Self Sabotage

Don't be hard on yourself. I can understand why you're frustrated because you worked so hard and saw results and now it feels like you're undoing all your hard work. I'm there at the moment, lost some last summer and piled on half a stone again in the last month. You need to remind yourself why you are doing this and just do it! Find some motivation from somewhere because if you don't stop now it'll just get worse. You've done it before and you can do it again. The journey is not easy and has its ups and downs. Try and regain the habits that worked before.

I have done the same for years, what I feel is different now is changing my attitude toward food. Slowly but surely I've convinced myself that food is fuel and my choices need to reflect my body's needs not my mental desires. It's tough but I essentially have been breaking my reliance on food for comfort. Therapy might expedite this process but I can't afford things like that so I've just been learning and trying and learning again. Not failing. Learning. Each time I bounce back up after a weekend or a week of eating what I mentally desire over what my body actually needs shows me how to avoid those circumstances again. I'm not always on point, no one is perfect all the time.

Look at your macro nutrients. Find a balance there that keeps you full and satisfied so you're not as tempted by not so healthy options. My day is FULL of protein, fats, and carbs and by the end of the day my brain may desire chocolate or ice cream but holy cow I'm so full and tired of chewing! It's just one little "trick" I've learned. I think my diary is open! Basically I know I want to preserve my muscle and I am quite active so my body needs these nutrients, more than it needs chocolate. I'm always talking to myself as well, rationalizing cravings versus what I actually need. Idk, it's just a process. I've spent two years bouncing around the same 5lbs and I just expect more struggle in the future. This is a lifetime of change not a flick of a switch.

Being 25lbs overweight does not make you unhealthy and not maintaining a particular weight does not make you a bad person. (There are plenty of thin people out there that are positively reprehensible, I'm sure.)

Consider the big picture of your life. Who do you want to be and what do you want to accomplish? Who is on your side? Do you have enough support?

When you really know what you want, you can better accomplish it. Having control of your weight (you health, really) is just one part of a satisfying life.

@kschwab0203 I think focusing on the big picture is the key, but If I had to give one piece of specific advice, I'd recommend doing a "dry challenge:" no booze for 6 months. Get it all out of the house and stop going to bars. It can be very helpful.

Been there 100 times! I'm a self sabotager too. I do the same thing...I'm really good for a few weeks and then suddenly the cravings and hunger hit me and I end up eating a bunch of crap. Then I feel bad about myself and think there's no point in even trying. #foreverfat

BUT I recently had an epiphany. I lost 17 lbs over several months, had a bad day, then gave up like always. I went 2 months eating whatever I wanted and avoiding the scale. Then I made myself get on it one morning and it had gained 5 lbs. I felt pretty upset with myself but then it hit me, I was still 12 lbs down! I could just start back up again with my 12 lb head start. I didn't have to give up and gain it all back. That might be obvious to most everyone else but it was helpful to me since I always gave up and gained everything back before.
So now if I have a bad day, week, or even month...oh well. It's not the end of the world. I'll still be ahead and I can start again.