ED recovery meets the need to get healthy

faeriemoths
faeriemoths Posts: 4 Member
edited November 17 in Health and Weight Loss
Hey guys, so this is kind of a touchy topic I'm aware. I spent a large part of the past 5 years trying to recover from disordered eating, and now that I find myself in a place where I'm more comfortable with actually eating, I also realize I've gone WAY overboard and am not at all comfortable with how I look or feel :/ I'm 5'4" and currently about 175 pounds and I feel so so so uncomfortable in my own skin! I'm trying with baby steps here: hiking and logging my food again, but I'm also worried that it could trigger the desire to restrict my intake again. I've been working with a therapist for a long time now, and she agrees that I need to lose weight and get in shape (it's been a long time coming), but I'm hitting a lot of obstacles here. What are some ways you've found to ease yourself into a workout routine? Are there any of you dealing with similar scenarios? And does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more comfortable with the body I've been hating for years?? I know it's kind of a long shot, but any advice would be very much appreciated!!

Replies

  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,092 Member
    faeriemoths wrote: »
    Hey guys, so this is kind of a touchy topic I'm aware. I spent a large part of the past 5 years trying to recover from disordered eating, and now that I find myself in a place where I'm more comfortable with actually eating, I also realize I've gone WAY overboard and am not at all comfortable with how I look or feel :/ I'm 5'4" and currently about 175 pounds and I feel so so so uncomfortable in my own skin! I'm trying with baby steps here: hiking and logging my food again, but I'm also worried that it could trigger the desire to restrict my intake again. I've been working with a therapist for a long time now, and she agrees that I need to lose weight and get in shape (it's been a long time coming), but I'm hitting a lot of obstacles here. What are some ways you've found to ease yourself into a workout routine? Are there any of you dealing with similar scenarios? And does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more comfortable with the body I've been hating for years?? I know it's kind of a long shot, but any advice would be very much appreciated!!


    I'm just going to address the bolded question.

    Maybe think of some new physical activity that you would feel good about being able to do? I started taking dance classes (which I had never done before in my life) and returned to occasional studio yoga classes (for a decade or more I had limited myself to an at-home yoga practice, in part because I felt like the fat limited my range of motion, so what was the point of going to classes?). It really made me happy to see the improvement as time went by. But pick something you would enjoy and would help you appreciate the things your body can do now. Kickboxing, trampoline, kayaking, whatever might work for you.

    Also -- and this may be because I'm middle-aged myself and have already watched many older relatives experience limitations in what their bodies can do as they age -- I frequently remind myself how lucky I am that I can walk up the stairs when the elevator is out/squat down to pick things up or scrub the floor/lift that box that needs to be moved/do whatever physical thing needs to be done that I'm not particularly in the mood for (like go to the gym :wink: ) I use those reminders more often as motivator to actually do something physical, but occasionally I use it as a reflection on being grateful for the good things in my life, which can help put me in a better place emotionally. Early on, it helped to see such moments as NSVs (non-scale victories) to keep me motivated to stick to my goals.

    BTW, I'm 5'4" and currently about 180 pounds, down from about 210 pounds when I started on MFP, and I'm comfortable with where I am now, as the weight loss has addressed the health impacts I was seeing at my start weight. (I don't mean that in any way to suggest you shouldn't try to lose weight, with the advice and monitoring of your therapist.) But even at my start weight, I was seldom uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe a little at the beach, or if I had to go somewhere that required wearing some kind of evening gown. So I think it's good that you don't see working toward losing weight and getting more comfortable with your body at whatever place you find yourself as mutually exclusive goals.
  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,765 Member
    Are you discussing this with your treatment team, OP?
  • SCoil123
    SCoil123 Posts: 2,111 Member
    I'm also in recovery. What has helped me was finding physical activities I enjoy. It makes me feel good being in my body to hike, take my dog out, lift, and goof around with my family. I appreciate my body today as the vessel that helps make it possible for me to participate in doing these things.

    The more active I am too than the more active I find myself wanting to be. The wonderful side effect is I am getting in shape and losing the extra weight the right way without returning to past behaviors.

    Please add me if you'd like
  • faeriemoths
    faeriemoths Posts: 4 Member
    misskarne wrote: »
    Are you discussing this with your treatment team, OP?

    I have been, yes. I've been trying to get back into working out (when I was losing weight unhealthily, I was also over excersizing, running and doing yoga all the time, filling gaps between eating with squats and sit ups and wall sits and water instead of giving my body nourishment), and my therapist has really really been supporive of it. It's just that I've failed so many times, and I hate seeing her disappointed in me, but I struggle so much with just doing it, biting the bullet and going out and working out. She's been advocating for me to lose weight for a while now and it's been.... a challenge, to say the least.
  • savithny
    savithny Posts: 1,200 Member
    Here's my takeaway, and its something that I fully realize is "(Try to) do as I say, not as I (often fail) to do."

    Over the years, I have felt bad about myself, upped my exercise, gotten in much better shape, felt really good, and then gotten on the scale and realized that I haven't lost much, if any, weight.

    And then, even though I told myself exercise is for health? that little voice in my head said "but its not working."
    Because the world measures the "success" of exercise as weight loss.

    So: Work very hard on recognizing that exercise is about moving your body and keeping it strong and powerful. It's about keeping the blood moving through your veins smoothly, and helping your heart know how to beat evenly, and reminding your muscles what they're for. It's about preventing bone loss and heading off osteoporosis, and about tuning up your metabolism so that your cells know what insulin is and how to use it.

    Weight loss is a distant second to all of that.

    I wish, so much, that the times when I've been in great condition, that I realized what I *had* - a body that was strong and powerful and could hike up mountains and hoist my preschooler and crawl around with babies and squat to dig in the garden and dive and swim a mile without stopping. So what if it wasn't an "ideal" weight? So what if its not got the proportions in the magazines? This body grew two gorgeous babies, and those hips that are so unfashionably wide made birthing those babies easy. I fed those kids with this body. Those stretch marks are from growing 8 inches the year I was 12.

    So that's what I'm working towards this time, and that's what I hope for you - a love for your body. Let the rest come when it does.
  • Cheesy567
    Cheesy567 Posts: 1,186 Member
    Do you work with a nutritionist? Perhaps figuring out a high-protein eating plan will help you feel satiated longer, and not feel restricted. It all depends on your medical situation, etc, so add-on a team member if you need.
  • faeriemoths
    faeriemoths Posts: 4 Member
    Cheesy567 wrote: »
    Do you work with a nutritionist? Perhaps figuring out a high-protein eating plan will help you feel satiated longer, and not feel restricted. It all depends on your medical situation, etc, so add-on a team member if you need.

    I don't currently.... it's been brought up in the past but I'm uncertain abt how that would work like.. financially, I suppose
  • serenityfrye
    serenityfrye Posts: 360 Member
    I finally started healing when I decided to start setting fitness related goals instead of appearance related goals. I took up weight lifting and started running 5k races. I began to realize that I couldn't hit my strength goals if I didn't eat enough calories and correct ratio of macros. It was a process, but I leaned on my mfp friends to help me figure out how to calculate calories from a strength perspective and how to eat enough protein. And amazingly once I added weight training I started to love my appearance. I looked so much better lean and strong than I ever did when I was just skinny. I can't say I've never relapsed, but when I did I had the tools to pick back up in a healthy manner again. Perhsps you could set some performance related goals for an activity you enjoy and then research what a good diet for that sport looks like.

    As for the body dysmorphia, I found reframing to be helpful. When I feel like my thighs are too but for instance I'll stop myself and instead say "I am so thankful for these strong legs that let me run and dance and Chase my kids" etc. I also found that a lot of my urge to hyper restrict was tied to struggles with anxiety and depression - if that's the case for you at all, it's probably the best place to start looking for help.

    Best wishes to you! Feel free to add me if you want some solidarity.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    JustATryHard wrote: »
    Im also in recovery and i need help! Please help me out I can’t stop starving myself.

    You need to speak with your treatment team
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,727 Member
    Ultimately, you need to learn(and it seems like you're making a good effort) to set different sorts of goals. But they ought to be specific. Instead of the all or nothing running, yoga, etc. Set aside a timeframe and a goal and stick with it. And budget time for that goal. Meaning, you only get 30/60/90 minutes a day or 3/4/5 days a week for your training.

    You know you don't need to do pushups or squats during commercials or while dinner is cooking, so you only get to train during the training time.

    oddly enough, it's the same advice I'd give to someone who can't find the time to train.

    But when it's training time it's training time. go train. measure yourself against your goals and your program.
  • categ78
    categ78 Posts: 47 Member
    Urghhhh ok I’m deleting I thought I was being helpful
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,727 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    categ78 wrote: »
    Answering the original OP

    I’m in a similar situation.

    I’m celebrating the healthy mindset about food after many years of disorder but am keen to feel healthier in my body as I gained excess fat in recovery.

    I’ve started weight training with heavy weights twice a week at the gym. I choose weights as they weren’t something I’d done in my less healthy times and because it took the focus off calorie burning I used to have when doing cardio; this has helped prevent it feeling triggering

    I choose to hire a trainer to help with consistency as I find staying in the habit of a programme hard.

    It’s only been 6 weeks but I feel much better in my body and more body confident I think I’m part because I know I’m doing something healthy for my body.

    My weight hasn’t budged and I’ve given up the scale but my body definitely feels much better and I’m proud of my new ab muscles, excited about the gains in strength I’ve made- I can now squat 45kg and i do look leaner. For me that’s enough to motivate me to continue.

    I did think about cutting and have my kcal goal set at a tiny deficit but I suspect if I’m entirely honest with extra nibbles here and there I’m eating at maintaince. I’ve found tracking my food to focus on macros rather than kcal has again given me a different focus and helped this not to feel triggering either.

    And congrats on getting this far

    Original OP hasn't been on MFP since January

    DOH!
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,727 Member
    categ78 wrote: »
    Urghhhh ok I’m deleting I thought I was being helpful

    It happens. Don't apologize. No need to delete either. We're all here for support of some sort.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories