happy with this progress, and I love that I can still have sour cream on my taco guilt free because I logged it, or a cookie or whatever. I'm set to reach onederland within the next 5 or 6 weeks, and am stoked.
Buuuuut what ruins my positive mood about all of this, is when people can't mind their own business and acknowledge that I don't need to be eating rabbit food to be getting healthier. My brother hits the gym a lot, but he was blessed with a fast metabolism and has always eaten what he's wanted and never gained weight. He is the biggest offender when it comes to getting on my nerves about what I'm eating. As for just not talking to him, sadly I'm a 19 year old community college student living at home.
Seriously he does it all the time, and gets very aggressive about it when I tell him to stop. He's one of those people who talks over you when you don't just accept his advice. He physically blocked the (low fat) sour cream from me the last time we had tacos. I had 1000 calories to spend on two tacos, and had eaten almost no saturated fat that day. (He was "concerned" about my saturated fat levels lol.)
Even my step dad who is 400+ pounds and making no effort to lose weight chimes in occasionally. It's never encouraging, just always really negative. You'd think I've insulted him with the way he acts sometimes.
How do you guys deal with people who make judgemental comments? They only bother me because I can't really escape them, and they won't let up when I kindly ask and explain my "diet" to them. Neither my brother nor step father have actually tried to lose weight before, so I think they just don't "get" it. Especially when I'm just eating healthier lunches and eating less in general at dinner (when I don't control the meal). They both know that I've dropped a pant size and log everything, but it just doesn't stop.
Also if you have any personal experiences with this, I'd love to hear them! How did it impact your conscious and self esteem? And if you've lost the weight, do people who knew your previous weight still make those comments?
Things are going great for me! I'm super happy with this progress, and I love that I can still have sour cream on my taco guilt free because I logged it, or a cookie or whatever. I'm set to reach onederland within the next 5 or 6 weeks, and am stoked.
Buuuuut what ruins my positive mood about all of this, is when people can't mind their own business and acknowledge that I don't need to be eating rabbit food to be getting healthier. My brother hits the gym a lot, but he was blessed with a fast metabolism and has always eaten what he's wanted and never gained weight. He is the biggest offender when it comes to getting on my nerves about what I'm eating. As for just not talking to him, sadly I'm a 19 year old community college student living at home.
Seriously he does it all the time, and gets very aggressive about it when I tell him to stop. He's one of those people who talks over you when you don't just accept his advice. He physically blocked the (low fat) sour cream from me the last time we had tacos. I had 1000 calories to spend on two tacos, and had eaten almost no saturated fat that day. (He was "concerned" about my saturated fat levels lol.)
Even my step dad who is 400+ pounds and making no effort to lose weight chimes in occasionally. It's never encouraging, just always really negative. You'd think I've insulted him with the way he acts sometimes.
How do you guys deal with people who make judgemental comments? They only bother me because I can't really escape them, and they won't let up when I kindly ask and explain my "diet" to them. Neither my brother nor step father have actually tried to lose weight before, so I think they just don't "get" it. Especially when I'm just eating healthier lunches and eating less in general at dinner (when I don't control the meal). They both know that I've dropped a pant size and log everything, but it just doesn't stop.
Also if you have any personal experiences with this, I'd love to hear them! How did it impact your conscious and self esteem? And if you've lost the weight, do people who knew your previous weight still make those comments?
6
Replies
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The only thing you can do is roll your eyes, drop it, and let the results speak for themselves. Eventually people are going to stop giving you their misinformed advice when they realize that there's more to weight loss and health than what's been fed to them their entire lives. If one of them literally decides to get in your way again, the best thing to do is to just remove yourself from the situation rather than tolerating it, because that is just beyond uncool.
I don't get many judgemental comments about what I eat anymore, but occasionally I'll make a new friend and they'll try to tell me that all the diet soda I drink is going to make me gain weight. There's nothing more satisfying than showing them the before and after photos and telling them that I lost all that while drinking diet drinks like water.
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I'm an intensely private person and hate talking about my weight (high or low). I despise it when people ask how much I've lost or what I eat. Mostly because if I do engage with talk of CICO, it's usually followed by a blank stare, or worse, condescension.
I've come to realize that it's part of the process. A simple "Thank You" with no follow-up goes a long way in shutting people down.10 -
Wow OP I'm really sorry that you are living with others that have no respect for you.
I had this kind of *kitten* happen when I was growing up. It was a really abusive situation and honestly I couldn't wait to leave and then limit my contact with these family members.
The way you have described your brother's and step-father's actions and mind-set I believe that you have little or no chance of changing them. Getting any respect from them is really unlikely. All you can do is work on how you can change how deeply they affect you and your goals.
Have you thought too about getting some counselling. Someone who can help you navigate a path through this and give you the benefit of professional advice would really help.
Understand too that you won't always be able to dismiss their horridness and at times you will feel undermined. You are only human and the treatment you are getting is abuse and that takes a toll.
What helped me the most in the past was getting support for my goals from different sources. Like here on MFP you can connect with like-minded others who can actively give you positive feedback, maybe join a gym, sign up for charity walks or a race. You are at College perhaps there are groups there that you could connect with.
Don't engage them on this subject either. Try out neutral words like "Mm-Hmm", "OKay", "Really, that's interesting" and change the subject.....Or perhaps just agree with them but continue doing You because what you are doing IS successful.
Your commitment is admirable and you are stronger than you realise. Keep going and continue to actively achieve your goals despite their input.
I wish you well.
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I wonder if they just dont get it. I would hand them a pen and paper and be like " i have this many calories, work out a meal with these ingredients". Hopefully it will be an eye openiing exercise for them. If they refuse to try it I would just say "why should I care about your advice when you arent even willing to try to see where I am coming from?".
Make sure they know what your goals are, that you have a healtht plan, and most importantly why it is important to you. Hopefully they will come around for you.7 -
I don't think this is about them not "getting" it. They are on a power trip and enjoy pulling your strings and pushing you around. Explanations don't work with people like that.
I wish I had some good advice, but I really don't have any -- except maybe try to eat away from home as much as possible and try to move out when you can afford it.15 -
I think they don't want to see you change. I have a sister like that. She has always been thin, but she will crunch on chips, etc if she knows that I am dieting. I realized this much later in life when she told me that every time her husband goes on a diet she gains weight! They may be trying to sabotage your diet without even realizing it.8
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I don't defend my food but I also don't get questioned about it.
Your step-dad, I would ignore. Your brother, I would not deal with as nicely. I likely would have flipped his dinner plate and taken the sour cream while he cried about it. I loathe people like him.16 -
Maybe it's because I have a special relationship with my brother, but if he chimed in with that *kitten* he'd have my middle finger of one hand pressed firmly against his nose while I helped myself to the sour cream with my other hand.13
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Accidentally stab your brother with a fork when he gets between you and the food? (What, doesn't everybody use a fork to dish up sour cream?)14
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No one has ever prevented me from eating food though. I've had a few try to get me to eat something.
Maybe say "Look, bro, you just don't get to tell me what to do with my body ever. That is not cool. You have a passion for exercise and health and that is nice but your behavior toward me is obnoxious, inappropriate and controlling. I have a plan that is healthy and working very well for me. I know what I can eat. Let go of the sour cream. Now."5 -
My last go around at this I had a lot of people talking about what I ate. Thankfully not family though. I usually found that the ones doing this were either feeling that they were on the same level as me, meaning we were both out of shape and over weight, or that the only thing that had over me was the fact that they were overall healthier then me. Basically, they don't want you to improve yourself because they don't have the ambition to improve themselves.
If I had been living with someone who did this, I'd probably eat the way they suggested for a couple days then shave their eyebrows in the middle of the night. Then just tell them it must be an adverse reaction to the way you had been eating.5 -
Zone them out when eating, they will eventually get bored. Arguing or explaining is just wasting your time and frustrating you0
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Sounds like my husband when I do any cardio. He thinks that because he can stay lean with zero cardio, so can everyone. Last time he mentioned it, I reminded him how sleeping on the couch is not that comfortable. Magically, he doesn't comment on my cardio anymore.15
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My brother tried doing something like that to me back when I had just started college. He was an egocentric piece of *kitten* who thought he was so much better than me because older/more intelligent, the precious first born. He ended up with the sour cream dumped over his head.
It got pretty nasty to be honest but I was tiered of putting up with is *kitten*. In the end, I ended up simply no longer eating dinner at the same time (earlier or later, usually with the excuse of college/gym/whatever). I'd often stay later at the library and then go to the gym just to avoid dinner and used that as an excuse to pack something to take with me (Mr. Sunshine wouldn't ever be up before 9am, so not bothering me in the kitchen in the least). If he happened to be in the kitchen when I wanted to eat, I'd walk back out again with the risk of not eating (started stashing non-perishables like crackers in my room for those cases). Thankfully he never tried his attitude when the parents' were around (which during that time was not often since Dad's job took him abroad a lot and Mom always went with him).
After he got married and moved out, I always made sure I was not around when he and his wife were around. He currently lives on another continent, and we might as well be strangers for all the contact we have. It sometimes makes me feel sad, after all, he is my brother, but I just couldn't deal with it anymore (and I wasn't even trying to lose weight at the time - I was actually gaining because of the stress).
Good luck to you. I know how that situation can feel and it's anything but pleasant.10 -
Thanks for the replies, guys! I laughed at some of the responses, imagining a battle over the sour cream.
I wouldn't say I'm suffering any abuse, it's just super annoying. My brother likes to push my buttons, and my step dad I think wishes he were healthier but is just not willing to try, even with 3 stints in his heart and diabetes. (He doesn't even watch what he eats for the diabetes, let alone weight loss.) When my mom loses weight, she usually hardly eats anything, or follows a fad diet with lots of treadmill exercise to fit in a corset for an event, and then she puts it all back on. Because I'm not doing that, I'm not doing what is thought of to be a "diet" in this household.
My brother has let up a little bit since I started two months ago, but when he gets going, he just likes to hear himself sound smart by saying nutrients that he doesn't think I'm aware of, haha. (Like how could he have possibly known how much saturated fat I had in a day, and why does he get more than me?)
I've personally started opting for ignoring them and waiting for the results to start to show. Kind of wish I could get my step dad on the bang wagon though. It's getting sad to see him like that.3 -
Thanks for the replies, guys! I laughed at some of the responses, imagining a battle over the sour cream.
I wouldn't say I'm suffering any abuse, it's just super annoying. My brother likes to push my buttons, and my step dad I think wishes he were healthier but is just not willing to try, even with 3 stints in his heart and diabetes. (He doesn't even watch what he eats for the diabetes, let alone weight loss.) When my mom loses weight, she usually hardly eats anything, or follows a fad diet with lots of treadmill exercise to fit in a corset for an event, and then she puts it all back on. Because I'm not doing that, I'm not doing what is thought of to be a "diet" in this household.
My brother has let up a little bit since I started two months ago, but when he gets going, he just likes to hear himself sound smart by saying nutrients that he doesn't think I'm aware of, haha. (Like how could he have possibly known how much saturated fat I had in a day, and why does he get more than me?)
I've personally started opting for ignoring them and waiting for the results to start to show. Kind of wish I could get my step dad on the bang wagon though. It's getting sad to see him like that.
Everytime your brother goes on this rant of "diet perfection" knowledge he's attained, laugh hysterically. Laugh so hard you snort, and cry, and even walk out of the room to calm yourself back down like you have just heard the funniest joke of your life.
If he keeps talking, keep laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" "Because! I find it ridiculously hilarious you feel the need to harass me about MY diet!"
Eventually, he's going to get tired of being laughed at.5 -
Tell him to "PISS OFF". You are doing what works for you and it's paying off.1
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My husband is a little like that. He thinks he is being helpful but, as you said, its mostly just annoying (especially as he is a skinny little *kitten*). My reply would be "I lost 19 lbs in 2 months doing it my way so I think I am going to continue on my plan. If I want your help I will ask for it so until that day comes please keep your opinions to yourself."
Because they see you every day they might not realize how much you have lost so that number could be a wake up call.4 -
When I had broken scales I would weigh in at my parents and my dad, who suffers from dementia, thought he was being hilarious when, every time I stepped on the scale, he would say 'one at a time please'. He wasn't even saying it to be mean, and would forget if you asked him not to, really thought he was being funny so I just ignored it. Your family wants to pretend they are the font of all knowledge, let them. But if they try and bar you from eating food then a smackdown is what needed. No one, fat or thin, has the right to deny another person food. I don't care if your brother was feeling saintly from on high, that is not his choice to make, it's yours. If it meant going over your calories that is more work for you do to. Not him. Whenever he magically becomes you he can make all the decisions he wants until then he deserves a stiff word reminder that while you're family he's not your keeper or jailer and to back off.
People seem to think that because they care about someone that their opinion is wanted or needed and it's not. Unless you specifically ask for something he should keep his nose out. That's how me and my brother do it.
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Don't let anyone tell you that you're doing it wrong, but be prepared to listen - sometimes what starts out as a confrontational conversation, can turn into a worth while exchange of knowledge; your brother and stepdad might think they're being helpful, but tell then straight to wind their neck in, you're eating, you're moving your body more and you're doing your thing, so remind them that it's your body and you're doing what you need to do to look after it your way.
I lost my weight between 2012 and 2014 and I have been maintaining it ever since, so I have gotten a little tired of these kind of chats, so I'm a little aggressive when people try to preach to me, but whilst I was losing weight I would just remind people that the cr4p you read in magazines is just that - cr4p, I have researched all aspects of my weight loss journey thus far, and I believe in what I am doing, so please mind your own business; but if anyone ever says anything to me nowadaysI tell them I have lost over 50% of my body weight, I have been told I'm fitter now than I have ever been, so if I was you I'd go and teach your grandma to suck eggs - you'll have more success than trying to tell me about nutrition, my body and that a calorie is simply a calorie, because if you do start down that road, I will blind you with science ... they usually look a bit confused and shut up ... If that fails, I simply get my before and after photos (on my phone) and they usually say "OMG that's never you" to which I reply "It is, now tell me again how much you know about nutrition, my body and calories?"
That usually does the trick, they're off on another subject in a heartbeat ... works every time lol
xXx1 -
I have the same experience.
Just keep your mind on the goal and chill1 -
Yeah, I totally relate. As a vegan ( and don't worry, I. Not trying to convert anybody, my food is always being questioned and talked about by others. My family and doctors have gone so far as to label it an eating disorder and say I need help. It would be valid if my diet wasn't extremely well planned and blood tests perfect. Every time they ask me to go to a restaurant I literally get so scared (not because I can't find good vegan food,) but because theyll comment on what I'm eating. Makes no sense to me because I don't do that to them /ever./ I'm happy just living my own life and making the choices that are best for me5
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My DH used to do it. And still does sometimes.He thinks he's being helpful. Of course, it just makes me rebellious and want to eat even more of whatever. He's been better since he started seeing me put forth serious effort in.
Harder with annoying brothers though. Just stay firm in what you have chosen to do.0 -
So this pretty much summarizes every conversation regarding food that my brother is involved in. Every time my mom texts us both, he gets toxic super quickly. He tries to establish his own credibility through commonly known ideas. He brags about his friend who is a personal trainer. And then he acts as annoying as possible to get a rise out of me. The dude is 21.
Had to edit to cut a word out of one of the pictures ^^"1 -
It's not easy to edit posts on my phone x_x
But yeah. Any tips to simply get him to stop would be nice. If I ignore him sometimes he blows up my phone with repetitive nonsense.1 -
Thanks for the replies, guys! I laughed at some of the responses, imagining a battle over the sour cream.
I wouldn't say I'm suffering any abuse, it's just super annoying. My brother likes to push my buttons, and my step dad I think wishes he were healthier but is just not willing to try, even with 3 stints in his heart and diabetes. (He doesn't even watch what he eats for the diabetes, let alone weight loss.) When my mom loses weight, she usually hardly eats anything, or follows a fad diet with lots of treadmill exercise to fit in a corset for an event, and then she puts it all back on. Because I'm not doing that, I'm not doing what is thought of to be a "diet" in this household.
My brother has let up a little bit since I started two months ago, but when he gets going, he just likes to hear himself sound smart by saying nutrients that he doesn't think I'm aware of, haha. (Like how could he have possibly known how much saturated fat I had in a day, and why does he get more than me?)
I've personally started opting for ignoring them and waiting for the results to start to show. Kind of wish I could get my step dad on the bang wagon though. It's getting sad to see him like that.
Everytime your brother goes on this rant of "diet perfection" knowledge he's attained, laugh hysterically. Laugh so hard you snort, and cry, and even walk out of the room to calm yourself back down like you have just heard the funniest joke of your life.
If he keeps talking, keep laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" "Because! I find it ridiculously hilarious you feel the need to harass me about MY diet!"
Eventually, he's going to get tired of being laughed at.
I love this idea but you should get on here and tell him you are going to share this with everyone so we can all laugh.0 -
The best "revenge" so to speak is to eat that sour cream and continue to lose weight. Who cares what he says what matters is you are reaching your goal eating the way you like to eat. That to me speaks volumes.
My friends are begining to question my weight loss while eating pizza and hershey's kisses on occasion. I eat what they eat (not as much or often) so they are a little confused:).2 -
I'm sorry you're subjected to this. He sounds like a real pr!ck.0
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So this pretty much summarizes every conversation regarding food that my brother is involved in. Every time my mom texts us both, he gets toxic super quickly. He tries to establish his own credibility through commonly known ideas. He brags about his friend who is a personal trainer. And then he acts as annoying as possible to get a rise out of me. The dude is 21.
Had to edit to cut a word out of one of the pictures ^^"
You are in blue, right? You started the conversation about the sodium. If you don't want your brother's input, don't engage him in conversation. If you choose to engage him in conversation knowing that he always responds the same way, you are in no spot to complain about it. You're getting something out of it that you enjoy.5 -
In this particular conversation, I originally declined food from chipotle and was asked why. Hence the answer about sodium. I am going to just not use the family chat anymore, but he still does this in person when I can't only respond to my mom.0
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