OPINIONS PLEASE, baby fever!

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paigelc
paigelc Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
My name is Paige and I am 20 years old. My fiance and I have been together going on 4 years now and we both really want a baby. I just recently got accepted into nursing school and will be finished with that in two years. Our wedding is planned for next August and I was planning on starting to try to concieve then? my thinking on this was that if we wait until next August to start then I would be due in summer right around my graduation time or a little after and would have a good job as an RN shortly after having our baby. The only thing that makes me nervous is his mom my mother-in-law because she has wanted us to wait a few years after we get married, but after being with him for 4 years already, 5 by the time we get married I don't want to wait any longer. We will be living in his mother's house for just a few months after we get married but we already have a house (his stepdads old house) that he is going to let us live in and has already told us we won't have to pay house payments just water and electric and like everyday little things groceries etc. so does anyone think I'm crazy? I would appreciate input. Thanks:)
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Replies

  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    Puppies are the BEST baby-fever cure. :) Nursing school will be tough so I vote wait. Plus, you may want to make sure you can afford mortgage payments (just in case) before committing to more expenses.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!
  • Charger440
    Charger440 Posts: 1,474 Member
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    The most honest advise I can give you is this: It's your all's life, you need to go with what works for you and your plans for the future together. Don't let other people try to talk you out of what you know in your hearts that you want for each other.
  • paigelc
    paigelc Posts: 3
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    thanks, but I already have a 7 month old puppy and it hasn't been cured yet lol:) and we won't have house payments b/c it's his stepdads house...he is giving it to us.
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
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    WAIT! Finish school, start your career, then make babies - you have plenty of time, and you'll feell more fulfilled in the end as you have the best of both worlds!
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
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    relax !!

    you re 20 ............loads of time. people are waiting till much longer these days anyway.

    best advice.................. you have a baby when you and your husband want, its no one else's business. I understand about getting the schooling done etc and i evern understand your mother in law saying wait a while....... but its up to you and you alone
  • leilani♥
    leilani♥ Posts: 579
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    Speaking from experience --- Wait! Enjoy your wedding, honeymoon, honeymoon period after marriage. Go traveling without kids so you know what it feels like :) Enjoy each other.

    Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughters. But, a piece of me wishes that my boyfriend and I planned/waited til after marriage to have our girls. Kids are expensive and I think that its great you don't have to worry about house payments. Lucky you!! :)

    so yeah, go to VEGAS, gamble, stay in a honeymoon suite. Go skiing. LIVE LIFE to it's fullest!! Going on vacation for my family of 4 costs so much. I really really wish my boyfriend and I were able to enjoy each other more before we had our children. I literally got pregnant 4 days after we were official. We were rabbit like :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    PUPPIES is a great idea! Hope that helps. :tongue:
  • frubjious
    frubjious Posts: 355
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    Its up to you obviously, having said that studying while you're pregnant might not be that easy.
  • dezcalouette
    dezcalouette Posts: 13 Member
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    I've had 'baby fever' since I was younger than you are, & I'm 25 now. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, & I'm sure you'd both make excellent parents-- but I've never regretted waiting. In fact, I'm extremely glad I did. A LOT is going to change for you in the next few years & there are things you won't be able to do if you have a baby at home. I say, enjoy each other for a few more years, because after you have kids, there won't be as much of that. It's a huge commitment, and even if you're ready to make it today-- there's no penalty for holding off.
  • nmescalera
    nmescalera Posts: 233 Member
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    WAIT!!!! Going through school and being prego is going to be hard. YOu are going to be in school and every smeel is going to make you gag..you are going to be on your feet all the time...thats going to loads of swelling. Morning sickness isnt fun to deal with with either. Trust me wait till you are done with school. It will be easier on you.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    I will send my 4 children to you for the weekend.

    You will thank me for the best birth control you could have ever imagined. :bigsmile:

    blessings.
  • TrishJimenez
    TrishJimenez Posts: 561 Member
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    Can I ask, how long have you lived together? And being together and being married are not the same thing. Maybe there are things you might want to do before having children as a married couple? For instance, save money and go on a few trips? Hard to do that after you have kids. I think someone else mentioned buying a house? Its true it might become very difficult to do that after the child is born cuz babies seem to suck up money in a black hole lol. As well as time. Everything with a baby takes 3 times longer to do then it used to before you have a baby. Just taking a shower and getting ready to leave the house that now takes 45 mins to an hour. After a baby will take an hour and a half to 2 hours to get both of you ready and packed to go somewhere. There will be days where you and your hubby will be strangers passing in the night so to speak. And you will look at eachother and go "hi, who are you? do I know you? cuz you look familiar" but you will be to exhausted to do anything about it. lol just kidding, kind of....it isnt always like that. But sometimes it is.

    Something else to consider. What if there are complications to your pregnancy that you didnt anticipate that require bed rest and could cause you to drop out before you graduate. My best advice is wait until after you have your diploma in hand and maybe even get settled into your career.

    Go on a few trips do a few things that you might want to do as a married couple like take up a hobby like mountain climbing, well only you two would know what those things are. Because here I speak from experience as someone who got married at 18 to my high school sweetheart at 18 and had my first child a year later. While I love my children we missed that time together as a married couple. And there are alot of things I wish now that I had been able to do but I have had to wait. Now my children are almost grown and my oldest is 16 and I see those things coming right around the corner. But it would have been nice to not have to wait all these years.

    Even though you have been together awhile, you still have a lot of time ahead of you. Mark some things off your "To Do Before We Die list" Like jump out of an airplane, bungee jump in Brazil, sail across the ocean in 6 weeks, buy tickets to paris on hotwire.com at the last min for a 3 day weekend vacation (I track it and have seen them for as cheap as 500 round trip for two tickets, no joke!) , backpack across Europe for 6 weeks (something great to do after you graduate but before you start your job) lol ok maybe I am projecting onto you a little of myself (haha) but you did ask my opinion. Hope this gives you something to chew on :) Good Luck!
  • leilani♥
    leilani♥ Posts: 579
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    I will send my 4 children to you for the weekend.

    You will thank me for the best birth control you could have ever imagined. :bigsmile:

    blessings.

    lol!
  • LAYLAH17
    LAYLAH17 Posts: 170 Member
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    Yep, I agree get a doggy first. Then that will really give you an idea on what to expect and how you guys could react to a child ( i.e raising/discipling/training and etc.)
  • plv2010
    plv2010 Posts: 48 Member
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    As has already been said, it really is up to you, and it depends on what kind of mom you want to be. My bf and I decided to have a baby when I was 21, he was 26 at that time. At the age of 21, I had already traveled a lot, and did a lot of the things that I wanted to do. When people found out that I was pregnant, they assumed that it was a mistake. But in fact I decided to get pregnant at that time because I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had kids, but I also want to have a career. I'm a SAHM in the day, and go to school at night. I'll be getting my BA this winter, and will be getting my masters in about three years, and I might even have another baby before then. It definitely is not easy, and my life has completely changed, but having a supportive partner makes all the difference. It turned out to be a good decision for me, but again, it really depends on what you want out of life.
  • DorkothyParker
    DorkothyParker Posts: 618 Member
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    It's your life, but I personally won't have a child until I have at least 5k in emergency savings, own a house (paying mortgage ok), and no CC debt (student loan debt ok).
    My parents weren't young when they had my sisters and I, but they still struggled with money. I think a plan is important and the means to meet your goals. If you have that, then you have no problem.

    If you are financially stable enough to have a child, perhaps you would consider adoption? There are children and infants all over the world in need of a caring family. Just look at all your options and make sure your decision is weighed carefully with logic and not emotion.
  • jujubean1992
    jujubean1992 Posts: 462 Member
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    i would wait until your in your own place before TTC.
  • Merricles
    Merricles Posts: 21
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    I agree here on waiting. Babies are a lot of time and work, but they sure are worth it. Puppies, and kittens, and for some even plants (such as bonzai) can help. It is important that you ensure you and your soon to be husband are able to support not only a new baby (cause they are far from cheap haha) but also yourselves. I know what it's like to want a baby and a family, especially with someone you love. Just make sure that you can do everything that is needed as a mommy before you commit to it. Good luck with whatever you choose though. Im sure you will have plenty of support here ;)
  • _Jessica_
    _Jessica_ Posts: 216 Member
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    Because I am already a nurse and I am back in school AGAIN... and I live with my boryfriend of three years... I can say this:

    It is going to be stressful enoughdoing your nursing schooling and trying to plan/have a wedding in the middle.... Then you want to through getting prego and the possibility of having morning sickenss in there on top of all that other stress... don't stretch yourself thin... its not worth it. Before you know it you will be done with school... then start the family. not to mention, it is difficult to walk into a new career trying to get a job when you are prego :)
  • bonjour24
    bonjour24 Posts: 1,119 Member
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    like everyone has said, it is up to you at the end of the day.
    but you did ask for opinions. and as a nurse, i suggest to you to wait.

    training is difficult and it's going to take everything you've got to get through it. the distraction of morning sickness, fatigue, maybe hyperemesis, then trying to do your final placements heavily pregnant is not appealing. plus they may not allow you on certain wards or doing certain tasks if you are preggo.

    i'd wait until you have a job and have been there for a few months before you start trying. i reckon that it will be helpful to have a career already established before you have kids, because they take away your focus. and the 1st few months into your new job is the steepest learning curve (much more that university).

    so yeah, at the end of the day it is up to you. but you're very young (not that that makes this a bad idea- you can still be a fabulous young parent). you and your bloke sound like you have a good solid relationship. so why not get yourself a good solid career too before you end up being stretched too thin to give 100% to anything anymore?

    i'm a nurse and had 6 years behind me when i had my 1st kid. i'm so pleased i did, because that meant that when i felt like crap/ hadn't slept/ was just pissed off, that i could kinda slip into autopilot abit because i knew my job so well.

    good luck with whatever you decide.
  • FirewifeCarrie
    FirewifeCarrie Posts: 118
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    As people have said...it's your life, it's your choice. People have also said to wait.
    The best advice my husband and I ever received was to be married at least a year before having any kids. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? YES! Once you have a baby it changes everything and you will not have the time to spend and do things together that you once did. Enjoy a honeymoon, enjoy going out, enjoy only having to worry about yourself for a bit! :)
    I have 3 kids and I love them dearly and wouldn't take them back for anything but they keep me busy. I started going back to school to be a teacher when I was pregnant with my first and had my 3rd my first year of teaching. It was stressful let me tell ya!

    This all said, things will happen for a reason. If you decide to get pregnant right away then I'm sure you will be great parents! Good luck to you:)

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