UGH. backhanded NSV

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sleepytexan
sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
in Success Stories
So, tonight, at the restaurant where I belly dance with my troupe, the owner said "you've lost weight".

But then he said, "that's good, because you were chubby there for a while".

ugh.

Oh well, it is what it is. I was, and now I'm not. that's good, right?

Replies

  • quitmakingexcuses
    quitmakingexcuses Posts: 906 Member
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    Just a passive-aggressive way of saying YOU LOOK AMAZING!! (Which you do!) :)
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    aw thanks. I needed that. :)
  • eatingmysandshoe
    eatingmysandshoe Posts: 63
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    Well, he could have put it in a nicer way, but if it's true then there's not much you can do about it!! Sounds like he needs some lessons in manners tho ;-) Still a good thing as you've lost enough that it's noticable, even if it wasn't mentioned in the most charming way!
  • GypsyRose25
    GypsyRose25 Posts: 407
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    As a person who often thinks after she has already opened her mouth, I'll say that I bet he thought he was giving you a great compliment. You do look fantastic! I wouldn't take it as a back-handed NSV as it was most likely not meant in a back-handed way. :laugh:
  • Elleinnz
    Elleinnz Posts: 1,661 Member
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    The intention was there ;-)......you look fantastic!

    I must say your experience on your profile about your weight gain is a really good example to use with anyone that comes up with "starvation mode is a myth...."
  • Soozcat
    Soozcat Posts: 34 Member
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    You feel like saying something like, "Um, hello? Still the same person that I was then."
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    The intention was there ;-)......you look fantastic!

    I must say your experience on your profile about your weight gain is a really good example to use with anyone that comes up with "starvation mode is a myth...."

    Thank you! Yes! so true!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    It may not be nice but at least you know he's being honest! Good work :)

    P.S.: Hooray belly dancing!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    Remember this came from a bloke, they're not as sensitive to the nuances (and to be honest nor am I)

    The way minds like ours work...

    Calling you chubby before you lost weight = rude and hurtful.

    Referring to you having once been chubby, something you realise, so much so that you dieted to change it = a compliment.
    Not a backhanded compliment, just a careless throwaway remark.

    "Chubby" is in your past, there's no need to be defensive about it any more. :)
  • aimeewa
    aimeewa Posts: 8
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    It is upsetting knowing thats what he thought about you before but he was probably trying to compliment you and he didnt think about what he said would hurt you as mem can be insensitive at times! You are gorgeous though you have nothing to worry about!
  • beckyinma
    beckyinma Posts: 1,433 Member
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    That's something my mother would say, and we've (my siblings and I) have noted that she lacks a certain brain to mouth filter lately. They mean well when they say these things, they just don't think about the way they say it. Yes, it's definitely passive aggressive, but you look great, so ignore him. :)
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Nice
    The world's full of people like that.
  • Alyx128
    Alyx128 Posts: 92 Member
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    Well I personally want to smack him, because looking at your profile you were never the least bit "chubby". Maybe not at the weight you feel most comfortable at, but miles from chubby.
  • Alyx128
    Alyx128 Posts: 92 Member
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    Whoops posted twice!
  • MelissaJ20
    MelissaJ20 Posts: 46
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    First off, people sometimes say things the wrong way. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL (and a starting weight of 142 is awesome)! I have started taking only the positive out of what people say or do because I cannot change the negative in them.

    I read your profile...I think am your body double and I am going through the same situation with those 10 lbs right now. :)
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    thanks all, I do appreciate it.

    ya, definitely this guy is not the most tactful person I've ever met. ha oh well, keep on, right!

    blessings.

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